Moving Forward Series Part 03 New Beginnings
by OtherMeWriter
Summary: The Doctor and Rose start a new chapter in their relationship will they be able to maintain their friendship in the face of these changes?
1. Careful What You Wish For…

Part 03 - New Beginnings Chapter 01 - Careful What You Wish For… 

For a long time we had lain together, staring up at the forest canopy, watching the small mammals indigenous to this planet scurry about their business, until Rose had fallen asleep. Rose was tired, it had been a long day but neither of us had been willing to see it end. However, as a gentle rain begins to fall, warm and wet like a shower, it is time to move on; being drenched is not the way to get a good rest.

We both needed a day like today, after Woman Wept. It never freezes here, in this nice, uninhabited, planet-wide tropical rain forest. Amazingly we didn't have to fight off anything or run for our lives. The only running we had in fact done had been strictly for pleasure. The day had been magical but loath as I was to return, it was time. It was a wonderful day but it was time to be getting back to the TARDIS; things to do, places to go. So I gently wake Rose and we collect our things and head back hand in hand.

It's been a long day so I encourage Rose to get some proper sleep. She looks like she wants to ask me something but then changes her mind.

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While Rose sleeps I think about what has happened in the last couple of days. Never did I expect things to turn out as they have. I hadn't suspected that Rose was an empath, in spite of all the evidence being there right in front of my face. That bothers me almost as much as thinking about how exposed I feel, how vulnerable I have allowed myself become to her and her desires. I would do anything for her and that scares me. Time Lords are not to be tugged around on leashes at the whims of a human. Yet for months now, apparently, she has been exposed to the ups and downs of my emotions and hasn't run away, that in and of itself amazes me. But I cannot let her be tormented by my emotions any longer, from now on she won't be reading me like an open book and I still feel slightly betrayed by both her and my ship for not telling me. I have grown careless in my mental shielding and that is something I can't afford. I have been being a total fool to leave my mental shields untended all this time. Just because humans for the most part are not telepathic doesn't mean telepaths have never been to Earth, my own presence there proves that. Not all telepaths are so earthling friendly.

I will need to teach Rose how to shield herself as well and I cringe as I think of how many planets, how many aliens, we have visited who would have been able to access her mind... I shiver as the reality of how vulnerable Rose has been because of my neglect.

The TARDIS quietly whispers in my mind, 'Theta, please don't worry so. You know I protect your companions from that kind of assault.'

I gently caress the console, 'Yes, I know, but even you can't protect them completely.' I remember with a shudder how the Mara had taken over Tegan, 'she needs to be able to protect herself as well.'

I cringe as I feel him thinking about the Mara, and think also of the time just two days ago when we had been separated on Woman Wept. Both times I let him down and I know he is right; 'True', we had talked about it and he understands that I had no control over leaving him and Rose but that doesn't change the fact that my failure left Rose vulnerable. Yet one more thing my Theta and Rose will have to discuss when she gets up.

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When Rose awakes and comes into the control room hesitantly I know something is bothering her other than the fact that my mind is no longer an open book to her. I am sure that that doesn't help, but tough, she was never meant to have had that kind of access to my personal feeling in the first place, she will just have to cope.

He is so closed off, I am not sure if it the TARDIS's doing or his. I learned on Woman Wept that that he has ways to block me out just as effectively as the TARDIS. My inability to feel him makes me nervous about what I want to ask.

I have been thinking, ever since last night, of everything he had said and everything we have done since Woman Wept and I couldn't help but think about how it must have been for my mum to lose my dad when I was just a baby. I knew, when I was child, how much she missed my dad, how she had missed him all my life, for as long as I could remember. She had always said she wished I had a chance to meet him. Well maybe, if I ask, the Doctor will take me to meet him. I can but ask.

"Doctor, I was thinking…"

"Good thing that thinking."

"Well, I was wondering, when I was little my mum told me that she wished I could get to see my dad." I pause, uncertain; he is so focused, so intense right now. "That's what mum always said. So I was thinking, could we? Could we go and see my dad when he was still alive?"

"Where's this come from all of a sudden?" I can see how nervous she is and worry about what this will do to her. I know more than most how hard it is to loose people you love. I don't want to see her hurt.

"All right then, if we can't, if it's against the laws of time or something, then I'll never know, we'll just leave it."

As she quickly backpedals I feel how frightened she is that she has over stepped herself and I try to reassure her, "No, I can do anything. I'm just more worried about you."

"I want to see him."

"Your wish is my command, but be careful what you wish for."

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I stalk back to the TARDIS with every intention of leaving her. I should have known, I should have said no, but she had been so sweet, so loving and I had let myself be a fool. A stupid fool, that's what I have become, a 900 year-old fool! I let her talk me into it and I held her hand as she watched her dad die. Then I was even more the fool to let her go back again. I let my own guilt about it get in the way when she asked to go back to try again. She just wanted to go back so that she could be there for her dad when he died, so that he wouldn't be alone, it seemed so reasonable at the time, so I took her. What a bloody fool I have become! I warned her how dangerous it was.

Bloody stupid ape had to go and save her dad. I should have known better, I should have never have let her on board. How could I have I been so stupid? I let myself think that her kindness, her tenderness, was something more; that she cared about me not just what she could get out of me. Bloody stupid fool I've been. Well, she got what she wanted. I have her key so she won't be getting back; it's over and done with. Let her figure out how to explain her presence in this time. She thought it was all about me being important! Stupid, stupid ape, how dare she think I will just stand around pining for her, waiting for her at the TARDIS, just because I don't want to be alone. I'm leaving and she will get to see exactly how much I need her. Let her figure out how to… to what? Screw up the timeline more? To make things even worse? Blast her, she deserves what she gets, she'll see the consequences, she'll see what messing with time means.

'Come on old girl; let's get out of here. We're leaving the stupid ape and her planet behind.' I feel a shiver of fear run up my spine. I've been so caught up in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed; I can't feel her. My hands are shaking but I have to get into to the TARDIS. Something is wrong; I can feel it, again there is that gaping hole in my mind where there should be the TARDIS. Throwing open the doors I realize how truly horrific it is. She's gone. My sweet TARDIS is gone; just an empty wooden blue box! I stand for the briefest moment stunned. She's my TARDIS and she's is gone! Oh no Reapers! "ROSE!"

My hearts are racing as I realize what has happened and begin to run. I have to put this right. If the Reapers find Rose they will kill her. The church, she will be heading for the church with her dad. I pour on more speed; I've got to get to her before they do!

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Everyone that's left is here in the church. The walls and glass are old and that should hold them out for a bit. I've got to make sure that there aren't any breaches. I've got to ensure the Reapers can't get in! "Go and check the other doors. Move!"

Oh Rose, what have you done, what have I done? I have to find a way out of this. I've got to get us out, but Reapers… Oh Rassilion, we have let out Reapers.

Then she's there, looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes, so scared, so…

"Is this because… is this my fault?"

What can I tell her? She knows it is, and yet how can I tell her the only way to fix this is to kill her dad? I can't.

I check the door and then there's the bride and groom asking if I can save them. So precious, so in love and so the antithesis of my life; if for no other reason than that I have to try, try to save them. I have to save what they stand for; hope, a future, and love, foolish wonderful love.

Of all the people in the church, Jackie asks me to look after baby Rose. Me, what kind of irony is that then? Jackie trusting me with her baby, funny how history repeats itself. Though I can't resist telling baby Rose, "Now Rose, you're not going to bring about the end of the world, are you?"

Then there's the older version. What does she try to do first but hold baby Rose! Will these stupid apes never learn? I snap at her angrily, unable to contain my anger and fear. Then I see the expression on her face, how hurt she is by my words.

I try to explain, I try to let her know what's going on, how sorry I am for being a fool. The Time Lords would have stopped this but they're gone and all there is left is the most foolish, useless one of all, the one that killed his people. The Destroyer of Worlds; how true a name that one has been. Now I've done it again; my stupidity has brought this down on us, the human race dead and dying because I couldn't resist a stupid human female.

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In the game room laughter echoes around, filling the room with chaos's glee, a truly horrifying sound, "There is my fellow Destruction! Thought you had won did you Order? Thought you would turn him, made him soft by giving him the girl. I have told you before how stupid love is; see, he won't even do what he needs to, to fix the rip. Too concerned with your pawn and her pretty symmetrical face to prevent her world from being eaten. Such a tasty feast for my Reapers; mark my words, she will be your undoing Lady Order."

Her quiet smile and soft lilting words showed no fear, "We shall see Lord Chaos, we shall see. I believe it's my turn is it not?"

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I hate fighting with Rose. It's not her fault really, it's mine; I should have never brought her back here, I should have known better then to tempt her like that; she's got such a tender heart. I mean, she accepted me didn't she? Has to be half daft to have that kind of compassion for someone like me. I wouldn't mind dying so much if I just knew she was sorry and that she wasn't just using me. But then she said so, she really didn't plan it, she told me so back at the flat, she had been angry and hurt but she hadn't been lying.

"Just tell me you're sorry."

"I am. I'm Sorry"

There it is, clear and true, I feel how truly sorry she is, how much she regrets her part in this and I can't help smiling. At least I will have her for a little time yet. We may die today but at least we will have this, each other to hold. In spite of everything, just holding her makes me feel better; feel warm inside, alive.

"Doctor? What's getting hot?"

Then she's digging in my inner pocket and what does she find? The TARDIS key… a glowing TARDIS key! My beautiful TARDIS is call out, letting me know she is still close that she needs to know where we are; with all the interference from the Reapers she won't have anything home in on. If I can just get some power, I can give her that beacon.

Oh my beautiful TARDIS. Come you can do it, pull yourself back together girl.

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Lady Time smiles slightly as she watches Order's move play out.

"You call that a move Order? Ha! This is a move."

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No, No, No! Pete! "Rose, NO!" Now he's done it, he let the Reaper in with us. Why in the world did he hand the baby to Rose?

"Everyone behind me." Oh Rassilion I hate Reapers. This is it; I guess I am going to die today after all. At least I won't have to watch Rose die. I need to get some space from her, distract its attention, "I'm the oldest thing in here." The last thing I hear is Rose screaming my name, "Doctor!"

He's dead. The Doctor is dead and it's all my fault. That thing just swallowed him and exploded into light and disappeared when it hit the half materialized TARDIS. He died to make sure it wouldn't get us, get me. The TARDIS key has gone dead too, the Doctor is dead and now my dad's telling me the only way this will end is if he lets the car kill him. I killed them; I killed them all! It's so unfair; I just wanted my dad back, I didn't want everyone to die! The Doctor told me over and over don't touch the baby, don't touch the baby and I did, I let dad push the baby me into my arms and I killed the two most important men in my life, because I touched the baby. I should have listened, he was right all along; I am just a stupid ape. I didn't deserve the Doctor and he died to protect me. Now my dad is going to die for me too.

Oh God, he's gone, my dad's gone!

Pain! Oh wait, not dead, that must mean… Rose! There she is, staring in horror at her father in the road, "Go to him, quick."

I watch as she runs to him, I watch as she gets her wish, to stay with her dad in his last few moments of life. At least that good came out of this. Everything is resetting, I can feel it all around me, people returning in reverse order from when they were taken. Memories of the time at the church will disappear for everyone but Rose and I, only we two will remember.

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"No, Lord Chaos, I call that a move," Order says with a large smile.

"Grrrrrrr!" His aspect grows even darker in appearance and he grates out, "Just the battle you have won Order, not the game. Not the game!"


	2. Regrets

Chapter 02 - Regrets 

He is dead. My father is dead, just as surely as if I had driven the car into him. How am I going to face mum knowing that Dad is dead because of me? For that matter how am I going to face the Doctor? I killed him too; I killed both of them. Doesn't matter that everything has been reset. I saw his expression before he turned to be eaten. I felt the love he pushed at me as a final gift even as he went to die to try to protect me from the Reaper. Then he's there I can feel him as clearly as I felt fathers pain and love a few moments ago as he died. I don't deserve what either of them has given me. I truly deserve to be dumped back in my own time never to see the stars again except from the ground.

I look up slowly, and I am surprised, as I don't feel the anger I expected to feel, instead I feel something infinitely worse a soul deep sadness, pain that seems to go on forever and pity. I stand and walk to him taking his hand; yet again I have caused him pain. I have done this, I have reminded him of how much he has lost and my heart is breaking at how much I have hurt him again as we move to the TARDIS. We both need to get away from my dad's death, away from where I killed both of them.

I can feel the grief pouring off of her in waves, grief and guilt. So much like the pain I have lived with all theses month, it rips at my soul, washing away any residual anger I might have felt for her part in what had happened. She is trying so hard to be strong; oblivious of how much pain she is projecting. I don't know what to say and she says nothing as I take us into the vortex.

"I... I'll go pack," I can't look in his direction; I can't bear to see the pain, the disappointment I know I will see in his eyes. I don't want to hear him agree with me that I should pack, I don't want him to see me cry. I almost make it to the door of the control room when the last thing I expect happens. I feel him pull me into his arms and I want to just melt into them. I hadn't even heard him move across the room and for some reason that sticks in my head as my mind refuses to think about what else has happened.

Her pain is tangible in the room and I ache for her wanting so very much to make that pain go away. She doesn't deserve to have to pay for my mistakes. She isn't the one with over 900 years experience with time travel. I can feel her tense as I pull her to a stop and turn her to me. I don't try to look her in the eye, I don't think I can handle seeing the hurt I have put there by my stupidity but I have to let her know that I don't blame her, that she doesn't have to leave. "Rose, you don't have to pack." I don't think I could make her leave even if I wanted. In spite of what I had said earlier I couldn't have left her there in that time. She was right in that, much as it had made me angry.

"I'm so sorry!" I sob as I jerk away from him I don't deserve his comfort, not after everything I have done. So I run to my room finally letting the tears fall.

I stand there looking the direction she has run off, her pain is like an open wound in my mind and I don't know how to make it up to her. Yes, she was wrong to try to save her dad, but how was she to know the trouble it would cause? She has seen me interfere, she didn't know and I felt her confusion when I got angry and tried to explain earlier. I let her get too close to me and it has led me to do something stupid again, and yet again I have hurt her. Rassilion help me I have fallen for a 19-year-old human, and I can't seem to handle things better then a hormonal, teenaged human male. I need to put distance between us, or I will just keep hurting her. I have always known that I needed to protect her from the things we encounter as we travel but I realize now that I am going to have to be stronger and protect her from me to, how am I going to win a fight on more then one front? Intergalactic history is littered with instances of where military men tried and failed. I don't know how, but I have to at least try. It's bad enough that I can't leave her at home where she will be safe, but to take advantage of her kindness as I have these last few days. Well it will just have to stop. I can't keep hurting her like this.

He was just trying to be kind; he was feeling pity for me that was all that hug was. After months he finally admits how much he cares, he finally allows me inside his armor, makes love to me not once but twice and what do I do, I betray him, and get him killed; how much more stupid could I get. I tell him how much he means to me then turn around and do something to get him killed, with friends like me who needs enemies. Is it any wonder he didn't follow me when I left the console room? How can I expect him to forget that I got him killed? I watched as that thing descended and ate him. I had heard it crunching on his bones before that bright light in its belly had finished him off; they all had seen what it did. He had died because he didn't want me to have to watch my dad die. Dad told me that the Doctor had figured it out early on; he had known how to put everything back, to make it all right just like he always does. Yet instead of taking the easy route he had tried to find another way for me and as a result my selfishness had got him eaten. I don't deserve that kind of caring. I'm just going to have to be more careful; he has been hurt by so much, lost so much it isn't fair. He has given me the whole universe to explore showed me truly amazing things and what have I given him in return, misery and death. He protects the universe, so who protects him? I have got to do what ever I can to protect him, even if that means I have to protect him from me. I can't let him get hurt trying to protect me.

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Theta and Rose are both miserable and I don't know what to do for them. Rose cried for hours before finally crying herself to sleep and Theta well he's doing what he always does and has been pacing, fiddling and doing maintenance, even if I couldn't feel his overwrought emotions the level of distress he is in would be obvious, showing itself clearly in his actions. I worry when finally he gives up all his usual distraction pursuits and heads for the gym. I try to send him comfort and he makes it clear it's unwelcome. Hard headed Time Lord.

Theta is more athletic then virtually any Time Lord I had ever known. Gallifreyans were notorious for disliking exercise, their attitude had always been disdainful of physical exertion, and they had engineered their bodies to stay fit with almost no effort on their part considering exercise something for the lower species. With the life Theta lives he doesn't need to go to the gym and has long held when asked by his companions why he even has a gym that it is for them. There are times like now though that he seeks comfort in physical exertion but I always worry when he heads there alone as he is far from kind to himself when he does, usually driving his body to pain and exhaustion. He rarely goes there alone unless he is very angry or very sad. Right now he is both and it worries me. His emotions are so raw. I thought things were getting better when he let Rose in; let her love him. Now everything is falling apart again.

I wonder if I should wake Rose take her go to him, but if I do that he will be all that much more angry. I will hold off for now but if he begins to hurt himself by Rassilion I will. So I watch as he takes out his aggressions on the athletic equipment nearly knocking the stuffing out of the punching bag before he relents and moves on to something else. I watch as he aggressively tackles each piece of equipment, and I continue to watch until I can be silent no longer. 'Theta,' I can feel him ignoring me so I think a bit louder to him. 'Theta?' Finally he drops the weights he has been hefting.

'What do you want?' irritation clear in his thought

'Theta you need to sleep.'

'Why, you think I have not had enough for today?' He says in obvious reference to his nightmares and I cringe as I realize how insensitive I am being having forgotten, but I can't resist responding to his attitude. 'No,' I say with scorn 'you need to rest, your body needs to rest it's not exactly an everyday occurrence that you're eaten alive by a Reaper.'

The TARDIS thinks she knows what is best for me. So I broadcast images of holding Rose, her tender compassion that has weakened my resistance to her and I barely suppress the moan of misery as I express my resolution to push her away. She has to know how I feel about the girl.

I watch as he shows me his anguish over Rose and how his arms unconsciously come up to hug himself and I am not sure what to do for him. I don't fully understand the bipeds and their hormone driven emotions but I know it hurts him and I don't know what to do about his pain. He wants her so much it hurts him at times. But after long moments when I am unable to give him any words to comfort he finally picks up his discarded jacket and jumper and stalks off for the shower in his room without thinking another word to me.

As he moves off I sense he wasn't going to listen to me even if I had had something to say to him. When gets this way there is no reasoning with him, I only hoped that he will at least try to get some rest and I prepare myself to do battle with his nightmares.

The next morning I watch as they both prepare for the day. He has at least tried to get some rest though it was clear he had no intention on sleeping, which is the most I can hope for these days. He had resisted sleeping last night, as has been his want to do since the war. I do take some consolation in that he did get a few hours of sleep when he had slept with Rose. Her physical presence at his side had helped his unconscious mind not torment him at least for that short time.

I awake comforted by the beautiful room the TARDIS has provided and I steel myself to put distance between the Doctor and myself. I feel like I have been hit by a double decked bus but then sleeping in my clothes I am sure didn't help me to sleep well. I drag myself out. The Doctor will want to head out someplace and well, as he doesn't sleep, well at least not often. He looks so much younger when he does sleep though, like for a short time he has put down the weight of the universe. It was a precious gift he gave me to let his guard down enough to sleep, a gift I proved yesterday I didn't deserve. It would be so easy to let myself enjoy a physical relationship with him like we have started, but it truly would be so unfair to him I would just wind up getting him hurt again like yesterday.

But first a quick shower can't let him feel guilty about yet something else that wasn't his fault. I don't deserve the Doctor and I should be happy that he didn't throw me out on my ear. I just have to remind myself he isn't mine. I should be content to be Mickey's girlfriend; he has been loyal even after being accused of murder while I was gone that year. Yet another man in my life I don't deserve.

Rose will be getting up soon, the day cycle has started and she will be heading for the kitchen for food. Best if I get there first, then I can be gone by the time she gets up. I roll out of bed and can't help thinking with regret how much nicer it was those hours Rose shared it with me. I have to squelch those kinds of ideas. She doesn't need some broken down Time Lord making her life miserable. A bit of toast some nice jam and cup of Earl Grey. Just the ticket to get the day started.

I watch, as they dance around each verbally neither speaking of what happened yesterday. It's obvious they care yet neither seems willing to admit it any longer. This really won't do; I know that they will get over this they have to.


	3. New Dynamics

Chapter 03 - New Dynamics 

A/N: This is around the episodes The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances

I set off the alarms and watch as Theta jumps at the sudden noise. There is something in the time vortex that doesn't belong here and its spinning wildly jumping time tracks. I can't quite identify what it is, it's a cylinder of some sort but beyond that all I know is that it doesn't belong, not here, and for some reason the thing seems headed for earth, London to be specific; Theta will want to know.

He is running around flipping levers and moving controls, I wish at times I had better control of my systems. It's hard getting old, and it makes it hard on my poor Theta him having to compensate so much for things I should be able to do for him. Yet he never complains even when I try to compensate for the lock drift on the object we're chasing and one of my fuses sparks and burns him he doesn't complain. He takes it in his stride like he always does, always so quick to forgive me my shortcomings. Just one of the zillions of reasons I love him; at least since the guardian helped me heal after the war a lot of my systems seem to be working better then they have in centuries.

I am still not completely certain what all the modifications the Guardian made do, or even what they all are for that matter. He said that I would know when the time was right; I would know what had to occur. He promised me when Theta needed me most I would be able to do what he required of me. That I would know what had to be done; I still wonder what it is that will be required of me. I do know that Rose is somehow part of the Guardians' plan and that things will never be the same again after and what is to come is going to be very hard for all of us. I just hope that my faith in the Guardian is not misplaced. I know Theta has always mistrusted the Guardians both White and Black, which is why I never told him of what, happened in those days right after the war. I am still not sure I could have got him to Alistair considering how badly I was damaged, at least not soon enough. It scares me a bit when I think about how much power the Guardians hold and what agendas they might have that I will never know about.

Well they're off again, I just hope that Theta and Rose are careful, I have a bad feeling about that device we were chasing. I just wish they hadn't fought before they left, both of them are trying so hard to protect the other that all they did was fight over everything today.

For the man who goes by the name Jack Harkness it has been another boring day. Things are about to change.

When will those time agents show up? It's been weeks since I sent that Chula ambulance out after the retro blue box that had been hovering in the vortex, just begging to be lured in. I know exactly how I am going to lure them in, I got it all figured out, have had for months now, but it's the waiting that is always the boring part. At least there's entertainment to be had. As I look over at Algy, I can't help but think about the fact that it is not easy being a gay man in the early 1940's; all the more reason to enjoy the company when you find someone of like mind. It's kept the nights from getting too dreary, too cold while I waited around for the time agents to arrive for my carefully planned show.

What's that? Hmmm, well that's not something you see every day, a blonde hanging from a barrage balloon, wearing a union jack t-shirt no less. Not exactly how I was expecting to find the time agent but I'll take it. "Ooo, excellent bottom," I better get moving; its not like she is going to be able to hang around all night like that. With the air raid started, if the planes don't get her she will eventually fall which would rather put a crimp in my plans. Grateful women do have this wonderful habit of being… well, grateful in the most delightful ways, which will just make this con job all that easier; this sure beats sitting in an air raid shelter again.

I smile in amusement as Algy thinks I was referring to his rear. I should let him know I won't be joining him, "Sorry old man, I got to go meet a girl, but you have an excellent bottom too." Maybe later I will make it up to him, after I take care of business.

It doesn't take me long to make it to the ship, I just get out of sight and teleport up; plenty of time to catch my blonde.

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I feel Theta's concern when he exits the club and doesn't find Rose. I can feel the threads of time already moving to bring a new human into our lives and although I can't seem to get a clear sense of what will happen I do know that the presence of this new male will help Theta and Rose grow closer. The initial concern I had felt at Rose's unexpected vertical departure were muted almost immediately by the new configuration of the time threads, no need to worry Theta about her present danger. With the new weaving of events there are virtually none where Rose is in any extended danger. So I assure him she is fine and encourage him to go look into this new mystery that has captured his interest.

Nothing can ruin my day right now. I have Rose in my arms and for once every one lived, no death, no destruction; these days are so rare and they really should be properly enjoyed. Hundreds of people were affected by the nano-genes, hundreds of people who had been hurt, injured or killed in the war, but this time… this time they weren't going to die. No one died today, not even that pretty boy Harkness. When Rose had asked what had happened to Jack I had felt a stab of guilt because I knew, he had been going to his death to try to make up for his mistake with the nano-gene con at my request and I had forgotten him. I had disliked him on sight, how could I not? He was pretty, and if there is one thing I have learned Rose likes her pretty boys, but far more damning was the smell of arousal that was pouring off him, not just him but also my Rose. I could smell her all over the man as he passed me in the hall of the hospital and it had made my blood boil. I don't want to think about what I would have done if they had smelled like sex.

The thought of him having sex with her or even touching her causes me to draw Rose closer. She made it clear when we first got back on board that she has forgiven me for my mistake of taking her back to see her dad and right now that means everything. She is in my arms not that pretty boy Jack's and if I have anything to say about it 'Captain' Jack will never have her. She is in my arms and Jack can just look till he is green with envy because I'm not letting him anywhere near her to dance, not literally or figuratively. Every fiber of my being is screaming she is mine even as I have become hopelessly hers. I know now in the face of her distancing herself from me today that I could no more send her away then I would send the TARDIS away or hack off one of my limbs. I would rather die than see either of them taken from me. Only their certain death if I didn't send them away would prompt me to voluntarily leave them. I also know my every waking minute for the rest of my lives from that moment on would be focused on getting back to them. That knowledge should scare me, but somehow it doesn't and that by it self scares me even more. This is the new truth I live with; knowing now it's pointless to fight, I let the thought go.

As I think back Rose had been so surprised when Jack had gone off to seduce the male guard but it hadn't surprised me one bit. The way Jack has been stealing glances in my direction, the way the smell of arousal increases when Jack draws near me, it has been obvious that Rose isn't the only one Jack would gladly take to bed. I have no interest in what he may want to offer in that arena. The only one I want in my bed is already here in my arms and I am never going to let her go. I tried, I really did, but seeing the way she looked at Jack and the way her words back in the hospital had cut me to the quick. I shiver ever so slightly thinking how she had just dismissed me, dismissed what we had done together, what we have shared.

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"Doctor?" I ask in a whisper as I feel him tremble ever so slightly. His emotions are bleeding around the edges of his shields. He's scared, and it hurts. I never want him to be scared of anything. "Doctor what's the matter?" In an instant the emotions I have been feeling vanish as if they never were and I have to wonder if maybe he still hasn't forgiven me after all. I mean I haven't felt any other emotions from him since that short burst of joy bordering on ecstasy when he discovered that the nano-genes had figured out Nancy was Jamie's mom.

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"Nothing, Rose, nothing at all." I reply just as quietly and know she senses the lie in my words as she slightly stiffens in my arms. I really have grown careless with my shields and my instructors back at the academy would be ashamed of me for such carelessness. I mentally shake myself. Now is not the time for the past, not when for once everyone has lived. I know I have to tell her something as I start to feel her shifting her weight to pull out of my arms, I gently but subtlety pull her off balance with a turn and whisper in her ear, "I just thought about losing you." I am relieved when she accepts that and relaxes back against me. The TARDIS, bless her, has changed the music to a slow tune. I hope that Rose thinks I meant lose her to those gas mask zombies and not to Jack. I really don't want her to think me so weak as to be worried about some two-bit conman but I can't help pulling her just a bit closer as I think about it, and am gratified when she snuggles into to me and lays her head on my shoulder.

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Why did Rose and the Doctor come back? Not that I'm objecting, much better odds of survival here than with that bomb. Watching them, clearly they are a couple. Nice to see at least one of us has someone they can hold on to. It is also nice I am not feeling a lot of pain right now after swallowing down the last of that hyper vodka; it helps blunt the knowledge that I have just lost everything, again. Some con this turned out to be. Not only do I almost kill the entire human race by turning them in gas mask wearing zombies yelling for their mommy but I lost my ship too. I haven't been this lacking in resources in a long time. At least I'm alive and intact in body and mind, well other than those two years the agency took. So I guess I'm better off than a couple of times I had to leave a place in a hurry. At least I made enough of an impression on Rose saving her life that she was able to get the Doctor to come get me. From the welcome he gave me it's pretty obvious he wouldn't have come for me if it hadn't been for her. I'll have to thank her for that when I get a chance.

Do they even know how close they're dancing to each other? It's like sex standing up. I wonder if they realize as they dance around the console that their every move together screams how much they care about each other how much they want each other? But where does that leave me? God, they look good enough to eat, I would gladly take them both to bed in an instant. There is something about him that just exudes the feeling 'trust me' and her well… yum. I can't help but appreciate her curves and she felt so hot against me earlier.

I wonder how they came to be traveling together, he's not human, he made that more than clear in the hospital room, but what is he? Who is he? She calls him the Doctor and obviously it's his ship. The control room looks almost organic and ever since I came on board I have felt a gentle female presence in the back of my mind, not intrusive but there is definitely something there, and very sentient if I'm not mistaken.

There are so many things I want to ask but with a floorshow like this… well the questions will wait. Obviously they're not going to push me out of an air lock, if that was the plan they wouldn't have even bothered coming back to pick me up. I can't help wondering what they do plan to do, besides dance. I wonder if he will let me have a go at dancing with her.

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I catch a stray thought from the Captain, driven by such ardor that I can't help but turn to glare at him over Rose's head. I'll have to talk to him about that, it's more than obvious his desire is for both of us, but that thought, that lust was definitely directed at Rose and that won't do at all. I feel so possessive now and can't help thinking that this is why the Time Lords had put such prohibitions on interactions with other species. I feel more alive just being with Rose than I ever have, but with that feeling has come this possessiveness that borders on obsession that I am still not comfortable about yet. It also seem the more I fight it the worse it seems to get.

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My head snaps up as I feel the Doctor glaring at me, I wonder if he's telepathic? Not exactly like my thoughts have been chaste these last few minutes. Guess that answers that, the expression on his face is making it very clear what my chances of touching Rose, even to just dance with her, they're none. The man does have the most beautiful blue eyes. I just can't seem to break eye contact with him, his eyes boring into mine. I want to cringe away, but I force myself to hold his gaze a moment longer and acknowledge his 'keep your hands to yourself' message. That done I break eye contact and release the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. This Doctor is not one to be trifled with; the power in that gaze he pinned me with makes me shiver. It's rare that I have met someone that has so totally paralyzed me with just a look. It was like he was looking deep into my soul, measuring me out. I can't help but feel that he has found me wanting and I feel a blush of shame color my cheeks as I think about how close I came to destroying the human race this evening. I just want to crawl off and hide, but even that's not an option. This is his ship, his rules, his timing and he is making it very clear that Rose is his too, I wonder why that doesn't scare me more then it does. I close my eyes as suddenly I feel a wash of very feminine comfort over my senses and then it gently withdraws. I blink at the surprising sensation. Ok that was unexpected but it's kind of nice to, at least someone here seems to like me. No question now that this is a sentient being we are within. Where in the world did he come by such a magnificent ship? I feel her purr in my mind and I can't help but smile; well at least I have one ally here.

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What is it with this new human the Doctor has allowed on board? Earlier I had felt certain he would be joining us. Now though I can't seem to sense any of his near future, and something about that just seems odd. Especially considering the certainty I have that he is meant to be here.


	4. Terms of Engagement

Chapter 04 - Terms of Engagement 

As the song ends I know I have put off dealing with our new arrival long enough. Much as I would love to dance the night away with Rose I know all good things must end. The sooner I get him sorted out the sooner I can take Rose someplace more private. I don't release my grip around Rose's waist as I move us over where we can talk. Time to see what this fellow is made of. I don't say anything but wait for him to ask the questions, I suspect that what questions he asks will be very telling indeed.

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The song ends, and I sigh as they break apart a little. As the Doctor leads them over to me he doesn't release Rose, keeping one arm curled possessively about her waist. Can the man be any clearer as he positions his body between Rose and me; his whole stance screams, 'Mine'?

Guess this is where he lays down the law. I wait for him to say something for a long minute. When it becomes clear he is not going to speak I state uncomfortably, "So this is your ship."

"Yes, I think that would be obvious," the sarcasm so evident in his voice makes me want to cringe. Okay, so he's not going to give me an inch here. Where should I go with this conversation first? What is it he wants from me? "Thank you, for the lift." Okay no snide remark good, his body language has made it clear he wants me gone so I continue. "I appreciate your effort so I will be out of your way as soon as possible." Nothing, what does he want me to do beg? "If it's not too much trouble, I would appreciate it if you drop me in an era where I can connect up with some traders," I can't help the sarcasm that creeps into my voice, "Don't worry about me I will find my own way from there." I can't remember feeling this rattled since finals at the Time Agency academy. He's looking at me again like I'm some specimen under inspection, what is he thinking? What is it he wants from me?

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So this is Captain Jack Harkness, ex-time agent, con man, partial amnesiac. I hadn't really thought about what to do with him, I knew I had to rescue the man. I couldn't just leave the man to blow up with the bomb I had asked him to dispose of when it was in my power to do otherwise; seen far to much death to want more blood on my hands. He was rather stupid with the Chula medical transport but he did show some decent qualities. He did admit he was trying to con us when he first suspected that the Chula ambulance might have had something to do with the gas mask people, but wouldn't admit it at the time. He could easily have left Rose and I in that room and run and he also could just as easily let the bomb drop and hoped that the blast would take out the nano-genes he had let loose, but he had done none of those things. Integrity and a conscience; good qualities to have in a traveling companion; I have brought people along for a lot less over the years and the TARDIS seems to think he is okay, if that brush of comfort I felt her give him earlier is anything to go by. "I have a counter proposal for you. Join us." I smile at the start Rose gives at my side; she didn't expect me to say that.

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Anxiously I watch as the Doctor seems to come to some decision and nods his head ever so slightly. At his words I break out in a genuine smile. He's offering to let me stay? Why in the universe would he offer to let me stay? He has been sending signals all night that make it clear he doesn't want me near Rose. "What's the catch?"

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"The 'catch' is this, no cons, no swindling, no volcano days. If you travel with us you will be expected to contribute. This life is neither simple nor safe, having been a time agent you already know that and if I say we need to leave someplace I want no arguments, not one more snog, we leave then. Refuse and you will be left behind. This is my ship and she leaves to where and when I say. Don't think for a minute that she will go anywhere with you without my permission." I know my words are harsh but I want this very flippant human to understand exactly how serious I am about the rules of him staying. I will not have him putting Rose at risk because he can't or won't listen.

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At his words about his I can't help but blurt out, "She's sentient isn't she?" vaguely waving at the walls. If he's surprised at my question he doesn't show it.

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"Yes she is, and as such that means she will not take kindly to it if you think you can take her anywhere against her or my will. You do anything deliberately to hurt her then you're out." At my final words I feel Rose stiffen beside me she is obviously not pleased at the tone of harsh coldness in my words, but I will brook no interference either with the TARDIS or with Rose's safety. "Are we clear?"

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At the Doctor's harsh words it becomes a bit more what I expected; I am obviously still on probation and from the expression on his face it's clear he isn't just referring to his time ship with that last statement. "I didn't think for a minute she would, she seems like quite the loyal type." I state and I am sure he knows I mean both Rose and the TARDIS. "Agreed," I state as I smile trying to pretend that the unspoken threats don't bother me.

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As I watch as my Theta and Jack come to an agreement I know that a lot more is being said than what is being said aloud, Theta's words about dumping Jack disturb me, but in spite of that I can't help smile to myself that they have come to an understanding. My Theta is still not very happy with him here; he's worried that Jack will take Rose away. Silly male, with the way Rose feels about him it would take something truly drastic to make her even consider leaving, she loves him very deeply.

As the evening has worn on I have watched Jack and the more I watched the more curious I became and finally I began to shuffle through his surface thoughts, liking him all the more for the things I find. I'm not usually this nosey but there is something about this fellow that I like and the more I see of him the more I like him. At sensing his feelings of loss and some of the horrible images that flash through his mind of previous close calls I can't help but feel sorry for the man; he has endured so many dreadful things since he left the Time Agency. No wonder he was angry and felt betrayed with them when they took his memories; they took more than that, they took away the life he had struggled so hard to achieve. He had worked so hard to be something his family could be proud of instead of being the unwanted oldest son of a poor family on a rim planet. I think I am going to give Jack something special; maybe if I give him something nice it will help a bit that again he has just lost everything he owned that wasn't on his person when he came on board, humans are more often than not very attached to their things.

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I can't believe the Doctor just offered to let Jack stay and the smirk he gave me when he realized he had startled me with that offer was just irritating. Sometimes I think he does things like this just to confuse me. I have to wonder though, where did that decision come from? With the way he had been acting I was sure he was just going to drop Jack off some place. Now though is not the time to discuss this, it's been a long day for all of us and it is even more obvious that as much as I want some time alone with the Doctor for once he doesn't seem to be shy about wanting to be with me and I am relieved when his next words are light and casually addressed to me. "Well now that we understand each other lets find Jack a room." When he gives me one of those wonderful goofy grins of his I gladly return it.

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The Doctor has offered to let me stay. Weird as that is, all I can think about now is how bizarre the events of the last 24 hours have been, everything from a beautiful blonde hanging from a barrage balloon to the oh so mysterious and sexy alien in leather who is leading me down the hallway of sentient ship with insides bigger than it's outside parameters. Looking about and seeing the number of corridors I have to ask, "Doctor, how big is this ship anyway?"

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Ah, I was wondering when he would get around to asking that question. Turning I give him the biggest grin and reply "Well you see it kind of depends on how big I want her to be, one of the nicer aspects of a dimensionally transcendent home."


	5. Time for Bed

Chapter 05 - Time for bed 

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A/N: Due to some feedback and not quite being happy with a couple of things I am posting expanded versions of 3 & 4. I have also added some POV separators in the hopes of making it a bit clearer when the POV shifts to all the chapters in Part 3.

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I hate the way Jack looked at Rose. I know I don't deserve Rose but there is no way I will let some pretty boy con-man seduce her and break her heart. As we turn away from the room Jack has just entered I swing Rose around in the hall just for the joy of doing so, just for the joy of having her in my arms and am delighted to hear her squeal of surprised delight.

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He swings me unexpectedly and pulls me in hard against his body. His eyes tell me of his desire just as surely as the dancing we had been doing in the console room and I tremble as I remember exactly how nice it is to be loved by this man and snuggle closer into his arms. He hasn't let me go except in the course of dancing since he first pulled me into his arms when Jack arrived on board. It has not been lost on me that he has consistently stood in such a way as to ensure he was between Jack and me. I am not sure how much he suspects of what happened up on Jack's ship but I do know from that brief time I shared his senses that they are far keener than my own and the way he has been acting has made it clear he perceives Jack as a rival.

I had wanted so bad at first to hang on to my anger, it was easier keeping him at arms length that way, but once things had started to go wrong I couldn't help but want to reach out to him to ease his anxiety. Deep in my soul I knew this morning that I couldn't keep it up and still stay with him but I had to at least try. He needs someone, he would never admit it but it shows in so many little ways that no one else seems to notice. I want him so much and from the brief mental flashes when he was distracted today and his very blatant actions since we have returned tell me he still wants me just as much.

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"Rose?" I ask as I feel the spike of joy she had felt shift into something darker almost bordering on distress as she snuggles tighter to me.

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I hear his gentle voice in my ear, hear his concern and realize that I have worried him. "Doctor," I say with a mischievous grin as I let go my thoughts about the day.

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She had me worried for a moment there. I could feel the change of her emotions as she began practically screaming her distress over something. "Rose are sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, just thinking about today, things could have gone so much worse."

"True, but they didn't. Everyone lived Rose!" I state as I regain my cheer about how well things did turn out. "So what do you want to do now?" I ask, hoping yet afraid of what she may say.

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At the cheerful tone in his words I pull back just a bit more so I can see his face better. Enjoying his intensity and his eyes tell me exactly what he has in mind. I was hoping he would continue to feel the same as when we left the console room so I lean forward I whisper to him, "This," as I capture his lips.

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My hearts soar as she kisses me so I kiss her back with equal ferocity. Rassilion help me I think I am addicted to her, her beautiful smile, her smell, her taste and this, oh yes this, especially this. Reluctantly I release her lips so she can breath.

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I smile at the grin on his face and as we pause for a moment, I realize how easy it would be for Jack to step out into the hall and see us like this and I blush at the thought of being caught in the act so to speak.

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Suddenly she blushes dramatically and looks embarrassed, "What?"

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I look over at the door near us meaningfully and nod.

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I want to say 'so what? Let him watch, he'll never have you,' but I remember the way Jack looked at her like a man dying of thirst looking at a glass of water, all want and intensity, and that the smell of arousal I had registered when they first entered the hospital earlier was not entirely one-sided. So instead I take her hand and give her a quick peck on the lips and lead her toward my room.

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I watch as a spark of defiance flickers on his features then just as quickly vanishes as he grabs my hand, heading us back toward the way we came. A grin bursts on my face as I feel a hint of passion from him and know exactly where he's taking us.

Stunned, for long moments I stand just inside the doorway of the room they had led me to. In spite of the Doctor's words, his offer to become one of his fellow travelers, I expected to be given a room with a bed and if I was lucky a chest of drawers and closet. Nothing had prepared me for the room I had walked into. It is a beautiful room that would fit well in any top of the line luxury hotel. It is appointed with a motif in of shades of blue. The walls being whitish with just a hint of blue, the bed, well the bed was easily a king size bed, if not larger, all neatly dressed out in a navy bedspread and three pillows with matching slipcovers. To the right of the entrance are two doors, both open. The nearer door leads to an ensuite bathroom with large sunken tub in the shower. The other leads to a large walk in closet, which I notice is not empty. This must be someone else's room, but I thought the Doctor had said it was just him and Rose. Confused I turn to exit and ask the Doctor before they move too far away, but I hear a squeal of delight that has obviously come from Rose and decide maybe going back out in the hall might not be the best idea.

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He likes it I can tell, he just didn't expect this, I like Jack and I am sure that Theta will too, once he gets to know him, even if he is a dreadful flirt. Right now Jack can cope with violence a lot better then Theta can, and will protect him when he might not protect himself. It's good Theta has Rose but he needs someone like Jack who has the skills and experience Rose doesn't. I wonder… when I needed to talk to Alistair I was able to do something I hadn't thought of before, might be useful with Jack; it's obvious he is uncomfortable to some extent with the idea of me in his head, but we do need to communicate till he gets used to the idea. Maybe if I start out slow with him it will make it easier, get him used to the idea a bit more before he hits the shower and finds out how much I am aware of what goes on within my walls.

That Adam fellow that we had on board awhile back, nothing like Jack and I didn't like him. He was perpetually on the edge of freaking out over my presence and with the things he had started planning about how he could use both Theta and Rose… well I'm just glad he's gone. Now Jack on the other hand he understands us much better, what it means to be responsible for his actions in time. He has made mistakes but his lingering guilt about what happened with the nanogenes is very telling about his character. He really has resorted to some unorthodox things to stay alive and stay hidden from the Time Agency but there is so much more to this human than is immediately obvious.

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Curious, I walk into the closet, an overhead light comes on and I find that it contains a wide variety of men's clothes all in my size and in fashions I enjoy wearing. It is then I feel a wave of very feminine amusement. It's not the first time I have been in ship that has had an intelligence of a sort. My recently destroyed Chula ship had responded to voice commands, but this, this ship obviously goes much further then any simple Artificial Intelligence, this is real sentience. I would very much like to know who this Doctor is that he has the obvious loyalty of something as unique as this ship and how they come to be traveling together, well maybe some time he will tell me.

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I change things around a bit so there is a monitor in Jack's room, this will let me try this out again, and if I can do this consistently I just know that it will be useful at some point. I can think a lot of times in the past that it really would have been helpful. Just makes me wonder again what else the Guardian did when he was here, I didn't think at the time what it might mean to agree to his changes. At least everything so far has seemed to make my life better. I feel better than I have in centuries and I seem to be able to do things I never thought of like this trick with the monitor. I am still not sure how this is going to make a difference in the future, but for now … well let's have a bit of fun.

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Hesitant I address the room not really sure what kind of response I will receive, "TARDIS, who's room is this?" I see a flicker of light from the main bedroom and return to find that what had been a lovely garden scene of blue flowers and a blue painted gazebo when I had come in now contains dark navy words stating, "This room belongs to Jack Harkness" on a background the same bluish white shade as the room wall. All I can do is stand there and blink at the words for a moment and take in the meaning of those words.

I realize that either the ship or the Doctor has really accepted me as a part of the crew and I can't resist asking. "Whose decision was it to give me this room?" Again there is that flicker of amusement. The panel on the wall then returns to the garden scene making it clear I will not be getting an answer. "Okay, have it your way," I can't help the smile on my face as I think, yep definitely a female. A bit more investigation of the room and I find that the dresser contains socks and underwear as well as a box with basic toiletries. The small table near the head of the bed contains a small universal controller with a ten-key pad and buttons labeled, Video, Pre-Rec, Music, and at the very bottom two buttons labeled Sel and OFF. I consider the controller for a moment and put it back in the drawer as something to investigate tomorrow as a wave of exhaustion washes over me. Looking to the ensuite and I decide I really do need to get a shower before I try out that lovely bed.

Quickly I strip off and peer at myself in the large mirror that extends from the back of the sink to the ceiling. Yep not bad, still got it, with a big grin I wonder if the TARDIS can see and whether she likes the view. With that I investigate the shower tub ensemble. Inside the sliding door is a smallish rectangular hot tub with steps on the end by the entrance and a comfortable seat, small openings dot the walls and around the outer ledge of the space that I assume are water jets. In the corner of the tub nearest the sink I notice a small shelf containing shampoo, conditioner and my favorite soap and smile again, yep definitely female.

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Oh, he does think so much of himself doesn't he; well at least he likes to project that confidence, he's so very like my Theta in that pretending nothing bothers him. Maybe I was worried a bit more then I should have been; it's obvious he's starting to like the idea of me being alive, primping in the mirror like he really likes the idea I might be watching. Think it's time to give him some food for thought.

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As I enter and close the shower door I notice there is no water control. I wonder how this works. I get a small blast of warm water in the back "what the…" causing me to turn around rapidly to identify the source, as I do small jets in the top and end of the shower behind me cascade water down on me, at just the perfect temperature. "Okay" I drawl, so that's how this works, I burst into a grin and I say aloud, "looks like someone has a sense of humor," again there is that gentle wave of amusement that I really am starting to like.

For long moments I just stand enjoying the warmth and then wash and rinse. As I put the conditioner down and stand up the water turns to small pulses and gets warmer along my shoulders, I really hadn't realized how stiff I was. I could really get used to this, "Thanks sweetheart," I mumble as I enjoy the pulsing massage of the water across my back. After a few minutes my shoulders and back loosen up and I am feeling very relaxed, I just know that bed out there is going to be very nice. Shame Rose won't be joining me there I… "YIKES!!" I can't help but yelp as the water turns into icy torrent and I scramble out of the shower.

As I stand staring at the shower the water cuts off. Now that I am very awake I realize my mistake. I feel a strong very feminine wave of disapproval and the tiles of the bathroom start to get very cold, I quickly grab a towel from the rack and head back into toward the bedroom. Just before I leave the room the lights turning off abruptly. Drying as I go, I notice the temperature in the bedroom is now considerably cooler as well. As I approach the bed the lights in the room also cuts out leaving the room totally lightless.

"Okay I get the hint, Rose is off limits," I state as I crawl into bed. I note I broke two rules with that one, never have sexual thoughts about someone else while you're enjoying the attentions of a telepathic female and don't get caught lusting after the bosses girl. Life around here is definitely going to be interesting but in spite of that drenching in cold water I'm beginning to think I am really going to like it.


	6. The Unexpected

Chapter 06 - The Unexpected Chapter 06 - The Unexpected

I left Rose sleeping hours ago and had puttered around in the control room working on my perpetual list of maintenance and repairs. I can't help feeling warmth in my hearts as I think about Rose curled up sleeping and that thought makes me think of our new resident. I figure him for a coffee person as his accent screams American. It will be morning soon and I learned quite awhile back that Rose is not really with it till she has her tea, so I head into the kitchen to start breakfast. After last night I know she will be hungry and as I don't have any idea when Jack last ate I figure it will be three for the meal.

Jack looks around wondering, how did I get here? I look around and see my mates from school and one by one I watch in horror as they dissolve into animated corpses each meeting their doom in gruesome manners. Their hands reaching out to claim me as their own, "Mummy, mummy are you my mummy?" they chant and I run from them till there is no longer breath within me.

I hide in the shelter of a cliff, hide from the marching horrors that can't find me, and so wander aimlessly looking for me. As I feel the bony prod of a spectral finger I can't help but jump. I twist away from its presence as I see its flesh stripped hand reach for me. It is James, the cheerful sprite with whom I caroused as a boy, his hollowed out orbs seem to focus on upon me accusingly. "Why did you kill me? I trusted you! You were my best friend yet you killed me."

I stumble backward, dodging away from his reaching hands, "No, I… I didn't… James please believe me, I would never have harmed you!"

"Liar! You seduced me, convinced me to follow you, and join up with the agency. Do you remember how I died?"

Visions of James screaming as the savage natives of a small planet in the middle of nowhere drag him to a post in the center of their village assault me. I watch again as they slowly peel skin from his body in thin strips for the 'crime' of stepping on their holy burial grounds. His piteous screams echoing off the nearby cliffs until finally unconsciousness claims him, only for me to see them cauterize his flayed flesh to ensure that he doesn't die before proper atonement has been made to their gods. I watch in terror as they revive him time and again till his heart fails him, knowing all the while I am to be next. "No!!" I scream over and over trying to stop them but still they continue. "Please stop, please…we didn't mean to please… We didn't know. No…" I scream till I no longer have voice but still they continue.

Bright so bright! I shield my eyes as a golden cloud obscures the nightmarish visions of my friend's death. The cloud drifts toward me and I sigh as feel its warm comfort wrap around me. Peace seeps in every place it touches me and my pounding heart slows. I stare in wonder as the cloud coalesces into the form of a beautiful woman. Long brown hair flows about her shoulders, a pretty yellow sundress and bare feet making her seem very young. But one look into her eyes tells a far different story; they speak of great age and at the same time of timelessness.

"Who are you?" I ask in amazement. I know this isn't someone I have met before. I would surely remember someone this lovely, yet at the same time she seems very familiar.

Her response is a smile and in beautiful voice like that of an angel she replies, "A friend, now rest, Jack, sleep."

"I..." Even as I begin to speak the golden girl begins to return to a gaseous state and I can no longer keep my dream eyes open.

I awake to an odd humming sound and I try to place where I am, when I am.

In the air is the smell of spice and honey and suddenly my mouth is watering as the events of yesterday begin to intrude on my waking mind. Visions of a very, very sexy yet in some ways an equally scary man in leather and his luscious companion float in my mind's eye. What in the world have I gotten myself into? I open my eyes to find myself in the luxurious room I was allotted the night before and I can't help but smile.

The remainder of an odd dream lingers and I wonder at the welcome new ending to an old nightmare. Whoever she is, she is welcome to join my dreams anytime, particularly if she has that kind of effect on my all too frequent nightmares. Before I can contemplate it further I hear a sharp knock at the door and the one word invitation, "Food."

I find some clothes and quickly dress. I'm not sure what the routine is around here and my stomach is already growling its displeasure at the missed meal of the night before.

--

Theta is in a good mood this morning, not exactly a surprise there. So far he has always been happier when he and Rose spend special time together and again I am happy that she is willing to give him something I cannot. As his thoughts turn to breakfast I begin preparing. This morning I think some bangers, bacon, beans, fried bread and fried eggs, with a side of fruit and juice. Theta joins me, taking up the task of making coffee and tea; early on he was always complaining about how I never could get it right and finally he gave up having me do it completely. I know it's really more that he just enjoys the exercise of making the beverages rather than my lack of skill, as, when he is in a hurry or just not in the mood, he will drink what I make without complaint.

Just because he's not particularly domestic doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy good food and I try to ensure that there is a wide variety of things that might be of interest, including his favorite fruit, bananas. I found out a long time ago that he doesn't always eat what he should unless coaxed a bit and he is even worse in that department in this incarnation. It is rare for he and Rose to sit down to a proper meal but this morning I agree with him. It will be a better welcome to our new companion to have breakfast. It will help to put Jack a bit more at ease with the way things run around here.

--

I finish getting the coffee brewing and figure it's time to let the others know foods on its way. First I go to wake Rose, I know it will take her a bit longer to get moving. Then I head past Jack's door and with a quick rap on the door let him know food's available. As I expected, Jack is first into the kitchen, still putting the finishing touches on his attire, sleek black pants and a white tee shirt. I can't help making the amused comment to Verity, 'I see you showed Jack where to find some additional clothes. Was that before or after you went strolling in his dreams?' I can tell she is pointedly ignoring me. Sometimes I think she enjoys stocking the wardrobes as much as some of our other companions have enjoyed shopping. Looking Jack over I can't deny the man is attractive. I just hope that his libido doesn't make me regret inviting him to stay, but I trust Verity with my life and I can count the companions we have traveled with on one hand to whom she was willing to show her mentally projected humanoid form. She didn't tell him her name, but the fact that she would appear to him at all tells me there is something very special about 'Captain' Jack Harkness.

'You wouldn't care to explain what it is that makes Harkness so special would you?' Her projected feeling of amusement tells me there will be no explanations forthcoming. Much as I wonder what has her so interested in the man I know it is a useless effort to try to get her to tell me something when she is unwilling to do so. I am sure eventually it will be crystal clear what makes him unique enough for her to give him such special treatment.

--

I should have known he would notice. Very little escapes my Theta. The thing is I can't say for certain why I chose to interfere in Jack's dream; it just seemed to be the right thing to do. Theta is right though in that there is definitely more than meets the eye with Jack. I don't make a habit of wandering around companions' minds but there is something about Jack I do trust, yet something that I can't quite figure out… It is like a thought just out of reach and I have a feeling it is something very important.

--

After the Doctor's brusque knock I follow my nose to the kitchen and find far more food than I expected for just three people and a whole lot better than military rations. Oh fresh fruit, haven't seen that since I arrived in London, well other than that banana the Doctor swapped for my blaster. The Doctor is leaning causally next to the counter, legs crossed at the ankles and a cup of what smells like Earl Gray tea in his hand. At first glance it looks like he is wearing the exact same thing as he was yesterday. Then I notice that the jumper is now beautiful navy that brings out the blue in his eyes. He definitely is looking almost as delicious as the food. The smell of fresh coffee is enticing and so I head for that first. "Morning, Doctor!"

"Captain," he replies and nods over toward the food. "Dig in, plates above, utensils below, cups above the pots and milk and cream in the fridge," he rattles off concisely. As I collect my utensils and food I check out the room. It is not overly large, and directly opposite the doorway is the counter where the food is currently laid out, to the left end of the counter is a fridge and on the right end is what looks like a microwave and a toaster. The coffee and teapots are next to the fridge and on the right wall near the door is a compact sink. To left of the entrance is a functional round wooden table that will comfortably fit four, over all, a nice well-lit space. I also notice as I go to sit at the table that on the wall with the door is a painting much like the one in my room and I wonder if it too converts to a monitor when needed. As I move to the table I can feel the Doctor watching me and I wonder what thoughts are running though his mind. I notice also that the chairs are positioned so that everyone at the table would be able to see both the painting that I suspect is a monitor, and anyone coming in the doorway. I know instinctively that that isn't an accident any more than that there is enough room for everyone to be able to both sit and exit from the table without disturbing anyone else or that the sink is so near the door. The room was definitely designed by someone that was security conscious and someone who knew the value of being able to exit and enter a room with the minimum of fuss. Whoever the Doctor is he's definitely had some kind of military experience. Even as I take all this in I know that what chair I take will be noted by my host. With that in mind I take the chair that I figured would be to the right of the one most likely to be taken by the Doctor. As I sit down I noticed him nod ever so slightly and know that I have chosen the one he expected.

No sooner do I sit down then in comes Rose and the Doctor who had been quietly assessing my actions vanishes to be replaced by a man obviously in love. The smile he beams at Rose is one of happy indulgence and his attention is now entirely centered on her. Can't say I blame him, Rose sleep tussled and half awake is even more beautiful than the self-assured young woman I met the previous day. I can't but wonder whose bed she slept in last night and regret it wasn't mine.


	7. Shopping

Chapter 07- Shopping Chapter 07 - Shopping?

After breakfast Rose heads off for her shower and the Doctor and Jack head for the control room.

He watched the alien called the Doctor move around the control area like a master pianist playing a piano, smooth graceful and very, very yummy looking. Jack knows that the Doctor is still watching him but it feels completely different than it did last night and he wonders what changed. "So Doctor what's on the agenda today. Where are we headed?" With a mysterious grin that says 'wouldn't you like to know?' he replies, "Have someone special you want to meet?"

He decides right then, two can play at that game. "No just thinking if you didn't have any plans we could get to know each other each a bit more." He gives the Doctor a look of daring him to take him up on the offer. Not unexpectedly the Doctor ignores him. But he asks something unexpected, "How did you sleep last night Captain?" I hesitate just a moment before replying, "Fine… why?"

"Oh no reason," the Doctor answers a bit too casually, which makes Jack wonder again exactly how much influence on the room he had slept in was through the Doctor's choice and how much was decided by the ship. Figuring he best know as well as he could where he stood he asked the Doctor directly, "So whose decision was it to give me the room I had, you or the ship's?"

The Doctor looked him in the eye, catching him with that oh so intense gaze and stated, "Mine."

"Not that, I'm complaining mind you but I hardly expected five star accommodations after the welcome you gave me last night."

His dismissive shrug is a bit disconcerting. He says nothing more but I do notice his furtive stroking of a section of coral near a set of controls and I have to wonder what it is that is being communicated between him and the ship. Not that I get the chance to ask as Rose comes bouncing into the room and I notice it's not just the Doctor that seems to brighten at her arrival as the lights in the control room get just a bit brighter at her cheerful greeting of, "So Doctor where we off to today?"

"Oh I don't know, were do you want to go backwards or forwards?" I watch the interplay between the two as she thoughtfully pokes her tongue in the corner of her mouth as she concentrates. I stop myself before making a comment as I feel disapproval from the very feminine presence of the ship and out of the corner of my eye I catch a smug expression from the Doctor, even if Rose hadn't heard my flippant comment, he suspected the Doctor had, if not directly, then as a in relay from his ship and knew of his ship's reaction.

"Well," she replies looking mischievous, "We could go shopping." Then hurrying on as I watch the Doctor get ready to protest, she turns to me, "So Jack, you know of any good places to go shopping?"

Immediately put on the spot but knowing that was exactly the point I reply, "Well there was that nice place in the Denaba system in the 57th Century."

The Doctor looking indignant states, "What you call that place a shopping center?" Looking at Rose with a sudden gleeful mischief that more than equaled hers of a few moments before, he began enthusiastically moving about the central console. "I'll show you what a real shopping center looks like."

A few moments later we arrived with a tremendous thump, which seemed to utterly delight Rose and by his reaction was exactly what the Doctor was trying to accomplish. "Now this is the standard by which all shopping malls are judged by welcome to Illupodifettoso THE shopping planet." He announced and watched Rose's reaction to that statement. Which obviously didn't disappoint him one bit as she launched herself at him and planted a big smooch on his cheek. With that kind of reaction I could see why he why he actually agreed to a shopping planet, which I got the distinct impression was not something he would normally want to do.

Grabbing his hand, she headed to the door nearly at a run and hardly slowed down as she grabbed my hand pulling me in that direction too, pausing only long enough to open the door before plunging out into the purple sunshine.

It didn't take long, though, for Rose to come to a screeching halt with a quiet, "Wow," as she stood, stunned, looking out over the four to eight story shops that extended out for miles around and had dozens of types of aliens wandering about at varying speeds depending on their physical configuration. There were the Snalize that looked like six-meter tall snails with their elaborately painted carapace and gently waving antennae. There was a small group of Cheem who were strolling nearby while a couple of others took in the sun on a bench. Drifting past them was a contingent of small cloud like Elizar a bit further down the way was a small family of Judoon and a dozen or so Balhoon were scooting around on their little hover pads. Add to that hundreds of tall willowy blue beings and large quantity of humans and humanoid races in a huge array of clothing styles and lack of clothing styles it made for quite the colorful scene. I couldn't help smiling as I saw a large group of humanoids naked but for small loincloths and veils that covered their eyes stroll by not more than a few feet from us. Much as I hated to admit it, this place did dwarf the shopping center I had mentioned.

When she finally took it all in, I watched as she turned to the Doctor who was leaning casually against of the TARDIS side, legs crossed and arms folded looking extremely pleased with himself if the huge grin he had plastered on his face was anything to go by.

At that point Rose enthusiastically announced, "I could shop for weeks, months, maybe even years here!" As she ran back to him and grabbed his hand at which point he wagged his finger at her stating, "One day, Rose! I will not spend a week let alone a month or year here," he said with a shudder, "you know how I feel about shopping."

I barely caught her quiet, "I know," as she gave him another quick peck on the cheek. Grabbing his hand, she said, "Well what are we waiting for? Let's shop!"

It had been hours and I really was beginning to regret bringing Rose here. She had enthusiastically moved from shop to shop cooing and ahhing over everything from dresses to kitchen utilities, not that she realized what the latter were till Jack pointed out to her the practical uses. Though as I watched her looking at some fabric in a rich shade of red that would look truly lovely on her if made up into a dress I couldn't quite bring myself to be unhappy enough to insist on us returning to the TARDIS. That changed the minute I noticed the Essarrian standing in the far corner of the shop with his back to us. I knew three very important facts about Essarrians; one they rarely traveled alone, two they were know for their sadistic nature and how they took great delight in tormenting their enemies, but the third was the most relevant at the moment and was that they hated Time Lords with a passion that bordered on rabid. It was time to go.

I stroll over to Jack very casually and stepped into the man's personal space. "Jack, do not turn around and do not alarm Rose but we need to leave… Now!" I said very quietly and watched as he gave a slight nod and quietly extricated himself from the buxom bight yellow humanoid with lovely blue hair he was chatting up. Turning, he followed me over to Rose, as we moved I nodded ever so slightly in the direction of the Essarrian and felt his posture stiffen as he realize what species the neon orange fellow was. Though tolerated and for the most part ignored, humans were consider an 'inferior' race by the Essarrians and Essarrians had little to no patience when it came to dealing with the 'lower species'. They had also been frequently known to pick up human 'toys' and use them for entertainment, which for the human was anything but entertaining as they rarely survived the experience; Essarrians were notoriously hard on their playthings.

I leaned causally in next to the rack of dresses that Rose was looking through, "Rose something has come up and we need to leave, now." I didn't raise my voice and hoped that she would understand my tone.

"But Doctor…" her voice cut off as she looked up and saw my expression as she reached out for my hand I leaned in and put my arm around her waist drawing her into the side of my body in a casual move so that I could whisper in her ear. "If we get separated head for the TARDIS and wait for us inside," intentionally putting stress on the word inside. "Whatever you do avoid anyone that is neon orange like your life depends on it."

"Doctor I don't understand, what's going on?" She whispered back as we made for the front entrance of the store. About half way there I began to breath a bit easier as whatever the Essarrian was looking at has it's complete attention and I was pretty sure it had not yet spotted us. Right up until I hear a clear bell like voice yell across the room. "Oh Jack, you forgot one of your packages," the yellow female Jack had been chatting up lilted. I cringed as I saw the Essarrian turn to see what the commotion was about with a glare that would have made a glacier melt. As his eye caught us I could see that he wasn't amused and that generally didn't bode well.

--

Rose looked up to see the Doctor's reaction to see if she need to run and was glad his arm was loop gently around her waist as she nearly tripped when she saw what the Doctor was looking at, she figured it had to be close to 7 meters tall and she had never seen it's like before, its skin tone was a garish neon orange with scales of both lighter and darker orange, reminding her of one of those tropical rain forest frogs that were brightly colored to warn potential predators they were poisonous. She hoped it wasn't, she never had cared for venomous creatures after she had been bitten when she was younger by a slightly venomous snake in the science lab at school. If that striking skin tone meant poison he would be a whole mountain of trouble and based on the Doctor's expression she figured she wasn't far off. The being also had long arms the diameter of small tree trunks and wicked looking three fingered hands with opposable thumbs. Where its hips would be, if it were a biped, was a sheath like patterned skirt, which covered a transition to a snake like lower body that tapered down to a curl on which it balanced. The unusual body was matched with the oddest face with a wicked looking beak like mouth that hooked down wickedly reminded her of a parrot's beak. It had black beady eyes with a vertical orange stripes making its eyes a bit a cat like, only its eye lids seemed to twist open and closed like an iris and peered at them with undisguised hate out of a background of small shimmery orange scales. It only took her a moment to take in its appearance but it was enough for her to know that being would not be someone to be messed with and before she could say a word it was on the move toward them.

As the being began to head in their direction she was jerked out of her distraction by the Doctor as he rapidly discarded any pretense of casually leaving and broke into a run. As they headed to the front entrance Jack made a motion she didn't quite get and at the door he headed the opposite direction from her and the Doctor only to moments later turn and head back their direction as he was cut off by another of the orange beings. The Doctor didn't slow them in their flight only altered course, as a third being appeared cutting off yet another path. Making a quick move toward a service door we bolted through barely pausing as the sonic screwdriver unlocked the door in front of us. Quickly he reversed the setting as Jack slammed the door on the approaching Essarrians relocking the door.

Moving quickly down a corridor it became obvious that coming in here had been a bad move, as three more of the orange beings came around the corner brandishing guns. The Doctor pushed Rose behind him Jack moving in to shield her on another side in the process showing her he had pulled his blaster the wall behind her would protect her on a third side but even as she began to feel like things were slowing down all around her she heard herself yelp as something sharp impacted her shoulder looking down she saw a small red dart as she heard the Doctor shout her named she began to crumple into unconsciousness.

--

Jack had tried to split up, signaling the Doctor that he would meet them back at the TARDIS to make it more difficult for the Essarrians to corner them, what he hadn't counted on was nearly running straight into the arms of one of its companions and having to do a quick about face in order to avoid capture, leading him to suspect that maybe the Essarrian in the shop hadn't been quite as oblivious to their presence as it seemed.

Jack had heard things about Essarrians had been warned to stay clear of them and what ever he did never allow himself to be caught by one. As they made it through to the service corridor he began to think they had made to the clear and it might turn out okay, but as he watched Rose crumple behind him and felt the impact of a similar red dart he figured this was not going to be a good day after all.


	8. Twisted Biology Lesson

Chapter 08 - Twisted Biology Lesson Chapter 08 - Twisted Biology Lesson

The orange alien was pacing again. Not a good sign as every time it had done so previously someone got hurt. Part of Rose really hoped they would leave her alone this time as although she had been little more than roughed up both the Doctor and Jack had taken severe beatings trying to protect her and she was feeling guilty that they had been hurt because of her. Though now that they had them all manacled to individual tables arranged in a semi circle, there would be no more protection they would be able to provide her. At least they had left Jack and her their clothing, a luxury they had not afforded the Doctor. They had almost immediately stripped him of every except his underwear leaving him more naked than she had ever seen him except when they were alone together. That fact made it obvious that they considered the Doctor greater threat and made her worry about what else they may know about him.

--

The Doctor too had noticed that the Essarrian had begun to pace and braced himself for what he knew was going to be something dreadful. Essarrians didn't smile much, but when they did it was invariably not a good thing for the person being smiled at, and this one was smiling, a lot, at all of them not that most people could tell with their odd facial structure, but he knew.

--

Jack heard the Essarrian speak then a slow sibilant hissing type sound "Sooo humans, how much do you know about Time Lords? Has his high and mightiness deemed you worthy enough to tell you anything? Because today humans is your lucky day, you get to learn about Time Lord physiology."

He was very glad the Essarrian had been looking at Rose the moment he had said Time Lord as he gave a small start of surprise at this revelation his eyes slipping sideways to look at the Doctor. Time Lord that explained a lot of things including that beautiful ship of his. He had thought them myths in fact although he had heard many tales about them. He never really believed that there was some near God-like race of aliens to whom the manipulation of time and space was considered child's play. Looking surreptitiously over at the Doctor wondering if he would ever get to know what he had seen in him to want a two bit con-man like him along and whether he would even have the chance to learn the truth from the myths. It also explained why the Essarrians considered him something dangerous and a lot about why they had captured them as they seemed to only have only marginal interest in Rose and himself. He also was beginning to suspect that the Essarrians had something quite dreadful in store for the Doctor.

--

As I am sure you are aware Time Lords have quite a few senses the you humans don't which although the tout their better physiology it leaves them at distinct disadvantage when it comes to things like this. With that he signals to someone out of sight and grins in delight when the Doctor's whole body stiffens in obvious pain. "See what I mean? We don't sense anything but the temporal sub harmonic generator that was just turned on will do all kinds of interesting things to him not the least of which is to create for him quite a bit of pain and insure he doesn't try any of those ticks Time Lords are known to exhibit."

Not waiting for any replies the Essarrian continued. Glaring at the Doctor hatred dripping from his words he continued, "They believe they are so superior but I say those extra senses makes them weak. You see Time Lords value their control and just can't stand it when someone takes it away from them. Yet something else your kind and the Daleks have common Doctor, the desire for control." Addressing the humans again as he slithered between them as he continued, "You see the Time Lords refused us the means to defend ourselves in their pompous belief of how much better they were. That finally drove us to an alliance with the Daleks."

The Doctor's interruption was harsh and vehement, "Your people sought our help not for defense but in a bid to subjugate all the peoples around yo..."

Like the striking of a cobra the Essarrian lashed out, snapping the Doctors head hard to the side leaving him dazed with the strength of the impact and a new three fingered bruise on the side of his face.

He asked in a furious tone, "Do you even know what they did to my people Time Lord?" His last two words dripping with contempt. "The Daleks promised us to make us better, a more powerful people instead they destroyed most of the pleasure centers in our brains with their 'improvements'. They left us few pleasures but one of those..." Smiling it hissed out in contentment as it slowly slid a scaly claw across the Doctor's exposed chest creating a thin line of blood in its wake, then with undisguised relish licking the blood from it's digit it continues in its lecture mode, "One of those is the taste of your blood. Which mean you are going to make me a LOT of credits while at the same time I get to enjoy finding creative ways of making you bleed, making this a very good day for me."

Smiling even more he turns to look at the Doctor with evil delight as he snaps a mask over the Doctor's face and I am going to take away your control piece by piece Doctor. Strip away that intelligence that your kind brag about and do it bit by bit so that you can appreciate your increasing stupidity and then I am going to terrify that primitive beast you become and let you loose and see what you do.

--

He really was wishing Rose was anywhere but here, his recent relationship with her would be problematic at best and deadly at worst. If they figured out what she truly meant to him... He didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to see her hurt because of him, in fact he would rather die than do so, but if he were released from his bonds while under an overdose of drugs convinced, as the Essarrian was suggesting that they were the enemy there was little chance he wouldn't do just that. The worst part is there would be nothing he could do to stop himself as once a certain level of the chemicals were reached in his blood stream his rational mind would drop off line. That was the prospect that truly terrified him, knowing what he could be capable of if threatened and not in control. What most species didn't realize is that Time Lord was what they were not just a title they had chosen.

Gallifreyans had evolved in a unique manner and were not fully part of the normal time flow and being partially outside of it, it gave them senses an abilities that allowed them the control they had over how fast or slow time moved about them and how they interacted within it's confines. Those abilities were the initial key to them discovering how to create the physical forms TARDIS' took. That ability had quickly made his people the top of the food chain on his planet and then on many others as his people developed. In the early days his species was war like and very, very deadly in conflict only slowly maturing as a species and becoming the pacifistic observers that caused his peoples downfall. In that process though they learned to control their unique abilities and that control was systematically drilled into each Gallifreyan child from their earliest days of life, completely strip away that control and he had no idea what would happen. An insane Gallifreyan could literally rip holes in the fabric of the universe though most of those cases were self-solving as the Reapers would move in and eliminate the problem… permanently. It was the partially insane ones like the Master that did the most damage, sane enough to avoid destroying themselves outright but insane enough to create all manner of chaos and take lots and lots of beings with them before their ultimate destruction.

His only hope would be to try to convince the Essarrian that neither Jack nor Rose meant very much to him. Enough that they would keep them alive long enough for them to escape but not so much that they would deliberately hurt them while exacting their revenge. Unfortunately at the rate his concentration was degrading he wasn't sure he was going to get the chance.

--

"…And today is also a good day for you humans, your learning exactly why having extra senses can be a very bad thing." The hissing laughter that followed was truly sinister indeed.

She had no idea what might be causing the Doctor's pain the device he had mentioned meant nothing to her and as the alien was partially blocking her view it made it difficult to determine if he was okay, but what was happening was sufficient to put fear into the Doctor's eyes before he closed them. She could only think of one maybe two times she had actually seen him scared and that alone was more than enough to frighten her.

The Essarrian's hissing laughter grew and he said, as the Doctor opened his eyes to try to reassure Rose as he could just barely sense her distress, "So Doctor how long do you think you can hold your breath, hmm?" All the while the Doctor was mentally cursing the telepathic damping field that insured they couldn't communicate that way. "Do you really think I am ignorant of your clever little respiratory by pass, it will be of no use to you here." With that he slammed his tree trunk like arm against the Doctor's chest in a casually cruel manner.

There was nothing that the Doctor could do to hide the sound of a couple of his ribs cracking any more than he could stop his breath whooshing out of him at the impact. As pain blossomed across his chest at the most recently inflicted damage he couldn't help thinking that the Essarrian was right in one respect; having heightened senses did at times have its drawbacks particularly at times like these. As the table he was strapped to had been tipped up so that Jack and Rose could have a better view of what was done to him they saw his reaction to the Essarrians action which earned the orange being an evil glare from both Jack and Rose, the Doctor refused to look at anyone other than his tormentor. It was obvious by the tension in his form he was desperately trying to think of a way out of this and was rapidly losing the battle as his mind became increasingly clouded by the drugs he had been injected with previously and was presently inhaling.

--

He hadn't known the Doctor long but he knew that no way did he deserve this kind of treatment. He had heard the Essarrians had a reputation for tormenting their victims but he had never been able to get any of the other time agents that mentioned them to say much more than kill yourself before allowing them to capture you. So when the group had grabbed the three of them he had fought just as desperately as the Doctor had, not that it had done them much good as within minutes they had all been darted with some kind of tranquilizer. The last thing he remembered hearing before he had passed out had been the Doctor's horrified shout of Rose and his names and his last thought had been surprise that he had been mentioned in that anguished cry.

As he witnessed what the Essarrian was doing to the Doctor he swore that even if he couldn't get the Doctor out of this alive he was going make sure that Rose didn't have to endure something equal or worse. It was bad enough that she had to watch what this creature was doing to the Doctor without finding out first hand what physical torture was like as well. It had been painfully obvious that the Doctor loved Rose more than anyone he had ever seen love another being. Regardless of whether or not they were physically expressing those feelings, it was also plainly obvious that those feelings were very much reciprocated by Rose. As a result, getting Rose away from the Essarrians was the only course of action that would be acceptable for either the Doctor or himself; whatever the consequences to himself, he owed the Doctor and Rose his life. He would do anything in his power to get them both out of this situation alive even if it was at the cost of his own life. If even half of what he had heard about the Time Lords was true he owed it to the universe in general to ensure that the Doctor was extricated from this mess because he had a dreadful suspicion there weren't very many of his people left if the time agency didn't even mention the possibly of running in to any of them.

--

"Well Time Lord, since you seem to be having such fun I wouldn't want to deprive you of the full effects of my entertainment now would I? How about we just make sure your senses are sharp and clear" with that he injected him with a nerve stimulator. This drew a ragged gasp from the Doctor causing his eyes which had been clenched shut in reaction to the previous pain to again fly open, his whole body which had begun trembling in pain from what he had already been subjected to began shaking more dramatically in reaction to the new substance. Pulling his head up by his short hair the Essarrian forced him to look at him. "What left speechless? So how you liking those extra senses now Time Lord? Don't worry I'm not done with you yet, couldn't just leave you hanging now could I?" With that he began laughing at his own joke. While walking over to Rose who was now freely crying in anguish at what was being done to the Doctor, he continued his taunting. "What not enjoying the show little human? I wonder if I let him loose with you will he shred your fragile human body with his bare hands or find something more interesting to do to you?"

--

Glaring at the Essarrian she opens her mouth to give it a heated reply only to see the Doctors eyes, barely rational but with a completely panicked look pleading with her not to say anything. Realizing in that moment that if she were to give the creature any idea of their true relationship things would get significantly worse, she very quickly snaps her mouth closed and instead glares at the Essarrian.

--

Jack too saw the expression on the Doctor's face and could remain silent no longer, "So what makes you think he would even give her the time of day? She's just some backward trinket he picked up for show, she didn't even believe that time travel existed till she met him. He keeps her around for amusement like a stupid pet; she could hardly be considered a threat to someone like him. I mean what could she conceivably mean to him?" He said jerking his head in the Doctor's direction since hand motions were not an option due to his own confinement.

Rose's indignant reply lets him know that she understands the danger they are in and is willing to play along, "Just because I'm not his pretty boy doesn't mean he doesn't care about me," she adding a look of childish petulance and a stuck out tongue. He hoped all the while that she wasn't overacting yet at the same time he worried what it might mean for him if the Doctor were to become violent, as the Essarrian seemed to think he would.

Slithering over to Jack the Essarrian caresses down his cheek staring at him intently for a moment, "So little human what do you do for him? How do you entertain him hmmm?"

Jack's reply is to seductively purr back to the alien, "let me out of these restraints and I will show you exactly how."

The orange being spins around suspecting Jack has some how communicated with Doctor to make such a drastic change in attitude only to find the Doctor still hanging from his restraints looking like he can barely move let alone attempt something as complicated at telepathy. Angry with the human for trying to trick him and knowing with complete certainty that there was no way he would actually be doing anything else, he decides regardless of whether or not it was at the Time Lord's prompting he will not be allowed to get away with such insolence. So he glares at him a moment then hits him hard enough to knock him senseless and stalks back to the Doctor.

"I have had enough of your insolent disrespectful toys Time Lord" viciously grabbing one of the Doctor's large ears he drags the Doctor's head up and at an angle and stares gloating into his eyes for a brief moment. "It's time for you to truly understand pain!" and with that he injects yet another chemical into him at which the Doctor begins to scream as his senses completely overload and pain boils across his synapses. He begins spasming and contorting violently as his body reacts in the only ways it can to the large influx of chemicals.

Rose desperately wants to cover her ears and is unable to do so, so she turns her head as far as she can from watching what is obviously something excruciatingly painful. The sounds of the Doctor's screams unnerve her even more in that it is obvious that his voice is capable of far greater range than she had ever imagined as she can actually feel the vibrations of his screams as they run an erratic course from sub sonic to ultra sonic. Finally after what seems like forever, the Doctor's ragged screams stop as he loses consciousness. Even unconscious though his body doesn't stop twitching and jerking. Rose can't stop from crying harder as she tries desperately to get mad instead of giving this monster the joy of her distress.

It is the utter joy, sliding like slimy sewage across the edge of her senses, which the creature is broadcasting so loudly, in spite of the psychic dampers that sparks her to fury. She is unable though to do anything to act on that fury as she feels the bite of an injection and before she can even begin to form a protest she is slumping into unconsciousness; Jack is not far behind her as he too receives a similar treatment.


	9. Subterfuge

Chapter 09 - Subterfuge Chapter 09 - Subterfuge

After Rose and Jack were removed the Essarrian General smiled as he called in his second.

"So is everything ready for our guest?" He asked the word guest practically dripping sarcasm.

"Almost, sir."

"In the mean time administer the tranquilizer I want him unconscious and for this to work he will need to be certain he is has out for at least three hours."

"Yes sir." he replied saluting and moving to the still twitching form of the unconscious Time Lord to administer yet another drug.

The first thing he is aware of is how badly he hurts. Everything seems to be moving and he just can't seem to focus to get his equilibrium back. The next thing he is aware of is the scent of blood. This makes his brain scramble and it is only the immense sense of terror that is forming its way to a scream that allows him to force his eyes open. He immediately wishes he hadn't as everything spins making him want to heave, but what he can make out before dizziness forces him to close his eyes makes his skin crawl and sends his hearts racing into overdrive. There had been two bodies and lots and lots of blood. Everything seems muddled but and he can't seem to hang onto what had happened. He remembers screaming; his raw throat corroborates that memory as he tries to swallow down the bile that has rose from his brief glimpse of the room. Wracking his brain trying to get things to make sense and all he is getting was scraps; small flashes of images. Bracing himself against the nausea he forces his eyes open again.

"Nooooo!" he howls when he takes in the scene surrounding him and all his memories come crashing back into place. The horror is overwhelming as he surveys the room and the two bodies that share it with him. One is his Rose twisted and broken in ways that made it abundantly clear there was only the smallest hope for her being alive. The other is Jack and if anything his body shows worse signs of damage looking like he has been ripped apart by a wild animal. He tries to move to Rose but is forced for a moment to pause panting as his body doesn't want to respond to stand so he crawls as quickly as his uncoordinated limbs will allow, not consciously aware of the constant repetitions of the word no he is uttering as he is trying to deny what his eyes are telling him. His worst terror upon being captured by the Essarrians was that they would some how hurt Rose or Jack. The irony begins to choke him, as from the position of Rose's body it looked like there wasn't anything they needed to do further to her after he had finished with her. Dragging his uncooperating body to her side he checks for a pulse but knows even as he touches her skin that she had been dead for some time. Even as he checks his body begins to report to his mind dozens of injuries that are consistent with what he would expect would be received by the assailant of someone fighting for their life.

Not being able to be close to her lifeless form, he crawls back away from her to the closest wall and curls in upon himself wishing all the time that he had died before he ever had chance to destroy either of his companions as anger again flares at Verity's actions in saving him. He knows it has to be some sort of cosmic damnation that he had survived Gallifrey for he couldn't think of a worse hell than this. He is not to be allowed his grief untormented though as the Essarrian general come in to gloat kicking him in the side to get his attention.

"You do good work Time Lord." He says as he makes a great show of surveying the broken and blood spattered appearance of the room and its occupants "Couldn't have done a better job myself at ripping them apart. Did you enjoy yourself? It sure looked like you were having lots of fun." When he doesn't respond being too stunned by the nightmarish images the Essarrians words are evoking the being continues, "I didn't buy that little ruse they put on that you cared more for the male than the female. The way you took down the male in record time made your feelings abundantly clear." He says as he causally kicks at Jack's corpse.

"Oh the female did make such delightful noises though as you killed her. Shall I play them for you so you can listen again to her beg for you to stop?" With that the Essarrian signals someone out of sight to begin playing the sounds of Rose speaking in terrified tones.

The Doctor's whole body goes rigid as he hears Rose's voice begging him not to hurt her. "Or do you prefer to hear her screams instead?" The sound track shifts to the sound of a woman's screams. At that he launches himself at the Essarrian unseeing and uncaring how much larger the other being is but with a casual movement the Essarrian avoids the Doctor's uncoordinated attack slamming his forearm against the Doctor's side and following up with breaking his right arm with a sickening crunch. As his body screams at the new assaults he just lies there stunned for a long moments. The drugs in his system are still playing havoc and the temporal feedback is causing continuous waves of pain further scrambling his senses and coordination. The sounds of Rose's screams ringing in his ears sapping his desire to do anything other than curl up and die.

Before he can regroup and reinitiate his assault he is brutally grabbed and dragged over to the table that he had been strapped to before and is secured firmly with virtually no consideration to his broken bones. The only concession that is made to his more fragile physical state is that the table is flipped up to lie flat. As his previous 'audience' is no longer in any condition to care about what they may see it no longer serves any value to the Essarrian.

When the general was sure that he had been secured he strolls over to him. Commenting to his guards he states, "Remove the trash on the way out."

Which extracts a strangled "No!" from him as he thinks of how Jackie will never know of her daughter's death and not even have a body to mourn.

"What now Time Lord? Do you really think there is something you can do for them? Their welfare didn't seem to matter too much to you a bit ago."

The horror of that vision fills his mind and the nausea that he has been experiencing sends him to dry heaves of revulsion with himself at the alien's words.

"I do believe that this will hurt so much more if your senses are a bit sharper and I have to wonder what kind of interesting things 'The Oncoming Storm' might do or say if provided the right stimulation." Watching as his assistant injects him with more of the drugs that had driven him insane earlier.

At the pain starts to increase to new heights he closes his eyes knowing that none of his remaining deaths are going to be easy but it does seem a fitting punishment for his actions for his selfish desire for Rose that has resulted in him brutally murdering her. As the Essarrian begins methodically breaking his bones only stopping occasionally to do a bit of repairs so he can have the pleasure of breaking some of those bones close to nerve clusters multiple times and, of course to keep him alive long enough to do so. As the Essarrian pauses in his entertainment to begin to drain off his blood for sale he knows what he has to do and sets about goading him in the hopes of making him loose his control enough to kill him.


	10. Escape

Chapter 10 - Escape Chapter 10 - Escape

Rose wasn't sure exactly where she was at first. Every thing seemed so muddled up, until with a lightning flash of distress she remembered the Doctor's inhuman screams of agony, never had she heard such a wail of misery and she hoped she never did so again. She prayed though that would not be the last time she ever heard his voice; as she thought of that she couldn't help the small sob that broke from her. She wasn't sure where she was but she knew two things for certain one she would do anything to get the Doctor away from that animal and two that it was almost pitch black wherever she was, and for that matter cold, it was quite cold as she registered her top and jeans were missing as well as her shoes. Quickly she began assessing what her resources were. All her other clothes were still intact including her bra where she had hid the sonic screwdriver. Realizing that, she checked to see if she still had the device the Doctor had oh so subtlety slipped to her when he discovered the identify of their 'hosts'. She shuddered as she remembered how she had seen the Doctor last hanging nearly naked, unconscious and twitching from his restraints. A moment later she heard a small noise off to the left indicating there was someone, or something else in here as well.

When Jack groaned Rose let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "Jack?" she said quietly hoping that he could hear her and that he too hadn't been restrained. She thought it rather odd that they hadn't at least tied them up not that she was complaining it would make getting out of here so much simpler. But she had to wonder why they had made things so simple as in most of her previous experience with jails they had been so much less accommodating. She hoped it was just that they considered them sufficiently useless and unimportant, other than being a tool to make the Doctor miserable, that they weren't worth the effort. They were dismissive enough; all the more reason to get away as fast as possible. They knew way too much about the Doctor and it had been completely obvious that they were more than prepared to make him suffer as long as possible before someone eventually slipped up and killed him. Before she could think about what they may be doing to him right then Jack replied. "Rose? Where are we?"

"Not sure, just woke up. Are you hurt?" Rose didn't think so as he didn't seem to be broadcasting any intense pain, just the background distress she had been getting from him earlier. Mostly she was getting that he felt very confused but that seemed to be rapidly disappearing. Moving quickly to his side, she reached out in the dark to hoping to locate the ex-time agent by sound and feel. When her hand came in contact with the bare flesh of his thigh she quickly retracted it asking "Jack are you naked?" and hoped that he too had been left at least some underwear, but having no idea whether he even wore underwear. She was glad for two things at that moment one that it was dark as it could be very embarrassing if it were not and two that they were far enough away from that scrambling device that she could sense when there were other beings nearby.

"No, are you?" he asked sounding way too hopeful.

"No, I still got my knickers." She said in a discouraging voice.

"Yea, I still got drawers too though my outer clothing has been taken and I'm just a bit fuzzy. Oh shit, the Doctor!"

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Unsure if they were being monitored she slid up next to him and whispered in his ear. "How do you feel about getting out of here?"

"Best offer I've had all day sweetheart but how do you proposed we do that?" he replied in an equally quiet voice.

Her one word answer told him all he needed to know. "Sonic." She felt him nod and quickly began to get up, her head giving a protest as she did so, she could tell already she was going to have a royal headache from whatever they had given them. As she grimaced she added to the mental list, to limit moving her mouth as she silently probed the large split in her lip with her tongue, while making for the one tiny glimmer of light in the room. She was moving cautiously as she was acutely aware that anything could be in here with them and badly wanted out of there if for no other reason so she could see where she was going. As they reached the light they could see that it came from a tiny crack in the edge of a doorway. Hoping that the Doctor had time to put it on the most likely door opening setting before handing it off she activated the screwdriver. She was delighted as she heard the faint click the door made as it unlocked and she smiled ever so slightly as she felt a very faint happy feeling coming from Jack.

The Doctor in contrast was not doing nearly so well. The Essarrians' plan to convince him he had killed his companions had worked far better than they had imagined, not realizing how fragile a mental state he was in to start with and what Rose's presence in his life had done for him.

The Doctor had lost his will to live and after a time the general could no longer even elicit cries of pain as he had so withdrawn into himself. This had the result of infuriating the Essarrian no end and drove him to more severe measures in attempts to get the desired result. Finally in a fit of frustration he stalked from the room only to return minutes later with a hypodermic. Glowering at the Doctor he got within inches of his unfocused eyes and stated, "You will scream for me again you know. Shall I tell you what is in this?" He said waving the old fashioned needle dangerously close to his face. "This is a very special kind of hallucinogen not only does it induce delusions but it also has the very effective side effects of stimulating both the fear and pain centers of the brain, by the time its done it's work you will be begging me for the counter agent and maybe just maybe if you scream and beg for me real nicely I might let you have a bit. I have had people kill their own mothers just for some small relief of the symptoms. So what will you be offering me for that relief Doctor?"

Barely able to raise his head due to the pain of his injuries he weakly replied in hardly a whisper, "Nothing."

With unholy glee the Essarrian said, "I was so hoping you would say something like that, shall see how your noble gesture holds up?" With that he administered the drug into the Doctor's equivalent of a carotid artery. Moments later as the Essarrian had predicted the Doctor began screaming again.

Rose and Jack were making their way along the hallways finding it very odd that there seemed to be no one about. After a few moments more they found what looked like a guards room and it too was empty. Looking at each other they were unsure what to make of this turn of events but as on one of the shelves was Jack's wrist computer they weren't complaining. Just as he turned on the device they heard a small quiet voice whisper to them, "Follow me," which caused both of their heads to snap up in sudden alertness to see where the voice had originated. In the door way stood a beautiful humanoid woman that Jack had an instant impression he knew. She had long brown hair, which was pulled back into a long braid and a cheerful navy blue jump suit, which did little to hide her svelte well-endowed and curvaceous form, oddly enough she was barefoot something that rang a bell but he couldn't put his finger on why. Looking more closely he noted she had high cheekbones and a delicate appearing face but it was her eyes that were the most striking, in that they seemed almost a metallic golden, a shade that was definitely not a normal human eye color and they were odd in their intensity. But her smile was warm and inviting and instantly put Jack at ease. Rose too felt the same sense of knowing this woman and that she could be trusted.

As if she understood their acceptance of her help she whispered to them, "The guards have been drawn off to another area of the complex but will be returning soon. There are clothes in the cabinet there she said pointing but if you wish to get your friend you will need to move quickly as he isn't in very good shape." Pointing down a corridor to her right she continued. "There are explosives in cabinet four doors down on your right. Captain your wrist computer has been programmed with his bio-signature by which you will be able to locate him. I can't explain why I am here but a friend sent me, now go quickly the guards are coming!" With that she turned and ran down the hall in the opposite direction at a speed that both Rose and Jack knew they would be never be able to come close to matching. As they heard shouts from the direction their guide had fled they quickly came to a unanimous decision to follow her advice. Grabbing jumpsuits they headed off at speed for the munitions cabinet. Halfway there a very quiet beeping began from Jack's computer indicating a weak life sign further up the hallway to the right. "I think I got him, well someone, these life signs are odd but they definitely don't look healthily the way they're jumping around. Lets get the Doctor then we can figure out how to get out of here and exactly where here is for that matter." Noting where the munitions closet was he didn't even pause as they passed it heading in the direction of the signal.

--

Rose gave a shudder as she began to wonder about what may be the cause of the erratic life signs. The Doctor wasn't doing well when the had last seen him and she had no idea how long they had been out or what they might have done to him in the mean time. Trying to concentrate instead on what they could do to get him out she asked Jack quietly as they approached the door "Is there anyone else in there with him?" She asked hoping that they could get in and get him out as quickly as possible without a confrontation but unable to be sure as when they had passed the munitions store she had felt them move back into the dampening field, which made her feel like she had an itch she couldn't scratch in the back of her head and made sure she had no idea what they may be facing.

"Doesn't appear to be, we seem to be the only life signs in the area, don't know who our friend was but she seems to be providing quite the distraction." With that he triggered the door release and Rose gasped in horror and slapped her hands over her mouth in reflex as she saw the condition of the room they had been in previously. There seemed to be blood splattered everywhere and there were two bloody trails right through the middle of the room where it appeared bodies had been dragged through the gore. Jack said to her quietly so as not to startle her further as she began to tremble, "It's not his, Rose, it's not the Doctor's blood. Whoever it was it wasn't him, you heard what the Essarrian had said the Doctor's blood is a commodity to him he wouldn't waste it like that." He said gesturing to the mess inside.

Quickly they entered the room and Jack immediately spotted the Doctor manacled to the table where he had been previously tortured. Moving to the Doctors side he began to try to assess how badly he was hurt and he had to wonder how he had managed to sustain as much damage as he had and still be breathing, their were multiple breaks in his right arm, his left leg was broken in at least one place as was his jaw and his hands, and feet were a mangled mess. The minimal quantity of broken skin spoke of someone who had done this a lot and knew how to make the most of the damage with a minimum of mess. Which made their gory surroundings all that much more a mystery. A mystery he would really rather not like to get to know the answer to first hand from its perpetrators. Refocusing he decided he had definitely been professionally worked over which made him almost positive the Doctor would also have internal bleeding. It was certain that Doctor was not going to be getting out of here on his own and with obviously broken ribs an over the shoulder carry was not going to be an option and it also meant they had to move now. As he had been assessing the extent of his injuries he realized Rose had been busy at work releasing the manacles that bound him to the table. From the look on her face she realized exactly how critical a condition the Doctor was in and it was clear that she was struggling with her own emotions. "Rose I need you to take the blaster, its pretty much point and shoot. But I can't handle that and carry the Doctor." He couldn't afford for her to fall apart now, they needed to get out, and that meant keeping her focused on what she could do so he stated additionally, "I also need you to move ahead of me and get the doors. Were going to head for the armory and hopefully from in there we can figure out exactly where we are. Do you know if the Doctor has a way to contact his ship remotely?"

--

As they had opened the door Rose had seen the blood splattered room and immediately feared the worst, but Jack's calm words made her think and as sickening as that thought was she knew he was right. The scene that greeted them when they moved into the room though wasn't in the least reassuring. She couldn't believe how bad the Doctor looked and his quiet mumbling broke her heart when she heard him mutter what sounded something like her name. They had to get him away from here and just standing here wasn't going to help. So she took a deep breath and trying not to gag at the sickly smells of the blood, and other smells she really didn't want to think about enough to try to identify she looked to what she could do. With trembling hands she began working on the manacles on his right wrist trying not to look at his broken and twisted fingers or arm. By the time she had both his arms free she had started to get a better handle on her emotions there would be plenty of time to fall apart later. The Doctor needed her more than ever and she was going to make sure that the Essarrians never got their claws on him again. Just as she finished unlocking the last manacle holding him to the table Jack asked her a question and it took her a moment to realize what he had said. "I... I'm not sure, I know he talks to her with his mind but I'm not sure how close they have to be, to hear each other." As she said that she suddenly realized how difficult it might be to get back to the TARDIS and bit her lip as Jack, gently as he could, scooped the Doctor into his arms. The muffled cry the Doctor emitted did nothing to ease her fears but now that they had him free they needed to be on the move to ensure that they all stayed that way. What she didn't say to Jack was she was also pretty sure that if the TARDIS had been able to hear him and come to him she would have already done so.

--

Verity was beside herself with worry. She had been entertaining herself with some calculations when she felt a surge of alarm from Theta and then it had cut off and her connection with the Time Lord had just vanished from her mindscape. She had been trying now for hours to track him down. Going over all the places that she had seen them go and trying to figure out from minds of those around what may have happened. When she saw the Essarrian in the minds eye of one of the sales clerks a sliver of fear had lodged it self in her logic circuits. During the war she had seen some of the time lines where they had captured a Time Lord and they were not pretty. The Essarrians hated the Time Lords with a passion that was only exceeded by their hatred of the Daleks, and that meant that nothing good could come from their presence here. The sudden absence of her long time friend terrified her as she resolutely refused to believe that he could have died without her awareness. But that also meant that someone was deliberately hiding him from her and ensuring that she couldn't find him. When she saw her three travelers being chased by the Essarrians in yet another person's mind she made her move to get closer to the shops where they had been, but there was no trace of any of the three of them.

Unsure what else to do she began searching in ever widening circles for a disruption field strong enough to hide him, as she figured if she could find the field she would also find her missing friends. So when Rose popped back on to her mindscape she was momentarily elated; right until she disappeared again before she could get a fix on her location.

Shifting her rooms around in agitation she restarted her search focusing her attention more in the direction that she had the impression Rose's appearance had originated.


	11. Rescue

Chapter 11 - Rescue Chapter 11 - Rescue

Jack and Rose made their way down the hall toward the ammunitions room, Rose moving slightly ahead of him, and the defenseless Doctor cradled in his arms. Jack hated that Rose had to take point as he desperately wanted to protect both of them but there was no way she would have been able to carry the Doctor. As they reached the next door, Rose began to fiddle with the sonic screwdriver, as the first setting hadn't worked. As she tried another setting without any luck they heard the noises of the guards working their way back toward them. As a third setting failed she began to feel the fear building. Sending a panicked look back toward Jack, who was still holding the Doctor, she gave him a wane smile as he nodded encouragingly at her. Just as she was sure they were going to be captured the lock clicked open and she moved quickly, clearing the way for him to enter. On entering she reversed the setting, relocking the door then burning out the panel as she had seen the Doctor do many times before.

Jack took in their surroundings in a quick military fashion. The room was relatively spacious and the walls were hung with a large variety of weapons, in the corner was the computer terminal he was hoping to find. He laid the Doctor down carefully on the wide bench that ran the length of the room, realizing as he did so the Doctor's lack of clothing. Quickly he took off great coat he retrieved from a chair in the guard room, lying it over the Time Lord to afford him some protection from the cool temperatures that seem to be preferred by the Essarrians, though why a bunch of people who looked like they were half snake would like the cold he had no clue, before he moved to the terminal to try to find out information. Rose immediately moved to the Doctor's side, gently caressing his forehead as she was worried about touching him most anywhere else because of the proliferation of bruises and broken bones. She bit her lip in distress when she heard his hoarse garbled pleas for her to forgive him in his obviously delusional state. The grief that began to roll off him in waves so strong it made her feel light-headed and at the same time made her suddenly realize she could hear again. "Jack! I can hear him."

Jack replied over his shoulder in a compassionate voice "Yes, I know, I can hear him too."

"No! Jack I can hear him in here." She said tapping the side of her head, "I can sense his feelings again, that means that if I can feel him maybe the TARDIS can too!"

"Rose he is very weak, and you're sitting right next to him…" He replied trying to not get her hopes up. "If we can just find out where we are maybe we can get back to the shopping area…" His voice trailed off as he found that for which he had been looking and realized that they were no longer even on the same planet.

"Jack what is it?" she said when he stopped speaking.

He only contemplated for a moment not telling her how bad things were but she would need to know if they were to have any chance of getting out of this in one piece. "Rose we're not even on the same planet any longer," He informed her with intense sobriety, then, after a pause and realizing how alarming that might be, he stated with false cheer, "But it does look like we're at least still in the same solar system."

"Well, that's something I guess," she said trying not to sound as disheartened as she felt." Refusing to be discouraged she said assertively, "Guess we will just have to find us a transmat or steal us a shuttle." Remembering their conversation from the hospital when they were trapped she said, "Well what do we have for resources? I got a sonic screwdriver," she said poking her tongue out in a cheeky manner and holding it up.

Catching her attempt at levity he replied waving at the walls and smiling, "And I have a sonic blaster, or two or three dozen…" just as quickly the smile vanished as he felt the building being rocked by a short series of explosions.

Rose instinctively leaned over the Doctor to protect him, fearing for his safety and trying to protect him from possible falling matter as Jack braced himself near the terminal he had been using. When the explosions stopped, he looked over at the Doctor and Rose, "You okay?" he asked, more to reassure than really expecting them to have been hurt.

"Yeah, think that was our friend?"

"Probably, not sure who likes you enough to take on Essarrians but you have obviously made some good friends" Jack replied

"How do you know it isn't someone you know?" she replied confused as to why he assumed it was someone they knew.

"Rose, I don't have friends like that." He said in a flat voice that spoke of past betrayal. "I was a con man remember? But you and him, well he's a Time Lord and you, well you're more than worth this kind of effort, the way you love and care for people," he said the last passionately, "regardless of how much they deserve it." Thinking about how, in spite of him nearly destroying the human race, she had still prevailed on the Doctor to save him.

Rose blushed at that statement, turning away embarrassed, "Nah, I'm nothing special, has to be some one the Doctor knows."

"Trust me, you're more special than you know," he said with intensity while looking her in the eye. "He obviously thinks so too," he said gesturing to the prone man. With that he returned to trying to figure out where there might be a means of escape, trying not to think about the jostling around the Doctor would get when they made their break for another location. He hoped for his sake he didn't regain consciousness and have endure that as well. It would be much better if he stayed unconscious till they got back to medical facilities. As if reading his mind Rose asked, "Do you think he will be okay?" She said fearing his response.

Putting on a bit of false cheer he replied, "Yeah, Time Lords are made of tough stuff from what I've heard." Glad for the fact Rose didn't know how little he really knew about Time Lords. "But he will need medical attention. Does he have anything like that onboard the TARDIS?"

"Yes, but I don't know how to operate most of the stuff in there. The dermal regenerator is about the extent of my knowledge of his equipment I'm afraid. Up till now it's been mostly just the occasional cuts and bruises, but this…" she waved her hand over the Doctor, shrugging with a look of despair on her face.

"Don't worry about it Rose. I'm from the 52 century, lots of medical advances and I've assisted the field medics lots of times." With that his face clouded over as he thought of a few occasions when he had been pressed into that role. He quickly finished with forced cheer; "We will figure something out to get him right as rain again." Trying not to think about the times when things didn't turn out well in the past.

Verity had been mentally searching the planet for any sign of her missing Time Lord and her other two new friends four hours now. When she became convinced they were no longer on the planet she began to reach out to the other inhabited planets and moons in the solar system again cursing her inability to see her own immediate future.

She had been separated from Theta thousands of time and knew how fraught with trouble his life was. Even when he didn't look for it trouble, it seemed too seek him out, drawn to him it like a magnet. But she had become much more worried about him than usual when she had seen the Essarrians were involved. They were a warlike race known galaxies wide for their extremely brutal use of physical and psychological torture. They both may have recovered physically from the injuries they had sustained during the war but the emotions were a still raw barely scabbed over wounds easily ripped wide open for both of them. She knew how little pressure it would take to break him if it was applied in the right way. He was still so fragile, but she reminded herself he was also one of the strongest people she knew, even surprising her at times with what he had endured and kept going after experiencing. She had to believe that he would survive this too, that she would find him in time or he would find his way back to her. He did have Rose and Jack with him after all. Rose she knew would trade her life for him in an instant and she actually regretted not introducing herself to Rose as she had to Jack, something she would have to fix once she found them again, she refused though to believe that she would be unable to do so. Jack she still wasn't sure why she had taken such a liking to. But she knew with a certainty she couldn't explain that he was important to all of their survival.

It worried her though that it was taking so long for her to find him usually she could find him with little effort, the bright silver shine of his intelligence even easier now to spot in her mindscape than when his kind were many. In months since the war she had sought out that bright beacon his mind made frequently, as much to comfort him as herself. Her inability to find him now could only mean one of three things one, he was being hidden from her, two he was deeply unconscious either naturally or from being drugged or three… well three she refused to consider.

Jack had been working on trying to find out where they might get transport just as he discovered the site of an inter planet transmat system the Doctor began to jerk and tug at Rose's gentle hold that kept him on the bench. Rose had gently tried to soothe the Doctor as he began to thrash and cry out and it seemed like nothing she did seemed to help if anything he seem to be getting worse crying out a garbled mockery of her name through his damaged mouth interspersed with repeated cries of no. Finally Rose turned to Jack in distress, "Jack I can't hold him!"

Quickly he moved to her side to shift the injured man from the bench to the floor. But as he did so the Doctor stilled and groaned out Jack's name in agony, and began to cry mumbling what Rose was sure was, didn't mean to and repeatedly tried to say what she thought was the word sorry. Jack was stunned he didn't know what the Doctor had thought he had done that had warranted that kind of response, in fact he didn't think that the Doctor really cared about him except as something he had done to make Rose happy reminding him of the strange turn of events that had led to the Doctor offering to let him stay. To say he was confused was an understatement.

For the few moments it had taken Jack to digest this new information the Doctor had been silent. Then he began to cry harder, murmuring Rose's name over and over interspersed with the garbled words sorry and so sorry. As this had transpired Rose had pulled back almost pinning herself against one wall as the anguish the Doctor was projecting hit her like a freight train. She had curled herself in a tight fetal position arms clamped over her head trying hard to shield herself from the Doctor's pain. As Jack registered her movement and her now cowering form he looked back and forth between his two incapacitated companions and wondered how in the world he was going to be able to get them both to safety. He began to hear banging on the doorway as well as a string of curses about locks as the General announced in a loud voice, "I know you're in there! Know this I will have the Time Lord back and you will pay for trying to remove him from the premises! If you come out now I will give you an easy death if not…"


	12. Reunion

Chapter 12 - Reunion Chapter 12 - Reunion

Verity has continued to search her agitation escalating the longer the time she and her friends are separated. She needs to find her Theta. As she is scanning the last inhabited moon in the solar system his mind bursts into her mindscape bright and hot like a super nova. At first she is relieved beyond words that she has found him but as it becomes obvious that he is in no way trying to contact her, her worry escalates to new heights. His mind is too bright as if in overdrive and incapable of moderating the psychic energy that he naturally holds, and the energy that is building is starting to get to be too much for his safety. She has to get to him now, shield his mind before he draws beings that will feed on just this kind of energy till there is nothing left or he completely burns out his ability to function on that level. Either one will kill him just one would be quicker than the other. She has to get him sedated before he draws in too much energy for her to be able to siphon it off.

As Verity begins to land she knows things have gone very, very wrong, Theta's mind has begun to overload, almost like he has stopped trying to hold in check the energy he can wield and he is uncontrollably drawing in energy. His control which has become second nature is starting to come undone, the mental bindings he habitually keeps are fraying as they did right before he committed suicide which scares her even more because she doesn't know what could be so bad as to make him loose control in this manner. She can't materialize around him as she would like but she does the next best thing and materializes right next to him. She is in fact so close to Jack's back that it makes him jump forward with alarm as she begins to materialize.

As she moved the medical bay to connect to the front door she knows she must try to do something she has only tried to do in private since she got the idea and begins modifying her internal walls in the medical bay to create an energy refraction allowing her to project a mental image of herself into the med lab. It is difficult, it takes her whole two and one half full minutes of concentrated effort but she eventually gets the right combination to make it work.

--

Jack has been feeling the first ripples of energy, he can't identify what it is but it is making his short hairs stand on end like the static electricity before a thunderstorm. He is almost completely positive it is coming from the Doctor so he pulls him into his arms as the TARDIS begins to materialize. If anyone is going to be able to help him it will be his sentient ship. As he stands the front door of the TARDIS swings open in front of him revealing a clean well-stocked medical area instead of the control room he had been expecting and without thinking he says, "Thanks!" Her reply is a concerned hum. As Jack moves to the nearest medical bed and puts the battered form of the Doctor down he notices that the static he had felt a few moments before entering has now completely disappeared which confirms in his mind that it was something that the Doctor had been doing. As he is putting the Doctor down Rose staggers through the door, which closes behind her just as shouts and blaster fire begin outside.

Holding her head, she says in a distressed but confident voice, "I knew she would come."

Jack's reply is brusque but relieved, "And it sounds like it was just in time if what I heard coming from outside was anything to go by." Sounding rather pleased with the prospect he said, "They're not going to be happy."

From two directions he hears the word, "Tough!" Both Jack and Rose jump at the second voice looking for its source. Turning in the direction it seems to have come from Jack instinctively moves his body to shield the Doctor as much as he can from that direction. What they see surprises them both.

About three feet from them is the ghostly golden form of a woman. Jack instantly recognizes the woman from his dreams the night before. "You! What are you doing here?" Then, with suspicion, in his voice, "and how did you get in here?"

He watches as Rose in panic moves to shield the Doctor from the perceived intruder as well.

'I am Verity, and you are my residents', she says gently to them.

Rose clutches her head in pain at the words; her head still hurts from the bombardment of emotions that the Doctor had been projecting and grits out through the pain, "Then why have I never seen you before?"

--

In her focused intent to communicate in this new manner she realizes she has hurt Rose with her mental projection and it grieves her terribly, but she doesn't have time for that grief. She will do what she can for the girl as soon as her Theta is more stable.

Moderating her mental tone to a quiet whisper Verity replies, 'I am sorry Rose I didn't mean you distress. I forget for a moment how sensitive you have become to his emotions and what it must have been like out there for you.' Then to them both she answers Rose's question, 'because the need hasn't ever been this great. This form is not easy to maintain, but I needed your full attention quickly.' With that the glow breaks apart and vanishes, 'The Doctor is in critical need of some medical attention but you don't have the knowledge to help him and I don't have the hands to do so.' Her last words are heartfelt and anguished, 'Will you please help me to help him?'

--

Rose can't believe what she is seeing at first, unsure how this glowing being got in, she is sure the door had closed behind her. She is even more surprised as Jack seems to recognize the glowing woman that has appeared. At first the voice hurts her, but her gentle apology and the soft mental voice help her feel confident that she is the loving presence that she has been dwelling with for months now. It bothers her though that she has never thought to ask if the TARDIS had a name, and suddenly she realizes how odd that is, wondering why she has never asked, as she has known from that first trip that the TARDIS was sentient. For now though the Doctor is more important and turning Rose looks at the Doctor's face, pale beneath the black bruises. She is glad he has at least stopped trying to speak, which considering the odd angle of his jaw, which she figures indicates it too is broken, is a good thing. But his very stillness frightens her so she asks, "How?" hoping and trusting that the melodic mental voice is that of the TARDIS knowing that the TARDIS would do nothing to hurt the Doctor.

With that question Verity begins explaining what needs to be done to stabilize his condition.

At Verity's direction she pulls back the great coat that Jack had carried him into the room in cringing as she again looks at the damage that has been done to the man she loves. Jack is already moving about the room pulling together other items as directed. Rose hears again that gentle voice. 'Rose, I need you to find a vein in his left arm while Jack gets together the medicine and monitoring equipment.' She gently picks up his left arm, trying to be careful but there are so many bruises. As she does so she is thankful for the first aid course that Henrick's put her through. Never did she dream when she was taking that course she would be using bits of that knowledge galaxies away from home to try to the save the man she had fallen in love with more than life itself, who just happens to be from another planet, at the directions of a sentient time ship. The oddness of that thought almost makes her laugh. The horror of everything that has happened the last couple of days makes her almost wish that this were some sort of nightmare that she would wake from any moment. But looking up and seeing the Doctor's face, even damaged as it is, she knows that even in spite of the monsters they encounter the presence of the Doctor in her life makes it all worth while. Even in the grief she feels right now she knows her life is better here at his side than anywhere else.

She watches as slowly the Doctor's vitals begin to stabilize somewhat once the sedative the TARDIS has Jack give him starts to take effect. As they work to get the internal bleeding he has been experiencing under control his color and breathing begin to improve as well. As they complete that task she asks.

"So what next?" She doesn't know much about medicine, never thought she would need to, but she does know that he is making progress based on his physical appearance.

'Next would be his jaw.' Is the TARDIS' reply, 'like you humans there are a large number of nerves near the joint of the jaw and I dare not have you give him more of the sedative till his vitals stabilize some more. That means he may wake at any time and that is the area that will cause him the greatest pain at the moment.'

"I didn't figure he would be talking if the nerves ran the same," Jack comments

'He wouldn't have been if he had been more aware. There are still drugs in his system I haven't been able to completely analyze, but I have been able to isolate part of the components as being hallucinogens.' Her mental voice turns chilling, as I feel her anger and I shiver as much from that as from her words, 'Another component stimulates the pain receptors in his brain, so I am unsure if he would even have been able to tell his jaw was broken.' The expression Jack gives me tells me he is feeling the same sense of horror, as I am at what that must mean.

After that is done next is his broken right arm.

Jack's serious expression warns Rose before he even begins speaking that what he is about to say is not going to make her happy, "Rose, I want you to know there are limits to what the equipment can do, at least in humans this kind of damage takes weeks sometime months to heal from."

"But I thought..."

"Yes, this is healing the bone and tissue damage," he says gesturing with the device in his hand. "But the nerve damage is not so easily fixed it takes more time for them to heal and even with this, it will take a couple of days for the bones to complete the knitting process and get back to full strength."

"Oh," I think about that and all the injuries they inflicted on him. As I look at his hand which I am gently cradling in my own as Jack works on the upper break in his right arm and I shudder as I think about how badly it must have hurt with all the nerves in his hands to have so many of the bones broken, and what it will mean for him as his hands heal.

It will mean that most likely he will need help with things like buttons and other tasks needing small motor control. Based on the extent of damage to his hands and feet it may take awhile before things go back to normal. She also knows he will hate having to be dependant on her and Jack so she decides she will need to stay close as she suspects, based on his past behavior when hurt, that he won't ask for that needed help.

If the Doctor and Jack didn't need her here she would be tempted to go and have a good cry, but she is needed here and so she tries to hold in the tears threatening to fall.

As they begin work on the second break in his right arm the Doctor begins to wake and she tries to brace herself for the oncoming wash of emotions that had bombarded her previously. To her relief she doesn't feel anything but her own distress as he again starts with his mumbled litany of pleading for her forgiveness.

A moment later she does get a wave of emotion but this time it isn't from the Doctor and it is of cold fury not pain. At her gasp the emotion is shut off abruptly leaving her stunned with its intensity.

--

I feel anger as I see what he believes to be true, an anger that boils through my circuits that they could be so cruel. I watch as in his minds eye I see how he goads the Essarrian into beating him in hopes that it will do what he can't muster the concentration, due to the Essarrians continued torture, to do for himself. I feel his intense desire to die rather than to go on, knowing he has killed his Rose. Not just because he failed to protect her which is a fear I know he had come to live with, but as a deliberate, despicably brutal action on his part. That he cannot, will not, bear as he thinks of all the times Rose has made him smile, showed him he could be happy again and to repay her thus was the worst betrayal of which he could think. I see in his mind he feels he has no other choice, if she hasn't survived because of him then he knows he deserves everything the Essarrian is doing to him and more. With his each thought my anger boils more forcefully till it overflows its bounds, affecting Rose. I reign in my anger and again shield her as I realize I am affecting her. In those brief moments though Theta has recaptured his resolve and now without the painful distractions sapping his concentration he begins a deliberate shut down of his body's functions.


	13. Crisis

Chapter 13 - Crisis Chapter 13 - Crisis

--

I try desperately to get through to him but in pain and a wave of anger he shuts me out as if he is angry with me for trying to protect him. I have to tell Rose, it is the only course left. Jack giving him a stimulant might thwart him momentarily, though if Rose can't get through to him that will just allow him better focus and speed his destruction but really what choice do I have. I have to trust the love this young human has for him, I know if anyone can reach him it will be she. Once again this human stands between my Theta and death and I can't help but feel grateful for her presence.

--

Jack is feeling a bit better, things have been going well and the Doctor seems to be stabilizing.

Based on the extent of the torture I had been worried he wouldn't respond even this well, but Verity seems to know him well enough to direct me and I am amazed again at how incredible she is, I had heard the myths about how Time Lords had incredible technology that ran circles around practically everyone else but I never dreamed they had actually partnered with livings ships. The Doctor is definitely something special and I am glad, as I look him that he appears to be improving. His ghost like appearance when I first saw him made me wonder how much blood the Essarrian might have drained him of before we arrived and with the other injuries I really wasn't sure how long he would hold out and if we could get him back to the TARDIS before some critical system in his body failed. I notice him starting to come around and that's good and bad. It's good in that it is another sign of his improvement. It's bad in that we haven't got even half of his injuries treated yet, though we have, I think, gotten the most life threatening ones. But he is going to be in a hell of a lot of pain if I can't give him any more of the pain medication. I hear Rose gasp as she freezes like an animal in a spotlight. "Rose… Rose are you alright?" I ask but even before she can respond, other than a wide fearful gaze, I need to scramble as the Doctor's vitals begin to crash. I don't know what has gone wrong that has caused this reaction in both of them but I do know if I can't get his vitals up quickly we're going to lose him in spite of the progress it seemed we were making.

--

Rose can't believe what she has just felt.

Never have I felt anger like that and it scares me how angry Verity has become and I don't know why. I try to focus on Jack as he begins calling to me but my attention is stolen almost immediately as alarms start to go off on practically every machine connected to the Doctor. I force myself to answer even thought the expression on Jack's face has gone very scared. "Jack, Verity is furious, what's going on? I have never felt anyone so mad." I grip his arm tightly but he shakes me off as he moves to try to find something Verity had told him to make. His reply is short and clipped, "I don't know."

Verity's quiet mind speech interrupts, 'Rose, I am sorry for scaring you but they convinced him that he brutally murdered you both, that's why he is hurt so badly. He was trying to goad them into killing him and that is why I was so angry.'

"What? Oh no! But what's happening now? He was fine a moment ago."

Verity's mental voice takes on an edge of the fury she had broadcast to me moments before, 'Rose, you've got get through to him that you're not dead! He's giving up, trying to shut down his body to prevent the Essarrians using him further and doesn't realize you have him free. He's pushed me out of his mind and I can't get through to him!'

Even as Verity is speaking I am moving to reach out to him. I don't know if I can reach him as I did before, by holding his face in my hands, but I have to try. He told me that was how he initiates the telepathic contact he has shared with me; I just hope that this will go both ways. I know that first time in the med lab when I connected with him it was accidental; I hope I can trigger that response on purpose.

--

As I listen to Verity's explanation to Rose I know it is even more critical I get the stimulant into the Doctor's system. I know even as I am sure Verity does that Rose isn't going to be able to get through to him unless he is awake enough to understand she truly is alive and fine and from what Verity has said and the fear in her mental voice he isn't going to stop what he's doing unless he does understand. It had been obvious this morning how deeply in love with Rose he was but I had no idea that the thought of losing her would have such a devastating effect on him. Even as I work to give the Doctor the stimulant I watch as Rose gently cradles the Doctor's face in her hands and hear her desperately pleading with him. "Doctor please, please it's me Rose. Doctor, don't do this! I'm here, you didn't hurt me, honest." Her obvious desperation to have him hear her breaks my heart and I can't help but hope that it will be enough to pull him back.

--

The Doctor slowly began to swim his way back to consciousness trying to figure out why it is so hard to do. He keeps hearing Rose and somehow that makes him sad beyond words, but he doesn't know why. Then comes the pain, fire burning along his nerves his hands, arm and leg hurt the worst but everything is screaming at him in pain, then come the memories of Rose's screams, the image of her broken body in a pool of blood, looking like a broken and discarded doll, Jack's mangled frame thrown carelessly to the side, and the hissing laughter always the laughter. The laughter at what he has done what they made him do with their drugs and what they planned. Well he was done being their toy; they will get no more joy from his suffering. So he concentrates, pushing aside the pain and all other sensations and distractions and concentrates on shutting down his body's autonomic functions.

Then she is there distracting him, beautiful, golden, kind, his Rose is standing there in his mindscape. He begins to cry, to try to tell her how sorry he is, for forever taking her away from her mum, for terrifying her and destroying her body.

She is speaking but he can't make out the words. Slowly, he moves ever so slightly closer, fearing she will run, and yet knowing she should after what he has done. He watches fascinated as her lips move though her beautiful face is marred by concern. The meaning of her words lost to him, but his beautiful Rose is speaking to him, much as he doesn't deserve her to even look at him. Yet even knowing this, he is still drawn to her like a deadly moth to her gentle golden flame. Needing her forgiveness even though he knows he doesn't deserve it, he draws closer. Then like a speaker suddenly turned on full he hears her passionate sobs screaming at him so loud it hurts. 'Doctor please, please it's me, Rose. Doctor, don't do this! I'm here, you didn't hurt me, please believe me.'

Oh he wants to believe but he knows it is just another lie. 'I'm sorry Rose. I loved you so very much, yet I killed you too. Just like all the rest I destroyed you, all because I couldn't let you go.' Anguish pours from him like a flash flood, 'I am so very sorry!' He says to her, his hearts wrenching tight in his chest as he sees again her broken on the floor. 'I saw what I did, Rose and I never meant… I didn't know…'

'Doctor!' Her voice rises in delight at seeing him responding even if his words are not making any sense to her and it breaks his hearts that she would have joy at seeing him. He turns from her as he can't face her happiness, can't face knowing he was her destroyer, and most of all can't face the illusion that she is still alive. But she is there in front of him even as he turns. 'You didn't hurt me! Please, please believe me!' The intensity in her eyes, the feel of truth in her words makes him pause. 'It was a lie Doctor! They lied to you! Please… please don't leave me!' The desperation in her words is breaking down his resolve; the hope her words provide him leave him shaken, what if, what if what this beautiful vision is saying is true? What if he didn't hurt her, kill her? He so wants to believe he didn't hurt her, wouldn't hurt her even in that hyped up, artificially induced state of confusion.

He so wants to believe; and he can almost feel her fingers on his face, her gentle hand stroking his cheek. His hearts began to race as he feels a stimulant hit his system like an avalanche. 'Please, Doctor?' He hears her cry to him.

My eyes snap open and I find myself staring up into her beautiful brown eyes. They are filled with tears, but undeniably hers and I can't stop the joy that floods through me; she's alive! But then comes the pain screaming at me from dozens of parts of my body as my concentration holding it back breaks, but even as bad as it hurts it doesn't matter, all that matters is my beautiful Rose is alive. Barely louder than a whisper I croak out her name, "Rose". I need to hear her speak to me again more than I want to avoid the pain it causes me to speak.

--

"Yes! I'm here. Please believe me, I really am here." My voice is shaking and the tears I have been holding at bay pour down but he is here, he is hearing and responding. I thought I had made contact but he was so still I wasn't even sure at first if he was even breathing. But he has opened his eyes and he is looking at me, but I don't dare risk that he doesn't understand. I have his attention, I just have to make him believe, make sure he knows the lie from truth. "I am here Doctor, I am not going anywhere my love. Can you feel my touch?" I ask as I caress the sides of his face making sure to avoid his newly repaired jaw. I am not sure what he will feel or not there and the last thing I want is to do is cause him more pain which might cause him to retreat from me. I panic as he closes his eyes. "Doctor!" I am immensely relieved as he reopens them again at my outburst.

His gravelly whisper of, "here," makes me smile and my heart want to burst with joy.

"Yes, and I'm here too, Jack and I both are. We got away, the TARDIS, Verity found us and has been showing us how to help you."

"Verity?" He asks sounding confused and I can't help but reply, "Yes, Verity, she told us she was the TARDIS, and that that was her name." Suddenly I am worried that I have somehow been deceived, that I somehow mistook the mental voice, and it is not really the TARDIS. I realize my fear must have translated to my face because his next words address my concern.

"Yes, Verity, TARDIS," his voice is strained as he forces abused vocal cords to work to speak and it is obviously a painful struggle

My relief is immense as he confirms the TARDIS's name. But I can also see the effort it took for him to speak, so I reach out to him again, gently caressing his cheek. "Rest now. Verity has told us what we can give you for the pain and to help you sleep while we tend to the other broken bones. Is that okay?"

The look of panic in his eyes makes my heart wrench and I try to reassure him as I am horrified by the thought of doing what yet needs to done with him awake. He has suffered so much already, "I promise one of us will be here when you wake, if not both of us. Please I don't want to see you hurt any more. But I won't give it to you against your will, is it okay?" I know he needs to make this decision needs to know were not just going to do things to him without permission, he has had enough of that today to last him a lifetime even one as long as his.

His small nod is all I need and turn to Jack, who thankfully quickly moves to administer the anesthetic.

"Get some sleep, I promise we will be here when you wake." With a last caress I watch as his eyes close.

The hours pass slowly for Rose and Jack once they finish doing what they can for the Doctor. Neither can quite come to terms with what has happened, both for different reasons.

Jack had known that the Essarrians were deadly but he had no idea of the depth of their viciousness. He also couldn't help feeling that there was something more that the Doctor was seeing in him than what he could see. He was almost positive that the Doctor wouldn't have been caught if he had run, if he had left them behind, why he didn't he could only attribute to Rose. What confused him though was the Doctor's impassioned shout of both Rose's and his name when he and Rose were darted in the service hall and later the anguish he had expressed in the armory when from what the TARDIS said, no, what Verity had said the Doctor had thought he had killed him. No matter how he looked at it, it wasn't logical for the Doctor to have cared about him enough to bring the Doctor to tears.

What did he see in him that caused that reaction? Was it the pain and the drugs or was it something more? His distress over Rose was easy to understand Rose was... well Rose. Rose was more than worth the devotion of a Time Lord. But he was a con man, someone that if the Doctor hadn't come along when he did would have destroyed the whole human race. He's was not the kind of person you get worked up to the point of tears over, well maybe occasionally in bed but that had to do everything with him being a great lay and nothing to do with true caring. The whole thing with the TARDIS room was just weird for that matter. He claimed the room he was given was his choice yet refused to explain why. Yet Verity had showed up in his nightmare to chase away his inner ghosts, was that her acting on her own which he now knew she was more than capable of, or had the Doctor asked her to do it?

What was it about the Doctor that just screamed trustworthiness? He still isn't sure why he told them he was trying to con them. Something about this man, this alien was turning his emotions upside down. Not just that he was sexy as hell in that leather and he would gladly shag him if he gave him the chance, this attraction was so much deeper than wanting him physically. It scared the shit out of him thinking about losing him when Verity had told them of his intentions. It scared him even now to think of losing him and that just confused him more why does he mean so much to me? Why does his survival mean so much when it has been hardly 48 hours that I even knew he existed? What is it about these two that has me willing to do just about anything to keep them safe?

--

The Essarrians are nasty beasts and I really am getting tired of their antics trying to get in. As I realize I recognize one of them, I decide it really is time for them to learn the price of messing with a Time Lord and pissing off a TARDIS. Within a few moments I have made my preparations and have shifted around some rooms. Jack and Rose will never know that they have been moved and it really is best, at least for now, that they don't as I am sure they would not approve of what I am planning. Well Jack might, in fact, when things settle down, I may let him in on what I am working on. Rose though... it is best she doesn't know, she is far too tenderhearted for what I have planned. But I cannot, I will not, let them get away with what they have done to my Theta.

So, as the small group of Essarrians elite troops and their general make yet another assault on my entrance, I let them think they have successfully breached my doors and I watch with glee as they surge into the interior of what they think is the console room. I smile as the General, in his prideful delusions of grandeur and dreams of accolades at bringing to the Essarrian emperor a captured time ship, strolls into the interior as his lieutenants assure him they have the area secure. As soon as he clears the threshold I slam the doors shut behind him. I am going to ensure he will regret the day he even heard the name Time Lord, and it will be he who is begging for death before I am done with him. With that I ensure that any teleport devices and weapons they may have are disabled and move us into the Vortex to make my plans for what will happen to them next.


	14. Changes in Perspective

Chapter 14 - Changes in Perspective

I have asked Verity how long till he wakes but she doesn't want to give me a time frame. It has taken hours to heal all his injuries as best we were able and yet Jack has warned me it still won't be enough to keep him from suffering when he wakes. How much he will hurt and to what extent he will be hampered by the nerve damage we won't know till that point. I can't help wondering how he will handle it. He tries so hard to hide how much he still suffers from the war. I know from the time before Woman Wept how much he tries to hide. I know he was upset at me that I didn't tell him what I had been feeling but I am thankful now for that time that he keeps me out most of the time because it helps me understand him better. I have seen his reactions to things and I have come to associate certain behaviors with the emotions he is feeling. The way when he feels anxious and frustrated he gets all speciesist and hunches in on himself. The way he gets real quiet when he is very mad and the kind of cute way he stuffs his hands in his pockets when he pouts and of course the wonderful lightning grins that light up his face when things are going well. I know I am going to need all the clues I can get when he wakes. I'm not sure how he's going to react, but I would bet money he is going to try to withdraw, put distance between us, and I know without question that the last thing he needs right now is to be even more isolated. It's been so hard to get him to open up to me. Even now that he knows how long I was aware of his feelings and fears he still tries to shelter me, protect me. In some ways it's endearing in others frustrating beyond words.

I know in my heart it's true what Verity had said, I watched as his vitals crashed and the panic and fury I felt from her about how the Essarrians had hurt him. Yet at the same time I don't want to believe that he could be so upset about me dying that he would want to die himself. He is the most incredible person I have ever met and yet he tried to die because he thought he had hurt me, killed me? What am I in the big picture of things? Nothing. To use his very words I'm just a dumb ape, I don't even have my A-Levels. I'm not even a shop girl any more and he is the last of an incredibility powerful people, smart, intelligent, strong and influential. How can I reconcile that? How do I justify staying with him when the risk is his self-destruction if somehow, by no intentional action on his part, I die? As guilty as it makes me feel about my selfishness, I want to be nowhere else but at his side regardless of the risks because I know to try to live anywhere else would not be truly living. My whole existence before the day he took my hand and said run seems like a pale black and white child's drawing in comparison to life with him. Life with him is a Technicolor wide screen; no, bigger than wide screen, three-dimensional fully interactive one hundred percent involving adventure. Nothing can compare to being with him, being able to travel with him, to see everything he wants to share with me. Even before he let me love him, let me be with him in that way, it was more than I could ever have even dreamed about in my most wild fantasies and now... I thought I was in love when I ran off with Jimmy Stone but that was barely the faintest flicker of light in comparison to the light he has brought into my life. Now to try to live without him would be like asking me to live without air, impossible. Based on his words at Downing street and Women Wept and his actions today it appears he no longer feels he wants to function apart either and that in its own way scares me. So, in spite of our guilt of staying when we shouldn't it looks like we're both stuck with each other for the duration and part of me really wouldn't want it any other way.

I watch him sleep for a time, it's such a rare occasion that he does and even more rare that I am awake to see him doing so. For the first few months I was sure he didn't sleep at all. Then came the rare bits of nightmares, I always woke immediately as if it was impossible for me to stay asleep and as time passed I finally realized it was not only I that wasn't sleeping when they came. After the first few times of getting up and finding him looking a bit more disheveled than normal in the kitchen drinking tea with a long face, which he always quickly hid the moment I came in, I put together the pieces. Even so after the first few times he quit coming to the kitchen trying to hide from me, hide his distress, but by then the TARDIS and I had had started to come to an understanding with regard to him and when I felt her gentle nudge I would follow and invariably find him. I'm not really sure how much he knew about our interactions but it did seem he'd stopped hiding as much. I like to think I was a comfort to him in those times, though I know he would never admit it regardless if I was, that would mean admitting he was dependent and in need and that's just not the way he works.

As I watch him sleep I can't stop myself from wanting to touch him occasionally to reassure myself he is okay. The vision of how pale and broken he'd looked when we first found him haunts me and so I compromise and caress his arm, forcing myself to stay on his left side to reduce the chance of irritating the newly healed tissue and damaged nerves. I want to hold his hand but that is out of the question, at least until he can tell me it doesn't hurt him. I think of the times I have hit my funny bone and pinched nerves and the times when I have had my foot go to sleep and the pins and needles sensation that comes with renewed circulation. I hope that it won't be like that for him but I am afraid it will be exactly like that and I won't risk hurting him more. He has already had to endure more pain than anyone should ever have to in the last 24 hours and I won't risk being the cause of yet more. I'm not sure how long he will sleep and Verity can't or won't give me anything specific in terms of time frames because she says there are still too many variables that could affect him waking. So for now I sit, I watch and I wait.

As the time slowly creeps by I think of the orange being's taunting of the Doctor with regard to his people and I get now why he has been so standoffish. I get a lot of things I didn't before. Why for one he has never said he loves me; his actions say it, but I realize now he may never say those words back to me, which makes me sad, but it is something I will just have to accept. I also understand just that much more what it means to lose your entire planet, your people and I can never understand or imagine how utterly alone he must feel. I understand enough and it breaks my heart for his loss.

As I smell Earl Grey tea I realize that someone has made a pot. Looking up from my introspection I notice that Jack has left the room, I wonder if it is he or Verity. Verity… how could I never have asked, never inquired whether or not the TARDIS had a name? I feel ashamed of myself for never asking and feel a wash of comfort from her and I hear her soft words, 'It's okay Rose you never asked because you didn't really see me as a person. I don't usually make his companion so aware of my presence. It usually makes it easier for both of us. Do you remember how you reacted on satellite one? You were scared; afraid I was taking over your mind. Some humans just cope with me as a person better than others.' I feel a flush of shame as I realize how badly I have slighted this wonderful being that has been a faithful friend, not just to the Doctor but to me as well. I didn't miss the hint of sadness that Verity tried to cover and I resolved to be a better friend to this wonderful lady who had so loyally cared for us even in the face of prejudice. 'I'm so sorry Verity!' Her only response is that quiet indulgent hum I have come to expect when she refuses to comment any further on a topic.

--

I watch as the two humans move about somewhat in a daze, both of them coming to terms with the events in their own way. I want to comfort them but am not sure how exactly. I am worried about Theta as well but not as much for his physical injuries which prey particularly on Rose's mind. I am concerned more with how he will handle the torture and public exposure, he is such a private person and so much of it is with very good reason. He has been hurt so many times but his worst hurts and humiliations have always been at the hands of those he has trusted and I am sure he will try to distance himself to minimize the potential rejection I am positive he will expect. In some ways he is so predictable which can be very handy yet at other times very, very frustrating.

Much as I appreciate Rose's concern about her lack of asking about my name I know she is so very young and doesn't come from a time where thinking of a place where you live as possibly being a person is normal. What I told her is true; very often I try to avoid letting his companions really realize how alive I am. Some of it originally was an attitude I had received from most Time Lords that they didn't really want their ships to be so self-reliant so I hid from them how smart I was. But more it is easier to be able to ensure Theta's safety if those traveling with us underestimate what I can do. It has been the downfall of more than one of his enemies, underestimating what I am capable of as they let themselves slip either verbally or mentally on what it was that they have planned. Adam was just one of the latest in the string. I knew from the time he entered that he didn't deserve to be here, his attitude was so focused on what we could do for him that he had no clue what it meant to be willing to sacrifice for someone else, to give to someone else. It was that very selfishness that was the reason why he had done so well working for Van Statten. I just wish Rose had been more cautious but I can't really blame her for that; it really isn't in her nature to be suspicious of people and that loving nature is part of what makes her so dear to both Theta and I. Sometimes in the past Theta hasn't understood why I would not speak or communicate around certain people but I know he has come to trust me to decide who I feel is an acceptable person for me to interact with and no longer gets upset.

I just hope he can let Rose and Jack help him; to some extent he won't have much choice. As I scan over his person I can see how much nerve damage there is, and it worries me that he will try to pretend it is not nearly as bad as it is. Though with the amount of damage to his hands it will be at least a day before he will be really able to use them as he isn't going to be able to feel most of his fingers, not that he won't try. It will be three maybe four days before he will be able to use them without pain. Not that it will stop him, too darn stubborn for his own good.

It will take at least a week for his body to repair all the nerve damage and in the mean time I know already he is going to be a royal grouchy pain to deal with for all of us. I am so tempted to keep him asleep for the next twenty-four hours just to ensure he has the extra time to heal. Two things keep me from this course of action, though; one, Rose and Jack are worried enough about him without delaying his waking up and two, and more importantly, he will heal much faster if he can participate in the recovery. Now the trick will be in getting him to do so and not instead slow it down by doing stupid prideful things in his fear and insecurity about how his companions are going to react.


	15. Revelations

**Chapter 15 - Revelations**

I wake slowly but as I do I assess the state of my body realizing the extent of the repairs since I was awake last. There are still large areas of numbness, pain, and pins and needles in the areas where the nerves are actively regrowing the sensations running from itching at best to blistering pain at worst. In contrast I also take in the soft warm pressure on my left arm, which aside from the expected pain, coming from my left wrist and hand amazingly doesn't hurt. So very like Rose, where she is my pain isn't. I slowly peel my eyes open and look down my body at the mostly blonde head of my companion and know that there can't be a better sight with which to wake up and the lack of pain there is a pleasant difference from the rest. I realize I must have moved or made some noise as Rose pops up from her repose against my arm and looks at me in concern. "Doctor?

I give her a big smile and immediately regret the action as pain sears its way across the left side of my face.

"Oh! Don't do that." Rose's concerned cry comes too late.

"Yeah, got that!" I snarl trying to minimize the movement of my mouth.

"Oh Doctor, I'm so sorry!" her tender caress down the right side of my face takes all the bite out of my frustration and I close my eyes for a moment relishing that lovely feeling of her touching me. But the image of her ravished and broken form appearing in my minds eye superimposed over that fleeting pleasure snaps my eyes open to reassure myself she truly is there and okay. I reach up instinctively to touch her to insure that she is really there but as I lift my left arm to do so I freeze in blinding pain as at the movement of my left hand. She says something I don't catch then she is there holding my arm and gently moving it back to the bed supporting my hand with her left and gently massaging my upper arm with her right.

"Easy, I'm here. Don't move more than you absolutely need to I am going to get Jack so he can…"

"Get Jack for what? Is he awake?" I turn my head slowly to bring the new speaker into the line of my vision and spot Jack rapidly approaching from the doorway with a cup of tea in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"Yes and he's in pain."

I don't know whether I cringe more at that understatement or the fact that she is so freely sharing that information with Jack. For that I get a hum of disapproval from Verity.

'Shame on you Theta, who do you think got you away from the Essarrians and has been caring for you since they got you away; or do you think Rose or I carried you in here.' Her sarcasm makes me feel a bit a foolish. When she puts it that way... 'Sorry my dear.' I feel her mental harrumph as she replies 'Just behave your self now Time Lord." But as much as her words chastise I still feel her deep love and concern for me.

"Doctor?"

I open my eyes again to see my beautiful Rose's concerned expression filling most of my vision. "Here"

"If it's okay, Jack can give you something for the pain." Her consideration of my feelings in this makes my throat tighten in gratitude. In spite of the extension of the time being in pain I appreciate her not just assuming. Jack appears over her shoulder and for a brief moment I feel a pang of jealousy, which I crush immediately.

"Hi ya Doctor welcome back, now regarding that pain killer..."

I interrupt before he can go any further "Yes, no sleep though."

His reply is understanding and gentle as he moves out of my line of sight to get the medication. "Yeah, Verity said you might feel that way."

"I…" I'm not quite sure what to say to that or to his gentle solicitude, so I say what needs to be said, "Jack?"

He pops back into my line of sight "Yeah?"

"Thanks." I know it's far too little to thank him for the efforts he has made on my behalf and finish the thought as I begin to feel the relief start to flow through my veins. "For everything" sighing I close my eyes for a moment as the areas of burning pain start to dull to a soft roar.

"Just part of the job description you know." He quips in a self-depreciating manner and at my blank expression he replies. "You know the 'you will be expected to contribute' part of the job description".

At his reminder of my harsh words from the day before I regret being so hard on the man. "Jack I…"

He cuts me off with a light shrug. "Don't worry about it Doctor." ending the discussion with the statement. I nod accepting the need for the man to move on and not dwell on things. I have done the same often enough.

"When you feel up to it we should do some tests to see how extensive the nerve damage is and maybe you can give me a clearer answer with regard to how fast your species can regenerate nerves.

He won't like my answer but it is the only one I plan on giving him. "It depends on the circumstances and individual." I really don't want to get into the whole regeneration thing with him, well with either of them actually, nor do I have any desire to discuss the difficulties I have had in the past with that activity.

"Okay, then lets be a bit more specific, you and now, come on Doc work with me a bit here. I just want to help and can't effectively unless I know a few basics" and I can hear the start of frustration in his voice.

Rose jumps in "Jack maybe now..."

"'s okay, week to ten days till all fixed" I try to keep it short as even with the pain reduction my jaw still hurts.

His whistle of appreciation at my healing speed is appreciated but a tad bit annoying. What I'm not telling him is that's slower than a lot of Gallifreyans but as I'm the only one left I don't see the need to point it out. His next question though, even well intentioned as it is, hurts.

"If we were able to get you to your own people would they be able to help improve on that time?"

"Jus' me"

"Yeah, know you travel..."

I close my eyes as Rose grabs his arm and saves me from having to explain. "They're dead Jack."

After a pause I hear his almost whispered question "All of them?"

I don't hear anything so I pry my eyes open, as suddenly I am very tired and answer, "'m last."

"Oh God, Doctor I'm sorry I didn't realize..." his expression stunned and remorseful.

All I can manage is a half grin as I try to reassure no offense was taken by replying, "Don't advertise."

His quick hurt reply of "I wouldn't" tells me it didn't help so I answer that with "I know." trying to make him understand. Though this time it's Verity that explains 'He really does understand Jack what he was trying to say is he doesn't advertise the fact that he's the last. You saw what happened with the Essarrians, it could be quite dangerous information in the wrong ears.'

Her chiding rebuke in that statement is lost on Rose and Jack but not on me.

Wanting to get this over with and get the conversation on safer ground I try to roll to my left to sit up, as that side is marginally less painful. I don't get far as pain flares in hundreds of places and cry out. As the pain subsides I decide maybe nerve damage checking might be better done lying down not sitting up. I also realize the now painfully obvious, I'm not thinking as clearly as normal.

--

I stare at Rose in horror as she tells me all of the Doctor's people are dead. No that can't be right "All of them?"

I hear the Doctor's tired answer "'m last."

"Oh God, Doctor I sorry I didn't realize..."

"Don't advertise." is his reply.

I am stunned and hurt he would think that of me and make it clear "I wouldn't" and again wonder why in the world he would have me on board if he thought that little of my judgment. His hoarse reply is "I know." well maybe he knows I have enough sense that he would kill me if I did.

Verity's gentle words tell me a different story though and I want to believe that but I can't help but wonder. Regardless, her point is well taken there would be plenty that would love to be able to claim they killed off the last of the Time Lords and I am sure just as many that would hunt him to sell that privilege.

My thoughts are interrupted as "I hear him cry out and Rose's of cry "Doctor" and I am moving even before I realize why, "Doctor! What on earth?" Why was he trying to get up? He's pale as a ghost, which I suspect means that must have hurt like hell. Rose question covers my thoughts exactly "Doctor, why?"

"Figured I'd sit up." Comes his groggy sounding reply and I can' help but share a confused look with Rose. "Figure nerve… bad idea"

Suddenly it dawns on me what it is he is on about "Yeah, real bad idea! We can figure out where the nerve damage is later and see if there is anything more we can come up with to get you back on your feet sooner. In the mean time…"

Rose interrupts my thought "In the mean time he's gone to sleep." Her smile is good to see even if it is a bit strained. Today has been hard on all of us

"I guess it means it's tea time then." I state as I reach to give her the cup of tea I had brought her. "Well for you anyway, I'll stick with the coffee."

As I watch her take a sip of tea it's obvious she is deep in thought. "He's going to be okay Rose, it's just going to take a bit of time."

"I know, but it's so like him, trying to get up like that. It's like everyone else in the universe is allowed to be hurt or sick and take time to get better, but not him he wants to be up and going." Her sad reply almost makes me wonder what else she may know that she's not saying and I really wish that there were something else I could do for them.

What surprises me is Verity's soft voice. 'There is. How do you feel about helping make some Essarrians unhappy?' I look over at Rose's sad face as she gently caresses the Doctor's face and arm as if she is afraid he will disappear if she looses physical contact with him. As if sensing my concern Verity states, "Just tell her you want to clean up and you will be back in awhile. It shouldn't take too long now." I wonder what she means by that but I have a feeling all I have to do is say the words and she will explain. After the day we have had a bit of pay back sounds pretty good. 'Yeah, I'm in.' I think to her and feel her approval as she replies 'I will show you where to go when you get in the hall.


	16. Vengeance is mine

Chapter 16 - Vengeance is mine say-eth The TARDIS

Verity had closely watched to ensure the Doctor was stable before moving on to the project she had going on in a sealed room far away from the infirmary.

I know he is stable and that is the most important thing, something I will take into consideration as I show the Essarrian lieutenants the error of their ways. I will, however, give no mercy to their general; he will be paying in full for the harm he has done to my Theta.

I focus in on the room where I have trapped the six Essarrians. There the General is doing exactly as I would expect of him and that is shouting at the top of his lungs at his hapless subordinates raving that there must be something they have missed that will free them from the predicament in which they currently find themselves. They have tried already all the weapons at their disposal, only to find them useless. The General beat the first man who discovered this and accused him of being incompetent and not ensuring his weapon was charged. I felt the fear of the General as it fully began to sink in how much trouble he was in and he, being the small being he was, took it out on the others. As none of of his men wanted to be too close to their violent commander it made it incredibly easy for me to separate him from the rest with a clear partition. His fear jumped to new levels at this development, which, if I had been humanoid, would have made me smile. He was starting to get it. As he did I began filling the room he occupied with a version of the drug he had given Theta. He would be getting a first hand introduction to the misery he had been so exuberantly handing out and his troops were going to get to watch him turn into a blubbering idiot knowing it may be them next.

As I let the gas slowly fill the room I inspect his subordinates' timelines, it becomes obvious that them observing their commanders fate will be sufficient punishment to put fear and respect for the power of the Time Lords in place and they would never know that my Theta is the last.

As the gas slowly fills the room the General begins to cower on the far side from where I am introducing it. He begins begging me not to do this so I turn off my sound receptors in the area, ignoring his pleas as he had done so often to his victims. In his drug induced terror he begins to project images of the things he fears the most and one of those is being trapped in small spaces. It is time for him to face his greatest fears, just as he had forced Theta to suffer through the trauma of believing he had brutally killed Rose and Jack. For that action I am determined I am going to ensure he suffers in equal measure.

It is with grim satisfaction that I begin to move the walls closer, compressing the space he can occupy and forcing him closer to the vent. At this he begins clawing at the clear partition yelling again at his men to help him.

As I examine his frantic thoughts I see in his mind the joy he took in hurting Theta, even as he hurt so many others. I feel ill as I watch his memories of him playing with his victims and laughing at their pain and cries for mercy. When I realize how much I am enjoying seeing him suffer I stop the walls movement after only moving them in closer by about a square meter and I begin to wonder if I am becoming like him in wanting to see him hurt

No, the concepts of honor, justice and goodness are lost on him. I want to see him pay, I want to see justice for my Theta, so I begin projecting the images of a particularly nasty flesh-eating bug on the internal walls of his cell. He begins to scream and I cut the sound feed from the subordinates cell as well so I don't have to listen to his cries, and seek out Jack. I am delighted that he has agreed to help and lead him to the hall outside their prison cell and clarify the wall so he may see those I have captured.

--

I have to wonder what exactly she has done to the Essarrians as the wall in front of me goes from opaque to clear. There are five of them all of whom are huddled in the corner and even though I can see them they give no indication they see me.

I don't know enough about their species to read their faces but their body language is clear. Their upper bodies are leaning in close to each other and their tails are curled beneath them tail tips twitching and sliding against each other in what I suspect is an unconscious effort to comfort each other.

They are terrified and although I can see no reason for it they all keep looking towards a single wall and that tells me whatever it is they are seeing is the cause and I am starting to get a very bad feeling about what Verity may be doing.

"Verity what is on the other side of that wall?"

Her pause leads me to wonder what it is she is hiding and her response is in no way comforting, 'Justice, is behind that wall.' The reply she gives is shaded with a sensation akin to one I would expect from a rebellious child who has been caught doing something wrong.

"What kind of justice?" I ask, unsure I want to hear the answer.

'It's their general,' she hesitates a moment then continues, 'He's the one who hurt the Doctor! He laughed as he tormented him and I'm making him pay for that. He deserves what he's getting!' As she is speaking I feel her struggling with her own decision, trying to justify her actions not just to me but herself and I know then that what she's doing is something that neither the Doctor nor I am going to be happy about.

"Verity what are you doing to him?" My concern is rising not as much for the Essarrian, who probably does deserve exactly what he is getting, but for Verity. 'He deserves it, Jack; you saw what he did to him. He made him want to die...' I barely hear her next thought, 'and to leave me behind.' I suspect she hadn't intended me to hear it at all, then in a more forceful tone she asserts, 'He deserves what he's getting Jack!' the hurt and the desperation in her thoughts wrenches at my heart.

I know for certain now that if I don't make her stop what she is doing it's going to hurt her and be something she deeply regrets, so I no longer ask but demand, "Verity what are you doing to him?"

'I...' her mental voice doesn't continue but my eyes are drawn to movement in the other room as the wall in question becomes transparent to me and with that the general who is trying desperately to claw his way out. Streaks of greenish blood are smeared on the wall nearly hiding his face and beak, which is open in what I suspect, is a scream. Even as I watch the wall he is clawing at retreats and he falls unceremoniously into the room containing the others.

The others circle around him trying to help but he begins attacking them trying to fend off an enemy only he can see, which prompts them to make a hasty withdrawal.

I watch stunned at the revelation and have to ask, "What did you do to him?"

Her response is quiet and subdued and it now only contains a token rebellion, 'I gave him a taste of his own medicine'.

"You know your going to have to let him go?" I state more than ask as I feel her guilt mount. 'But...'

"If you don't what makes you different than him?"

'I'm not like him! I understand mercy and he doesn't. Look for yourself.' With that I see a rapid flash of scenes that make me ill and involuntarily gag at their violence. The final images she shows me are some of the things he did to the Doctor and I feel cold fury build at those, but I also know that I can't let her do this; I can already feel the guilt she is radiating which doesn't surprise me considering the Doctor's reactions the night before. "You have spent too much time with the Doctor to think this would be something he would want, if even I know it after less than two days."

I know the twisting pain I feel is not my own but it hurts no less as I try to think of a way to help her find a way out of this situation. "Look at their time lines, you're a time traveler you can do that can't you?" I feel her confused agreement. "Please Verity, if you find that they just go back to doing what they have been, I will kill them myself. So you see you don't have to do this. You and the Doctor have been through too much, for you to want his blood on your conscience. So just do that for me will you beautiful, check and see what becomes of them?" I find myself stroking her wall and it seems the most natural thing in the world to want to reach out and comfort this incredible lady who seems to be just as much in love with the Doctor as Rose is. I think of the haunted look the Doctor had in his eyes when he said he was the last. Does that mean she too is the last of her kind? Is that the reason she made the comment about him dying and leaving her, is he all she has left? In one way he's one damn lucky alien, I would kill for just one person to love me this much and he has two of them, hope he appreciates them.

I feel guilty though as think that, I know I would never be able to handle losing everything he has, maybe their love is the universe giving him back a small measure of all he has lost. I wonder if it will be enough? I just need to make sure he doesn't lose either of them before he gets a chance to figure it out. It nearly killed him when he thought Rose had died, what would happen if he lost Verity? I have to get her to see reason! "So what do you see beautiful? Do we cut them loose or do I need to dispose of the trash?

'He's going to be angry with me Jack. I don't want him mad at you too.'

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

--

Jack was supposed to help me! Doesn't he understand? The Essarrian hurt Theta, made him think savagely ripped and beaten them to death by him! Theta couldn't handle that now, not after everything else. Not after Gallifrey, he hates himself so much for that still, what he had to do, what they gave him no real choice in, how the Time Lords made feel helpless, again. The Essarrian made him hate me again for saving his life and made him want to desert me, leave me, to die alone.

No, No, No! He was supposed to understand! How can he even compare me with that monster! So I show him what the Essarrian General has done and try to ignore his scathing thought of 'No, you just kidnapped and are torturing a group of Essarrians not like their real people' at my denial of my likeness to the General. But in spite of showing him I can't help knowing he is right. I shouldn't be doing this, Theta will be so angry with me he may not even talk to me. How am I going to make this up to him? It's not fair! They hurt him everyone hurts him and even I'm doing it now. Why did I let my anger get the best of me? I didn't used to get so angry. Is this what the guardian meant by changing me? If it is I don't want it! I don't want to hurt him! He's everything to me and I am nothing more than his ship, his old broken ship that can't seem to do anything right anymore. I still take him places where he gets hurt by not thinking to check, I am still blind at the most inopportune times. This is just wrong; everything has been so wrong since the war. He fights with me, rails at me for trying to protect him and keep him safe. Admittedly it has been better since Rose came; she distracts him in ways I can't. Some days he actually gets through a day without constantly being reminded of the horrors we saw.

I'm tired; it's so hard to find enough energy these days now that the eye is gone. I wish at times for the sleep that the humans find so refreshing and I dare not take much energy from Theta; his levels are still so erratic since his regeneration and he doesn't sleep nearly enough. With our nightmares, played out and tormenting him, I can't blame him that but still it's just one less source to draw from just one more way things are not right. Jack, dear Jack, trying to protect me trying to give me comfort it's not right I shouldn't have involved him in this and I can't let Theta blame him for this. What if he's right what if... I look at their time lines and see their rejection of what the general has done, all of them finding a better way to live, all but the General. He is vengeful, wait... what? One small strand where I regress him to a child, a small flicker of a possibility at even as I notice it becomes the dominant thread. Being regressed to a small child will destroy the vicious vengeful being who is and the even more repugnant being he would become even as he has destroyed so many other lives but will also give him the chance to take a better path. I know Theta would approve of this way.

'Jack, I have found a way. The others do not support the general and will accept the mercy you ask me to give them with gratitude but the general will never change from his vendetta against the Time Lords...'

"Then he alone shall die." Even as he says this I can feel him bracing himself to kill the Essarrian, trusting the Doctor not to have chosen to travel with a vengeful murderer and extending that trust begrudgingly at least right now to me. So I hurry on explaining what I have seen.

'I have found another way Jack. If I return the general to a tiny baby he will live, his death will be on none of our conscious. I can't bear to speak to them Jack, I don't want to touch their minds. Will you just tell them if they put their teleport/communication bands and their weapons in the drawer I will give them mercy? They will accept that and think themselves lucky and it will ensure that they can't contact anyone to stop us leaving and if you also warn them, to tell others of their kind that if they ever deliberately try harm a Time Lord the vengeance will be swift and their entire race shall pay it will help make the Doctor safer. The general's regression will be enough to make them remember why the Doctor's people were called Time Lords and understand the depth of the threat.'

--

I stand for a long moment stunned at the simplicity of the solution and I can't help but applaud her ingenuity; this is a solution all of us can live with and may let us salvage something out of this disaster in the form of some extra protection for the last of the Time Lords. "Verity that's brilliant!" With that I give her closest wall a quick kiss and caress the coral like surface. I can't help but note with amusement the slight bluish green tint that ripples along the wall as I feel her embarrassed response to the praise.

Moments later the offer is made and accepted and we touch back down on the shopping planet far enough away from the main areas that it will take them a bit to get back to the nearest communication point but easily within their traveling distance. I watch in fascination as Verity opens a small panel above the still prone and cowering form of the General and a beautiful golden light envelops the general who rapidly regresses back to an infant before the stunned eyes of his lieutenants and myself. Moments later one of the female Essarrians moves forward snatching up the small babe and as she does so the wall behind her slides back to show the purple dappled surface of the shopping planet. As they stand for long moments as in amazement and disbelief of the validity of the offer, though they almost jump out of the doorway at a rapid slither for the closest shops as Verity marginally moves the wall separating them and I a bit closer to them, encouraging them to leave.

For a long moment I stand watching them slither for their lives and then Verity slides the door shut.


	17. Nightmares

Chapter 17 - Nightmares

I knew I couldn't leave him right now; he really hadn't told us much about his physical state when he had awoken earlier other the how exhausted and confused he was and that was more because of how he acted than anything he said. I hadn't expected eloquent speeches but I had hoped that he would be able to give us a bit more to go on with regard to how he was doing. Jack had headed off to get a shower and some rest when I refused to leave the Doctor's side, stating I would need a break later so here I sit I wonder what to do with myself trying not to think about how much has happened and how I almost lost him.

The minutes tick by so slowly but I don't know what else I can do. I look around the med lab, so quiet and sterile. I have never really looked at what is here; the Doctor hates being in here, frequently he has to struggle to focus when he enters, and so I avoided it too. I'm not sure what disturbs him so much about being in here but I figure, like so many other things the send him skittering emotionally, it probably has to do with the war. I wonder how many times he thinks of someone who he knew that was lost either in here or because there wasn't something available to him someplace else that was in here. I could probably ask the... Verity, but even if she would tell me I won't ask for the same reason I won't ask the Doctor; it's obvious they have both been hurt by the war and they don't need for me to hurt them by stirring up those memories with pointless questions. Better to use this time figuring out where things are for future reference; if anything this has made me realize how really dangerous it is traveling with him. I know I have been afraid for my life but he always gets us out, always protects us, and he seems to live such a charmed life with regard to getting hurt that it has been easy to pretend that it's all just wonderful adventuring.

I look at him now so quiet, still wrapped up in the cream colored blanket Verity provided, and know how close a call this one was. I almost lost him and just the thought makes my chest feel tight and constricted like there just isn't enough air to breathe. I just can't think about it, won't think about it! He will be just fine; he has Verity, Jack and I and we'll get him through this together.

"Okay, what do I know?" Looking around I tick off the things I know. The bandages, healing creams and dermal regenerator are just in the door to the right, by the barstool and small counter. No big mystery why that is, what with the frequency he burns his hands working on the TARDIS. To the left of the entrance are two of the four beds in the med bay and I realize now the two in the middle of the room are equal distance from the door neither of them directly in front. Suddenly I think of the blaster fire, as we entered with the Doctor earlier, directly from the outside of the TARDIS causing me to check, nothing but a blank wall opposite the door. I wonder how many times it took someone getting hurt to set up that alignment and a flash of the Doctor smiling saying 'genius me' makes me smile because it is just like him to have thought of something like that, always looking out for us even in things like where to place the hospital beds. As I hear a small noise I look over; he is still so pale, but at least it's not that scary pale of earlier.

I just wish that there were more I could do for him. When he moans I almost run back to his side. Whatever happens he can't wake up thinking he's alone; the very idea of what he had tried earlier sends ice down my spine in terror of what might happen if he doesn't realize he is safe on the TARDIS. When I get to his side, though, it is obvious he is still asleep but unlike the seemingly peaceful sleep of earlier, when it looked like the cares of the universe had been partially washed away by slumber, now his jaw is clamped tight and his face is twisted with distress. I reach to touch him, to comfort him with a caress of his left arm, but on contact I can't help the scream that is torn from my lips.

I must find Fitz; he has the newest map of the area! Where has that man gotten too? I duck, dodging behind a wall as I hear a series of explosions near where I was standing moments before. The section of the sky I can see lights up in garish purple and yellow like a partially healed bruise in the wake of another series of explosions, this time accompanied by the buzzing noise of Dalek lasers and short lived screams of agony. I wonder if those voices were people I knew, people I cared about and hope by Rassilion that one of them wasn't Fitz. I really am beginning to think it's best if I stay away from those I know. It seems like all I have been doing these past few months is running and burying or burning the dead and running some more. I mourn those who no one would give a decent pyre, no one able to say the rituals that allowed for people to let go of those who have passed beyond their final regeneration. So many now the numbers are staggering. I try not to think about the hundreds, no thousands, of Time Lords cut down fighting. So many Gallifreyans dead now, so many caught in explosions or worse caught by the Daleks or their allies. At least with the Daleks they have a quick death. Some of the Daleks allies, the Essarrians and the Nedifeeans in particular, take obscene levels of delight in torturing any Gallifreyan they find regardless of age or gender.

I close my eyes as a bombardment of future threads all surge to dominance and I am already moving before I am consciously aware of making the decision to do so. Moments later I throw myself flat as shrapnel from a bomb exploding flies over the spot I was occupying fractions of a second previously. Cautiously look up and around into the newly expanded grave shaped space and scream as I scramble forward, "Rose!" I stare, unable to comprehend how I had could have left her to be destroyed, let alone let her come with me out here. I crawl toward the concave area her mangled body is occupying, staring as she opens her eyes and in them I see everyone who has died, each person I have failed. I hear them screaming, hear a litany of accusations, each telling me how they died, each telling me of how I failed them and destroyed their lives. Then everything is burning, I feel the flames licking at my skin like an over eager puppy, I feel them burning, hear their spectral screams and suddenly I can no longer hear anything other than screaming. The screaming caused by bodies being ripped asunder and silenced forever, claimed in flames, in fire, consumed yet never ending in their torment. Then the explosion of pain setting my brain on fire, the burning of a trillion minds and…

"Doctor! Doctor wake up! Please, it's a nightmare, it's not real, it's…" Her next words are cut off in a squeak of pain as I grab her and then I scream as fire blazes up my arm, setting off roman candles behind my eyes as newly forming nerves scream in protest as they are flexed and pinched in a vice like grip of my own making. The sound of Rose's distress combined with the intense pain drive me to complete awareness and as quickly as I had reached for her I release her and my eyes snap open. In horror I realize that I have hurt her, not just physically, where the evidence of finger marks are beginning to show on her arm, but even more damning I realize she has seen a portion of my nightmare, her physical contact facilitating the already growing connection between us. The expression on her face is a cross between nausea and panic, her eyes fully dilated and huge in reaction to her fight or flight response. I am stunned and I don't know what to say. Verity has always protected her in the past from my unconscious projection of my nightmares. How could Verity let this happen? I feel a flush of shame at what a fool I am too weak to send her away so I blame Verity for not doing what I should have! My only surprise is that Rose didn't run from me the minute I released her arm.

I feel myself trembling and coated in a cold sweat but none of the discomforts compare with the thought that she will soon be gone. Maybe it's better that way, she will be safer away from me.

--

In his nightmare, the smells and sights so vivid, his initial desperation to find his friend, the sounds of Dalek fire and the visions of the dead, so many, so very many dead and dying it combines to stun me. Guilt and anguish, almost living things, twist in my... his stomach. How does he manage... how does he cope this kind of terror? I can feel myself shaking and can't help myself as he looks up at me with such despair in his eyes. I realize I am crying too and quickly wipe them away. "Oh Doctor..." I don't know what to say, I want so much to hold him, to somehow make that pain go away, but I hold myself back for fear of hurting him. I can't help but reach out and caress his face, but as I connect with his skin I once again feel the pounding waves of misery and find myself crying again as he moves his face away, breaking the contact.

Not looking back he says quietly "I'm sorry Rose I… I never meant for you to see that…" He is almost choking on the on the words, "I…I'll take you home as soon as…"

"What!" I sputter, "Doctor why?" Then I realize what he's thinking, "This doesn't change anything! So you have nightmares! If what I saw is anything to go by I would be worried if you didn't have some. That was…" I shudder violently as think of the screaming and sounds of Dalek fire. "That was horrible, beyond horrible, how could you think I would want you any less for having a nightmare?"

"But you saw… You don't know…" he tries to protest and I can see the confusion warring with hope on his face.

Gently cradling his face, as I had done earlier, I reply more quietly, trying to make him understand, "I do know! I love you, you silly Time Lord. Don't you understand yet? There isn't anywhere else I would rather be than right here with you." Then trying to lighten the mood, "So unless you can honestly tell me you don't want me here, you're stuck with me." Poking my tongue in the side of my mouth in the way I know he finds adorable I state, "Sides with your flying, you'd be lucky to get the right where and when if you were healthy, let alone with you all banged up! Who knows where we might wind up if I let you fly now?"

At his indignant, "Oi! Designated driver here," I can't help but smile and as a reward I get one in return and give him a gentle kiss to remind him I am teasing him.


	18. Adjustments

Chapter 18 - Adjustments

I feel Rose's panic as I shut the door on the Essarrians and before I can respond to or try to intervene Theta has woken up and is trying to shake off the effects of a nightmare and I sense his burst of anger that I hadn't protected her. Yet one more thing I have done wrong today. It's one of those things I do that he doesn't even think about that I do until I'm not there, do I hear a thank you occasionally no, just his yelling when I don't or that bloody hammer of his. It's just not fair. Still he does try most of the time and there are his sweet caresses and the time and care he puts into finding or making parts for me. It wasn't easy finding parts before, but now with Gallifrey gone well there is no demand for parts for fixing and no one else who knows how. Good thing we got each other, he fixes my hardware the best he can and I try to do what I can with his software by making sure he has tea, food, medical supplies, and companionship. Bipeds for all their usefulness and mobility are so much more fragile than TARDIS's and need so much more maintenance in spite of Theta's pat answer when avoiding things that I need some repair.

I watch Rose calm his fears and comfort him in ways I can't but that he still needs. He used to talk to me more when the humans weren't around and we still have the time when they sleep but... No the humans are his adopted family, Earth his adopted planet and now with our home gone we both feel the need to be there more often. At least half his heritage is there, it being the birthplace of his mum and all, at least he has that.

"Hey now you two, what's with starting the party without me?" I can't resist teasing them as I walk in and find Rose kissing the Doctor. Even though it's not exactly like they would be doing anything else the condition he's in but it's good to see nonetheless.

"That's because it was a private party." The Doctor's grumpy reply makes me smile because he has to be feeling at least somewhat better to be trading quips but then I would be feeling better too if I was kissing Rose. "So Rosie, looks like the patient's improving."

The soft shy smile she gives the Doctor as she replies says a lot. "Yes, I do believe he is."

They're both asleep now, I tried to get Rose to go to one of the bedrooms to get some proper rest but she wouldn't leave. I even tried to get Jack to convince her but the most we could get her to agree to was to go take a shower and get something to eat. I can tell everything that had happened was bothering her but what could I do or say? Experience had taught me a long time ago that I couldn't promise to keep either of us safe just to do my best to do so. The aborted shopping trip was a perfect example. We hadn't gone looking for trouble and yet still it found us. I hurt and I am beginning to wish I had told Jack how to hook the IV up, so Verity could adjust the contents if I had I wouldn't have to disturb one of them for pain relief. I hate being so dependent on them... Never mind I can do this, just got to go slow.

'Theta don't you dare!'

'Oh decided to rejoin us have you? Where were you earlier? What were you thinking not shielding Rose? You know what the nightmares are like yet you left Rose to deal with that. What was so important that you let her be subject to that?'

'I... I was busy.'

"Doing what!" In frustration I ask aloud, "What... what was so important that it made you forget to protect Rose?"

"She was helping me with something." Is Jack's quiet reply from next to me.

I glare at him, "What gives you the right to be asking things of her?" I snap at him.

'Theta please...'

"I needed her to check out time lines to see if those Essarrians were going to be trying to hunt us down."

"I..." Okay, I was not expecting that response. I reach out and find my senses are still too scrambled to really be able tell, so instead I ask. "So are they?"

"No, Verity said they haven't been able to track us. So how do you feel Verity failed to protect Rose?"

"What did I need protecting from?" I hear Rose ask and now I know I really messed up by speaking aloud. I try to think of something but it feels like I'm wading through mental mud so I hesitate in the vain hope they will just go away and let me be.

"Doctor, answer me, what do I need protecting from?" Her gentle touch makes me look in her direction but I can't bear to look in her eyes as I quietly reply, "Me."

I hear confusion and wariness in Jack's voice, "Why does she need to protect Rose from you? What are you going to do to her and how is Verity supposed prevent you from doing it?"

Rose tries to save me from having to answer, from having to explain.

"He has nightmares Jack."

"What does him having nightmares have to do with this?"

"Rose has virtually no shields Jack and I'm telepathic." I growl not wanting to admit how I have yet again failed someone I care about. I move my head to look away from them a bit too forcefully and am reminded why it was this conversation started in the first place as pain lances through my neck and shoulder and close my eyes in concentration trying to push away the pain. Rose's quiet question distracts me, "Doctor are you in pain?"

"I'm..." I start to say I'm fine just out of habit but stop myself realizing a pointless exercise I am going to have to accept their help. This time I can't just fake my way through. "Yeah, a bit," I grudgingly admit as the thought occurs to me that if I don't Verity may well tell them anyway; she has been willful lately and I again I wonder what happened to her after the war while I was incapacitated that had produced such drastic changes. I contemplate that as the painkiller takes effect and I drift to sleep, thankfully undisturbed by any further questions.

When I next wake I realize close to twelve hours has elapsed. I figure if I slept that long I really needed it but that doesn't help the annoyance at having been asleep so much longer than normal. Asleep long enough for my nose to remember how to protest at how I smell. Which means at the least I was going to have to move but more than likely I was facing the indignantly of having to have someone wash me. As I open my eye I see that it is Jack this time that has taken it on him to look after me. I can see now why Verity liked him as I think about how he has reacted even in the face of my not so friendly behavior since he came on board.

Sometimes it's not easy trusting, but it is clear now that Jack is worth trusting. First of all Verity trusts him and really that in and of itself should be enough but not only that he got us away from the Essarrians and he has been taking care of both Rose and me. For a second the thought of how he might be taking care of Rose slides through my mind and I quickly force it away. I'm a selfish old man, and he is probably better for Rose than I could ever be, at least with him she wouldn't have to worry about creatures like the Essarrian hunting her and hurting her. Trust, one of those things that I can often give so freely, but with him is so difficult. I am sure this would be so much easier if I didn't care about Rose the way I do but… Well regardless, he has proven he is worthy of my trust.

"So Doctor, decided to return to the land of the living again?" I can't help but smile a bit at how happy he sounds at the prospect of me being awake.

"Yeah," I cringe a bit as I move my mouth this is going to take a bit to get used to, "Rose?"

"I finally got her to go get some food again. She hasn't wanted to leave, afraid you would wake and she wouldn't be here."

I wince as I think of what I have put her through in the last 48 hours.

Jack reacts to the involuntary reaction. "How's the pain Doc? You need something?"

"No, fine." I try to think of something to say, some way of telling him what I need but the words don't want to come.

"Seriously Doc, I can't help if you won't tell me what's going on, 'fine' doesn't cut it."

I look at him a long minute and know he's right. "If you must know, it feels like I have been staked out over a Tesankan ant hill and they have just discovered breakfast." I give him a rueful grin at the expression on his face from that description, trying not to noticeably wince as I shift my jaw a bit too much. "Don't recommend that by the way, nasty bite those little beasts have, haven't been back to Tesanka since the natives decided I needed a personal introduction."

"You do seem to have that effect on some." His smile not reaching his eyes, "You want something for it?"

Looking at him in all seriousness "No, not now." At which he moves back a bit "Jack…" He turns back so I can see his face "Thanks." I am relieved to see his nod of acceptance.

"Doctor!" At Rose's cheerful cry I do smile, the pain it causes nearly overwhelmed by joy of seeing her.

As she gets closer though she waves her hand in front of her nose. "You need a bath." She states and my smile wavers as I again realize what that means but have to comment on her blunt statement. "Been a bit busy," I state a bit caustically and regret it immediately as her face falls.

"I'm sorry…"

"No. I'm sorry Rose I shouldn't have snapped, just well…" I try to figure out how explain but finally I just blurt it out as I see the hurt on her face. "It's going to hurt."

"I promise I will I'll be gentle." She states with tenderness as she gently rubs my arm.

I'm flabbergasted that she is offering at the same time realizing the obvious it was going to have to be either her or Jack to help.

Jack snickers "I could be gentle too," he points out with a fake look of innocence, which makes Rose smile as she blushes.

"I didn't mean it that way Jack," she says swatting the time agent in the arm and I can't help but smile because a smiling Rose is always something for which I am happy.

"So Doctor, which of us gets to play nurse?" He says with a playful leer.

In the end it winds up I need both of their help, but Jack's playful teasing had broken the ice and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had envisioned, even if it was incredibly exhausting.


	19. Memories

Chapter 19 - Memories Chapter 19 - Memories

As I wake this time I sense that it has only been a five hours since I was last conscious and I am cheered a bit as I know that means my system is starting to get back to normal. My cheer doesn't last, though, as it doesn't take more than a few minutes of hearing only Verity's quiet hum before all I want to do escape this place. The ghosts of all I have lost always seem so oppressively near here. I hate being in this room more than any other on the TARDIS because it contains so many reminders of how frequently have I failed and how many people died because of it in the war. Vividly painful memories haunt me: memories of my torment and fury in those first days after the war as I realized that against all the odds I had survived the death of my race; reminders of my shameful actions hurting Verity in my anguish close in on me; the crushing guilt of so much blood on my hands. The room is quickly becoming claustrophobic. I become conscious of the tears running down my face as the section of the ceiling I am staring at begins to blur; I hope Rose doesn't decide to check on me right now as I know it will upset her again. I just can't take it any more, anything has got to be better than this, the physical pain it will take to move can't be worse than being trapped in here with my failures. Carefully I shield my mind from Verity hoping she will not immediately notice my absence.

At feeling Verity resting I feel a surge of anger how can she sleep while I am tormented by the ghosts of my past? Verity no longer trusts me to make choices for us, too often these days she feels she has a right to make decisions for me, without my consent. The worst part is she truly thinks she is helping. I know I lost any right to her loyalty when I died in here, yet still I feel keenly her betrayal. After knowing me as long she has you would think she would understand why I couldn't bear to continue, why I made the choice I made, even the trauma of regeneration has only fractionally blunted the agony of knowing the destruction I caused.

Rassilion knows, she has always been far more opinionated than most TARDIS, it was part of what drew me to her in the first place. Her rebellious nature was so like my own when we were young... she was just as unwilling to accept the dictates of our people insisting we shouldn't interfere, and how did they treat her? They had her decommissioned from active service. All these years later the irony is still not lost on me that it was that event that opened the door for both of us to escape their stuffy rules; so long ago now… How much things have changed now - I think either of us would give practically anything to spend a day with those pompous stuffed shirts, but not in those days. In her I had found a confidant, a coconspirator, and in those long lonely periods as we explored the universe alone, a true friend and my most faithful companion.

How very difficult those first few years were; I had become so inflexible in my opinions by the time we met late in my first regeneration. As time went on fortunately we began to understand each other better and since she has mostly deferred to my choices. She trusted me then... Once upon a time she rarely challenged my right to decide our destinations and I quickly learned that most of the times she did it was because we were desperately needed where she delivered us. Since the war things have been so different. I know I threw that relationship away when I wouldn't let her comfort me, wouldn't look beyond my own hurt to see how badly she was hurting. She is so angry at times now; the comfortable knowledge that she is willing to share everything is gone, burnt to ashes like the home I destroyed.

I don't know what I would do without her; it scares me more than anything that she now hides things from me with this newfound willfulness and it makes me wonder if she too hates me for what happened in the war. I can't blame her if she does, she has lost even more than I. I can't bear to let her into the most private parts of my mind anymore; I have already hurt her too much. I am no longer sure who started to push away first, who withdrew out of that mental area we had shared that neither of us had chosen to hide in centuries. In spite of the loss of that level of intimacy neither of us can really handle being completely separated for extended periods without experiencing increasing feelings of panic. What we once had though is gone and she no longer trusts me the way she did. Right now I know she wants me in here where she can keep an eye on me but regardless of her opinions of me I still will make my own decisions, and right now I really need to be some place else, in spite of her desires for me to stay in the medical bay.

I slowly look around; Jack's stretched out on one of the other beds. I smile as I notice Rose's absence; he must have finally been able to get her to go to her room for some proper rest. At least I won't have to fight them over moving if I can keep quiet. If I can get to my room hopefully I will be able to get some rest as well. I can't suppress the feeling of trepidation when I think of how far I will need to go but being stuck here with my ghosts is worse. I can do this; I flex my left hand and flinch at the pain lancing up my arm.

It will take all of my concentration to be able to execute this move but what choice do I have? I can't stay here. I bite my lip to suppress the cry I know I will otherwise utter at the even greater pain come. Slowly I ease my arm into a position where I can use it to brace myself so I can get up. I try closing my eyes but, instead of helping, all it does is make things worse as the memory of carrying Fitz's broken lifeless body in here surges to the forefront of my mind. I had so hopped that I could at least return him to his own time for burial, yet one more choice that was stolen from me when, a week later Verity, was forced to jettison the cold storage in order to maintain her hull integrity. So much lost, too much lost, too many memories. I can't stay here...

I force myself up and the surge of pain is almost welcome as it washes away every other thought and feeling. The awareness of my own cry of pain is lost in that sensation until I feel strong hands gripping my shoulders and I realize I must have cried out in spite of my best intentions. His grip causes new pain shockwaves to ripple against my besieged senses and I struggle to stave off the wash of blackness; I grit my teeth, forcing myself to stay conscious and upright. I will never get out of here if I lose this battle.

I hear Jacks sharp demand, but at first the words have no meaning. As my brain catches up and the words sink in, "Doctor what the hell do you think your doing?" Forcing my eyes open I immediately wish I didn't as the room begins to spin, forcing me to close them again. I grit out the single word, "Out..." as a wave of nausea forces me gulp in air to suppress the urge to vomit. I try to fight as I feel him trying to press me back down to the bed. I have to make him understand I can't stay here. "Need out!"

I wince as I hear Rose's distressed cry of, "Doctor!" I snap open my eyes, seeking her out, begging her to help me. "Please!" Even as I say the word I realize the battle is lost as another wave of pain and nausea wash over me and my vision blacks out. I can no longer see them, yet I have to make one last plea though I am no longer sure who I entreat to help, "Need out..."

--

I know I shouldn't have left him as soon as I hear his cry. Bolting from the kitchen I drop my tea in my need to get back to him. He is sitting up on the bed how he even managed to get to that position I'm not sure. I can't suppress the involuntary gasp as I watch him struggling feebly against Jack's hold and realize that is the only thing between him and falling to the floor. So much desperation in his eyes as he pleads for escape and it wrenches at my heart. I stop short as I see ever so briefly a view of his room from the perspective of his bed. I jerk forward as the vision ends, the contact shattering as his eyes close and he slumps boneless into Jack's arms almost slipping from his grasp as he suddenly ceases struggling.

Jack's exclamation of, "Bloody Hell! What was that all about?" really comes as no surprise as it echo's my own sentiments, but suddenly the pieces click together and I realize the desire of his plea and I approach Jack he is gently settling the Doctor back into bed. He has an expression of utter confusion and frustrated anger on his face and I try to explain, "Jack we need to move him to his room." before I really even think about what I am saying. "I'm not sure exactly what it is about being in here but he hates this room..." Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself as I think of the way the Doctor has reacted so many times in the past. "…He avoids it." I should have realized earlier but with everything that has happened I didn't think and now he is paying the price for my stupidity. I can't believe I hadn't thought it through how much it might disturb him being in here, though I'm not going to be able to move him by myself. "Please Jack? He can't stay here."

The look he gives me is measured and intense; I wonder if he is thinking about how stupid I am for forgetting something this important. I let lose the breath I realize I was holding as after a moment of searching my face, he nods and begins to collect the things that will need to move with the Doctor to care for him outside of the medical facility.

--

I wake to the Doctors cry of pain and am half way to him before I register he is sitting up eyes glazed over in pain. I lunge forward and grab his shoulders as he begins to sway forward. How in the universe was he able to get this far without his system completely rebelling and him passing out? No wonders Time Lords have become legendary for their abilities! Only a very a few species would be able to survive what he has been through already, let alone be trying to move around after less than forty-eight hours of being so severely injured. What has him so agitated? Something is obviously driving him to be trying to get up. "Doctor what the hell do you think your doing?" If there is something threatening us I need to know whatever it is it seems he is the only one who can sense it, and he isn't going to be able to handle it on his own in this condition. "Out…" Out what? Out where? "Need Out!!" Need what out?

Rose's cry of distress distracts me only momentarily but I see their eyes connect for a moment and it seems in those few seconds like they have an entire conversation hopefully she can tell me what's going on. "Please! Need out..." Suddenly he goes limp and I have to quickly readjust my grip to keep him from falling. What are we going to do now I don't even know what it is he was on about?

"Bloody Hell! What was that all about?" I shout, not that I expect the now unconscious Time Lord to provide any more information. I get more of a reply than I expect though as Rose and Verity answer. Rose states looking incredibly guilty about something "Jack we need to move him to his room. I'm not sure exactly what it is about being in here but he hates this room..." she looks as if she is struggling with herself regarding telling me something she isn't sure she should speak of but finally she quietly continues. "…He avoids it." The look she gives me is heart wrenching. "Please Jack? He can't stay here."

What is she so torn up about? Why does she think he has to be moved out of the medical area? Her obvious caring convinces me even before I hear Verity's quiet words. 'Jack, Rose is correct he needs to be moved to another room.' I can't help the thought that comes unbidden 'Why?' Just as I think Verity won't reply she states very quietly and with almost physically painful sadness, 'He finds this area very… stressful' her very reaction tells me that whatever the reason behind his outburst has to do with the war and asking any more isn't really going to be beneficial. At least we're not under attack. I start to collect the things that he will need.

I am thankful that the Doctor has not woken again; I suspect it has little to do with him naturally sleeping and more that Verity has added some sort of sedative to his IV. I am thankful that after his bed bath he had shown me how to connect his IV so Verity would be able to assist in monitoring his pain levels. Even if he felt he had to justify it by saying how it would reduce the need for him to have to pester Rose or I. I wonder if they will ever give me the whole story as to why he needs to be moved; I doubt it.

At this point it's probably for the best if it will keep him from trying to get up and move around before his body is ready to cope with those activities. Verity assures me she is going to connect the medical area directly to his bedroom, which tells me he is far from out of the woods. I wonder what else she may not be telling me. I just hope Rose will at least try to rest even if it means having her crawl in bed with him to keep them both still. I am positive now it wouldn't be the first time as I notice a few small possessions belonging to Rose as I enter his room and in spite of the almost empty room there is a queen size bed which seems to be the only really noticeable luxury. I roll the bed he is on from the medical room into his bedroom noticing the small IV hook up near the head of the bed and after settling the doctor in his own bed I move the connecter which I am sure is not normally a part of his room decor. As I turn to return the medical bed I find it has attached itself to the wall near the head of the bed.

Checking around I find a door to the right of the one I had entered in that contained a small ensuite equipped with hospital type railings and small two person shower containing a built in seat which I suspect has also been altered to meet the current needs of the Doctor. 'Thank you Verity'

Her only reply is a gentle hum.

As I reenter the bedroom I discover Rose has done as I suspected she would and crawled in next to the Doctor. She is quietly murmuring soothing words as she runs her fingers across his brow and down his left arm; the intimacy of that simple action makes me feel like I am intruding and so without a backward glance I move off to collect a few additional items from the medical area.

I am furious with Theta and furious with myself - how could I have been so stupid as to think these humans would be able to manage his care alone? Stubborn, stubborn Time Lord! I want to stay mad at him but I know better. The war has taken such a toll on him even before the end he had isolated himself trying to protect those he cared about by pushing them away, forcing himself to rely only on what he and I could accomplish. Too many disappointments and too much death has taught him that no one else could be depended on to be there to help. Lessons he urgently needs to unlearn right now. He doesn't function well in isolation, never did that is why so much of the time we have traveled with companions to distract him from his loneliness and insecurities. So even as I want to scream in frustration at his latest actions I understand far better than I think he likes why he does these stupid things. At least if they hadn't figured it out before Rose and Jack both know now how stupid he can get regarding his own health.

As Jack collects the items he will need I add a light sedative to Theta's IV which should help them be able to get him moved with out waking him. How could I have forgotten something as basic as the reaction he has to spending extended periods in the med bay? Well at least he is out of there now. In his own room he will rest better though I am not amused one bit by the set back to his healing and we will definitely be speaking when next he wakes.


	20. Rest & Recovery

Chapter 20 - Rest & Recovery

I have been watching him for hours now and hoping he is resting as peacefully as he looks. It really is amazing the difference between when he is awake and when he is sleeping. He is one of the strongest people I know; yet at the same time one of the most fragile and that contradiction is rarely so obvious as when he sleeps. When he's awake he is so very careful to hide away all the pain that he endures from the loss of his people and his planet but when he is sleeping the emotions are so close to the surface, flickering across his face clearly, telling of the things his unconscious mind is reviewing. The anguish that is painted over his features is heart rending and it now doesn't surprise me one bit why he had tried so hard to hide in those times when he reached the point he couldn't stay awake any longer. Yet there are the times, like now, when he looks so peaceful, so very young, and he seems to have an almost childlike innocence that makes me want to gather him in my arms and lock the darkness outside.

I know when he wakes we will need to talk, if nothing else so I can tell him how sorry I am for forgetting how much the medical area bothers him. I figure he will wake soon as he has been moving about a bit more. It bothers me when he is so still as it so unlike his almost constant motion which I had learned pretty quickly is caused by the fact that when he sits still too long he has too much time to think and I am sure has to do with him thinking about all the things he has lost. Getting up, moving, running away, challenging both his mind and his body seems to be his way of dealing with so many things.

-------------------------

I'm too warm, and as I wake more I realize the reason why is Rose is lying very close and I can practically feel her looking at me. I wonder what she is thinking, but don't feel up to hearing her yelling at me which I am sure she will do as soon as she realizes I am awake, all the more reason to go back to sleep. Doesn't do much good to want that though, I'm wide-awake now. I want many things, but as yet it hasn't stopped the universe from delivering those things I don't want to my doorstep almost like clockwork, cause and effect, want something - get the opposite.

"Doctor?" her voice is quiet as if she is unsure if I am awake and I am reluctant to dissuade her of the idea that I am still sleeping then, true to form, even as the idea occurs to me to try to pretend I am still asleep a sudden cramp in my right arm forces an unintentional noise and movement.

"Doctor? Are you all right?"

Kind of pointless to try to pretend to be asleep now, so I open my eyes and look over to my left, bracing myself for her angry words I mumble, "Yeah, fine, cramp," with a sour expression. Best get this over with. "Rose I…"

"Doctor, I'm so sorry…" she states in a rush even as I start to try to explain why I had to get out of the medical bay.

"What?" Okay, not what I expected.

"I'm sorry! I forgot how much the medical area bothers you!" I can't help but stare at her, unsure how to respond to that statement.

"Please don't be mad I…"

Reaching up carefully with my left hand, I touch her face with its back as I reply, "Rose, I'm not mad." How could I ever be mad at her? "It wasn't your fault"

"Yes it was! If I hadn't been so determined to go shopping we wouldn't have been there…" Suddenly she burst into tears and I feel like a heel. "You wouldn't have been hurt if I …"

"Rose…" I cringe inside as a small sob breaks from her "Please, Rose, it's not your fault, remember I was the one who chose to go there, we could have run into them anywhere."

"But…"

"No, Rose. No buts, designated driver here remember." I say trying to lighten things up and I try not to wince as she suddenly hugs me and burrows her head into my left shoulder. I realize I don't do a good enough job as she jerks back from me. Making me wish, in spite of the unexpected pain, for her back next to me.

"I'm so sorry, I should go, I just can't do any…" she blurts out in a rush.

"No! Rose, please; stop it!" I can't stand to see her so upset and I can't seem to get this right, get her to realize how much her caring means to me. "Please, Rose," I beg her with my eyes even as I try to get across to her in words. "It's all right. I'm fine, just a bit," I swallow unsure how to make her understand. "Please… I don't want you to go." I state as I reach out to touch her face hoping to calm her distress while pointedly ignoring the pain being caused by the movement in my need to get her to understand.

I watch her liquid brown eyes as she looks at me and I feel like I could fall into to them and never come out. Even in spite of the tear tracks now adorning her face she is beautiful and I know that I am so far from deserving her love that I should be ashamed of myself for wanting her. I just can't seem to convince my hearts how wrong this is as she has taken possession of them both.

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I watch my Theta and Rose and feel a stab of jealousy knowing I can never give him this physical comfort. This hurts in a way I haven't really experienced before. I know how important she is to him not just from what the Guardian had said but I can see it so very clearly in the thoughts he doesn't shield from me how much this young human means to him. He has always been fond of the human race, being far more enamored with them than the Time Lords thought was appropriate, something he had taken quite a bit of care in hiding after they forced his regeneration from his second to his third body for his interference in their planetary affairs.

Never though has he been so close to one as he has been with Rose, never before did he take a human as a lover, not that he hadn't been sorely tempted with our Sarah Jane, but he could never let himself reach out in that way. Always there was the wall he kept between himself and them. The wall of knowing how very short their lives were and the hearts ache it would bring to watch them wither and die unable to do anything to prevent it from happening. With the loss of Gallifrey, though, he needs someone and much as I would wish it could be me I know it cannot, and that desperate loneliness breached the wall where nothing else had done so previously. In the past when things had became too much for him, when he became too lonely for the physical touch of another, he would return to Romana. Though they had been lovers they both had known that it could never work between them long term, their ambitions and desires were far too different, yet time and again those very difference were what kept drawing them back together. Both of them, in their own ways, had been so very lonely even though surrounded by others. Even as I knew then I couldn't provide for him in that way, I know now it is still outside my scope of abilities. Knowing the facts doesn't them less painful, doesn't change the ache I feel to give him something more than just shelter from the universe and a means of travel.

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All I seem to do is hurt him yet still he wants me near; still he tries to convince me that it isn't my fault. He is so much better than I deserve, so much stronger than I could ever be, not just in his physical abilities, which is a given considering the differences in our species, but that in spite of all the pain he has been through he still is trying to protect me. As he asks me to stay I know I can't deny him this. As he reaches out I gently reach to support his arm as I see him wince in pain. "I'm here, not going anywhere, but please don't move around, it hurts you I can tell."

"I'm fine Rose…"

That stupid statement breaks something that was holding back my grief of what has been done to him. "Liar, you're not fine, you're so far from fine it's ridiculous for you even to try that line with me. Doctor, you have almost died two or three times now in the last forty-eight hours. I know how much you hate a fuss but don't expect me to believe such an obvious lie. Lie to yourself if you must, but don't lie to me!"

"Rose, I'm sorry, I..."

Suddenly horrified at my outburst "No, I... Please, I... It's not your fault and I shouldn't be yelling at you... You don't deserve any of this here I am yelling at you, I really didn't mean to but..."

"Rose!" with that he cuts me off my babbling. "My sweet Rose, it's okay. I understand you're upset."

"I just... I'm sorry." I want to say something, almost anything, so he knows how sorry I am, but anything seems like too little and I don't know what to say. I want so much to make it all better, I just don't know how.

I am saved from having to by Jack's exuberant entrance. "So our sleeping beauty is back in the land of the conscious again, is he?"

I almost want to laugh as he mumbles, "Not a bleedin' sleeping beauty."

At that I lean in close to his ear and whisper just loud enough for him to hear, "You are to me," which earns me a dark glower which, as I smile at him, I am relieved to see doesn't last. With the tension broken, I can mentally catch my breath and dive in. "So, you feeling up to something to eat?" I'm not sure if that will help but at least if I can get him to eat something it will help him build up his strength.

At his dark look I guess immediately what it is that he is thinking and head him off before he can even start. "And I will help you eat, so don't tell me no just because you don't want to be waited on." The expression on his face is almost comical as he realizes I have just out maneuvered him.

Catching on Jack jumps in, "I'll cook, so don't even think about it."

Looking between the two of us, he rolls his eyes and glares at the ceiling. "So do you have something to say on the topic as well, or are just prompting these two?"

The expression on his face tells me everything I need to know about what her response to that was.

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Oh! He can be so exasperating at times! Rose and Jack care about him and all he can do is think it's my fault that they want to help him. At his snide comment I give him a mental raspberry, 'Oh I have plenty to say about that stunt you pulled in the medical bay, but I will wait a bit if you eat something.' I hope that if I can make it sound like I am going to rip him a new one he will take the less painful path of letting Jack and Rose help him to postpone my scolding. It wouldn't be the first time he got a mind full of what I think about his behavior so he knows exactly how irritating I can be when I want to be and if what it takes right now is pretending to be furious with him - well, so be it. In the mean time I need to coach Rose and Jack a bit on what to make for him that will hopefully entice him to do more than just pick at his food like he normally does.

As I pick up a wave of amusement from Rose at his sour expression over my comment, I have to reassess. Maybe I won't tell Rose, at least not until she gets some better shields. The Doctor will have to teach her, it will be tiring for him, but necessary and will hopefully serve two purposes in that it will give him something constructive to do while he is convalescing that isn't too physically demanding and at the same time tire him sufficiently mentally that hopefully, in combination with Rose's presence nearby, it will allow him to get some proper healing rest.

With that decided, 'So handsome Jack, let's have a chat about nosh.'

His response is predictably amusing and vocalized, as I suspected it might be, "So pretty lady, show me your hot stuff!" and I am delighted when Theta puts in the protest "Oi! Now don't be flirting with my ship, now!" which tells me he is feeling a bit better at least, as it would certainly have been far more acerbic if he wasn't.

I can't resist the mental snicker as Jack follows up in reply to that statement. "I meant food, not you three." With a cheeky wink at the Doctor, he saunters out the door and I feel Theta's mildly exasperated mental sigh.


	21. Lessons

Chapter 21 - Lessons

It has been a frustrating morning but that can't be helped. Any morning you have to ask for help just to get to the loo is bound to be bad. Once they got me back in that bloody wheel chair, do they do as I ask and take me back to bed? No, they have to drag me off to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Breakfast is a nice cuppa before heading off to parts unseen, not that ridiculous multi-part job that Jack cooked up. It was all good, but the indignity of having to be fed like a baby was depressing

They were both good about not giving me any grief; in spite of the amount of time it took for me to eat. The way my jaw had been repeatedly broken caused significant nerve damage and biting down was now a painful and difficult chore, like so many other things. Finally I could take no more and demanded they bring me back here.

Now I lie here and I stare at my hands. The fingers are straight and unbroken now and look as they have since I first laid eyes on them, but all it takes is a small bit of movement to put a lie to the illusion of health. Somehow it seems fitting right now that I should feel this pain.

Illusion is what I am all about after all; the illusion that I deserve to have Rose and Jack here to care for me. The illusion that I am okay, that I know what I am doing. The illusion that I am not as damaged as my hands still feel; I am so very tired, not just in body but in mind. Yet I can't just close my eyes and stop moving for fear of the night terrors that rip at my subconscious and torment my sleep. I clench my fists and feel the brutal flare of pain that accompanies that action. I could force myself to stay awake like this for days if I needed to but even that escape from my nightmares, if you can call it that, will not be allowed as Rose enters and I can't bring myself to do something that will distress her. Rose - my beacon of light and joy in the darkness.

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As I enter I see he is curled up on his side and I wince as I see the pain on his face and notice his hands curled tight. His eyes are scrunched shut in distress.

"Doctor?" I ask quietly in hopes he is awake and watch as a transformation occurs, like a flash as his beautiful blue eyes pop open and he relaxes and puts a cheery smile up for me to see.

Even with these changes though, there is still a bleak sadness in his eyes that I would love to banish. So I return his smile with one of my own. I resist the urge to ask how he is doing as I can tell already he is tired of us asking.

"I brought you some juice. Verity says it will help you feel better and it is full of all kinds of good stuff."

"In other words, it's most likely going to taste dreadful," he replies sarcastically.

"Can't say, but it does smell good." I hesitate before I tell him the next bit, as I know how he dreads the nightmares. "She said it will make you sleepy though." At that he throws a sour look at the ceiling at which I hurry on to say, "But I will stay with you." With that he gives me the genuine smile I so love to see. Coming to the bed I put the glass down on the small table near by and crawl in bed with him.

Having talked with Verity before I came back I knew I would be staying in his room again for an extended bit, so I had stopped back at my own to pick up my joggers, knowing they will be far warmer to sleep in than his thin blankets. I have no delusions about the likelihood of him suffering nightmares after everything he has been through.

As I scoot in a bit closer, I roll over and get his drink. He looks at it like it contains poison, but he takes the glass anyway, quickly drinks down the contents and hands it back as if he can't get rid of it fast enough. Quickly I put it back on the nightstand and roll back to get nearer to him. All the time I feel his eyes on me. "I'm not going anywhere," I assure him. I'm not completely sure he believes me but I can tell he wants to.

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I hear her soft call and I can't help but respond to the distress in her voice. I give her my best smile as I quickly put back on the mask of normality, illusion; it is what I do best after all. I can't resist the snarky comment though as she tells me about the drink Verity has concocted for me, but I do know Verity tries.

Verity's soft comment is not scolding me for my sarcasm, but worse, in it is her sadness. 'There is only so much I can hide when you can analyze things simply by tasting them.'

'I know love and if there is anyone in the universe I can trust to try to take of me I know it's you.' To prove my point I take the glass Rose proffers and drink it down, trying to show both of them in that act that I do trust them, knowing Rose will wake me if I start having a nightmare and Verity will protect her from any unconscious broadcasting I might do in my sleep. Between the two I may actually have a chance at some rest. I'm not holding breath on it though. As feel Rose carefully snuggle next to me, I close my eyes and hope for the best as I feel the sedative and pain killers begin to take effect even as my body begins to absorb the much-needed nutrients.

***********************

I watch the interaction between Theta and Rose and mentally sigh as they settle down to rest. I know Theta is aware that I follow his thoughts and am reading his mind, and doesn't like it, but he doesn't lock me out either. After nearly losing him and his actions recently I need the comfort of hearing him knowing that he is okay even if I don't like what he is thinking. As long as I leave him to his own thoughts as sad as they are at times he won't keep me out. Yet another reason I love him; that he cares enough to allow me this comfort in spite of his own dislike of my fussing.

I am distracted from my thoughts as I feel Jack caressing my console edge and talking to me. "It's going to be okay Verity. Not like you're alone, you have Rose and I to help now. We all care about him and you saw as well as I that he is improving."

I'm not sure what to say to this, it is so unusual for humans to be so bold at speaking with me, so many not being able to get used to the idea of me being alive. But Jack is showing once again that he is not like everyone else and it feels nicer than I thought it would to know someone besides Theta accepts me for who I am. 'I know Jack. How did you know I was thinking about that?'

"I heard the sound of your engines change and you sounded sad."

'I... Most humans can't.'

"Not a lot of purebred humans left by my time. Always have heard a bit more then most." He says this with such sadness it is obvious he has heard more than one conversation he wishes he hadn't.

"I bet he can tell by just listening where something is wrong, can't he?"

It's true, but not something I care to share with Jack. I don't tell Theta's secrets any more than I expect him to tell mine; if Theta wants to tell him he will. When I don't answer he says, "You love him don't you? He seems to have at affect on people, either they love him or loath him."

I answer his question with a question this time. 'What about you Jack?'

His reply is an awkward smile, "I think that should be obvious by now, Ms. Verity"

He is right in this, it is obvious he too has fallen for Theta's charms and I feel sorry for him. Theta is so wrapped up in Rose that no one else is ever going to be able to take her place. She has captured both his hearts leaving no room for anyone else, that at times it seems to include me as well. It has become more than obvious he would do anything for her. I just hope that I will be able to pick up the pieces when her human body fails, as all humans do so quickly and he loses her.

"Rose finally get him to sleep?"

'Yes. She is staying with him though, to wake him if needed.'

"Good, they both need the rest."

His consideration of our needs makes me wonder. 'What do you need Jack?'

He is silent for so long I wonder if he will answer at all. His reply though tells me nothing. "I'm good." I suspect it's like Theta's 'I'm fine' - it's something he says when he can't or won't admit to things. In some ways Jack and he are quite alike in terms of their coping and it saddens me that he doesn't have someone. I wish that I could make this better for him.

*************************

Four hours later I wake as I feel Rose's distress and find I have wrapped myself around her in my sleep and am using her chest as a pillow.

As she realizes I am awake she quickly but carefully disentangles herself before dashing for the ensuite with a quick, "Sorry!"

I can't help the bemused expression I get when I realize why she had been in distress.

She emerges a few minutes later looking disheveled yet oh so lovely. "Nothing to be sorry about, I didn't intend to pin you down like that, though I have to admit it is a lovely way to wake. Well not the whole you needing the loo thing but sleeping with you." I actually feel a bit embarrassed about how much I crawled over her in my sleep, but I am thankful she let me do so as I realize that I didn't wake once from a nightmare and smile.

"You were sleeping so nicely I hated to wake you, as to pinning me," the look she gives me I am sure must be illegal for indecency on at least a thousand planets and that lick and tongue poke on a few thousand more "You can pin me any time you like."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Ms. Tyler?"

"Is it working?" I shiver as her eyes flick down for a moment and across my body before returning to my face a moment later with less seduction and more concern as I sense her remembering exactly why she had been in my room.

"Yes, just fine." I smile, trying to recapture the light moment. "Come back to bed and check me out?" I state with slight leer.

Her steps are hesitant as she returns and her smile timid. As she returns I realize I am actually feeling quite a bit better, many of the areas on the trunk of my body have made significant progress in their healing and as Rose crawls back in to the bed I am very happy for that.

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I wake with the need for the loo but as I feel how he has sprawled across me and looking down at the relaxed and peaceful expression on his face I can't bear the thought of waking him. So instead I try to think of something else but the more I try to think of something else, the more I need to go.

When I reenter the room he is still on his side, his light blankets barely high enough to cover his modesty and making him an oh so yummy vision of sexy male, firm sculpted muscles, and a chest that begs to be touched and his intense beautiful eyes. His mostly exposed state and his light teasing make me forget for a moment the horrors of the last couple of days. Then as I look down his frame and, on seeing his hands, I hesitate as I remember exactly how close I have come to losing him recently. I want to touch him, but he has been through so much and I know his hands are just beginning to heal. It was not lost on me the relief he showed when a mere four hours ago he had released his clenched hands as he tried to pretend he hadn't been doing so.

When he invites me back to bed I don't resist, as what better way then to find out exactly what level his healing is at, and with Verity's help I can do that.

'Verity?'

'Yes, Rose'

'Can you help me feel what he does?'

'Rose, ask him to show you himself, that isn't my place. If he wants you to know he will show you.' I feel her intense disapproval at my request.

I am not happy at her response but at the same time I know it was right that she should refuse, even if it would have made things simpler.

As I crawl into bed I ask, "Doctor, can I touch you?"

"You need to ask now?" he says, with just enough sarcasm to cover what was rapidly becoming an awkward moment.

Instead I lean in and kiss him at the same time I gently press and caress his shoulder to encourage him to lie back. Feeling him tense beneath my fingers, as he has to move his feet to accommodate his change of position, I am glad when he relaxes again as he finishes moving to his back. As the need for air takes hold of me I release him.

"Not that I'm objecting, but what was that for?"

"I wanted to, you're looking rather kissable at the moment."

"I am?" Surprise and disbelief are evident in his voice.

"Yes! Very much so." I run my fingers along his jaw and the start of a beard there then up to gently touch his temple. "Let me in?" at his hesitant confused look I clarify, "I want to touch you without hurting you. I want to..." Embarrassment stalls my words there are a lot of things I want to do but mostly I want him healthy and happy and to know for certain that he really is better not just saying so to comfort me.

The confusion clears, "Rose I..."

"Please? I just want you to feel better, for you to have a bit of pleasure to think about instead of the pain." He hesitates a moment longer, then I feel the gentle tickle in my mind that I have come to associate with him. Moving my hand down his face I caress it gently and feel the sensation as well as the contentment at the action and hope he can feel how happy it makes me.

'I can,' is his gentle reply, which makes me smile like a loon. My smile fades some when he smiles back and I feel the discomfort and pain in his jaw. No, not so much pain but a stretching an over used muscle kind of feeling that is just one step removed from pain.

"Rose, this isn't a good idea, I appreciate your thought but..." I kiss him to stop his words. He looks at me as if he isn't sure what to do.

I feel his reluctance to let go of the connection, but there is also worry there. "Doctor, talk to me, what is it? Are you worried I will hurt you?"

"No." His response to that is intense and clear and I am glad it's not that.

"Then what is it?"

The look he gives me makes my heart ache with its vulnerability and his words when he speaks are so soft I barely make them out. "Don't want to hurt you."

"You won't!" His eyes fix on the bruise on my arm where he had grabbed me while trying to escape his nightmare. "You would never have hurt me intentionally, I know that."

"Rose, you have no way to keep me from hurting you even unintentionally. You say you want this connection yet it is dangerous for you. I could so easily hurt you not intending to, especially now. You saw what happened with the nightmare. You didn't know how to shut me out and I hurt you in that way to. What happened with the Essarrians, it could have been so much worse, they at least aren't telepaths."

"Your exposure to both Verity and I has made you more vulnerable because your natural inclination to block someone out has been compromised. Verity and I have been protecting you so far but there will be times when we can't."

"Then teach me! Don't just push me away."

"You won't like it."

"Let me worry about that. Now what do I need to do?"

"First I need you to imagine you're in a room."

So I think of the room we are in. "No, I need you to think of someplace where you feel safe, like you could close the door and no one could ever hurt you."

I open my eyes and look directly in him "That's right here." I feel his surprise at that comment but he looks away for a moment and he say nothing.

Taking a deep breath he begins again. "Okay, I want you to picture a door. Everyone and everything goes outside of that door. That includes me to Rose."

I open my eyes to look at him. "But I don't..."

"You won't be safe from me until you can keep me out as well." His blue eyes are intense and I can feel how desperately he wants this and can't deny him.

"Okay." As I close my eyes I again visualize the room we are sharing and this time he is there in the room and turns and walks out the doorway I have constructed. As he does I feel him pulling back and closing the connection and can't help the feeling of loss I almost always feel as he leaves.

"Concentrate, Rose." At his gentle words, I refocus on the task at hand.

"I am going to try to enter and I need you to keep that door shut."

I picture locking the door and leaning against it but a moment later he is there striding in as if I had made no effort at all and for a moment I am afraid as I realize how easily he stepped within. I want to believe it was just because it was him, but I know with a sickening sense of certainty that it wasn't.


	22. Learning & Trust

Chapter 22 - Learning and Trust

A/N: for those of you that hadn't caught on Illupodifettoso when stretched out Il lupo difettoso stands for the bad wolf in Italian (or so my handy internet language translation software says).

"Rose, it has been two days now. It's not that hard! Why aren't you listening? I said keep the door shut; not just let me walk right in!"

"Well excuse me for not being a bloody Time Lord telepath like you are!"

"Jack can do this standing on his head."

"Well I'm not Jack!"

"Oh really, I would have never guessed. Rose you need to know this, you need to try!"

"I am trying!" She states glaring at me. At which point I decide we need a break. I hate fighting with her as it makes us both miserable, but after what has just happened at Illupodifettoso I can no longer ignore how great the danger is for her wandering around without shields.

After a day and a half stuck in bed, this morning I finally had it, and made my way to the control room with Rose's help. My feet and hands are still ablaze with the pain from that move, much as the rest of me aches from the stress on the repaired bones and new nerves. But right now I am far more frustrated at the fact that, in spite of repeatedly going over the process of how to shield her self from psychic attack, Rose still is able to only produce a token resistance.

"Jack, don't do..." I try to warn him as I see him working on one of the repairs Verity needs and has agreed to let Jack do. He is trying to wire the damaged panel in to a bank with which she hates to have me mess around in.

"Yowch! What was that for sweetheart?" He shouts at her sudden burst of high voltage then proceeds to suck on the burnt fingers of his left hand.

'You hurt me! I told you to leave that panel alone,' is her sullen reply.

"But it..." Jack starts only to be cut off with her sharp reply.

'Leave it!'

"Unless your looking for cold showers and more burnt fingers I recommend you listen to her," I suggest, as I can tell by her mental voice she is getting tired of him working on that repair which is exactly why it hasn't be fixed up to this point. What I have yet to figure out is why that area is so sensitive and she so defensive of anyone touching that area.

I can tell she has really taken to Jack, the fact she has allowed him to work on her at all is a marvel and speaks to the trust she has in him. I wonder at this newly forged relationship though and I feel a pang of anxiety as I wonder for a moment if she is looking for a new pilot. It is an anxiety quickly quelled as I remember he is only human and, for the same reasons it is a bad idea for me to have the relationship with Rose, it is an equally bad idea for her to depend on him to replace me - in some ways even worse idea. Humans are too ephemeral, too easily damaged or killed, and their lives are so short in comparison to ours, and far sooner than I would like, they both will be gone. That thought brings me full circle back to Rose. I really don't know what I will do when that time comes and I need to make sure it is as far away as possible.

"Doctor? Are you in pain, can I get you something?" comes Rose's soft interruption of my gloomy thoughts.

Shaking my head no, and in spite of the pain it causes, I pull Rose close to me. I don't want anything that will take her from my side at the moment, even if it would be to get something to reduce my physical pain. I know far too soon she will be gone forever and I will again be all alone.

'Not completely alone, you will still have me,' comes Verity's gentle mental caress.

'True and you will still have to put up with me, too. In this together, we are, my lovely Verity.'

Jack, as if sensing my unwillingness to part with Rose, states, "Don't worry about it, Rose, I'll get him something when I get the burn ointment."

With that he gets my attention. "Jack, how bad is that burn? Let me see."

"'S 'kay, Doc, no big deal, had worse." Something about his excessive nonchalance regarding it and the fact he is standing where I can't see it from where I'm sitting concerns me.

"Then you won't mind me looking at it." He shifts uncomfortably at that, but in doing so he also moves to a point where I can see his hand with one of Verity's sensors. I then understand exactly why he is being evasive as I see a wide area of blackened skin crossing the two fingers closest to his left thumb.

As I inhale deeply I also catch the scent of burnt flesh and my next words are no longer a request. "Jack, I want to see your hand, now! Don't bother to hide it I can smell the burn from here."

At that I hear Rose gasp beside me and in a flash she is moving to see for herself the injury. I watch as she moves to him; all kindness and light is my Rose.

"Jack, that's a bad third degree burn! Why didn't you say something?"

Still trying to make light of it, he replies a bit defensively, "Funny, I distinctly remember saying ouch and I did say I was going to get something for it."

By now Rose has grabbed his other hand though and is pulling him in my direction. "Doctor look at this burn!" I can't help but be glad it isn't me on the receiving end of her concerned attentions, as I know how tenacious she is when she is caring for someone, regardless of if they think they need to be cared for.

As I look over the burn, I resist the urge to actually touch his hand, as I know it would do no any good as my own hands are still too damaged to give me any useful information. "Doesn't look too bad. I have a nice setting on the sonic that should fix that right up. Rose what did you..."

"Looking for this?" She says waving the sonic screwdriver.

As I reach to take it from her she snatches it back. "Oh no you don't. Tell me what setting and I will sort it. You've already used your hands too much today. Don't think I didn't notice you rubbing your hands earlier." She states waving the sonic like some miniature baton to emphasize her point.

Recognizing a lost cause when I see one, I rattle off the number, "5437". Just because she right doesn't mean I have to like it pointed out. I watch as Rose deftly manipulates my favorite tool, moving it over Jack's hand, and I listen to the small noises of distress as she works. I can't help but feel touched by her tenderness even though this time I am not the recipient, maybe even more so as it is the first time in days I'm not.

"It's okay, really, Rose. I just would have used the dermal regenerator on it." Jack replies as she finishes up with the burn.

"Then why did you ask about burn ointment?" asks Rose. Nothing gets by her and the sooner Jack learns that one the better.

"Habit, I guess. I have spent a fair amount of time where there are no dermal regenerators or nanogenes to take care of those kinds of things." At his self-conscious look Rose realizes, as I already suspected, that there was probably good reason for him spending a lot of time in the older time frames.

With that she bounces over to the console and crouches down to peer at what he was working on. "So what's it supposed to do that it isn't?"

"It's a stabilizer." Jack and I say at the same time. Then looking at each other he shrugs and I try not to be annoyed that someone else is answering question about my Verity.

But being annoyed is not an option as Rose laughs at the two of us and as usual her bell like laughter puts me in a better mood.

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I hear the Doctor's warning to late and jerk back in surprise at Verity's unexpected action. At the Doctor's second warning I stop trying to explain to Verity what I was thinking. As my hand begins to throb more fiercely, I hear Verity's quiet apology for hurting me. 'Could have just told me to stop,' is my somewhat petulant reply.

As I look over at the Doctor I see his expression of distress and I wonder when he last had anything. He is so very stubborn when it comes to taking anything that might make him sleep, even if it will give him relief from the pain he is obviously experiencing. Considering his reaction to the nightmare I saw I couldn't say I blame him. Even as this occurs to me I hear Rose's question and the expression on his face that Rose isn't in a position to see. Two things are very obvious to me, one there is nothing in creation that would get him to let her go and two, as I had suspected, the Doctor is in a huge amount of pain that he will never admit to right now, if ever. A throbbing stab from my hand proposes a solution to both.

As I ask about burn ointment I am suddenly pinned by his powerful blue gaze and it makes me realize again this is a very old and powerful alien. Even as badly injured and hurting as he is, he is here trying to teach Rose how to protect herself and suddenly I feel very foolish for saying anything about a couple of burned fingers. Then I see him stiffen and I hear the steel in his voice and I know there will be no avoiding showing him my hand. What surprises me even more is Rose's reaction to his words and her insistent solicitude. Her chiding of my not acting immediately on taking care of the burn makes me feel like a scolded boy. "Funny, I distinctly remember saying ouch and I did say I was going to get something for it."

As she drags me over to the Doctor to look at my hand I can't help a bemused expression as she teases him regarding the sonic screwdriver but it all becomes too serious as she catches on to the fact that going to the med lab was an excuse, there is no denying she is a sharp one. She also undeniably has a heart of gold and I wonder again who I have to thank for the good fortune of connecting with these two. As she moves off to look at what I was working on I feel relief that she isn't going to pursue my comment about the time I spent in the past.

When I catch the Doctor's expression when I answer Rose's question it makes me think of his comment about my shielding ability and suddenly I know something that will give something back to both of them for their kindness. 'Verity how do you feel about this? You think this will work?' and I show her the idea that has just occurred to me. 'I think so, I can provide the bridge for Rose to see what you're doing, but if you so much as think inappropriately at Rose the meaning of hot water will be a foreign concept for you for a good long time. You understand me Jack?'

'Understood, beautiful. You made yourself perfectly clear that first night. Mind and hands off the blonde,' and I smile as I mock shiver, letting her know I don't hold any grudge regarding the incident. 'Now, let's see what they think.'

"Rose, if you could see what the Doctor is talking about with regard to shielding would it help?"

"I'm... " The uncertain worried look she gives the Doctor makes me wonder if I should have said anything. But I have the Doctor's attention now.

"What are you thinking, Captain?"

"Your comment earlier got me thinking. I have training in shielding and you and Verity are both telepaths so..."

"So if Rose could see what it looks like from the inside, maybe she will have a better idea how to make her own shields stick." The sound of excitement in his voice makes the headache I am sure I'll have before this is over worth the effort. "Jack, I do believe you may be on to something. Rose what do you think?" The hopeful expression on his face makes me think of a kid at Christmas and I suddenly realize how deeply worried he has been about Rose's safety.

Based on the expression on Rose's face, I suspect I am not the only one coming to that revelation and I give her credit for how steady she keeps her voice as she replies. "I guess. What do I have to do?"

"First, we move to someplace more comfortable." I at least want to be comfortable physically, as I know this is going to be far from comfortable in most every other way. I don't like people messing around in my head and for this exercise that will be both a plus and a minus as I will need to block the Doctor yet at the same time maintain my connection with Verity who will be showing Rose my thoughts.

As the Doctor tries to stand Rose moves to help him but I intercept her. "Doctor, if you don't mind." The look he gives me is sour but he nods, acknowledging what we both know - the exercise of mental breaking and entering is exhausting even for someone in perfect health, let alone someone in his more fragile physical condition.

With that I pick him up and notice again for someone who doesn't look that heavy, he is, and I know it is virtually all muscle. He has far more lean muscle mass than a human and I am sure that explains the odd comment or two that indicated that he is much stronger than he looks. Which brings to mind how I had to twist some of said muscles to realign his arm three days ago, is this really such a good idea? Probably not. What with his need for physical recovery and the sheer stupidity of asking a telepathic alien who I hardly know anything about, and who has an unknown psychic strength, to try to force their way into my mind, I wonder if I haven't already totally lost my senses. But there is something about him that just screams 'trust me' and I know, in a way I am rarely so very certain of, that he deserves my trust and support. I wonder if all Time Lords were like him or if, as I suspect, he was unique even among them.


	23. Mental Sparing

Chapter 23 - Mental Sparing

Inside the main corridor to the interior, just a few feet down on the left where I know there was only a blank wall this morning, there is now a beautiful wood door and that is the Doctor's intended destination. As we reach the doorway, I notice something odd - there is no doorknob. As I draw parallel to the doorway I intend to ask about it but, even as I open my mouth to speak, the door slides into the wall and I stand in wonder at the immense library that I see before me.

Rarely have I seen so many books collected in one place and never in a private collection like this. It is stunning and I know it would take me lifetimes to read all of these. The room must be four stories high. As I look down at the man in my arms and see his smug grin I realize he knew what my reaction would be to this treasure trove.

"Where did you get all of these books?" Rose asks in amazement. I continue to stare from where we stand in the door, as Verity begins to turn on lights and with each successive set the place seems to expand, with no end in sight.

"Oh, here and there, time traveler you know." His reply is casual but he can't disguise his delight at leaving me gobsmacked.

"Why?" her question has both of us staring at her. "Well, it's a valid question." She looks embarrassed at having said anything and completely defensive. "Not like you could read them all."

His response doesn't surprise me, but the tone he delivers it in does; it is cold hard and yet at the same time hurt and distressed. "I HAVE read them all. Now, if you're done gaping like a fish, Captain, shall we get on with this?" As I move as directed to the right, I notice Rose's hurt and embarrassed expression as I pass her stationary form.

As I do, I see a room nestled in under a stairway. It at first seems small but really is quite spacious - it is only in comparison to the vast size of the library that it appears diminutive. As the wall on this side is transparent, it is easy to see a sectional seating arrangement consisting of a long comfortable looking sofa and two large tall backed recliners that look like seating for royalty. The exception is that instead of a royal blue or purple they, and the room, are done in a deep rich green and the floor is carpeted in a multi-colored green that at a distance looks like grass. My attention is captured by what appears to be a large oil painting hanging above a large ornate marble fireplace. It is of a beautiful landscape bathed in orange light in it there is a citadel in the distance, which is highlighted by a grove of silver trees in the foreground and rich rolling hills of red grass spread out over the plains. I am so distracted by the lovely room and its prominent painting that I don't, at first, notice the tension that is suddenly evident in the Doctor's body. It is only when Rose comes up and places her hand on his cheek, whispering comforting words to him, that it dawns on me that this must be a picture of his home planet. As I look back again the painting has been changed to that of an English manor house on a beautifully groomed estate. It is complete with horseback riders and jubilant hounds emerging from a verdant forest and a rolling landscape of equally verdant grass, all beneath a bright blue summer sky.

Without a word, I move to the wide overstuffed couch sitting in front of the fireplace and try to make the Doctor as comfortable as I can. In spite of my efforts, I don't miss the flashes of pain that cross his features as he settles himself. Knowing better by now than to ask him if he wants anything for the pain, I ask Verity if he will be okay. Her regretful reply is what I expected, that he has already refused to take anything. Instead of taking one of the chairs as I expected Rose would, she instead sits down on the floor next to him where she can, and does, place her hand on his left arm. Knowing what is to come I settle in one of the chairs and am happy to find it quite comfortable. I am almost startled by the harsh sound of his voice in the quiet of the room. "We going to do this or not?"

Rose and I nod and I feel Verity's subdued assent. "Rose, I need you to close your eyes and think of your safe zone. Verity will then show you how things appear from Jack's side and the thoughts and actions he has as he blocks me out at different levels of resistance. Verity will act as monitor as well, and shut down the connections if needed." Almost as an after thought, he adds, "And do try to keep your mind on business and out of the gutter, Jack."

"I..." at his sharp look I change my mind about making the flippant quip I was tempted to make and instead settle for a serious, "Yes sir."

Looking at each of us as he asks, "Ready?" at our agreement he states, "let's begin."

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It seems like hours and hours since we started and already I am tired. The Doctor, as I had expected, is a very powerful and competent telepath and parrying and dodging his mental thrusts and attempts to enter my mind is a lot of work. More than it used to be, I am sure; because I am doing something I haven't practiced doing in a long while. As Verity calls for a break, I first become aware of my own rapidly beating heart and the harsh sound of my breathing in my ears, almost as if I have been running for an extended period of time. I am not allowed to be preoccupied by my own reactions to what we have been doing as I'm alarmed as I hear the Doctor coughing and the sound of Rose's soft mumbled words.

Snapping to alertness honed over years of training and surviving by my wits, I am moving across the room in moments and I immediately know exactly why Verity had halted our mental sparing session. The Doctor is now pale, sweating and trembling, none of which are good signs.

"Doctor, why didn't you say something?!" I practically shout at him as I reach to take his pulse.

"I'm fine! Just let me catch my breath and…"

"You are not fine." And I am surprised as it is said in perfect sync with Rose's words, to which she gives me a wane smile.

"Your hearts are racing and you're both pale and clammy. Verity, why did you let him continue this long?"

"Leave her alone, Jack," comes the Doctor's defensive yet far too breathless words. "It wasn't her fault." The fact he has to pause before continuing is now seriously beginning to worry me. "I told her to quit pestering me."

"And you call us stupid apes," I mumble under my breath, and then continue louder, "So it's your stupidity then that has put you in this state?" The Doctor's next words disturb me far more because they indicate he really has been pushing it than because of their content - I realize now that when he was giving me breaks this last hour, he wasn't taking any of his own.

"She is getting it Jack! She is making progress! When I put out tentative pushes against her mind, she has been able to push back. She has made more progress in this past hour than she has in two days! Don't you understand what this means?"

"That you have a death wish?" I snap in irritation, ignoring his enthusiasm in the face of the evidence of what it has cost him in terms of exhaustion. I immediately regret the words as Rose gives me a horrified look then sobs and runs from the room.

For a long moment there is an oppressive silence of the library, which is broken only by his single accusatory word, "Happy?"

"Doctor, I..."

"Shut up, Jack, and take me to my room." The cold anger I can feel radiating off of him tells me everything I need to know.

Suddenly I feel like a total arse. I hadn't meant to hurt Rose, but how could my unthinking words not do so? His actions when he first regained consciousness and the fact that he has been pushing himself so hard now so that she could be safe could do nothing else but turn that statement into an accusation. At this point it is painfully obvious I am in no position to argue or try to apologize to him because he has no intentions of listening. So I do as he requests and carefully gather him into my arms to carry him to his room. I vow to myself as I do so that I will get him something for the pain as soon as I get him settled, then seek out the one person that is an even greater balm to him than I suspect any medication he has on board could be; Rose. Hopefully she will be more willing to forgive me for my unthinking words, because I know it is the only way he will.

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As he shows us into the library I marvel at the immensity of the place and can't help the comment that slips from my lips, "Where did you get all of these books?" And I smile at his light and happy sounding response.

Then I wonder aloud, "Why?" and feel like a fool as they both stare at me in disbelief. Of course both of them would see books as being treasures, not as the hard work with which my interrupted schooling had made me associate library books. "Well it's a valid question." I try to give them a good reason and only make things worse. "Well it's not like you could read them all."

At the Doctor's cold response I cringe. Brilliant, remind him how old he is as well as how young and stupid I am in one smooth move. Why does he work so hard for me when he knows how stupid I am? It's not like there aren't millions of humans, just in my time alone, that are so much smarter than me, and he has all of time and space to choose from. Maybe that's it - he was looking for the dumbest of the lot. Suddenly I feel a flash of grief from him and run the few steps that we have been separated. As I get closer I see immediately the picture that has triggered his anguish, knowing it from the images of his home I have seen briefly during memory flashes while sharing his mind. I try to comfort him as I can, recognizing again how little I can do to ease the hurting from the gaping hole in his life that was the home he has lost.

As I look back, wondering what Verity was thinking leaving that picture on the wall; I notice that it has now been changed. 'Sorry, I forgot,' Verity's soft, guilt ridden, words come to me and I remember it is not only the Doctor that has lost everything.

'Me too, Verity, me too, I am so sorry.'

As we move into the library den and begin I find it fascinating how Jack counter acts what the Doctor does. I am amazed by the interactions but at the same time I have a feeling the Doctor isn't putting out nearly the force he could to break through the barriers Jack has erected.

As Verity calls a halt, I feel a wave of nausea, accompanied by intense pain in more places than I think I have ever felt hurt before. I am so shocked by its intensity I can't even cry out and I know with a sickening certainty that it is what the Doctor has been enduring. "My poor Doctor! Rest now, this can wait were not going anywhere..." My words are cut off as he begins to cough and shake. Before I can do anything Jack is here and yelling at him and Verity and I can feel how scared Jack is, which frightens me as well.

When Jack asks the Doctor if he has a death wish it dawns on me that yet again he has put his own health at jeopardy because of me and I can't take knowing yet again he is ill because of me. I'm not worth the misery I am creating in the life of this beautiful man and suddenly I can't take it and I run. I don't know where I plan to go, and I don't care, I just need to be away from the Doctor who I keep hurting.


	24. Practice Makes Perfect

Chapter 24 - Practice Makes Perfect

As I run I think of the things that have happened to him since I came into his life the morgue in Cardiff he wouldn't have been in if he hadn't had to go chasing after the hearse to get me back, and the earthquake on Woman Wept that he was trapped in because he felt guilty about taking me to see my dad. A guilt he didn't deserve, for a trip where he was actually eaten by a Reaper that my selfish actions had let loose. Then there was letting Adam have not just my mobile but my TARDIS key, which again nearly got him killed, and now this latest disaster where not only did my actions get him captured but they got him tortured! Tortured so badly that he thought dying was better than letting them have control over him any longer, all over a stupid shopping trip I tricked him into agreeing to; he doesn't even like going shopping.

Finally, I can run no longer, my tears making it impossible for me to get enough air to do so. Stopping, I just pick a door at random to enter. Maybe I can hide away here and he will forget I'm aboard and get on with his life with out me messing it up. But I can't help the sob I emit as I enter and it is obvious that is not going to be a choice; somehow, in spite of my running, where I have arrived is the Doctor's bedroom.

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Oh my precious Rose, what have I done to you? I am furious with Jack for his horrid choice of wording. Yet it doesn't change the fact that it was my choices that have made them so painful. None of this has been your fault and yet time and again it is you who pay for my actions. I wish I were stronger and could take you home, take you where you would be safe. But I am not nearly as strong as you; all the more is the shame that, you a twenty-year-old human have more courage than I. You, at least, tried to put distance between us, tried to protect yourself from me by pushing me away. That was until I let my jealousy get the better of me and lured you back because I couldn't bear the thought you might turn to Jack. Then did I do what I know I should have, and teach you how to protect yourself? No, I have to try to impress and take you someplace where… As she enters the room sobbing, all tears and broadcasted grief, I feel so very stupid. "I… Oh Rose, I have been such an old fool."

"No, don't say that! You're brilliant; you have always been and always will be brilliant. I'm the one that's the stupid…"

"Yeah brilliant, brilliant at putting your life in danger! Brilliant at making you miserable." Before I can say another word I find myself with my arms full of a distraught Rose Tyler. Even in spite of the pain her clinging is causing me right now I can't let her go and for that I know I deserve exactly what I am getting.

"No Doctor, don't ever think that. It's you who keeps me safe, from that very first time you told me run you have been saving me. You keep so many people safe. You let them live out their lives never having to know about things like Autons, Gelth, Slitheen, Daleks and all the rest. That's what you do, it's who you are and all it seems I can do is get you hurt." Even as she says this I can tell it dawns on her the position she is in and she tries to move back away from me. As I tighten my arms about her she freezes. "See?" Her self-castigation is cut short as Jack enters a large glass in his hand.

"Doctor, I'm sor…" Jack's words stutter to a halt as he realizes the position Rose and I are in. "I'll just..." and I see him gesture toward leaving and I am a bit surprised that he hasn't instead made some risqué comment.

"No Jack, it's all right come in. In fact it looks like you have brought me exactly what I needed." Then looking at Rose, "well, the other thing I needed."

Deciding that maybe he hasn't come at as awkward a time as it appeared, he comes over and offers me the glass in his hand. "Verity said it would…"

"Yes, I know," I state in resignation, "but Rose is here." And I look at her hoping she will understand what I am asking, what I need, without having to actually ask. Even though I don't deserve her compassion, I hope that, in spite of all my stupidity, she will forgive me and not leave. I need the rest. Right now this medication and she can provide me that, but I need her more, even if that means an extended talk and postponing taking what Verity has provided.

She looks between Jack and I and I see her come to a decision. Her quiet words of, "I'm here," cause me to let go the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and I reach for the glass Jack is holding out. As she notices how badly my hand is shaking she reaches up and gently stabilizes it with her own and I give her an apologetic smile as she helps me drink. Not another word is said as she hands it back to Jack and he turns to leave. As he reaches the door I know, though, that I have to say something. "Thank you Jack." I know it's less than he deserves, considering everything I have put him through recently, but I can't help the anger I still feel for his hurting Rose with his unthinking words.

Looking back he nods and gives me a small smile. "Get some rest, Doctor." Even as I hear the door close I can feel the drink taking effect, much faster than usual and I realize that the mixture he just gave me was quite a bit stronger. I also know it is exactly what I need as I feel the relief washing through me. Needing her reassurance, I ask even as I feel the sedatives rapidly sucking me into unconsciousness, "Stay with me?" and think I hear her say, "Forever" as I slip into sleep.

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When he won't let me go I can't bear to try to pull away and cause him yet more pain, as I remember very clearly how much pain he was in when we were in the library. As Jack comes in with the medicated drink Verity has been providing I know that, regardless of what happens, I cannot leave him to face his nightmares alone when he has suffered so much already for me. This, at least, I can't screw up.

As he sleeps I think, and the more I do I realized that as much as I have done wrong he still seems at times almost desperate to keep me with him. I know he has been sleeping more since we have began sleeping together even in those times when all we do is sleep. From the frequency that Verity had woken me because of his nightmares previously I know that getting a good rest for him was rare. Looking back over things, I also see the number of times that it has been only with both our efforts that things have been fixed and we were able to escape. Sometimes it is difficult to keep things in perspective in the chaos of our lives but when I lay with him curled around me like this, things get very simple. I love him. I don't want to see him hurt, and I don't want to be anywhere else and so as long as he will let me, I will stay, be it one day or forever.

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I awake to the sound of whimpering and realize immediately what that means. He's dreaming and they aren't pleasant ones. I move hoping to wake him in doing so as I have so many times before but this time it seems to have no effect. Gently I try to turn in his grasp and freeze at the heart chilling hopeless sound of him calling my name. I don't know what he is dreaming this time, but I do know whatever it is has caused that sound of despair and it hurts to think of anything causing him that kind of pain. Gently pressing on his shoulder I try to shake him only for his arm to tighten about my middle.

"Doctor?"

"You can't. I won't let you!" Come his cries. "You can't make me. Noooooo," now he is beginning to thrash and scream and I know one of us is going to get hurt if I can't get him to wake soon.

I don't know what possesses me to do so but when he doesn't respond to more vigorous shaking I reach up and touch his face. In that moment I find myself in a war zone watching myself being dragged across a field by two large Essarrians. I gasp in horror as I see them dragging me to a table much like what they had us tied to before. 'You need to Doctor, there is no time left' I hear a woman's voice telling him. 'No, I can't, please I...' Then there is pain so much pain everywhere. I scream and push back coming to full awareness as my butt impacts the floor. Above me I hear his harsh labored breathing but am also aware, how I am not sure, that he is now awake and I move quickly back to his side.

He looks dazed and his words at first sound hurt, "You pushed me out," then amazed. "Rose, you pushed me out!" ending in clear delight as he fully realizes what I have done. "Rose you did it! You pushed me out of your mind!"

All I can do is stare at him for a moment as the shock of the rapid psychic transitions wears off. Then I can't stop the smile I give him as I realize he's right. I suspect that it will take a fair amount of practice yet before I can do it consistently but we have definitely made progress.

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It's been a two days since I made my breakthrough escaping his nightmare and things have gone much better today in spite of his irritation at needing to sleep some after our session.

I watch as he sleeps again curled into my side. His arm is across my belly, leg thrown over mine, and head on my shoulder. It doesn't seem to matter what position we start in when we go to sleep this is where I find him each time I wake before him. It's as if he unconsciously feels he needs to do this to prevent me from leaving. I do know, when I am honest with myself, I could never willingly leave him. It matters not to me which way we sleep for the most part, if this is all it takes to keep his nightmares away, then all the better. Even if sometime he puts his head where it makes my arm 'go to sleep' it is a very tiny price to pay, one I would willingly pay for the rest of my life to give him peaceful sleep.

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It has been a long day first working with the Doctor then with Verity on the temporal mechanics of working with a time ship and navigating through the Vortex. The ships I have had experience with are like children's primers in comparison to Verity's complexities. But as hard as it has been, it has also been exhilarating to know that they are willing to work with this 'dumb ape', and compared to them I really do feel exceptionally dumb. As Rose finally persuades the Doctor to rest I smile because I suspect rest isn't the only thing on Rose's mind for them to do in bed. It is a suspicion confirmed later when I feel what is unquestionably the Doctor broadcasting his pleasure. In spite of the stressfulness of this last week I realize it is something I wouldn't have missed for the universe.

************************************

At a powerful spike of psychic energy I am frightened, I know Theta and Rose are making love, I would have to be totally blind to miss that fact. This though is too much and as loath as I am to interfere I step in and shield Rose from him as I realize that he isn't and that this was one of the things he had been afraid would happen four days ago, letting her this close to him when he was still recovering. I know with sickening certainty that if I don't act she will be badly hurt as her human brain can't handle that kind of powerful input and that I can't allow for any of our sakes. I quickly retreat, though, as I feel him starting to return to his senses and hope he doesn't detect my protective actions as I can see how him knowing would be disastrous for both of them.

------------------------------------

I start as I realize that I was unconscious and my first feeling is fear for Rose and that I might have unintentionally hurt her. But my senses are flooded with her presence and warmth; she is exhausted and sleeping next to me. As I gently reach for her mind I find the most important thing of all, she is unharmed so I let my own exhaustion drag me into sleep as well.


	25. Need

Chapter 25 - Need

A/N: This chapter contains things that happen around the events in the book Deviant Strain.

It's been a little over nine days now since we left Illupodifettoso, the shopping planet and I know the Doctor has made some real progress physically. It's his mind now I worry about. I have tried to get him to talk to me further about what happened but it's like he doesn't want to even admit it happened. I know I will never get him to tell me most of what they did to him, and to be honest I am not sure I really want to know that much detail as the memories of the injuries I helped Jack repair still haunt me. I get small glimpses from him when I catch him off guard and it is obvious it is bothering him more then he is letting on and it worries me that he is pushing me away. Even as I had initially feared he might, he has again grown distant in the last couple of days and that distance is killing me. Twice now I have found him in the library just sitting there pretending he is reading but I can sense just enough from him these days that I know he is galaxies away. I sometimes wonder in what war zone his mind goes to when he sits quietly like this.

"Doctor?" I try not to startle him, but I see him jerk slightly anyway as he returns to the here and now.

"Rose."

"Where did you go?"

"Nowhere," he states a bit too quickly "Been right here reading." He says lifting the book he has been using as a prop.

"You may be here, but you weren't reading. I have seen you read, zooming through pages so fast as to risk pulling them out"

"Was too." he states in a petulant tone. "You never heard of reading slow for pleasure? Oh wait, no, you're the one that asked what the point of having a library was." He comments sarcastically as I feel him strengthening his shields, insuring I can get no sense of his true feelings. With that he grabs his leather jacket and pulls it on over his black jumper heading for the door.

"Well you didn't have to be nasty." I reply knowing he is striking out at me because of his own hurt, not that it makes his words any less painful.

As he reaches the door with his back toward me he says, "You want something Rose?"

"Yes I want you to quit avoiding me!"

"Not."

"Yes you are." Even as he turns and opens his mouth to reply Verity interrupts.

'I'm getting a distress signal.'

At which point, he snaps his mouth shut and I watch as he turns and heads for the control room without another word.

*****************

Jack just had to answer that distress signal didn't he? Nearly lost Rose and him both this time, Rose nearly ending up like the young girl Valeria at the Russian base, or worse. When they had said Valeria was nineteen and that she had gone missing I remembered all too clearly how angry Jackie had been when I brought Rose home a year late. Valeria had run off to meet a lover, and found her life sucked away in a few short instants, leaving the nineteen year old an old woman. That's the way it will seem to Jackie too, the longer Rose travels with me. She will be seeing Rose aging at an accelerated rate as she spends the moments of her all too brief human life traveling in time.

Do I have any right to do this? Yet what choice do I have? I can now no more leave her behind then I could leave Verity. Verity, I feel a pang of guilt at how I have neglected my best friend in favor of this young human, but there is something about Rose that makes getting up worthwhile. As much as Verity wants to comfort and be there for me, I know she will never understand how important it is to have someone to hold and touch; even more so now that our people are gone, and all there is left of them is an aching black hole in the back of my mind, just waiting to suck me in. Much as I try not to think about it I know every moment Rose travels with me she is aging, wasting her life, by keeping me going. Some days I think it would be better to just take Rose back and let that blackness in my mind suck me under. But then I see another Valeria who has had her life cruelly stolen and know I don't have the luxury of letting go.

I so don't deserve Rose, yet I can't let her go either. It is so typical of my cowardice, of me taking the easy way out letting her believe she loves me, and taking comfort in her presence. I will never be able to give her the kind of life she deserves. The debt I owe the universe is too great for the destruction of Gallifrey and the Time Lords for me to walk away. I can't sit by and watch it come apart as I 'entertain' myself living a linier life, and at the same time watch her grow ever older and feebler. The alternate of her continuing to travel with me is only insuring that she will die far before her brief allotment of years and that thought too is abhorrent to me. Either way I would only be postponing the inevitable to try to quit traveling. At least, unlike the creature that stole Valeria's life, I give Rose a choice. I hope that at least by the time she figures out how she has wasted her time she isn't too old to have a proper life.

------------------------------------

He's brooding again, and if it wasn't bad enough with just him, so is Jack. Something about the young woman we met in Russia badly upset both of them. It was obvious with Jack in his uncharacteristic assault on the sergeant. Jack has struck me much more as a lover rather than a fighter, though I have no doubt that he like the Doctor is more than capable of doing both, but when I heard what he said to the sergeant I wanted to cry. It was then I really realized how badly he has been hurt; not just by the Time Agency taking his memories but there is obviously something, probably multiple things that have left him too with emotional scars. It is so easy to for me to see how badly the Doctor has been hurt that I sometimes forget that he isn't the only one who has lived through some serious bad things. It's funny how these two totally different men can be so alike. I know the Doctor was angry when I had said Jack was like him, but it's true and how he has taken care of the Doctor after the disaster at Illupodifettoso and again today when he showed such deep compassion toward a young woman, who was so very helpless, just prove it all the more to me.

'I agree, he's a good man.' comes Verity's quiet thought.

'Do you know what's bothering them? Can you tell me?'

'The Doctor is still healing you know that. Jack, well that's his business. I'll not say more. If you want to know you will have to ask them. I will not speak to you of their thoughts and past any more then I would speak to either of them regarding what happened between you and Jimmy Stone.'

At Verity's mention of Jimmy I go cold. I realize how very much she knows about me, if she knows what happened in that relationship. Suddenly I am very glad Verity knows how to be discreet and I resolve never to ask again for her to tell me something I can't learn by asking myself. If the Doctor ever is to know about that disgraceful chapter of my life I want it to be me who tells him, and no one else. I wonder now though what ever did happen to Jimmy. Shortly after we broke up he just disappeared. At the time I was glad he was gone after the threats he had made, but now I am traveling with a Time Lord and a time machine I know how easy it would be for something to have changed and I never even know. I don't think I want to know for sure where he went.

I feel someone's gaze and I look up to find the Doctor watching me. Something about his eyes is so incredibly sad that it makes me want to cry, and as if sensing that he looks away.

"I'm going to get a shower." I hear Jack say and look over to see him striding rapidly away. I stand and walk to the Doctor and I feel his muscles tense as I touch his shoulder.

"Doctor, are you okay?"

"Me? I'm always fine. Why do you ask?" is his lighthearted sounding reply as he gives me a big fake grin, which I don't believe for a minute.

"Doctor." I give him fair warning with the way I say his name that I don't intend to just accept that.

His response is surprising. He turns lightning quick and crushes me to him as his lips come down hard on mine. I gasp as he knocks the wind from me and devours my mouth, nipping, and sucking my bottom lip in then caressing it with his tongue tip. Before I can even properly grasp what has happened and meet his urgent actions, he has released me and has grabbed my hand pulling me from the console room.

-------------------------------------

I watch the way she is staring at Jack and I feel an irrational wave of jealousy rise. Rose is mine, and no other's. I know, well hope, that she is not looking at him like that, but the rush of need for her that flows through me leaves me feeling raw; when she touches me, my skin lights up beneath her fingers. I try to bluff that everything is alright but the thought of her aging practically before my very eyes fills my senses with how short is the time I will have to be with her. As she challenges me I feel the overwhelming need to possess her again fully before she is stolen forever from my grasp by the passage of time. The irony of me, a Time Lord, running out of time is not lost on me any more now then it was when I lost the battle to the Daleks' and paid with the lives of my people. An eternity of time at my disposal and yet still never enough. I shove away the pain as I drown myself in the sensations of touching her, kissing her, taking what she is offering.

All she feels is the pleasure right now, but I know I am being too rough with her and she will ache from my attentions tomorrow. In spite of this I am drowning in the need of her comfort that she gives me so freely and hold on even tighter.

*****************************

As I watch her sleep, I come face to face with the fact that if she weren't human I would gladly spend the rest of my lives with this woman and delight in watching our children grow first in her body then in our arms. The realization at first stuns then nearly breaks me, and I hold her I cry for all the things lost and that which will never happen.


	26. Tempermental Time Lords & Time Rips

Chapter 26 - Temperamental Time Lords & Time Rips

It has been hard these last two days. First, the Doctor decides to rip me a new one over responding to a distress beacon, then the horror of what happened in the Russian village. No one should die like that. I had watched as the Doctor had gone over to the boy, Pavel's, body. Even if I hadn't known some of the things I have learned over the short time I have been with them, it would have been obvious he had seen more than his share of nightmares and war. His whole body had tensed and he practically radiated a hyper-vigilance and a hardness that chilled me to see. The only small trace of weakness had been his almost imperceptible, incredibly fast, panicked look to locate Rose, which if I hadn't been looking right at him in just that brief moment I would have completely missed. I did hear his instructions that she be kept away, which after seeing the body I was in complete agreement with. Rose is far too gentle and compassionate to be exposed to something so gruesome as to make combat hardened soldiers heave. The cold, emotionally vacant, way in which he had examined the body, which at some point recently had been a teenage boy, made me wonder what else he had been through that he would be able to shut off his emotions so completely. As he had finally turned away, it was obvious in his eyes he had not been as unaffected as he first had appeared.

When we had returned to the TARDIS, after a few terse commands directing me on how to assist in taking us into the vortex, the Doctor had fallen into a brooding silence and Rose had gotten equally quiet watching him do so. It didn't take long for it to become too uncomfortable for me to stay.

************************

I strip down, not really thinking about doing so as I head for the shower. I step into the ensuite and I think of that first night. 'So, like what you see Verity?' I ask teasing her, trying to take my mind off what has happen.

'Not bad Jack... For a human,' and I feel her laughter.

'For a human, huh?' I wonder at her wording and suspect there is a joke in there I'm not privy to.

After a few minutes of quiet I start at her unexpectedly serious tone, 'Want to talk about it Jack?' and I suspect she already knows what is bothering me. For a moment I contemplate brushing her off but I suspect with the Doctor' attitude she doesn't bother to ask very often and that by itself is enough reason for me to explain.

'It was the girl, Valeria. She was aged from a nineteen-year-old girl to what looked like an eighty year old; she had been just a kid. The soldier who found her suggested we just leave her in the snow to die, because she was in shock, figured she couldn't recover and it would better to let her die then live like that.' I am gratified as I feel her shock at the suggestion. 'When we took her home her father had pictures of her. She was the spitting image of a young woman I had once known named Evelyn. She too was in the wrong place at the right time.

'How so?'

'It was a mission for the time agency; Evelyn too had been no more than a kid when we had met. She had been abused and finally left for dead when the invading force we had been sent in to defeat retreated. I had done what I could to help her, protect her... In the end, we were separated. I had asked a couple of the others to look after her when ordered to a different area. They just left her and ran when there had been a skirmish and their excuse had been, "She was just a stupid hick native girl, damaged goods too." Some how, to them, that made it okay to just leave her.'

'You can't save them all Jack, no matter how hard you try. There will always be those that get left behind.'

'Three days later I found her again, dying this time. I wasn't able to protect her, it felt like what happened to Gray all over again. I was her only protection and I failed her.'

'…and there will be those you would protect who you can't, but this time you did, Jack! Remember that, this time you made it better and if you could have, I know you would have for Evelyn and Gray too.' After another moment of quiet, she says gently. 'Get in the shower, Jack.'

"You joining me, beautiful?" I ask, trying to shake the feelings of depression that the day's events engendered.

'It would be kind of hard for me not to, now wouldn't it?' Is her cheeky reply and I can't help but appreciate the irony of that, the only woman on board I can touch and she doesn't have a humanoid body.

As I feel the water turn on and begin to gently beat on my body I am reminded how soothing a good shower can be as she directs the jets in such a way as to find all the tired aching muscles and gently loosens and soothes them.

************************

I wake with the Doctor wrapped around me in the usual position and smile. I really didn't expect to find him still in bed and because of that I know his body is not fully healed yet, in spite of his protests that he is just fine. If he was then the nervous energy he always seems to exhibit would, have finally either woken me, or caused him to leave. Much as I am enjoying his presence, I long for him to be completely better.

I remember last night and, as I think of the desperate loneliness I had felt from him, it fills me with sadness because I will never be enough to ease the hurt caused by the loss of his people. If for a time I can make it less, though, then I will. As I see the bruises, I don't even remember getting, I have to wonder if there is a way, I can disentangle myself from him without him waking. I know with a sick certainty that if he sees them he will be mortified by what he has done, which is the last thing he needs. I remember clearly the anguish I felt from him at the unintentional bruise he caused when he was injured.

'Verity?'

'I'm here, Rose.'

'Help me?' I know I don't need to explain to her how he reacts and don't doubt that she is already aware of where my thoughts have traveled.

After a second's hesitation, I her soft hesitant reply, 'come to the med lab, gently and quietly.' With that, I let go the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

Very carefully, I disengage myself from his sleeping form, every second expecting him to wake. As I reach my feet, I look down upon his sleeping form and notice the look of loss flit across his face and wish I could just slip back in to his embrace. He looks so very sweet, I want just nibble on that lovely neck and his ears that wouldn't look nearly so large if he just let his hair grow a bit.

'Rose?'

'Coming,' I reply at her anxious call. I move quickly out the door and into the hall, only to find the door to the medical area directly across from the bedroom and quickly enter.

Looking down at myself, I note the large number of bruises and there are far more than I realized. As I stand in the small tube like room Verity directs me to, I think back to the last time I had this many and want to cry in frustration when I think of the reason why.

I had left Jimmy after one brutal night when he had decided I would make a better punching bag than lover and swore I would never let a man hurt me like that again.

Yet here I find myself, hiding again from my lover, covered in bruises, the results may be the same, but the reasons are so very different. With Jimmy, I feared for my life, with the Doctor, I fear for his.

I am almost positive if he were to know of the reason for this trip he would never allow me near him again from the fear of hurting me. I would never be able to make him see it would be a far greater pain to me to be so close to him and never be allowed to touch or comfort him, or worse be dumped back at the estates knowing he is out here alone with no one to protect him. Much better to have this be Verity's and my secret.

'He's starting to wake, quickly, Rose.'

With her words of warning, I dash across the hall and through the door to our room and in to the ensuite, quickly using the loo to provide an explanation for slipping from his arms.

"Rose?" I hear his tired call from the bedroom we share.

"In here."

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I wake to find her gone and that is just wrong. When I hear her call from the loo I feel like something has been set right in my world just knowing where she is. Then I remember what happened, how I had lost control and I feel a clawing dread as I think about how rough I was with her and I am already up and to the doorway as I ask, "Are you all right, Rose?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" Her light reply tells me she is fine but the momentary spike of fear from her tells me she is lying to me.

I scrutinize her body looking for the bruises I had feared I would find; nothing. I reach for her, seeking her eyes in the mirror, as she hasn't turned to look at me, making herself busy washing her hands. Taking her shoulders gently in my hands I turn her to look at me. "Rose, look at me." As I look into her clear doe like eyes I can't help but feel unworthy as I see her deep love shining out of them. "I hurt you, Rose, last night, I'm sorry. I never wanted that, ever." With the word hurt, I see a flash of a too thin boy with dirty ginger hair, and look of menace on his face.

"Doctor, you didn't hurt me, what makes you think that?" and I ache as I know she is trying to protect me.

"No Rose, I did, I felt your pain."

"Really, you did nothing! If it was there, I didn't register it. I wanted you and you wanted me, simple. Please don't beat yourself up over something so minor." I want to believe her but something doesn't add up. However, the evidence of my eyes and her easy movements tell me she isn't in pain and I wonder if I was mistaken. She doesn't give me a chance to say any more as she leans up and gives me a quick kiss before scurrying back to the bedroom to get dressed. I look at the door for a long moment, and wonder what just happened.

************************

The day had gone from uncomfortable, to considerably worse from there. First Verity picked up a signal of a dirty time rip engine which had landed a Neanderthal in 21st century Earth and before the day had finished Rose had been forced to marry a caveman in order to save their tribe from a bunch of displaced humans from the future. The thought her abduction when she told me what had happened and of the caveman touching her, even if it was only with a dead fish, which was the traditional marriage gift in their tribe, had made my blood boil. My wonderful clever Rose had kept her head though, and told them a story about appeasing spirits and other mumbo jumbo to keep her new husband at bay long enough to ensure she had time to escape. Even in spite of spending a chilly evening running around in what had amounted to a fur bikini, she had been magnificent saving both his tribe and some of a tribe of Neanderthals before finally being captured. Then things had gotten really bad.


	27. Headless

Chapter 27 - Headless

"Rose I will put this right, just hang on, I swear I will."

"Easy for you to say, your head is still attached to your body! You're not the one holding their head in their hand." I can hear the panic starting to set in and I desperately want to make her feel better. "Doctor, she cut my head off and stuck my body in a storage locker!"

"And I will find someone to put it back on! People in the time frame Chantel came from were experts in body modification, so it should be easy to just jump ahead and find someone to put things back to rights." I am staying calm because Rose needs me to, but if she didn't I'm not sure I could. The sight of her sitting there, her right hand cradling her head and left holding tight with a white knuckle grip to the jump seat sends a new kind of terror flooding through me. What if I can't just find someone in time? I have no idea what Chantel did, or how long Rose can stay like this. What if that psychopath's handiwork is not so easy to fix? What if… Got to stop thinking this way, it is doing nothing for either of us and in spite of her brilliance at holding herself together to help us escape I can tell Rose is on her last scraps of courage, and terrified by the whole concept of being dismembered like this. Her next words pierce through me with guilt about how selfish I am constantly taking her into such danger.

"I trust you Doctor. Really I do, it's just…"

"I know Rose. I am going to pick up Jack as he might be able to help get you all fixed up."

The touch down is the gentlest one I have felt in a long time and exactly in the right time and place and I know Verity too is trying to keep Rose calm. Jack had better be ready to go when I get there. A moment later, that worry vanishes as I hear his curse from the doorway.

"What the hell happened to Rose?" Then in a confused after thought, "…and why is she wearing a fur bikini?"

"Jack, come in and close the door and I will explain on the way."

********************

Unfortunately, Jack doesn't have any ideas.

What I don't tell Jack is the list of fears I have about what has happened to Rose. It is bad enough for me to have the fears without scaring Rose even worse than she is already. As we have been moving I have been thinking about all the times and place I have been to that might be able to help. I have never cared for the glory hounds whose only reason for doing things is for what they can get out of them and for myself I wouldn't ask but for Rose… I don't want to think about what I would do to protect her, to keep her safe and unharmed. As getting Chantel to fix what she did is no longer an option that means finding someone with the knowledge and skill needed to execute the delicate operation of properly reconnecting Rose's head and removing the remote controls which are the only things that are currently keeping her alive. It must be someone in whom I am willing to trust and that list, which was short before the war, has become considerably shorter since.

When I begin to reset the controls, I am actually surprised Jack doesn't ask where we are going, and I suspect that he too is in shock over what has happened but it doesn't last.

"Doctor, where are we going?"

"Tzckizigeenz Major" The name of the planet is not simple and those who live there are even less so. Although they are renowned for their capacity for complex surgery and body modifications, they are very xenophobic as a race and only rarely associate with other species other than those few who choose to leave their home planet, mostly to become surgeons. Attempting to land on the planet is strictly forbidden. Incoming travelers are given only one warning to stay away and if it's ignored it is met with deadly force. The right to land on the planet is only extended on very unusual and rare circumstances. Because of their planetary policies, it usually happens less than once a millennium; it is not a planet you drop in on, so Jack's reply is not unexpected.

"Brilliant surgeons they might be, but they don't let anyone land there!" Jack states, looking at me as if I have lost my mind.

"I'm not anyone. I am a Time Lord." And looking him in the eye I remind him exactly who and what I am and I watch with satisfaction as he suddenly swallows hard and takes a step back not saying another word.

------------------------

As the Doctor tells me where he is planning to take us, I feel cold terror settle in my gut. The Tzckizigeenz are noted for two things they are some of the most brilliant surgeons the universe over and their extreme aggression toward anyone and anything that even so much as considers going near their home world. Very little else is know about them other than their physical characteristics. They are mostly humanoid but for having eight, tentacle-like arms which split at the ends into four thin digits. They tend to be between five foot five and seven foot in height and have a variable skin color communicating as much, if not more with the color patterns they display on their skin as they do with words, which has the delightful side effect that they wear very little clothing, something I always appreciate in a species.

As I voice my concerns with the Doctor's chosen destination, he drives home that he too is an alien. It is so easy to forget as most of the time he looks so very human, but when he looks me in the eye with cold blue eyes that have seen all of eternity, I can't help but take an involuntary step back. It is almost as if he most of the time he unconsciously projects an aura of harmless innocence that engenders trust and he has now suddenly stripped that away, revealing his true power. The effect is dramatic, intimidating as well as eerie, and I again wonder at the amazing being with whom I am traveling.

I wonder what reason he has chosen to go there rather than some other time or place, but the expression his face makes it clear he is not planning on explanations.

-------------------

I am scared, but as I look at the Doctor, I know I have nothing to fear. He won't leave me like this and the focus on his face makes it completely clear there will be nothing that will stop him from seeing me returned to normal. I know he is scared, even though he tries to pretend that there isn't any reason to worry. The fact that he is taking us somewhere as dangerous as Jack is indicating this Tz place is makes it clear that he is more than a little concerned.

"Doctor? Is it safe there, I mean…"

"Not to worry Rose, it will perfectly safe. Just let me do the talking and things will go just fine." As he says this, I notice the glare he gives Jack, a look I am sure he doesn't think I see considering the angles and I wonder what it is that he thinks Jack will tell me.

As we drop back into normal space, I turn my head so I can see the monitor and have to stamp down the surge of fear caused by the fact that I can't just turn my head but have to coordinate angling my head just right with my hands so that I can see the monitor. When I finally do get my head turned so my eyes point in the right direction to see the monitor I am struck by the beauty of the planet below which is dominated almost exclusively by purplish water. No more than a few seconds later there is a brief burst of noise and an very abrasive gurgling voice stating in no uncertain terms that we leave or be destroyed. We are given one minute in which to comply or be destroyed.

Less than a second later, I hear a long string of beautiful, liquid smooth sounds that I take for words coming from the Doctor that Verity doesn't translate and I wonder if that is what his native language sounds like, then silence. Moments later I hear a two word reply. "Prove it."

The Doctor's quick smile is like a burst of sunshine and I can't help but smile in return as I watch him burst into motion, flipping levers and twisting knobs and otherwise doing six things at once. There is a long pause and a different voice takes over from the planet. "Land here."

I don't know which I find more amusing the expression on Jack's face, or the satisfied look on the Doctor's that says, 'I told you so!'

Another flurry of motion later and we again land.

I watch as he turns to us. "Right, now Rose, not a word, let me do the talking and I want you to keep your mental shields up as I showed you. The Tzckizigeenz are very powerful telepaths but are not very good at shielding so almost all public areas have strong electronic shielding inhibiting telepathic communications. They also don't take kindly to people having telepathic conversations around them, because of this I am going to need to talk with quite a few people here without Verity being able to translate for you. The side effect is that I will have good reason for you to not be allowed out of my presence, not that they're likely to want you anywhere else. Jack, you will stay inside the TARDIS. As you noted they do not care for aliens, so I am taking no chances. At no time are you to step outside those doors unless Verity or I specifically request you to do so, understood. " I watch as for a moment as it looks like Jack will say something then instead he just nods.

As neither of us says a word, he smiles.

"Okay Rose, you're with me on my right, and don't lose your head now."

"Ha ha, Doctor" I know he's trying to make light of this and really I appreciate the effort but there is obviously something he is not telling me and it didn't take me long to figure out that what I don't know can hurt me when traveling with him. So I stand and reach for him and find him already standing by my side ready to guide me. "Doctor, I… What are you not telling me?"

"No time to chat, Rose - our hosts are waiting."


	28. Should Old Acquaintances Be Forgot

Chapter 28 - Should Old Acquaintances Be Forgot

I want to protest when the Doctor tells me that I am to stay on board but instead only nod when I hear Verity's quiet words, 'Don't push on this, Jack, he needs you here for backup.'

'Why?'

'Sometimes people don't like to be reminded that they owe a debt.'

Her words give me a chill as I realize that is what he is doing, he is calling in a debt to ensure that Rose gets the care she needs to be put back together. 'Verity what's going on?'

'I can't tell you, Jack.'

'Can't or won't?' Her silence does nothing to reassure me.

-----------------------------------

I know Rose realizes I am keeping something from her but I dare not tell her the risk I am taking coming here. The Tzckizigeenz Emperor Tezear owes me his life but how it came to happen is not something he is going to be happy explaining. If and how he explains the fact that the only reason his life was in danger in the first place was that he was running from the fighting that was happening on Arzzaden, a planetary ally of theirs that fought in the Time War, will determine how we will be received. The fact that they have let us land is a good sign but no guarantee of safety. Tezear never even wanted to be off planet to start with, and definitely didn't want to be in a war he had no part in creating, but as the eldest son to the ruling leader on Tzckizigeenz the task of representing his father's interests there had fallen to him. Tezear was so young then, not even as old as Rose. He had seen so much death in such a short time that he panicked when a Dalek patrol had come too close to where he was hiding; I had seen grown men do the same but it had been a very near thing that either of us had survived. In many ways, the Tzckizigeenz people are like the Japanese in the eighteenth century and honor and courage are highly valued commodities. His actions in running would have been considered dishonorable by his people and met with the severest consequences.

He will not be happy to be reminded of this and were it anyone other than Rose I wouldn't even have come here. We had become friends in the short duration that we spent together, but power can do funny things to people. Too many good people had died on that planet before it's defenders were driven away, and in a final desperate measure they had destroyed the planet rather than let it be used by the Daleks. At least that time it hadn't been me that had done the deed, but it hurt no less knowing the cost.

Even as we step through the doors, I have tried to prepare for virtually any contingency. Verity has focused our connection to a very narrow tight band in order to ensure that, in spite of the jamming effect of their technology, she will still be able to stay in touch with me. The range we are using on the telepathic spectrum, although not easy for us, is impossible for the Tzckizigeenz and it will ensure that if there is any foul play she can, at minimum, get Jack away from here. Jack has earned that from me, with all he has done for us recently, even if I suspect he would be furious if he knew that was the reason I have left him behind.

I am careful to keep Rose on my right and slightly behind me; a position designating in their culture that she is under my protection. The area we have landed in is little more than a room painted pale green with no furniture of any kind and it is not long before Tezear arrives, the top two of his sets of his arms are hanging free and his lower set are crossed over his chest and stomach in a casual manner. I listen to the formal greeting of one leader to another and feel again the deep pang of loss knowing that I am once more, by default this time, the leader of the Time Lords and respond in kind, recognizing his authority here.

"So, Doctor, what brings you to Tzckizigeenz Major?"

"As you can see, my companion has a bit of a problem."

"Ah, I take it that her cranial arrangement is not an intended choice then?"

"No," I give him my biggest grin in hopes of softening what I am about to say, "I do seem to have a habit of finding jeopardy friendly companions." The barest twitch of his mouth gives away the acknowledgement of remembrance and am glad to see the soft swirling shades of purple and blue that paint his body do not hesitate in the slightest in their slow drifting across his skin nor change color.

"Yes, it appears you do. Shall we adjourn to more private quarters to discuss why you have come to us with this difficulty."

I watch as his eyebrows rise as I turn and address Rose in English, while at the same time I gently pull her in closer to my side. The very act of speaking to Rose in Tezear's presence makes clear to him her importance to me, as much as the action of drawing her in closer to my body indicates my possession. I want there to be no mistakes that Rose is mine and that I will accept no one even considering her to be available; that possessiveness is also an assurance that I take full responsibility for any of Rose's actions.

As xenophobic as they are they won't have any interest in her as a mate, but I will not put it past someone to want to use her as a lab rat. Aliens on the planet have no legal rights; they are given only the rights their sponsors allow them. Sponsors are responsible for all the actions of the alien they bring onto the planet. Any punishments an alien might be subject to based on their actions are visited on the sponsor in double measure to that given the alien they sponsor; just one of the many reasons aliens are not welcome on the planet in the first place. "Rose, this is the emperor Tezear who has graciously agreed to hear the details of what it is that brings us to his beautiful planet. We are going to move to another room now so that we can discuss what can be done." I do not wait for a response and I fervently hope she will remember my admonition to remain silent as I gently begin guiding her in the direction Tezear has indicated, noting as we leave the room two additional guards enter to take up positions next to the TARDIS. An additional two guards join behind us, so I am relieved as Tezear turns his back to us and precedes us, indicating to his guards that we are his respected guests and not a threat. I am not so naive as to think that the idea of him killing me hasn't crossed his mind, but he would have to have reason for an outright attack of a political ally and I am hoping that and our previous friendship will be enough to keep us safe. I am a threat because of the previously existing agreements between them and the Time Lords, the dishonor my words regarding his actions when he was young would be enough of a disgrace to have him deposed. They may not like aliens in general but they know that there are some races it is not wise to cross, and there in lies part of my gamble. If he were to know that I am the last, there would be no reason to deter him from killing us both, other than friendship and I just don't think that would be enough.

-------------------------------------

As we step from the TARDIS, I note the smell of salt water and am surprised to find we are in a small room with only two doors one to each side of us as we exit. Igive a slight shiver as I exit but am surprised at how warm it is, realizing again that I am still hardly wearing any clothing and hope that where ever we are they don'thave Victorian morals or we are both going to be in trouble. I have braced myself unsure as to what kind of beings that we will be meeting this time but at this point as long as their not purple people eaters I'm not going to complain if they can get my head back where it belongs. I am pleased to see that the three men who enter look mostly human, aside from the three extra sets of arms aligned vertically up the sides of their bodies and beautiful swirling skin tones. A man with beautiful purple and blue drifting swirls in the middle is obviously theirleader and I can't help smiling as I think of my last thought. Well he may be purple, but at least he isn't looking at me as if I'm dinner, so far so good. He is dressed if you could call it that, in a fancy belt and a garment similar to swim trunks in a complementary purple swirl pattern. In his belt is what appears to be a very functional looking dagger about a hands length in size, the gems in the pommel are set in such a way as to ensure that it can be used and is not just an ornamental decoration -something I would have never thought about before I began traveling with the Doctor. His upper body, though, is bare except for a beautiful multicolored beaded necklace and a pair of wide cuff bracelets. The two guards behind him though are wearing what amounts to little more than a pair of briefs and have similar moving swirls of color that are in their cases much more composed of angry reds and blacks. The guards also have very deadly looking blasters strapped to their belts, making me hope the Doctor really does know what he is doing coming here. Well at least me wearing a bikini in public shouldn't get us in trouble with this lot if this is what the greeting party wears, it also explains why it's as warm as it is so I'm not liable to freeze.

I am jarred from my thoughts of the guards as a smooth string of words flow from the purple man. The words, it becomes very quickly clear, are of the same language that we heard before we landed, but are spoken with such grace it at first sounds almost like a different one. I know the Doctor had said Verity wouldn't be translating, but this is really the first time that I have heard a language other than English spoken by one of the aliens we have met and it really is amazing. What is even more astonishing to me though why I am not sure is the even more posh sounding response that comes from the Doctor in the same language and I realize I am staring and move my head to look slightly away hoping that my disconnected state will make it less obvious that was what I was doing. As they continue to speak, I listen to the exchange between the two and wonder what it is that they are discussing. Caught up in the novelty of this new experience I am a bit surprised as the Doctor puts his arm around me, and explains we are going to another room while gently guiding me toward the right hand doorway. Instead of reassuring me, this increases my worries as he does so. He never has, up to this point, so blatantly shown anyone we were a couple before, making me wonder all the more at his actions and how safe it is to be here.

-------------------------------------

I am relieved yet not surprised as we move only a little ways down the hall to a small elegantly furnished room containing several comfortable looking chairs and a small two person couch. I debate for a moment taking the couch but quickly quell the impulse to have Rose that close as I remember that those are reserved for married couples. In spite of our relationship, it would be far too dangerous for him to know how I feel about Rose. So I guide Rose to a chair nearby, but not so close as she could easily over hear our conversation and wait for him to sit before choosing a chair and watch as the guards turn and leave.

His first words both reassure and chill me. "First let me tell you that this room is both sound proof and shielded so our conversation will remain private. Second let me offer my condolences on the loss of your planet and your untimely death, though I dare say this form is far more fitting than your last for the work you do."

I nod in acknowledgement of the reassurance and harden my face at his latter statements. "I appreciate your sympathies, there are not many now who remember the Time War or its true cost. Fortunately the loss of a planet does not mean the loss of a people, as we both know from Arzzaden as well as so many other planets."

"So very true, a fact of which I am sure we are both relieved."

"I will make this quick, as I know you are busy with the affairs of state. I am looking to see my companion's life restored to its normal progression by having her head reattached properly, in spite of her jeopardy friendly nature." Giving him my biggest smile, "I also know that your people are, if you will excuse the humor at my companions expense, head and shoulders above everyone else with regard to body modifications and I would consider it a personal favor if you could help us out." As he takes in my request, I force myself to breathe normally to avoid giving away exactly how much this means to me. Nonetheless, I feel a flood of relief as he accepts my offer; my silence and the restoration of Rose, in exchange for the nullification of a life debt that his people would have ingrained in him that he owed.

Rising as he does, I move to Rose as Tezear leaves to arrange for Rose's surgery.

"Rose, he agreed to help." I am hesitant to tell her more as, in spite of Tezear's assurance, I have a feeling the room is monitored, which had been part of why I had been so circumspect in how I phrased my request. I know he understood given our common history but having to be so very careful in my wording in order to avoid political time bombs is a skill I have never enjoyed. Speaking surreptitiously is a skill I have had to exercise for years now. I have had no chance to become rusty at it; between the need to say one thing while meaning another over live mikes during the war and then before that while arguing with the council of Time Lords. My pleas trying to get them to see their need to act, to stop the war, before it became to late to stop the Daleks had gone unheeded though until it had become too late to save them, and as always it was the universe as a whole that paid the price.

********************

The game has continued and I watch as the Doctor again tries to save his precious human. I had thought I had finally got him neutralized when I informed the Essarrians, through one of my agents, of his presence on Illupodifettoso but that dratted TARDIS of his had interfered. Well, she will get hers when I give her to the Master. However, for now I have not only him but also his human pets to deal with, but not for long. I can't help but grin as I think of how I will taunt the Lady Order with his demise. I told her that the female would be his downfall.

"Ah there you are Lord chancellor. I have some important news for the emperor."


	29. Best Laid Plans

Chapter 29 - Best Laid Plans

I have been watching him since we came in and am thankful that at least once they sat down they have been pretty much stationary so I can watch them talking, even if I don't understand the unusual sounding language they are speaking. It's funny how, when you don't know a language, you keep trying to find words you understand even when you know you don't have a chance of grasping what is being discussed.

After a few moments though I see the Doctor goes very, very still and I wonder what it is the Emperor has said that has put him on a razors edge. He thinks I don't notice, but even now, when I can't feel anything from him, I still understand his body language far better than most. I learned a lot from the time when he wasn't so vigilant at making sure I couldn't sense his emotions. I am sure no one else would notice how very on guard he is, he has had centuries to perfect his actions to ensure that no one would, but I know. I hate that he feels he has to keep secrets from me, and sometimes it seems like all he is one secret after another. Thinking of him and all his layers makes me think of that funny American kids movie that the Doctor had in his video library. What was the characters name again? Oh yes, Shrek, funny name that, but in so many ways he is very much like the Doctor. He acts like a big bad, leather clad ogre but inside is sweet, kind and sensitive if you have the courage to get past his gruff exterior.

As I see the Doctor move, I realize my thoughts have wandered and it comes home to me how little sleep I have had in the last forty-eight hours. I am so tired. Hopefully, when they get my head back where it belongs, I can get some rest, not to mention get out of this fur suit. I want nothing more than to be able to get some sleep, safe in the Doctor's arms.

As he tells me they will help, I first feel joy but it's rapidly followed by fear. What if they get it wrong? If this isn't major surgery, I don't know the meaning of the words. People die all the time in major surgeries.

"It will be okay, Rose," he says, quietly, as if reading my fears. "I will be right there with you all the time. They are the best in the universe at this kind of stuff."

"'K." I don't have time to say more as a woman with lovely green and yellow swirls wearing a lime green bikini enters.

----------------------------------------

Ever since we stepped from the TARDIS I have had a bad feeling about this place, but they are Rose's best hope for a complete recovery. That unease prompts me to ask, "How long will this take?" Her response surprises me a bit, but I am thankful for the answer.

"No more than about 10 minutes."

I figure in 15 minute we will be back in the TARDIS and gone. Suddenly that feels like far too long and I wonder what it is that I am becoming aware of that is giving me this impending sense of doom.

----------------------------------------

I don't need to know the language to know that this woman is beckoning us to her and take a deep breath as I feel the Doctor's hand at my back gently guiding me. Not as if I have a choice regarding this surgery, I'm no good to anyone like this. At least the Doctor trusts them to do the job well. Which is more choice than the psycho bitch gave me when she took my head off.

I never realized how heavy a head is, and I stumble a bit as I shift my head from one hand to the other, and feel his steadying hand. I don't know what I would do without him. He jokes about my being jeopardy friendly but it's not like I try to find trouble, it's much more like the Doctor has his very own trouble magnet and anyone around him seems to pick it up the same 'charge' like a piece of metal that has been close to a magnet for a long time sometimes becomes magnetic. I would never say that to him though, as it is he worries enough about our safety and carries more guilt than anyone should ever have.

We step into what looks like an elevator and after a few moments, the door opens on a new corridor surprising me, as I didn't feel any movement.

A few moments later they lead us into a medium size room and they have the Doctor stand to the side as they direct me sit down so that they can properly see the metal collar that is attached to the lower part of my neck attached to my body. It's a mate to the one I have felt around the upper part of my neck, which is attached to my head.

"Oi, easy on the flipping, you're making me dizzy," I snap, as the turn my head quickly around for the third time in as many moments. I find myself suddenly staring into the face of an orange red swirled individual. I have to squeeze shut my eyes as I see his swirls begin a rapid movement across his face and it leads me to feel even more sick. "Please," I moan as a realize that the last thing before I saw the orange man was the horrified expression on the Doctor's face as it went whizzing by on the last turn.

In response, I hear a long string of words in that strangely fluid, yet at the same time guttural language these people speak, then a moment later I here the Doctor's melodic response.

The next words surprise me in that I actually understand them. "Our pardon lady, we didn't wish you distress but we need to assess what kind of connection is in place in order to properly remove it."

My eyes snap open and I look to the Doctor to see if I should say anything in reply, and as if sensing my question he gives me a small hesitant nod and I know that whatever I say better be brief, "Okay."

Apparently, my response doesn't engender in him much confidence and flashing the Doctor an almost fearful look he quickly asks, "Would you like some medication to allow you to sleep through the process?" I wonder what the Doctor said to him, but the lightning fast flash of panic that crosses the Doctor's face at the suggestion is more than enough answer as what my reply should be.

"No, thank you."

"Are you sure, Lady?" Comes his worried reply.

"Yes," I reply emphatically as I trying to suppress the panic I feel, knowing that there is some reason the Doctor wants me to be alert and aware. I concentrate on shoring up the shields around my mind as he taught me to do. The almost imperceptible smile I see appear on his face makes me want to grin broadly as I know that I have done the right thing and that he sensed my fortification.

A few more, now far more gentle turns, and the place my head in alignment with my body. I can feel he is carefully lining up the two sections of my neck, but with my face pointed toward my back. Just as I am about to speak, I feel an odd tingling sensation start shivering through my limbs as he slowly rotates my head around to the front passing my face around my right shoulder till I am facing straight ahead.

I gasp as I feel him rapidly pull his hands back from my head and I jerk my hands up to catch my head fearing it will fall without his support. It's then that I realize that at least my head seems to be attached. Even as the thought occurs to me the tingling becomes a burning about my throat and I scrunch my eyes tight trying to keep from crying out my distress. In the next few minutes I get some of the oddest feelings I have ever felt in my life at random points about my body and I am aware of the quite hum of a few different voices.

*****************************

I chafe at being left behind and Verity's cryptic words give me no comfort. I want to ask her more, try to get her to tell me what the debt the Doctor is calling in is so I can judge how likely it is that things will go sour but I have a feeling that, if she can out stubborn the Doctor, I'm not real likely to get very far. My usual strategy would be to seduce it out of her. In this case, for a multitude of reasons, that strikes me as a very, very bad idea. It's not that I haven't had relationships with non-bipeds before but after what happened with the Essarrians it is more than obvious that she is a very passionate woman and the love she has for the Doctor is such that she would do anything to protect him. Therefore, the likelihood is the only way she is going to tell me anything is if she feels he is in some sort of danger.

I know he told Rose that Verity wasn't going to be able to translate for her, but I notice that he didn't give any indication that he would be out of touch with Verity so I suspect that she is still in contact him even if she can't stay in contact with Rose.

"You will tell me if he needs us right?"

'Of course I will you silly human! Why else do you think you have been left behind?'

"Yes, of course. Are you sure you won't tell me anything more about these people?" She doesn't answer in words this time, but the sense I get from her is an emphatic no.

Well if I can't get her to talk about that at least I can bring her up to speed on what has happened with Das while Rose and he were back trying to straighten out the people that had sent him forward in time.

--------------------------------------------

I am glad he has let this go. I don't want to lie to Jack, as I said to Rose earlier, he is a good man, but there are things he doesn't need to know about unless Theta tells him. How he met the now ruling emperor and why he owes him a favor are not things that are any of his business. As he is speaking, I get an odd feeling that a human would describe with floral term of 'someone walking over their grave' and I recognize that sensation as being like what I had felt before I had suddenly found myself light-years and millennia separated from Theta and Rose while we were visiting woman wept. Alarmed I begin to search the time lines trying to figure out what is causing me to feel this way and watch in horror as suddenly the time lines around Theta and Rose begin to shift into a myriad number of unpleasant outcomes. Yet, I can't seem to see what has started the chain reactions that are driving the multitude of disasters.

"Theta! Where are you?"

"Verity? What's wrong?"

"Look at the lines." When he doesn't answer, I reach out. "Theta?" Silence.


	30. Overstaying Your Welcome is Inadvisable

Chapter 30 - Overstaying Your Welcome is Inadvisable

I grit my teeth as Rose stumbles I want nothing more than this to be over. I know she's tired, she's only human after all, and she has been through so much in the last forty-eight hours. Abduction, running for her life, a forced marriage, and certainly not least the trauma of having her head removed like some kind of specimen in a lab experiment. When we get back, it will be a quick hot shower and rest.

As we reach the operating theater, I watch with trepidation as they ask Rose to sit on one of the tables. The urge to just grab her hand and run as fast and as far as I can from here and never look back is almost overwhelming, but I know that until they put things to rights that is not an option. I also know they don't like having us here, I can feel it radiating off of a couple of the people in the room in spite of the telepathic noise, so the feeling is mutual in that they don't want us here any more than I want to be here right now.

As I hear Rose's cry, I glare at the surgeon.

"Pardon honored sir, is it acceptable to speak with your companion? I would reassure her."

"Go ahead." My command is terse and her exclamation has just put me more on edge.

"Our pardon lady, we didn't wish you distress but we need to assess what kind of connection is in place in order to properly remove it." I hear him state clearly in English.

I watch as her eyes snap open and see her almost panicked look to see if she should say anything in reply. I give her a hesitant nod hoping that she will have the sense to not say more than is necessary, I know she likes to chat, but here it could get us killed without her ever even knowing why, and am relieved when I hear her small timid, "Okay." I also cringe inside at how frightened she must be that my usually bold Rose could sound so meek.

I see the surgeon give me an almost fearful look as he quickly asks her, "Would you like some medication to allow you to sleep through the process?" I feel a moment of pure terror as he does and I hold my breath hoping she has the sense to decline, all the while knowing that it might become necessary to avoid her pain.

I let out my breath as I hear her reply, "No, thank you."

"Are you sure Lady?" Comes his worried reply and I wonder what it was that Tezear told him about us.

"Yes." Is her response, and I a smother a grin when I feel her focus on shoring up her mental walls. Good, I am glad that at least this time she was paying attention when I gave her a warning.

As I hear her small gasp and watch the surgeon step back rapidly I feel the urge to grab him and make him tell me exactly what it is he has done, and that feeling only increases at the strange faces Rose begins to make most of the time biting her lip as if in discomfort. I just hope that she has the sense to say something if she starts to feel any kind of pain.

The long minutes pass, and if I didn't know better I would say that time slows to a crawl as I hear the quiet conversation between the technicians as they discuss and test each major reconnection.

I am rattled out of my thoughts as I hear Verity's urgent thoughts, "Theta! Where are you?"

"Verity? What's wrong?"

"Look at the…" and suddenly there is silence. I look up in horror at the sudden loss of our connection and am relieved to hear the surgeon say, "The job is complete." I quickly school my features to ensure that no one will guess the utter terror that is descending on me as I know how difficult it is to block our connection as completely and abruptly as has just happened.

Putting on my best cheerful grin, I state, "Fantastic! Time to go, Rose."

She looks up, startled at my proclamation, and the minute I see her face I know that she has figured out something is wrong and I watch as she hops down off the table she has been sitting on and moves to my side.

I take her arm and guide her to my right side saying for our audience, "Feeling better?" even as I use the physical contact to push to her a warning, 'Be prepared to run,' at which she nods.

"Well then, we'll be off." I say quickly, shaking the doctors hand then rapidly turning and moving for the door and watch as the green swirled woman who had been our guide down here hurries to get in front of us to do her job.

As if sensing our urgency she hurries to the lift and as we step within, I feel a sudden sense of claustrophobia, mentally urging it to move faster. No more than five steps from the lift I hear, "Halt in the name of the Emperor" and feel a surge of dread. Looking as if to comply I desperately try to think of some way for us to get the hundred feet to Verity to find out what has happen her to suddenly sever our connection.

Taking an indignant stance and, ensuring Rose is safely behind me, I state, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Time Lord. You have been accused of mass genocide, and on the orders of the Emperor you are to be held till he can determine the truth of this matter." At his words I feel unadulterated terror, as I know that some how, some way, he has found out exactly how the Time War ended. If we do not escape soon there will be no escaping a series of brutal and grizzly deaths as they use their considerable surgical knowledge to ensure that I pay as long as possible for my actions. Worse yet will be the fact that Rose will be executed in a similar manner for no more reason than that she is with me, a risk I will not take.

Without any warning I turn, distorting the time around us more thoroughly than I have since shortly after the war and at the same time I grab Rose's hand and run. I put every ounce of concentration on moving us both back toward the TARDIS, in spite of the price I will pay, as I know the consequences if I don't.

-------------------------------------------

'Jack something has happened!'

"What?"

'Something has happened to the Doctor!' I restate wishing he wasn't quite so human. At the same time moving his blaster from his room and resetting it to stun before dropping it on the jump seat next to him. I know Theta's feelings on guns, but in this case I don't care. Jack is his warrior and I will not send him out to protect Theta unarmed. I watch his surprised expression at its arrival, but he says nothing looking the weapon before attaching its holster to his belt. Less than a second later I drop the coat he is so fond of next to him too as I turn on the outside monitors. On doing so I can see Theta and Rose emerge from what must be a lift through the doorway off to my left.

It's with relief I note that Rose's head is again firmly attached where it belongs. It's a relief that is very short lived, as I see the movement of the guards near my entrance begin heading in his direction drawing their blasters even as I see another contingent move up to him from the other side. Jack sees the motion on the monitor and is immediately moving to see what is happening. As we hear the head guard's pronouncement Jack is instantly moving for the door even though he knows nothing of what the guard has just said. I cringe as I feel the massive distortion Theta creates around them as they begin to run for my doors. I am instantly grateful that he does as each of the three guards closest to them fire and only one of them has their weapon on stun and the distortion effect throws the blaster fire wide. I am very thankful Jack has already stunned the two guards closest to us and is heading toward Theta and Rose to disable the others.

That emotion too is short lived as I watch in horror as one of guards reflected blaster fire bounces off of a shiny statue I don't remember seeing previously in that hallway and strikes Rose in the chest.

The unadulterated cry of terror of, "Rose" from both Theta and Jack chills me to the core even as without breaking stride Theta scoops Rose into his arms as she staggers backward crumpling into him. I move the medical bay to just outside the control room door, even as I watch Jack take down the three guards still standing.

I see more guards emerging from the lift as Theta reaches my doors with Jack hard on his heels. As I slam the doors shut behind Jack, Theta shouts, "Vortex!" as he, without pausing, runs for the medical room. Jack at the same time moves to my console beginning to flip the switches he had been taught a month before in his personal time line and we shift away from the planet.

I begin scanning Rose the minute they enter my doors, and find much to my relief that the blast that struck her was from the single stun shot, not the more lethal blasts that the rest of the guards had been shooting and relay that information to Theta. The relief I feel from him is palpable and moments later he places her on one of the medical bay beds and confirms my diagnosis that she is just unconscious.

I watch as he gently caresses her face and hear his soft words, "Rest love you've earned it." As he straightens, I notice he is trembling and I am immediately concerned rapidly reviewing the sequence of events that has just occurred to confirm that he too hadn't been hit by weapons fire.

------------------------------------

At Verity's distressed exclamation, I am immediately alert. When she deposits my blaster and coat, I know things are bad. It doesn't take much imagination to figure out that something has gone very wrong as I see the Doctor, Rose being surrounded as they come out of the elevator. As I move to assist as I hear the sound of a guard yelling. By the time I exit and have stunned the two guards I am now behind, I can see how time and space seem to twist behind the Doctor and I freeze for a moment, amazed at what he is doing. That amazement is rapidly replaced by horror as I see one of the blasts that had been deflected bounce back, striking Rose. The unfairness of that seems almost more than can be imagined, and I rapidly take out the other three guards, hoping that whatever advanced tools the Doctor may have in the his medical area on board will be able to deal with what has happened, if we can get Rose in there fast enough.

As he passes me, I turn and follow, jumping for the controls even as he shouts. As soon as we reach the vortex though, I turn and head in to find out what there is to know dreading the worst. As I enter the medical area, I am met with the sight of the Doctor collapsing.


	31. Secrets & Confrontations

Chapter 31 - Secrets & Confrontations

"What in the universe? Verity what's going on?" I declare as I see the Doctor crumple.

'They're fine, Jack, both of them are fine.'

"Then why…"

'The Doctor is exhausted. It takes a lot out of him to do what you saw him doing. Rose is only stunned.'

Immediately I am concerned again. "How long has it been for you three?" It may have been a month for me, but when they had left me to settle in Das the Doc had just been recovering from what had happened at the shopping planet. In spite of his claims he was fine, Rose had that morning expressed concern at how much he was still sleeping, which was still more than what he had before hand, in spite of it being far less than was normal for humans.

'Forty-nine hours, twenty-seven minutes and...'

"Okay, got it, two days." So he has over done it again; pushing himself too hard and ignoring his need for rest. However, something has to have upset him drastically that he was willing to go to such extreme measures to ensure that they were not caught here. I know they have run for their lives plenty of times, Rose has told me of some of their adventures and she never once hinted he was capable of what I saw him doing outside. I am certain he has never resorted to that kind of effort in Rose's presence before, as I just don't see her leaving out something so impressive.

"You keep an eye on Rose for a few minutes?" I ask Verity, as I move to the Doctor. Best I get him out of here before he wakes up, considering his reaction the last time. I get a chill just thinking of his severe reaction the last time.

'Yes,' comes her quiet reply and I can't help but notice the overtones of her concern.

I'm surprised as I reach him though, to see him starting to come around.

"Rose…"

"Rose is fine Doc, just got stunned. You okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he replies, shaking his head as if to clear it and moving to get up. Despite his assurance, he doesn't look too steady as he does and I reach to give him a hand. With a sour look, he takes it, but I know enough about his behavior now that I know his reaction isn't ingratitude; just annoyance at his own weakened state.

"So, Doc, what was with the hasty exit? They looked like they were out for blood back there. What did you do? Proposition someone's mother?"

"Don't be daft, I'm not you! And don't call me Doc," he snaps.

"Okay, Doctor..." I state emphasizing his full name, "What happened back there? I figure since I just helped you escape from one of the most powerful cultures in this galaxy and time, you owe me that much information."

I watch as he sits down heavily on the bed opposite Rose, never once taking his eyes from her, almost as if he is afraid she will disappear if he does, and replies, "Someone gave the Emperor the impression that I was responsible for the time war."

"What! That's crazy." The dark look he gives makes me wonder what he's thinking. "You can't be held responsible what the Daleks did; they were the ones who started it, everyone I have ever heard mention the war agrees on that fact."

'Jack, please don't!' is Verity's quiet plea in my mind.

'What? Verity what's going on?'

"Doctor?" comes the tentative call from Rose and he is by her side immediately, but it's obvious he's unsteady on his feet by the way he leans heavily on the side of the bed.

As I watch him, I realize Verity's right, as usual; he's in no shape to be talking about the war. I have learned that it's a topic that puts him on edge, even when things are going well. From what he said earlier, things have been far from peaceful for them these last few days; what these two need, no make that these three need, is a vacation. Maybe I can get them to take one now that Rose is back to normal.

There was this nice little pleasure planet in the Caspellian system; beautiful beings if they were a bit short and blue.

----------------------------------------

Everything feels like it's wrapped in cotton and I feel so tired. With alarm, I suddenly remember what was happening.

"Doctor?" I am amazed at how weak my voice sounds.

"I'm here, Rose," comes his voice from very close and I pry my eyes open to see his concerned expression.

"Hi!"

"Hi," is his response, and I watch as a big genuine smile bursts on to his face. "How do you feel?"

"Bit fuzzy, what happened? What went wrong?"

"Nothing important."

"So we were running for our lives for no reason?" I state sarcastically. I can't believe that he is just trying fluff this off.

"Nothing we need to talk about now, all done over, and you're tired. You were practically asleep on your feet before you were stunned, and well… A good shower and rest and you should be good as new."

"Doctor?" As he is speaking, I notice he's making small movements with his arm and realize he's trembling. "What's the matter, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I..." he starts then Jack interrupts.

"He did something to time when you were running for the TARDIS and he passed out as I walked in just now."

"What!" I gasp at Jack's words, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Doctor, are you alright?" I search his face as he glares at Jack and as he looks back, I dare him to lie to me to my face.

The expression he gives me tells me that idea crossed his mind. But with a sulky reply he states, "I'm fine, just tired." I resist the urge to ask Verity for confirmation, but she saves me from having to by volunteering. 'He's exhausted Rose, and so are you, why don't you both get some rest. I've moved your room across the hall.'

She's right, I am tired and I will leave it alone for now, but when we get up I intend to talk to him about this foolish insistence that he is fine when he is obviously not. I thought we had got beyond this when he was so ill, but I guess not.

As I sit up, I feel a wave of dizziness and feel his gentle steadying hand on my arm and realize he is barely in better shape than I am. As I slide off the bed I find out that Jack has moved around to behind us while we were speaking as he gently puts his arm about both our waists to help steady us on our feet.

The Doctor glares at him a moment, and I can see in the expression that Jack gives him back he's daring him to ask him to remove it, after a moment the Doctor breaks his gaze and we head for the Doctor's room without another word.

**************************

I love watching him sleep, and I am glad that he seems to be sleeping nightmare free right now, which surprises me a bit considering the way he reacted when we got back from Russia. I wonder if that is because he is too exhausted to dream. I had only gone into the loo for a few moments when we returned to the room, but he was asleep before I had returned. Over the past couple of weeks I have spent a lot of time watching him sleep and yet it still amazes me how much younger he looks when he is sleeping peacefully. For now, I am willing to let my sleeping Doctor lie, but I am still furious that he is keeping things from me. Why can't he see how much he means to me? Does he feel I am too stupid to realize that he isn't telling me the whole story about what it going on? I knew almost immediately that something was wrong when we got there, but still he insisted that I enter into this in the dark, asking me to trust him, and that's just not fair. He asks for my trust knowing I will always give it to him yet he isn't willing to trust me with his secrets, even those that directly affect me. I have never seen him do that weird time warp thing before and I have to wonder why now, why here? How can I help if I don't know what is wrong?

----------------------------

I watch the thread of Rose's thoughts, it's hard not to with her practically shouting them in her frustration. Theta is not going to be happy when he wakes if her thoughts continue on the path they are on now. He is going to have to face the fact he has to let these humans in more than he has if he hopes for them to stay. It's a double-edged sword this relationship he has with the humans, and there is no way for him to avoid getting hurt. He needs them more than he ever has in all his lives now that he is the last of the Time Lords, and yet they are so short lived and ephemeral in comparison to him. I would do anything to save him from more loss but there seems to be no solution to this and it deeply grieves me knowing it is just a matter of time until he loses them.

He has always been far too careless with his lives and now at times it seems as if he is actively courting death. I just hope that Rose can help him heal enough before he loses her too and must face yet again the decision between loneliness and the grief that losing them brings. I can just imagine the delight the black guardian must be deriving from his misery.

----------------------------------------

I wake slowly and still feel tired, I knew I was going to be pushing my body by doing the time shift, it has never been easy to shift large areas but I knew that it was the only way to shelter Rose from the blaster fire that I knew they would be using. She is alive and safe that's the important thing but even that was no thanks to me. I was so focused on trying to protect her from behind that was delinquent in protecting her sufficiently from the front. It was only pure luck that the blast that hit her was a stun not the full disrupter blast that seemed to be what the rest of them were using.

I realize as I lie here what has woken me, as I feel Rose's frustration roiling around me and I know that I am in for a conversation I really don't want to have. I knew she wasn't happy when we agreed to head off to get some sleep at Verity's prompting. I had hoped that she would have let it go by the time we were again up and around or at least I was somewhere else when she did wake. I breathe a sigh of relief as she gently begins to extract herself from my embrace. I can probably be dressed and away by the time she comes back, and I plan on doing so the moment she goes to the loo. As the door of the ensuite shuts, I move quickly to depart.

Just as I enter the kitchen, I feel a wave of irritation come from her and move to start making some breakfast. I know she hasn't eaten in much longer than I have and her body is less tolerant of long stretches with out food.

'You know you're going to have to talk with her, Theta,' comes Verity's chiding voice.

'But not now.' I don't want to and she knows that, and more than anyone else she knows why.

------------------------------------------

Grrr, that man! I wonder how long he was awake before I got up. I bet he knew that I wanted to talk to him. I know how he hates domestics, as he calls them, but really. I just want to be told when things are dangerous, is that so much to ask? Secrets, sometimes it seems like all he is made of is one secret layered on another.

As I get dressed all I can think about is how full of contradictions he is - one moment he is loving and tender, the next he is a steel wall, then the next after that he is off someplace else as if nothing happened, always moving, perpetually in motion. Even knowing part of the reasons why, I still have trouble keeping up with his quicksilver mood changes. Except when he's not moving - the memory of how still he was when he was hurt makes my stomach clench with distress and as if on cue my stomach growls and I realize how long it has been since I last have eaten as I smell the lovely aroma of bangers and mash.


	32. Old Friends & Unpleasant Acquaintances

Chapter 32 - Old Friends & Unpleasant Acquaintances

A/N: All recognizable dialogs are from "Boom Town" and all the residents belong to Aunty BBC and Uncle Rusty. I Promise I will return them after I am through playing with them, I just can't predict how soon that's likely to happen. Many, many thanks as always to my wonderful beta LostWolf without whom this would be far less readable.

I watch the two of them and can see just in their body language how much is not being said. It was obvious when I walked in that they had been discussing something that had upset them both. Neither one is happy, and I strongly suspect is that isn't going to change without an argument. Maybe it's time to suggest a vacation - give them both a chance to relax a bit.

Time for me to try to lighten things up a bit, "So Doctor, where to today, maybe a bit of vacation? I know this lovely little pleasure planet." At both of them giving me a look saying clearly, 'I don't think so,' I put up my hands. "Fine, fine! Maybe a nice visit back to Earth instead. I'm sure Rose would love to see her mum."

At the Doctor's glower, I suspect I have said the wrong thing. At his comment of, "Fine, probably for the best, don't you think Rose?" as he turns to leave the room, I know I have.

I see a brief flash of fear cross Rose's face before it is quickly smothered and she replies brightly, "Sure. I will call Mickey and let him know were coming."

The Doctor hesitates for just the briefest of moments before continuing out of the room, the only other indicator that he even heard her reply is the stomping of his boots down the hall.

Looking from the empty doorway to Rose, I move to her side. "Rose, what's going on?" She looks up at me with such sad eyes it breaks my heart.

"He's shutting me out Jack, he won't tell me what's bothering him. Won't let me help him and his secrets are dangerous. I wanted to talk to him this morning about why he did what he did yesterday, hoping without you in the room he might open up a bit, but every time I tried to bring it up he just changed the subject. " Looking over at the door with pure frustration, waving in the direction of the departed Time Lord, "Then that, he is just so aggravating."

"You're not going to actually call Mickey are you?" I just know it will cause trouble between the two if she does, but I watch as she steels her spine and replies.

"Oh, I have every intention of doing just that." And with that she too leaves the kitchen.

***************************************************

They have been being polite to each other, almost too polite, and I can practically feel the tension humming between them. Since we have wound up in Cardiff, we have started work on the repairs that have been much needed for a while. At the look that passes between Rose and the Doctor when there is a knock at the door, I decide it would probably be best if I answer the door. The young fellow I meet at the door surprises me a bit as he isn't exactly what I had been expecting of Rose's ex-boyfriend. He really is quite pretty and I can't resist teasing him a bit on the Doctor's behalf. "Who the hell are you?"

"What d'you mean, who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?" and spunky - I can see why Rose likes him.

"Captain Jack Harkness. Whatever you're selling, we're not buying."

"Get out of my way!"

With that he enters and I can't help but admire his forthright behavior even as it irks me a bit being dismissed. "Don't tell me, this must be Mickey."

As I turn back to the interior I take a moment to admire how nice the view is with the Doctor up on a ladder, the man does have such a lovely bum. However, the headlamp has got to go, handy thing true but does nothing for his style. Rose is standing by the console and seems to still be pointedly ignoring the Doctor.

I am surprised as the Doctor cheerfully greets Mickey with, "Here comes trouble! How're you doing, Ricky boy?" Until I realize a moment later that he has called him by the wrong name when Mickey replies indignantly,

"It's Mickey!"

Rose is quick to move to Mickey and tell him, "Don't listen to him, he's winding you up." At which they both grin broadly and give each other a big hug. A hug that I notice the Doctor doesn't seem particularly happy about. I try to distract her saying, "Aww, sweet, look at these two. How come I never get any of that?"

Which instead gets me a response from the Doctor of, "Buy me a drink first."

"You're such hard work." I quip back without even thinking but I notice he isn't looking at me when he replies, "But worth it." Giving us one of his most smarmy self-satisfied grins, a grin that vanishes the minute Rose asks Mickey, "Did you manage to find it?"

Mickey is quick to hand over what appears to be a passport to her and she turns to the Doctor brandishing the passport making it very clear that she doesn't intend to put up with his attitude, yet at the same time not issuing an ultimatum "I can go anywhere now!"

Which only spurs him to reply, "I told you, you don't NEED a passport!" and I am beginning to feel like I'm watching a lorry wreck in slow motion as the two of them clash.

"It's all very well going to platform one and Justicia and the Glass Pyramid of San Kloon, but what if we end up in Brazil? I might need it. You see, I'm prepared for anything." With that she sticks her tongue out, smiling but I can tell the smile is as fake as the cheerfulness in her voice.

Mickey's next question puts on the table the thing they both have been avoiding all morning, "Sounds like your staying, then." It's clear from the expression on all of their faces that no one really wants that question answered, as each is afraid to hear what they least want.

After a moment Mickey smiles, attempting to lighten the atmosphere, but we all know that question is still going to linger like the proverbial elephant in the living room and I realize I'm frowning as Mickey asks, "So, what're you doing in Cardiff? And who the hell's Jumping Jack Flash? I mean, I don't mind you hanging out with big-ears up there…"

This prompts an indignant, "Oi!" from the Doctor.

I have to give the boy credit in that he doesn't seem the least bit intimidated by the Doctor and it shows in his quick repartee. "Look in the mirror." The Doctor just shakes his head and turns back to his work. As I banter with Mickey, I can tell though by the stiffness of his actions that the Doctor is no longer working but thinking about what Mickey said. I realize exactly how badly it has bothered him as, a few moments later, he comes down off the ladder asking, "Are you saying I'm not handsome?"

As the person he is really asking the question of doesn't answer, I go to reply but am interrupted as Rose finishes her explanation of why Cardiff is where Verity has brought us instead of the Powell Estates. A navigation issue that for once I am sure had nothing to do with the Doctor's piloting skills and feel Verity's confirmation.

----------------------------------------------------

They are at it again and if I had lungs I would scream for the frustration, I hate watching the two people I have come to love the most bickering. Theta is being stubborn and bull headed, nothing new there, but Rose can be just as stubborn when she knows she is right and this time I have to agree with her. I can see Jack is trying to make things better but this goes far beyond what he can help. I know Theta doesn't want to expose himself to her possible rejection when she finds out what his role was in what happened at Gallifrey. I can see what he can't though; that he needs her. He needs the way she steadies him and anchors him in the future, instead of letting him dwell on the past, and that which can't be changed in spite of how much we both would want that to occur.

Therefore, when he begins to think about just dropping her off with her mum, I instead take him to Cardiff. He may have been, in the past, inattentive in where he dropped his companions off, but I know he will not deliberately leave Rose stranded any more than he would have intentionally left Sarah Jane. I still haven't told him about where we left Sarah Jane, and that though it was the correct time, it was not where he had intended to leave her when we had been forced to return to Gallifrey. I know how much he cared for Sarah Jane and he would not be amused even at this late date. In a different time, different circumstance, they might have had a relationship similar to that he has with Rose, but that was never meant to happen so it didn't.

As I contemplate things past, I notice that things have just gotten tenser after Mickey's comment so I suggest to Jack that they head out to a nice cafe for lunch. A lunch that, as with most things involving Theta, doesn't go quite as planned, the spanner in the works appearing in the form of a Slitheen as the Mayor of Cardiff.

******************************

After the Doctor has flipped Margaret's teleport a few times, much to Rose and Mickey's delight, we finally convince Margaret there really is no point in attempting to run. We move our conversation to the town hall exhibition room to discuss what exactly she is up to now, and try to get her to explain exactly why she is building a nuclear power plant in Cardiff.

Based on the current expression on the Doctor's face and the reminder earlier that he's in charge, I let him take the lead in questioning our captive and he starts by asking, "So, you're a Slitheen, you're on Earth, you're trapped. Your family gets killed, but you teleport out, just in the nick of time. You have no means of escape. What do you do? You build a nuclear power station. But what for?"

As he gestures at the model, in the middle of the room, Rose and I examine it with interest and I wonder why something about it looks so familiar.

None of us believes her when she comes out with the obvious lie. "A philanthropic gesture. I've learnt the error of my ways."

The Doctor calls her on it immediately, "And it just so happens to be right on top of the rift."

"What rift would that be?"

When she tries to play dumb, I speak up. "A rift in space and time. If this power station went into meltdown, the entire planet would go schwwwupboom!"

The Doctor's assertion that "This station is designed to explode the minute it reaches capacity," obviously startles Rose, in spite of what she had said about their last meeting with Margaret and her family. She is quick to protest loudly, "Didn't anyone notice? Isn't there someone in London checking this sort of stuff?"

"We're in Cardiff. London doesn't care! The South Wales coast could fall into the sea and they wouldn't notice… oh... I sound like a Welshman. God help me, I've gone native." If it weren't for the fact that she intended to see all of Wales, not to mention the rest of the planet, destroyed, I could actually find it amusing that she feels she has gone native.

Then it's Mickey's turn to be confused. "But why would she do that? A great big explosion; she'd only end up killing herself."

"Oh, but she's clever..." is the Doctor reply as he, in one swift movement, pries the middle section off the model and flips it over, revealing a giant circuit board underneath.

As I see what it is he has revealed I am utterly delighted as I realize what it is. "Is that a tribo-physical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator?"

I smile as he replies, looking a bit indulgently at me. "Couldn't have put it better myself." but can't help but be excited about the prospect of getting my hands on the device and promptly take it from him so I can look it over. I still remember watching the competitions beamed in from the core planets when I was young and the incredible things the athletes had with these kinds of boards. As I look over the modifications, I marvel at what someone has done to modify this device. "Ooh, GENIUS!"

I'm filled with excitement over the extrapolator until I notice the Doctor's attention seems to be caught by something on the far wall. The sign means nothing to me, it is a simple poster for the project, bearing the words 'Blaidd Drwg'.

Before I can try to figure out what has caused the Doctor's sudden quiet Rose asks, "Is it a weapon?"

Putting the extrapolator down on the floor, I explain what is such a big deal about these things. "It's transport. You see, the reactor blows, the rift opens, phenomenal cosmic disaster, but this thing shrouds you in a force field, you have this energy bubble, zzhum, so you're safe. Then you feed it coordinates, stand on top, and ride the concussion all the way out of the solar system."

Finally, Mickey figures it out and I give him my most charming grin, smart boy Rose's Mickey, not nearly the idiot the Doctor made him out to be, "It's a surfboard!"

"A pan-dimensional surfboard, yeah."

Margaret's bitter words remind us all the cost for her to go surfing, "And it would've worked. I would've surfed away from this dead-end dump and back to civilization."

I am more than a little surprised when the Doctor doesn't reply to Margaret's cold calculation but instead asks, staring up at the poster on the wall like it is some how going bite him, "How'd you think of the name?"

I realize I'm not the only one surprised by his comment when Margaret replies flippantly, "What, Blaidd Drwg? It's Welsh."

I beginning to get a cold chill up my spine as the Doctor probes further, "I know, but how did you think of it?"

Margaret's words lend no light to what it is that has the Doctor suddenly on edge. "Chose it at random, that's all I dunno, just sounded good. Does it matter?" Now I am more curious than ever as to what it is he is talking about and why it's important.

The expression on his face is far from reassuring as he mutters the name "Blaidd Drwg". However, Rose beats me to asking, "What's it mean?"

His reply sends a wave of icy cold premonition down through me, "Bad Wolf."

Again, it is Rose that articulates what it is that is bothering me about that phrase, "But I've heard that before, Bad Wolf. I've heard that lots of times..." I suddenly realize I too have been hearing that phrase over and over again in the time since I first decided to start the con that cause me to meet them, and even more frequently since. Not just in one place but in dozens of bizarre situations and I actually shiver when it dawns on me that was the name of the shopping planet. I have a feeling though the Doctor would not appreciate hearing that right now, and make a mental note to tell him when we get back to the TARDIS and out of hearing distance of additional listening ears.

---------------------------------------

As Jack has been rabbiting on about the extrapolator, I suddenly get the feeling humans often refer to as someone walking over your grave, as I spot the name of Margaret's pet project. Yet, when I ask her why she has chosen the name she can't give me a good reason. As I begin to think back I realize someone or something is following us and each time those words have showed up bad things happened shortly after, "Everywhere we go, two words, following us; Bad Wolf."

I am distracted as I hear the fear in Rose's voice, and I kick myself when I realize I have voiced that last thought aloud. "How can they be following us?"

I try to think of a way, and the only things I can think of are so far fetched that they aren't credible. So, even though it feels far different than a simple coincidence, I reassure her because I can come up with nothing I can substantiate my feeling of wrongness around those words. When I see nothing in our immediate future that leads me to a connection either I decide it's not worth worrying her over I play it off as inconsequential. "Nah! Just a coincidence! Like hearing a word on the radio then hearing it all day. Never mind! Things to do. Margaret, we're gonna take you home."

Jack's protest of, "Hold on, isn't that the easy option, like letting her go?" Brings attention to what I really don't want Rose thinking about, so I am quick to indulge her when she with delight states gleefully, "I don't believe it! We actually get to go to Raxa..."

I roll my eyes when she tries yet again to pronounce the name of Margaret's home planet. She is intent on trying though and I can't help admiring her tenacity.

"Wait a minute! Raxacor..."

So once again, I slowly enunciate the name that she seems to have such problems with, "Raxacoricofallapatorius."

As she slowly repeats the first part of the name "Raxacorico..."

I complete it for her "... fallapatorius."

Suddenly she blurts out, "Raxacoricofallapatorius!" and screeches in delight.

"That's it!" My hearts are about to burst with pride that her persistence has finally paid off and I grab her up and swing her around rejoicing with her in her accomplishment as she squeaks happily in my ear, "I did it!"

Margaret effectively quells all of our joy as she declares, "They have the death penalty. The family Slitheen was tried in its absence many years ago and found guilty. With no chance of appeal. According to the statutes of government, the moment I return, I am to be executed. What do you make of that, Doctor? Take me home and you take me to my death."

I stare her down as I look past Rose and state, "Not my problem." She made her choices and we all have to live with the consequences, chaos knows I have made more than my share that I have to face, not the least of which is the loss of my own home world. If taking her to her death ensures that Rose and the Earth will be safe then I will do it. I won't like any more than I ever do such harsh justice, but it's not exactly as if she has shown any remorse for any of her actions.


	33. Boom Town

Chapter 33 - Boom Town

We make our way back to the TARDIS. I hate this - hate having to play prison guard to this woman and hate that I haven't had a moment alone with Rose all day, so there's been no chance to try to clear the air and smooth things over with her.

All too soon Rose is leaving with Mickey the idiot and I can do nothing without revealing to Margaret exactly how much Rose means to me, a far too dangerous proposition for Rose. It doesn't stop me from feeling a surge of jealousy as I watch on Verity's external monitor as first he takes her hand then as they stroll away holding hands.

************************************

I watch as Mickey walks out and I can't say I blame him, I am not exactly feeling real comfortable with what is happening with Margaret either and the Doctor has all but been giving me the cold shoulder ever since she arrived. You would think she was his girl for all the attention he has been giving her. Even as the thought occurs to me, I know it's unfair. He has to ensure that Margaret doesn't do any more harm, but it still hurts how he has been shutting me out. With that I decide to head out to talk with Mickey, I can only hope that him seeing me with Mickey again will make him realize I could leave, not that I would, I decided a long time ago that I was in this for the long haul. I also knew, even then it wouldn't be easy. It doesn't mean though that I am going to let him get away with what he has been pulling lately.

"S'freezing out here!" I hadn't realized how cold it would get here in Cardiff and I can't help but remember the last time I was this cold and what happened after. As Mickey replies I suddenly know that I am going to have to tell him, as I know he is never going to understand what it is about the Doctor and Verity that means so much to me.

"Better than in there." I watch as he struggles to explain something that is bothering him and I can't help the sad smile that creeps on to my face as I realize how well I can still read him.

"She does deserve it. She's a Slitheen. I don't care. It's... it's just... weird, in that box."

At his announcement, I tell him the truth "I didn't really need my passport..."

His smile takes me off guard as he seems so pleased to hear that and his next words just make things more difficult at the same time easier.

"I've been thinking, you know... we could... go and have a drink. Have a pizza or something, just you and me."

"That'd be nice," I reply as he takes my hand and I think about how many times we did just this, and how now the only hand I really ever want to hold again belongs to an alien that won't even tell me his name.

So when Mickey offers to take me out I agree, smiling. I look back over my shoulder thinking about the man in the blue box and how ready he was to just drop me off back at my mums this morning, but for his lousy driving he probably would have and I feel a surge of resentment for that fact, just as Mickey asks.

"... go to a hotel? Spend the night? I mean, if you want to! I - I've got some money."

"Okay. Yeah." Is my reply and I sincerely hope the Doctor heard exactly what Mickey offered as it would serve him right for being such a git, not like I can't back out and explain to him why I agreed.

"Cool, there's a couple of bars around here, we should give 'em a go." As he catches me looking back he asks waving back at the TARDIS, "Do you have to go and tell him?"

With one last pointed look, I tell him, "It's none of his business."

************************************

I watch them on the monitor and see the way she is smiling at him and I feel a stab through my hearts at how happy they seem.

'She will leave you Theta, if you keep pushing her away like this, if you won't let her in, she's only human after all.'

'She would be better off without me.'

'But would you be better off without her?'

I jerk as I hear Jack ask, "So, what's on?" and turn off the screen. No use thinking about that now and I tell my nosey time ship, 'Time enough later to work things out with Rose after we drop Margaret off.'

**********************************

The more I think about what Mickey said at the TARDIS the more it bothers me and I know I have to try to explain to him try to tell him why it's over. So, I begin at the beginning.

"The Doctor took me to this planet a while back, it was much colder than this, they called it 'Woman Wept'. The planet was actually called 'Woman Wept'. 'Cos, if you looked at it, right, from above, there's like this huge continent, like all curved round... sort of looked like a woman, you know... lamenting. Oh my God, and we went to this beach, right, no people, no buildings, just this beach like, a thousand miles across! And something had happened, something to do with the sun, I don't know - but the sea had just frozen! Like, in a split second in the middle of a storm, right, waves and foam, just frozen! All the way out to the horizon. We walked underneath these waves a hundred feet tall, made of ice. Then there were these pillars of colored ice that reflected the sun and sound and…"

He suddenly interrupts, "I'm going out with Trisha Delaney." I turn and stare at him leaning up against the sea wall and look at him. For a moment, I am unsure what to say. Here I am trying to explain why I am breaking up with him, and he blurts out he seeing Trisha, suddenly I don't know what to say as I feel an incredible sense of loss.

Finally, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Right... that's nice... Trisha from the shop?"

"Yeah, Rob Delany's sister."

Suddenly I remember exactly what Tirsha looks like. "Well, she's nice... she's a bit BIG." Not Mickey's type at all.

"She lost weight." Suddenly the look on his face makes my heart break in two. "You've been away."

I try to make this easier on him as I realize how completely unfair I have been to him. "Well, good for you. She's nice."

His response surprises me. "So, tell us more about this planet, then." I know in that moment that I can't tell him what happened. I can't tell him how much my heart belongs to the Doctor, it would just be cruel, better to let him think that he has broken up with me, leave him with that much self respect. "That was it, really..."

I don't know what to say now and I suspect he doesn't either, which is only confirmed by his next question.

"So, what d'you wanna do now?"

"Don't mind."

"We could ask about hotels..."

Suddenly I feel a flare of anger at that, now who was playing whom. "What would Trisha Delaney say?"

His response makes it come clear to me what is really going on. "S'pose, there's a bar down there with a Spanish name or something…"

"You don't even LIKE Trisha Delaney!"

"Oh, is that right? What the hell do you know?"

I'm furious at myself, an equally furious with him, as I realize that he was playing me, trying to make me jealous. "I know you. And I know her, and I know that's never gonna happen. So who do you think you're kidding?!"

"At least I know where she is! At least she is not half way across the universe shagging an alien. You think I haven't see how you look at him tell me to my face your not sleeping with him."

Suddenly I know there will be no getting around telling him about the change in our relationship, and my anger vanishes as I nod in acceptance of his anger and answer quietly. "There we are, then. It's got nothing to do with Trisha, this is all about me. Me leaving with him."

It's all I can do to remain silent as he yells. "You left me! We were nice. We were happy and then what, you give me a kiss and you run off with him and you make me feel like nothing, Rose. I was nothing!"

As he stands there, tears in his eyes, I just want to hold him tell him everything is going to be all right, but there is nothing I can say and we both know it. His next words are like a dagger in my heart as I realize how very badly I have hurt him and I have no excuse.

"I can't even go out with a stupid girl from a shop because you pick up the phone and I comes running. I mean, is that what I am, Rose? Standby? Am I just supposed to sit here for the rest of my life, waiting for you? Because I will."

All I have done all day is think about how I could use my relationship with Mickey to make the Doctor jealous and in that moment, I know I don't deserve either of them. "I'm sorry. Mickey I'm so sorry." I reach out and I try to comfort him, it is the least I can do for all the misery I have put him through, so as much as it hurts, it doesn't surprise me when he shakes off my hand.

For long minutes, we stand there in the cold. I don't think even on Women Wept I felt this cold, this is a cold not just of the body but of the heart, and I know I have hurt someone I care about deeply. Slowly I reach out and take his hand and finally he lets me lead him over to a bench. I stroke his hands as I feel how cold they have become from gripping the cold railing and yet I still don't know what to say.

His next words are quiet and I almost miss them, but when I catch what he has said I almost wish I did. "I'm not asking you to leave him, because I know that's not fair. But I just need something, yeah? Some sort of promise that when you do come back, you're coming back for me."

Suddenly there is a roar like thunder and I feel a stab of fear when I think about how long we have been gone and that I left the Doctor and Jack alone with Margaret. I ask but have a sinking feeling that something very bad has happened. "Is that thunder?"

"Does it matter?"

Even as Mickey asks the sound repeats even louder, "That's not thunder!" and I am moving even before I finish speaking. As a streetlight smashes and passers-by begin to shriek, I know, something very bad has happened and run for the TARDIS.

As I reach the Millennium Square a huge bolt of lightening rips out of the TARDIS roof and into the sky causing me to stagger as I feel the ground shake beneath my feet. I know that somehow Margaret has done something to hurt the others. I try to run faster but can't help the fear that runs down my back as I watch the ground shattering around me.

As I reach the door it swings open and I am thankful that I don't have to try to keep the key steady as the ground continues to shake "What is it? What's happening?" My attention is completely focused on the Doctor and Jack's frantic efforts to stop the horrible sparking and shuddering that is happening and I reach the top I am stunned by the intense pain coming from Verity's as she struggles to shut off the extrapolator that Jack had been wiring up to her. The next thing I hear is Margaret's sickly sweet words of "Oh, just little ME!" as I feel her claw clamp about my throat.

---------------------------------

I hear Margaret's reply and look up just in time to see her grab Rose and freeze in my motion toward Rose as she threatens, "One wrong move and she snaps like a promise."

"I might've known," is my reply, as I suddenly know that everything she has said to me tonight has been a lie. My breath catches in my throat as I watch her drag Rose closer.

I feel desperation rising to envelope me as I feel Verity's pain increasing and look at the panic on Rose's face as Margaret issues her demand and I know I have to do something to put a stop to this, whatever the cost to myself.

"You, fly boy, put the extrapolator at my feet."

I see Jack hesitate, looking to me, and I feel utterly unworthy of the trust he is putting in me to deal with this, but it's Margaret's next words that send a wave of terror through me.

"How blind do you think I am Doctor? Do you really think I didn't know that she is yours? I've smelled the reek of both of your pheromones all day. Now tell the pretty boy over there to put it down." She tightens her grip on Rose and I convulsively nod my approval, even as I close my eyes for a moment and begin collecting the energy needed to time shift quickly enough that Margaret will be unable act to stop me from freeing Rose.

I feel cold anger at her actions and that she has left me no other recourse. Her sickly sweet thank you, as Jack does as he was asked, just make me angrier that I had any sympathy for her; if she hurts Rose, there will be nothing that can save her.

As I feel another wave of anger rising, I clamp down on it as Rose asks through a constricted windpipe, "I thought you needed to blow up the nuclear power station." Instead I use the time Rose is buying me to ensure Margaret pays for hurting those I love and barely listen as she begins to pontificate on her plans.

"Failing that, if I were to be arrested, then anyone capable of tracking me down would have considerable technology of their own. Therefore, they would be captivated by the extrapolator. Especially a magpie mind like yours Doctor, so the extrapolator was programmed to go to Plan B!"

I cringe as I hear a small whimper from Rose as Margaret pulls her hair and I concentrate on drawing additional energy to me even as my body fights exhaustion that controlling this kind and level of energy is creating. Gritting my teeth as I hear Margaret continue to detail her plan for destruction.

"...To lock onto the nearest alien power source and open the rift and what a power source it found... I'm back on schedule... thanks to you."

A moment later she pushes Rose to the side so that she can stand on the extrapolator, though she still maintains her grip on Rose's neck. "…While I ride this board over the crest of the inferno all the way to freedom. Stand back boys... surf's up."

*********************

In spite of the pain the extrapolator is causing me I can't help but feel the swell of energy Theta is pulling in and I suddenly know his intentions. It is an action I can't allow him to do, the guilt would break him and destroy any chance he and Rose have for happiness.

I steal the energy Theta has collected and focus on opening the access panel to my core as I use the idea Jack had inspired on the shopping planet. Even as I sooth Theta's outrage at my theft by explaining my actions, I begin to regress Margaret back to a time before she was corrupted by the ideals of the Slitheen family.

Margaret tries to bluster and threaten but her cause was lost the minute she jeopardized my Theta. One way or another, Margaret the Slitheen will die, at least my way she will have a second chance to live her life differently.

In spite of the pain her tampering is still causing, I still feel a glow of pride at Theta's words. "Of course, opening the rift means you'll pull this ship apart, and it's not just any old power source you have tapped into. It's the TARDIS. My TARDIS, the best ship in the universe!"

At Rose's still strangled words of, "What's that light?" he replies, "The heart of the TARDIS. This ship's alive. She's opened its soul." I am reminded of my task, focusing in on the woman and I watch as she begins to breathe heavily as I begin to press on her time traces and explain tersely to her what I am going to do to her. Much to my surprise, unlike the general, I feel her joy at the idea and demand she release Rose, which she does immediately. As she does Rose to staggers into Jack who is quick pulls her even farther away from Margaret at which I feel an intense wave of relief from all my residents.

In spite of his immense relief, Theta only smiles slightly as he is still focused on what I am doing and I feel more than hear Margaret's final words of thanks as my manipulations finally are finished causing her sudden rapid regression back to an egg. Then as if released by a spell, he begins flying around the console shifting switches, isolating and cutting of power to the extrapolator which has been causing me such pain and creating so much damage outside.

I feel wave after wave of relief as I hear Theta shout, "Don't look, stay there, close your eyes!" as he manually closes the access panel I had overridden to open, clearing the way for the others to help him.

I hear his additional instructions but their meaning is lost in the waves of relief as their actions continue to release me from the crushing pain caused by the extrapolator.

As I bask in the cessation of the pain that has been wracking my body, I am more than content to let Theta explain my actions. Even Rose's exclamation of amazement and finally her rush from my walls in search of her now ex-boyfriend don't disturb the peace and torpor that have descended on me.

Not until Theta and Jack separately begin to caress my console, each unaware of the other's actions, do I stir.

'You okay love?' comes Theta's gentle thought.

'Yes, but are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I? I just couldn't let you, not with another option.'

'No, I'm fine, just tired. You were right, your way was much better.' I hear the sadness, regret and guilt in his mental voice and I know that is as close as he will get to talking about why he took the actions he did. It goes unsaid as words are not needed, I know he was prepared to killed Margaret for either Rose or I. With both of us in jeopardy at that point, there was no other way the being, previously known as Blonde, would have left my walls alive. It is a realization that I will know will be hard for him. More than once he has died for his companions, but to plan to kill to protect them is not something he does. Before the war, he was almost completely unwilling to choose that path, sometimes taking immensely stupid risks trying to find another way, only to be forced to act anyway and I know he hates this reminder of how the war has changed him.

I also know that after tonight, he has no delusions as to exactly how important Rose is to him, and there will be no more thoughts of taking her back home. For him, I know there is now no going back, and only death itself will make him part with her. That just makes me fear even more the day, which with her being human will come far too soon, when he will lose her permanently.

--------------------------

I can tell something is changed as the Doctor stands up from his position crouched over the console opposite me and I suspect it has nothing to do with the dials and settings he was checking. I am sure he has come to a decision about something, but haven't a clue what, and from the expression on his face I am not sure I want to know. There is something hard about his eyes, that gives me the chills and it reminds me of how little I know about this enigmatic alien.

I just hope Rose comes back soon. I am not sure what he is planning, other than what he said earlier about taking Margaret the egg to a hatchery to be adopted, but it's obvious he has something in mind and as of right now I am not sure it is something I'm going to like. I did after all suggest using the extrapolator as a possible fuel supplement.

********************

I look up as Rose reenters the TARDIS and I try to put on a cheerful front as I let her know Verity's status. "We're all powered up. We can leave. Opening the rift filled us up with energy." I deliberately do not tell her why there was exactly the right kind of energy for Verity's use available letting them both draw their own conclusions. "We can go..." I hesitate as I see her tear streaked face and qualify, "If that's all right..."

"Yeah, fine," is her listless reply and I immediate think of all the damage I saw as I had made my way back here earlier.

"How's Mickey?" he may be a bit of an idiot, but I'm not stupid enough to think that she wouldn't be devastated if he had been hurt or killed, especially as she had asked him to come here.

The expression on my face must have given away at least part of my thought as she quickly states, "He's okay. He's gone."

She still isn't very good at shielding her emotions particularly when upset and it's obvious they have had some sort of fight so I offer. "D'you wanna go and find him? We'll wait..."

"No need," is her brisk reply. Then much more quietly, "He deserves better," and I know we are going to have to talk about that as well when I broach my idea to her. Verity's words haunt me, and I know now I can't let her go, so I'm going to have to let her in more, in spite of the pain it will cause later.

But, for now we have an egg to deliver. "Off we go, then. Always moving on..."

With that I take off the hand break and send us into the vortex even as Jack pipes up. "Next stop, Raxacoricofallapatorius. Now, you don't often get to say that."

As I look over at the egg that was once Margaret, I am reminded that this time things didn't end too badly considering. "We'll just stop by and pop her in the hatchery. Margaret the Slitheen can live her life again! A second chance." In addition, I fervently hope that she isn't the only one aboard who will be given another chance, as I ask Rose to forgive me for my recent actions.

As I look over I can't help but wonder why Rose looks so very sad as she quietly mumbles, "That'd be nice..." quietly enough that I know she didn't intended me to hear her.


	34. Fallout

Chapter 34 – Fallout

Surprisingly, dropping Margaret off goes very easily as Verity lands us right outside the hatchery door and it is but the work of a moment to pop in and put her in one of the incubators with another egg. Come the next shift someone will be left with a mystery but as none of the warmers has names, I suspect the cameras going out for less than a minute will never be associated with the appearance of an extra egg. Most nurseries I have ever been near are far more concerned with someone taking a youngster rather than someone smuggling in an extra one.

As I reenter the control room, I try to cheer my suddenly droopy companions. "So, who wants to see Raxacoricofallapatorius proper? I hear the have a lovely spice market. How about it? A bit of shopping?" even as I say the word shopping I see both of them wince and immediately regret my thoughtless choice of words.

After a moment Jack replies, "Actually, it's been a rather long day, you may not need to sleep as often as humans, but being one I do." with that he heads for the living quarters mouthing behind Rose's back. 'Talk to her!' vehemently before disappearing.

'He's right Theta, you do need to talk to Rose,' come Verity's quiet words.

Sudden irritation flares at the fact they both seem to feel I am incapable of figuring that out on my own. As I walk over to my beautiful pink and yellow girl, I realize Rose looks just as tired as Jack did.

-----------------------------

I have been thinking a lot, about how selfish I have been, and I wonder why these gorgeous blokes feel I am worth the effort. One part of me wonders if the only reason either of them wants me around is for what I can offer them, sex and comfort, and Mickey's suggestion that we find a room echoes in my ears. Even Jimmy had only wanted me as long as I was willing to 'put out' - well that, money for drugs and, in the end, as a punching bag when I refused him the first two. Because of that, the Doctor's words surprise me.

-------------------------------

"Rose," as she looks up from what appears to be an intent inspection of her trainers, I hold out my hand lazily, wiggling my fingers in encouragement for her to take it. "Come to bed?"

Her startled almost fearful expression concerns me but she takes my hand readily and I wonder what that was all about. Looking at me as if there is a question she wants to ask, I wait. After a moment, she shakes her head slightly. Unsure what it was she was thinking, I dismiss the action and I gently pull her into a hug and am relieved as I feel her melt into me, her arms tightening almost painfully around my sides.

I gently kiss her hair as she burrows her face in my jumper. Sliding my hand along her back, I try to sooth the anxiety I feel coming from her. It's not surprising she is upset, considering what Margaret put her through. I could kick myself for not thinking about how scared she must have been. She is always so strong and courageous; I forget at times how stressful my life must be to her. Quietly I whisper to her, as I rest my cheek on her soft hair, "I'm sorry Rose."

Her reply is muffled but easily discernable, "I'm sorry, too."

Surprised, I pull back; gently lifting her chin, I make her look at me. "Rose, you have nothing you need to say sorry to me for, it was my fault we came here, not yours. This morning you were right too, it isn't fair. I keep asking you to trust me without telling you what is going on." The look of amazement on her face somehow is rather irritating and I have to qualify. "Well, it's not like I don't tell you anything, just sometimes it's not enough."

------------------------------------------

The Doctor's apology startles me out of my thoughts; he almost never admits he is wrong and I suddenly know how close I again came to dying from the desperation in his eyes. However, there is something else there too, now, that makes me wonder what he is thinking.

So I try to lighten things up by teasing him, even though the question is serious. I smile, and poke my tongue in the side of my mouth in a way I know he finds adorable and ask, "So, does that mean I can ask you anything now?" At his evasion, I decide that can wait as I let him draw me into a kiss. In spite of everything, all I really want right now is to feel him holding me, no matter what the reason behind his actions.

----------------------------------------

Giving her my most cheesy grin I reply "Sure, doesn't mean I will answer, but yes." As she bats at me playfully, I capture her hand and pull her in for a kiss, which although it starts out chaste enough, doesn't stay that way. She is so warm and so gloriously alive. In so many of the timelines I saw tonight this ended in her death, something I really don't want to think about anymore. I just want to hold her, touch her, and prove to myself I'm not dreaming, that things didn't go as they could so easily have. Finally, I force myself to give her a chance to breathe. Even that small bit of space though is too much, so I recapture her lips, pulling her body tightly to mine. In return, I feel her arms tighten about me, one hand digging into the bare skin of my shoulder, which she has slipped her hand up under my jumper to reach. Her other hand she wiggles into the back pocket of my jeans, unconsciously mirroring the position of my arms and creating all kinds of tension on the front side. Far too soon, I need to again release her and this time we are both out of breath.

"Shall we move this to our room?" I ask quietly. What I want to do next is far more comfortable in bed. With a quick nod, she pulls back, grabbing my hand, and we run for the bedroom.

------------------------------------------

As I feel a wave of need from him, it reminds me of why this life is so much better. Even if all I can give him is some physical comfort, he can and does share it with me. Whatever he gives us, gives me, is so much more, repeatedly saving us all in spite of the risks to himself and Verity. A few minutes and some lovely snogging later I am more than interested in moving it to 'our' room and I feel a wave of comfort at his use of that simple three-letter word, as I am pretty sure that up to this point he has never called that.

--------------------------------------

As we reach the room Rose has been sharing with me, and the door closes behind us, we resume our interrupted kiss. This time both of us waste no time in helping the other in shucking out of our now very unwanted clothes. With clothing disposed of, I let my hands roam over her soft warm body, so hot and alive but most importantly Rose. As her hot little hands grab, caress and explore, I moan as she abruptly pulls our bodies tightly together again, compressing my manhood against the incredibly soft surface of her belly which at the same time delivers to my nose a huge waft of her sweet scent. Part of my mind yells that I really need to talk with her, but the rest of me wants this feeling of being lost in her touch for a time. I promise myself in the morning we will talk even as her soft warm hands continue to roam.

************************

One moment I am sleeping, the next I am wide-awake as I hear Rose's cries of distress.

It takes but fractions of a second to realize Rose is having a nightmare, a bad nightmare. Never in all the time we have traveled together have I her cry out in her sleep like this. It chills me, and at the same time makes me boil with anger as I hear her because I know someone has hurt her.

"No please, Jimmy, please don't do this..." another helpless whimper of pain comes from her tightly curled form huddled in the bed with me. "Please... didn't mean…" and yet another small cry emerges even as I am moving to wake her. As I do, I smell the terror in her sweat wafting off her, like cheap perfume off of a prostitute. Rarely have I smelled her this scared, and those times she had been physically hurt so badly I too had been afraid for her life. This was the smell of someone who had been trapped, and it was flavored with hopelessness. I was far too familiar from my time in the war with this scent. I have smelt it far too many times as I watched human allies die, helpless to ease their suffering. Never should my Rose smell like this! In an intuitive leap, I suddenly connect this with the image of an angry, ginger haired boy I had seen in her memories a few days ago and about which I had never had a chance to ask her.

As I shake her, she jolts awake jerking back from me in her fright before finally coming to full consciousness, at which point she lunges forward to cling to me. As she sobs in distress, I know whomever did this will pay for hurting her, for hurting MY Rose. As I sooth her trembling form, I know even more how badly I have fallen for this fragile human.

As her tears begin to slow, I ask, "Who is he, Rose? Who hurt you?"

I feel her shake he head where her face is pressed against my chest and am disconcerted at her refusal. "Rose?"

Suddenly, she is pushing away from me and feel a wave of determination and shame from her.

"No, Doctor, it doesn't work that way. You don't get to keep your secrets and expect me to give you mine." With that, she bolts from the bed, entering the ensuite, and I know without moving that the door has locked behind her and I stare at the door, stunned at her words.

**************************

As Rose's reoccurring nightmare about her break-up with Jimmy Stone resurfaces in her memories, I do not push it away from her as I have in the past. It is time for Theta to realize that he is not the only one in their relationship that has been hurt, and has things they are not proud of that they have done.

I begin to regret my decision, though, as Rose begins to relive that traumatic event. I nudge Theta awake so he can wake her, so it is no surprise when I feel his anguish over Rose's refusal and demands to know the details from me.

'Theta, for shame! Do you really think I am going to tell you? She just made it very clear she doesn't want you to know.'

'But he hurt her, you know he did.' Is his petulant reply and much as I want him to know, and actually, he needs to know, to prevent the impending paradox I can feel, it is not my place to tell him and I won't unless given no other choice. 'Theta, I told you last night you needed to speak with her.'

'But I thought...'

'Yes, you thought but you didn't act!' and with that I feel his wave of remorse. 'Theta, just talk to her,' I prompt, as I feel his mind spin off in to self-recriminations and guilt.

'Fine, but I'm not doing this naked!' he states, as if expecting me to argue with him.

I am relieved when he leaves the bed to dress before approach the ensuite, giving them both a bit more time to come to terms with what they need to talk about. His insistence on dressing really is no surprise to me - Theta hates these kinds of conversations, even when it's just us two and we have the advantage of over 800 years of dealing with each other's idiosyncrasies. With Rose and him, practically everything is some type of exposure, so wanting to be able to at least hide physically helps him deal with that a bit better.

**************************

I wake to a nightmare that I haven't had in a long while and at first gratefully cling to the Doctor as I shake off the dream. I had thought that Verity had been shielding me from it, based on her knowledge of what had happened. Now I wonder, but as the Doctor starts asking about what has upset me, I can't tell him. The shame of how I let Jimmy use me rushes in, and I think of the first reason I can for not telling him as I dash for a shower to wash away the sweat and tears I always find myself coated in each time I have this nightmare.

As I shower I think about how I hate Jimmy, hate how remembering him hurting me gives me nightmares. Hate knowing that I willingly gave him my virginity because of the way he flattered me and made me feel pretty and smart when there were men like the Doctor and Mickey around. Even on his worst days, Mickey is more of a man than it had turned out Jimmy was, which as sweet as he is doesn't even get him in the same league as the Doctor. At that time though, I was just too blinded by his flattery and sweet words to see him for what he was, a weasel.

In spite of how frustrating the Doctor can be, and the fact he has never once told me he loves me, I know he cares about me more in one day than Jimmy did the entire time I knew him. As I think of the Doctor's words in Ten Downing Street, I know where I rate in his life, in spite of his reluctance to telling me in words. His actions have said over and over how much he cares. I also have a small idea of how much he has been hurt by the war. So, I can't exactly blame him for him for trying to avoid being hurt again, in spite of my frustrations at his lack of communication. I just wish…

I turn off the water as I hear the Doctor call in a tentative voice ,which gives me hope that he isn't angry and coming to throw me out.

**************************

"Rose?" I know Verity said she was taking a shower but I feel her distress like a beacon. It's almost a physical pain to me, feeling her this upset, as it doesn't seem like she is attempting to shield herself at all. So when I reach for the door I know it will now be unlocked.

"Rose?"

"Yeah," comes her quiet reply as she turns off the water and I can both feel and hear the hesitancy in her voice.

"Can we talk?" A moment later, I see her hand appear from around the door of the shower to grab a large fluffy towel almost the size of a small blanket. I smile when I think of some of the small towels I have found over the years when Verity was upset with me. Less than a minute later, Rose is emerging from the shower, looking damp and beautiful.

Looking timid and at least as nervous as I feel she says, "So, wha' you wanna talk about?"

Taking her hand, I lead her back into our room to find it now contains to very comfortable looking set of chairs near the head of the bed. I look at ceiling and ask Verity, 'Hint, much?'

I get a gentle whisper of amusement from Rose before she says, "Seems like you're not the only one who wants us to talk."

"Appears that way," I say with a small, rueful smile. In spite of my irritation at Verity's meddling, I am glad that it has put Rose more at ease.

As we sit, I notice Rose curls her feet up in the chair, unconsciously shielding herself from whatever it is I have ask to talk with her about.

"Rose, you know I'm rubbish at this so please just hear me out." The look she gives me is one of confusion, but she nods for me to continue.

I hate this, I don't know what to say, I can talk circles around megalomaniacs wanting to take over the universe, faced down everything from Autons to Zygons, but this, talking to this young human, scares me in a way none of the rest ever did. Finally I just blurt out what I had been thinking, "Rose, if I took you to meet a friend of mine would it help? Ya know, make you feel less... I don't know, less whatever it is that is upsetting you?"

-----------------------------------------

I stare at him in complete disbelief. Did he just... I mean did he really just offer to let me... to take me to meet someone from his past?

"Rose? Say something." Comes his plea.

I suddenly realize that I have been staring at him in disbelief and launch myself into his arms, "Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Oh Doctor you mean it?"

"I offered, didn't I?"

I can't believe he has offered a window in to his life like this; he has never talked about friends, always shying away from any discussions of his life before I joined him. He is so reluctant to talk about it in fact that sometimes I forget exactly how much older he is than me, until something comes up and I see the storm and darkness in his eyes. I know it is just part of the way he deals with spending so much time with us short-lived humans. He walks away, and for the most part never looks back.


	35. A Visit with a Friend

Chapter 35 A Visit with Doris

It doesn't take much to persuade Jack that we have reconsidered his idea of spending some time on the pleasure planet that he had mentioned yesterday and we probably will spend some time there, just not immediately. I promised Rose that I would take her to meet someone from my past and as I had promised Doris I would show her the TARDIS gardens the last time I had been there, it strikes me as the perfect way to take care of both promises at once. I have so much to thank her, Alistair and Harry for, because if it hadn't been for them I would never have had the chance to meet Rose.

Looking back, I see why Verity took us there when I was in such bad shape. Verity has always known that I needed to travel with someone. I never have done well on my own, in spite of working so hard to be independent of the Time Lords, who had wanted to regiment and dictate my existence. Even deliberately marginalizing my test scores at the academy hadn't been enough to dissuade them or my family leader Quences and later Borusa from wanting me to be their golden errand boy. The irony of that desire is not lost on me; I got my wish, far more so than I ever dreamed. I'm so independent now I will never again see or hear another Time Lord or Lady. Definitely not what I was thinking in those days of naivety; before the war and the perpetual, oppressive silence left in the wake of their death. Some days I would give anything to hear one of them again, even if it was to scold or mock me, anything would be better than this silence. True, I still have Verity and for all the rest of my days she will have me as long as she wants me, but Rose, my beautiful ephemeral Rose, has been willing to share her short existence with me, she lets me touch not just her body but her mind. Why she would want to, want someone so broken as me, I doubt I shall ever understand, but for her loving kindness, and for this gift I don't deserve, I would do most anything.

I watch Rose practically bouncing on the jump seat with excitement and, while I suspect that Jack is attributing it to his chosen destination, I am pleased that my offer is making her happy. I just hope she feels the same when she is done talking with Doris. I know Jack means well, and that he is really hoping that Rose and I will work through our 'issues', but what is between Rose and I is far deeper than what can be sorted, analyzed, or classified. Pleasure planet or no pleasure planet, it will never be enough to resolve all the different complexities. I feel guilty that once I had made my decision, I found I couldn't tell him that we are going to leave him behind for a time. He deserves better from me after all he has done to help me heal. Nevertheless, I just can't ask him to come with us; this is between Rose and I. I am thankful that at least Rose didn't protest or force me to explain why we weren't bringing him when I told her we would drop Jack off. This visit is for Rose, and to thank someone who was far more of a friend than I deserved, when I needed one most. I know Alistair wouldn't appreciate Jack's flirting with his wife even if it was done in all innocence, which I am not sure Jack could pull off even if he did try. Jack is very much a product of his century, and it seems at times as if the man is incapable of having a conversation with a stranger without flirting shamelessly, regardless of the species, gender or age.

Even as I set the coordinates for the pleasure planet, my thoughts are already running ahead to when in time to introduce Rose and Doris. Sometime after I left is a given, but how long should I wait before returning. At first six months seems the right amount of time, but as I think about it more, I know it needs to be less. When Verity suggests a month I know it's too soon as I don't think I would be able to face her with the events of what had happened so recent in her mind. This visit will be hard enough as it is because of those memories for me. I have decided on three months and hope that I am still welcome in their home after they have had time to consider what I put them through the last time I had showed up. With that thought in mind, I have also decided it will probably be for the best if I land in the back garden instead of the house. Give them a chance to not answer the door or tell me to go away. First, though, we need to drop off Jack.

------------------------------------------

As we land, I make reservations for Theta, Rose and Jack in one of the more upscale hotels in town and provide Theta the details. I know he is more than capable of setting up arrangements for himself but I figure I will smooth the way for him since he has finally done what I have been badgering him to do, in spite of how hard it is for him, and has offered to let Rose into his life more. With that done gently I reach out to Jack, mentally tapping him on the shoulder. When I feel him pause in his internal thoughts and ask, 'What's up beautiful?' I begin to show him some of the more lovely spots that he can explore while he is here and it doesn't take him long at all to figure out that most of them would be of no interest to Theta or Rose. Jack's smart for a human and that is part of why I like him so much, and even though he doesn't comment on it directly I know he has got my message to leave Theta and Rose to have some time to themselves.

-------------------------------------------

I'm not sure what's going through the Doctor's mind, he has seemed preoccupied most of the morning, even though Rose seems to be delighted with the prospect that he has agreed to take us to the Caspellian pleasure planet. Sometimes I really wonder about these two, and other times they seem like their the perfect pair, her lightness and joy seems to be the perfect foil for his depression and bi-polar moods. Sadly, even when he appears joyful, there always seems to be an undercurrent, a dark undertow, which is perpetually there, awaiting a chance to pull him under. I know Rose sees it, and refuses to acknowledge or allow him room to think on his past too much. The amazing thing is most of the time it seems to work and I still marvel at how completely in tune she is to his moods. A trait I have only ever seen quite so strong in long married couples and telepaths, which is what makes it so remarkable to me. Rose at least isn't telepathic, and they haven't been together that long from what they have indicated. I have also interacted enough now with his beautiful lady Verity and him to know that both of them respect the privacy of the non-telepaths around them enough not to pry, so it's not as if he is reading her mind. Though some days I wish he would, to clear away the miscommunications with which their relationship seems fraught. In spite of my occasional frustrations on that front, that respect is a trait of which I am immensely thankful considering I am positive Verity is constantly in my head, at least enough to be able to translate the languages of the people around us.

I still find it amusing, though, that she refuses to translate profanity. Considering how I have heard the Doctor swear once or twice when something went very wrong, I know that prudish behavior is not something she picked up from him. Her response when I asked her one time was quite amusing, 'Vulgarity does not lead to congenial communications. If someone wants to swear they can learn the words themselves, it's not my job to be rude for them'. As Verity interrupts my musings with a plethora of fun things to do here, I begin to see a pattern to the kind of places she is showing me and realize she is hoping I will entertain myself for a bit and leave the Doctor and Rose to their own devices. I wonder what she has planned for them, if she has found this many things for me to do. I just hope that whatever it is helps them relax and get some much-needed rest. It's bad enough when the Doctor is cranky, some days I am convinced that's his default operating mode, but when it even starts getting to Rose it's time for something to change.

*****************************

As we part from Jack, he assures us he will catch up with us in the next day or so but no more than two, I feel a wave of relief knowing he will probably never even know we have left the planet.

Hard on the heals of that relief is trepidation, as I know that soon Rose will be speaking with people who know my darkest secrets and yet have still cared for me, fought for me even, when I hadn't even the will to fight for myself. I so want to believe that Verity is not mistaken in her assurances that Rose can learn things about me that I have no courage to be able to tell her and not walk away in disgust. Yet, in spite of her encouragement to trust Rose, I still feel a mounting trepidation at our next destination.

I jump as I feel Rose's soft hands encircle my belly as she hugs me from behind and I close my eyes trying to soak up the feel of her softness and warmth pressed to my back just in case.

"Doctor it's going to be all right," comes her quiet reassurance.

"Yes, of course it is," I agree with a cheerful confidence I don't feel as I turn in her loose grasp. Gently hugging her too me, I press a quick kiss to her lips.

As I pull back to turn in order to begin the dematerialization sequence I feel her soft hand on my cheek guiding me to look her in the eyes, which I have been avoiding for fear of her seeing how much this scares me. As our eyes meet, she paraphrases her previous statement, "Really, it's going to be okay."

I say nothing but give her a wane smile, nodding acceptance of her reassurance.

With that, I guide Verity, launching us backward in time to the year 2005. As if sensing my nervousness, Verity deposits us in one of her most gentle landings in Doris and Alistair's back garden.

Taking a deep breath, I escort Rose to the door. As we step out, I wonder what kind of reception awaits us. Moments later I am engulfed in a tight motherly hug and can't help the sudden rush of relief at knowing that I am still welcome here.

"Doctor! It's so good to see you again! We had feared the worst when we didn't hear from you after the explosion." As I hear this, I wonder for a moment if we have mistimed the landing and arrived after the bomb blast at Downing Street. My internal chronometer and Verity both assure me simultaneously that is not the case, and at the same time I remember the destruction of Rose's previous employment.

"No, just fine me," I state with a genuine smile, as she pushes me back to get a good look.

After a moment of intense scrutiny, she states, "Yes, I believe you are. So how long..." and feel a frisson of fear as I realize she has just spotted Rose even as I feel Rose's fingers reach for mine.

After a moment of awkwardness as the two women size each other up she asks with friendly curiosity. "So Doctor, who is this? A new companion?"

I feel a sudden rush of heat to my ears, feeling like what I imagine a teenager boy feels like bringing their girlfriend home to meet their mother and stumble over words that should be simple. "D-Doris I want you to meet Rose. Rose Tyler, Mrs. Doris Lethbridge-Stewart"

I watch as Rose reaches out her hand, "Pleased to meet you, mam."

I hold my breath awaiting her response, which comes in a confused look between Rose and I, at which I blush even deeper as I realize she is putting two and two together. A second later that seems like an eternity she burst into a broad smile grabbing and pulling Rose into a welcoming hug.

"Welcome, Rose, any friend of the Doctor's is more than welcome here. Can I offer you a cup of tea?" She says as she takes Rose's arm guiding her toward the house.

For a moment, I stand bemused with delight that that went so smoothly. Then before they can get far I hurry to cut them off. "Not to worry, I will make the tea, Doris, let you two talk a bit. Everything in the same place?"

"Doctor, you don't have..."

"Nonsense, I am sure you have lots to talk about, least I can do, worrying you and then dropping in all unexpected." With that, I escape to their kitchen to make tea.

------------------------------------------

At first I don't recognize the sound that I had reconciled myself I may never hear again, preoccupied as I was with putting away groceries. However, as the one of a kind sound of a TARDIS materializing dawns on my consciousness I can't help the smile of pure joy that bursts on to my face. He made it! He wasn't killed in the blast that had left three dead in the popular department store Henricks in downtown London. The building had been so destroyed there had been no chance of rebuilding and we feared the worst when only two of the bodies had been identified and all they could determine of the third was that it had been a man. Our concern had escalated when no one had been reported missing that would have fit the scant information that investigators had been able to piece together from the remains.

Alistair had tried to assure me that it couldn't have been him, we both though were painfully aware of how hard it had been for the Doctor to even begin to come to terms with what had happened to his home world and people and his part in their destruction. As I feel a rush of cheerful greeting from his ship I have to smile all the more, as I know how mournful and grief stricken she too had been, not only about the destruction of her home but its effect on her Time Lord.

As I head toward the back garden, my heart is lighter than it has been in months. As he steps from the TARDIS, I can't resist pulling him into a hug at the pure joy of seeing him again, and in the same body. As I pull back, and ask how he has been doing I can't help but notice how much healthier he looks. I also notice he isn't alone and am both amazed and delighted to see the affection this young woman has for him. I am even more amazed to see him blush profusely even as his fingers, almost of their own volition, seek out the hand she has extended to him. The girl looks so very young but I remind myself the Doctor doesn't look but the smallest fraction of his age so that doesn't necessarily mean much. The fact that he has brought her here lets me know that this youthful looking woman has come to mean a lot to him in the time he has been absent, however long that has been. Ms Rose Tyler seems to have made quite the impression on our war torn Time Lord and suddenly I wonder if there is more than just friendship between them, which even as the thought occurs to me, makes me note how deeply he is blushing - it is utterly adorable. What is more telling than that, though, is the way he stumbles through a simple introduction and I can't help but feel an upwelling of joy that he has again been able to find some measure of happiness. For that alone she is more than welcome in my home.

Asking them in to tea, I find I am incredibly curious about the woman that has made such a change in the Doctor. I feel a flash of amusement as he quickly excuses himself to make tea and, in spite of my offer to make it, he insists and then quickly disappears in the kitchen before I can even answer his question as to if I have moved anything.

"So, Ms Tyler, what brings you and the Doctor to come visit?"

"Rose, please, I… well, he said that you were a friend of his and that he had made you a promise the last time he had visited."

"All right, Rose it is then, and by all means, call me Doris." Even as I ask, I wonder what he has told her about Alistair and I and what it is that he feels Rose and I should be talking about. "A promise you say? I can't think what it might be that he promised." Even as I say that, I wonder how much he has told her about why he had been here the last time. As we settle on the couch, I feel a soft brush on my mind that I have learned to associate with his ship requesting to speak with me and feel even more curious as to what has drawn his usually very taciturn friend in to starting a dialog.

'Doris?'

'Yes?'

'Rose is VERY special to the Doctor and you can tell her anything other than exactly how Gallifrey was destroyed as I know he wants to tell that to her himself. In fact a big part of the reason he brought her here, whether he will admit it or not, is because he hasn't been able to tell her what happened right after, but wants her to know.'

From the way she says very special I am even more amazed, because I with that suddenly know that my first impression of young lovers can't be far off; if one can even use the word young in relationship to the Doctor.

Rose stating, "He said something about showing you a garden," abruptly drags my thoughts back to the conversation at hand, and I take Verity's advice with regard to trusting Rose.

"He did? I mean, of course I remember him saying he would, but he was in such bad shape when he said that I didn't actually expect him to do so."

"Why? I mean, did he tell you about the war?" and I can hear such concern in Rose's voice that it reassures me.

Taking her hands to comfort her, "Rose, he didn't tell you? The TARDIS brought them here as soon as she could after the war ended." I wonder if I have said too much as I watch as her eyes go wide. "Rose, are you okay?"

"I… he said he was taking me to meet a friend, I didn't know he…" I watch as she stares in the direction of the kitchen as if in shock.

"He what, Rose?"

"I just thought he was just going to introduce me to someone he traveled with… You must be very important to him if the TARDIS thought she could trust you to protect him."

"More my husband Alistair actually. You see they worked together for years in UNIT. He and Harry, Harry Sullivan, both did. Harry traveled with the Doctor for a time and is from what I can tell the closest thing the Doctor has to a doctor now that his people are gone."

For a long moment, she is quiet, and she has gone very pale. "Wh… why did he need a Doctor?" She asks quietly and with much hesitancy and I can feel how her hands have tightened on mine.

"Rose, the Doctor was very sick when the TARDIS brought him here. She was afraid he would hurt himself again if he didn't have someone to help him deal with the loss of his people. You see it wasn't so much me but those three that helped him get back on his feet."

I start as I hear the Doctor behind me say, "No Doris, it was all four of you, you as always, underestimate your own value in these things."

"Doctor I…" I start as I suddenly feel in spite of Verity's encouragement that I have said too much and as I look between him and Rose, I see the tears that have begun to silently cascade down Rose's face and am positive that if he wasn't holding the tea service that she would have been in his arms in a flash.

"It's okay, Doris," he says, as he places the tea service on the table in front of us and Rose confirms my suspicion as she moves as if released from a cannon to wrap her arms around him, causing him to have to look down at the girl in his arms as he continues. "You see, Rose, Doris here is a very caring lady. Where Harry and Verity looked after my physical and mental health and Alistair wouldn't allow me to hide or shut down, Doris allowed me the space to come to terms with what had happened. She reminded me there was beauty left in the universe, still something to make getting up worthwhile. She helped me to remember there was wonder in the basic things like growing flowers and sunrises. Never asking me to talk about what had happened, but always was willing to listen if I did. A lot like someone else I know actually." The smile he gives her lights up the whole room causing her to blush through her tears and hide her face in his jumper.


	36. Revelations & Reactions

Chapter 36 - Revelations & Reactions

It was cowardly of me to leave Rose and Doris alone like that but I know Doris will be able to express to Rose, just by being herself, far better than a thousand words on my part – it's why I have chosen to bring her to meet Doris out of all those I have known over the years. I know it will be impossible for it not to come out why and when I was here last, which I both hope for and dread at the same time.

It's just not something I can talk to Rose about, it's still too hard to think about the way everything came apart for me after Gallifrey's destruction. Yet, if Rose is going to persist in her stated intent of staying with me then she deserves to know what she is throwing her life away in the pursuit of protecting. I am still plagued by nightmares, and Rose has seen more than once the effect they have on me and hasn't run. In spite of that, I can't tell her about them, and I refuse to show them to her - well, at least not intentionally, as she has already seen far more than I ever wanted her to see on those occasions she has been sucked into my nightmares with me. No one should _ever_ have to see some of the things I have, and I would die before I would voluntarily show Rose those horrors.

As I begin to prepare the tea, I notice how my hands are shaking. I curl my hands into fists, and stuff them in the pockets of my leather jacket, as I have done so many times before, concentrating a moment on stilling their motion before continuing. I hope I will be able keep them that way, but then I had hoped it had been enough time that this wouldn't be this hard. I should have known better. Leaning on the counter and looking around the kitchen, I swallow hard as I remember the multitude of times I stood in here making tea, only to find that by the time I went to drink, it was stone cold. There are still long stretches of my time here that I can't remember and I don't know if I will ever recover. I'm not even sure I want to know what I was experiencing in those gaps.

As I enter the living room, I hear Doris depreciating her efforts in my care and I will not have that! She has to know how very much she helped; there were, in fact, some days that the only reason I didn't do myself additional mischief was that I knew how it would upset this kind and genteel lady. In speaking up, I also very much want to distract Rose from her revelation that I had, as Doris so delicately put it, 'hurt myself'. Rose doesn't need to know that her saying it that way was like saying someone who was horribly mangled in an accident 'got a bit hurt'. The brutal truth was I had killed myself, and if it weren't for my beloved Verity's actions in gassing me into unconsciousness, I would have fought with every fiber of my being the regeneration that followed. With my luck I probably would have still have survived - it's not like I am from one of the new blood houses, like the Master's, that had greater control over the regeneration process. Rose definitely does _not_ need to be reminded of how near a thing it was of history repeating itself at the shopping planet.

As I see her tears, I set down the tea service and I feel a pang of guilt at having brought Rose here; she has been so obviously upset by what Doris has revealed, but am greatly comforted by the feel of her a moment later hugging herself tightly against my side.

I explain to Rose how much Doris' actions made a difference in my recovery, never once breaking eye contact with Doris in the hope that she will see the truth of my words in my eyes. I know I have succeeded as I watch Doris flush with embarrassment. As I finish speaking I try to make it clear to both of them, how important they are to me by shifting my gaze between them. Rose's action of burying her face in my jumper reminds me of how very young she is and how little I deserve all she has given me. I also notice, as I look up from the endearing sight of Rose snuggled up against me, that Doris has not failed to see the connection between us. As she gives me a small nod of understanding, I know that if anything should ever happen to me, Rose would have Doris in her corner to help her in any way she could.

For long minutes, I stand there just enjoying the comfort of holding Rose, even as I feel her composing herself. As Rose does, I see Doris look away and move to begin pouring three cups of tea to at least give us the illusion of privacy and I feel a wave of gratitude for that small act which so epitomizes her tact.

As Doris finishes, Rose gently disengages the death grip she has had about my middle, her hand automatically moving to capture mine as we sit. Rose resumes her seat to the left of Doris on the sofa and I sit on her other side slightly forward to easily converse with Doris.

There is a moment of quiet as we prepare our tea, then Doris asks the question that she must have had since we arrived, "So, Doctor, how long has it been for you?"

I feel Rose's eyes lock on to me with laser like intensity. As I reply, "A bit over eight months," I hear Rose gasp of surprise.

I have never previously told how her short a period it was between the destruction and meeting her. I can't look at her now as I feel the intensity of her shock as she puts that together with the fact that that is how long she has known me. I take comfort though that she is still holding my hand and, if anything, her grip has tightened.

"B...But, that's... I mean, I met you at Henricks around eight months ago." Then, as if suddenly realizing how tense I am; she reaches for humor to try to lighten the mood. "Right before you blew the place up, that is." She says with that cheeky little tongue poke of which I have grown so fond. As I look up at her in surprise, she gives me one of her most brilliant smiles, and I can do nothing but stare at her, as I was certain that she would want to get as far away as possible from me when she realized how truly broken I still am.

So very like my Rose to not do that which I am anticipating, and her words just reinforce her other actions. "What's with the look of surprise? You think that is really going to change anything?"

I really don't know what to say to that, so I just shake my head and accept that that is just what I should expect from Rose; that which I don't expect.

*****************************

I am amazed repeatedly, stunned would actually be a better adjective, in a short time, as I take in first what Doris has told me, and then what the Doctor reveals. When he had said he was going to take me to meet someone from his past, I had thought it was going to be some companion that he had parted company with on amicable terms. Someone with whom he had possibly kept in contact, unlikely true, it was the only thing I could think of that had made sense at the time. Instead, I find out that not only has he brought me to meet someone who I suspect had a hand in saving his life after the war, if the condition he was in when we met was anything to go by, but also someone who he obviously highly respects and whose opinion he values.

Doris's reception when we arrived was very much unexpected, though his quick awkward exit was not. My first reaction when I saw the warm welcome this older woman, who if the Doctor was as old as he appeared to be could have passed as his mother, was that she was an ex-lover and for a brief moment I was furious with him. A moment later, her chiding words registered and something about that was more motherly than I expected, and her words had made it clear to me that they had never been lovers, even as his words confirmed that she is a married lady. The awkward way he introduced us again strengthened the impression of a mother son relationship. When she had pulled back from hugging him, I couldn't help noticing the intense look she gave him, as if searching for something, and I wondered if she had seen him after he had come back from the war, what with the intense concern she was radiating.

After the Doctor had made his escape to her kitchen and she begins to explain who she is, and why she was so surprised about his coming back to show her the garden, I am amazed again, this woman, her husband and their family friend were people Verity trusted with his life. If there is anything I have learned, it is to trust Verity's judgment when it comes to the Doctor. I know without the slightest question in my mind that Verity would in an instant, if necessary, die to protect him. Never have I questioned that, even in those times when I knew she was upset with him. Never even once have I ever thought she would ever quit loving him. So her trust of these people, humans no less, of all of the beings I am sure he has met through out time and space, tells me of the caliber of friends these are, and the fact he would choose for me to meet them leaves me amazed beyond words. When he puts Doris and I in the same league, I feel a wash of embarrassment and shame for having even for a moment considered he might have had only base intentions toward me. I also know now how truly petty I have yet again been, and resolve to tell him of what happened between Jimmy and I, in spite of the embarrassment I am sure will come in doing so. I can only suspect how hard it has been coming back here, and he was willing in to do this for me, it is the very least I can do in return for that level of trust.

As he reveals how short a time it has been since he escaped from the destruction of his entire world, I am utterly gob smacked that he has been able to function as well as he has and I marvel again that he has seen something in me of value. I'm nothing special that would warrant this kind of attention, yet I would be a fool to try to deny the evidence put before me; that he believes I am.

This beautiful, fantastic, incredible man thinks I, Rose Tyler, am something very special.

With that thought, I am abruptly yanked from my introspection as I hear his soft words in my ear. "Yes, I do Rose, very special indeed."

In that moment I know, that no matter what happens, every day for the rest of my life it will be spent loving him.


	37. The Garden

Chapter 37 – The Garden

I watch in hopeful anticipation to see how exactly Theta, Rose and Doris will get along. Rose and Doris, I am sure, will get on just fine. I am worried about my Theta though; I knew from the moment we first discussed this trip it was going to be hard on him for many, many reasons, not the least of which will be him actually reentering our garden after so long. I have tended it as I can, but many of the trees and shrubs need proper pruning and, much as I have been loathe to remind him, it will need to be addressed. The animals pretty much take care of themselves grazing and as long as I encourage them to rotate their feeding grounds with selective force fields, no single area is overgrazed. Still, it needs his care and he has refused to enter since Gallifrey was destroyed.

There are many planetary environments represented in our gardens. The largest has always been the one from home. Even in the worst of the battering I took during the war there were two areas that I would protect at all costs, those were the control rooms needed to keep functioning and the Gallifreyan Garden. All the other spaces on board were expendable in comparison to those for me, because I had seen how it had devastated him the first time Gallifrey had been destroyed. Only through a very strange string of events had the damage to the time lines been repaired and, as a result, Gallifrey had been restored. Nonetheless, the lesson had been painfully learned - Gallifrey was not inviolable or untouchable. As a direct result we had expanded the garden as a preserve; we had both known that not even a fraction of the species that had once inhabited our home could be saved but we had known that it was an unacceptable option to see everything lost if the planet was again destroyed. It was a precaution, but it had turned horribly prophetic when we were again embroiled in another horrid time war. This time it was a war in which, not only did we lose brutally, but we lost with no hope of the fortuitous reversal that occurred the previous time.

Therefore, I watch and wait for them to come to me as they indulge in their biped, humanoid rituals of tea and talking. As I feel the anxiety rise in Theta, I gently caress his mind and help him to again still the shakes, as I had to do so many times when we were here last. I also reach out letting him know he isn't alone in facing this, in hopes of fending off an impending panic attack that so often, unchecked, results in flashbacks. He tries so hard to pretend that things don't bother him, that he has things under control, but I have shared his mind too long to be fooled by such fiction. I know, probably even better the he himself does, how fragile his balance is and I constantly strive to maintain the proper balance between his privacy and yet at the same time not let him feel alone in a universe now devoid of other Time Lord minds. It is a task made that much harder here by his memories of what he went through trying to find a way to cope with our mutual loss.

I would spare him this if I could, but he needs to face this bit of his personal hell in order to continue to heal. This was the best way I could think of to help him through this emotional trial. Rose and Doris have helped him so very much, and I am afraid he will need all our support to be able face seeing a portion of our forever-lost home. Forever, it is both the blessing and the curse of the Time Lords, and these days those things we had once considered 'forever' have become so very ephemeral, even as transient things have become far more important the either of us ever thought possible.

*****************************

I know we need to go back to the TARDIS but I am dreading this. I haven't been back to the Gallifreyan garden since the war ended, I just haven't been able to face the thought of seeing again how little is left, knowing that it's my fault that I will never again see our home. I know Verity is trying to make this easier and I am not oblivious to her machinations to ensure that I don't have to face this alone, just… I look up as I suddenly realize that both Rose and Doris are looking at me and I wonder what it is that I missed, lost in my own musings. I am thankful that at least one of us was paying attention when I hear Verity's soft words in my brain, 'Rose just asked you what is special about this garden that you want to show Doris.'

"It has plants and animals from…" suddenly the words stick in my throat and I take a sip of my tea to try to hide the fact. " …Gallifrey." Realizing, as I say the name, that my voice cracks in spite of my desire to keep it stable, I feel a wash of concern from all three of the ladies present that causes me to swallow convulsively.

Trying to cover up my emotions, that are suddenly very raw in their exposure, I try to put on a cheerful face and state, "Well, no time like the present. Shall we ladies?" As I stand abruptly, turning to head toward the back of the house, I am a stopped as Rose grabs my arm.

"You don't have to do this," are her quiet words.

Closing my eyes for a brief moment to compose myself, I turn back to her. Covering her hand where it rests on my arm with my own, I let her know it's okay.

"'s all right." Even though it feels as if a vice is closing about my hearts, I know it is now or never. Rose squeezes my arm and then lets it go as I turn to Doris. "Mrs. Lethbridge-Stewart, would do us the honor of a stroll in our garden?"

With a small smile that tells me she understands, she steps forward, taking my arm and saying, "It would be my definite pleasure to see your garden, Doctor."

As the three of us move toward the TARDIS, I feel Verity reach out once again comforting and singing wordlessly in my mind, which helps only a small bit with the desire building just to run. As we enter, I feel a bit like I am striding through mud and as we reach the inner door that normally leads to the rest of the interior rooms I know that Verity has moved things so it now leads directly into the garden. It's a fact which both comforts and at the same time annoys because it ensures that there is no place for me to run. Her doing that though, saves us the long walk that there usually is to get to the garden. Many times over the course of the war, I was aware there were only five rooms directly attached to the control room. In those times, there was a bedroom with lavatory, the infirmary, the kitchen and the garden. Everything else she had placed elsewhere in the unspoken agreement that if necessary it would be jettisoned or used as shielding and was considered expendable.

For a moment, I stand with my hand frozen to the doorknob unable to enter.

**************************

As Doris and I talk briefly about how her husband and the Doctor met, I realize the Doctor is lost in his own thoughts and his anxiety is beginning to rise the more he thinks. I almost want to jerk my hand from his because of the sensations that contact seems to be transmitting. Finally, I can take it no longer and ask him a direct question regarding this garden he has brought us here to show Doris. As his voice breaks as he says the name of his home planet, I feel the wash of grief that comes with that fragmenting of his voice. I instantly regret asking and that feeling doubles when he lets go of my hand and stuffs both of his in his pockets, unconsciously hunching down into his leather jacket as if by doing so he can shut out the pain. When he puts on a front of cheerful unconcern I can remain silent no longer. As I place my hand on his arm I can feel again the flood of grief this time accompanied by an almost irresistible desire to run and I am thankful for the thin buffer of leather beneath my fingers as I know well how strongly he can broadcast his emotions when in physical contact. Before I even think, I am telling he doesn't need to put himself through this; typically, he refuses to accept my alternative. It at least seems to help him relax by a small measure as he realizes he has a choice, even though he has chosen not to take that path. When he squeezes my hand telling me it's all right I know that in spite of how badly this is affecting him there is something that he needs to face, and squeezing his arm in return I release it, knowing I can't allow myself to make this harder on him. Much as I hate it, I know the best I can do now is support him in his decision. As he leads us back toward the TARDIS I reach out, hoping Verity understands I will do anything I can to help make this easier. Then in one of those light bulb moments, I know that she is counting on me to help take care of him and get him through and feel a rush of pride that she trusts me this much.

As he freezes with his hand on the interior door, I know for certain that what lies beyond is not the hallway with which I am so familiar, and share a concerned look with Doris. Then the moment passes and I see him stand up straighter, square his shoulders and with an audibly deep breath he opens the door on one of the most lovely places I have ever seen. He takes one stumbling step within the doorway and again freezes. This time I know he is not seeing anything I am as a wave of trembling ripples across his form like a living thing. Knowing something bad is happening I rush forward to help keep him from falling as his knees begin to buckle. Doris tries to catch him but she is neither young nor strong and I had learned he is not a light man when Jack and I were caring for him. Between the two of us, we are able to help him to his knees without hurting him but his unresponsiveness worries me. Doris is quietly talking to him trying to get him to respond and as I crouch down next to her she looks up briefly shaking her head.

He is sitting with his legs folded under him in a position that doesn't look the least bit comfortable but his features are a emotionless blank and fear begins to claw at my belly as suddenly I realize he isn't breathing. "Doris, he's not..."

"I know." Centering herself gracefully directly in his line of sight, she gently she puts her hand on his cheek saying words I would never have suspected would get through to him. "Doctor, you need to come back, Rose needs you." Her words cause my eyes to snap from his slack features to her, only to be sharply drawn back to his as he takes a great gulping lungful of air. His hand closing on her arm tight enough to cause her to wince even as his voice, raspy as if from lack of use, croaks out my name with evident panic.

It's a heart-wrenching plea I am helpless to resist and I immediately move to hold him as he releases Doris and practically launches himself to my arms. I land unexpectedly on my bum in blood red grass, a distraught and trembling Time Lord in my arms.

In a way I am amazed at his reactions as he rarely allows such need to be seen, but all logical thought is drowned in a flood of emotions, few of which are mine: fear/panic/need/desperation/love/protect/defend all mixed tumbling over each other. I hold on to him for dear life, knowing I need him to understand how much he means to me, how much his vacant expression and breathlessness scared me and most of all how much I love him. My emotions I realize are equally chaotic, but ironically, that very fact seems to be helping, as I feel him focus on comforting my fears and anxiety about him pulling him out of his own reaction. As the maelstrom of our rampant feelings begins to settle I feel him drawing back in embarrassment and tighten my arms about him wanting him to know I will always be there for him. For a moment, I am surprised again, as I feel his lips pressed quickly to my collarbone then the moment is gone and he is pulling me up by my hand. Even as we stand, I can feel him drawing in and focusing in a very comforting way, the panic I had felt before receding.

***************************

The next three hours are ones I will never forget as he explains plant after magical plant, details on everything from the lush red grass beneath our feet to the silver leafed trees. The suns shining high in the artificial sky casts an orange glow across the landscape. Exotic and beautiful, it is in some ways achingly familiar from the images I have seen in his memories and yet, at the same time, it is so radically different than anywhere the Doctor has ever taken me. It saddens me that we will never be able to go there together.


	38. Comfort

Comfort

As we close the door, leaving Doris behind us, he is very quiet as he directs Verity to return to the time and planet where we left Jack. I can tell how exhausted he is by how much slower he is as he moves about the console and by the fact that, for the first time in a long time, he is not really shielding me from his day to day emotions. I am not exactly trying to keep him out right now either, in spite of the fact he has taught me how, as I am still concerned about his initial reaction when he entered the garden.

It has been a long and trying day for both of us and as he steps back from the controls, indicating he really has no more to do to assist Verity in getting us to our destination, I move to his side, snaking my arm around his waist and snuggling into the warmth of both his arms and coat.

Somehow, it seems fitting that he has let me in the metaphorical armor of his leather jacket even as he has let me to his life in such a dramatic way. For long minutes, he just holds me and we both bask in the simple comfort of being held in the arms of someone we love. I feel his lips gently caress my hair and then him rest his chin on the top of my head and I smile into his jumper. These small actions tell me so frequently how much he cares, even in the absence in the words I sometimes long to hear from him.

As much as I know we can't stay this way forever, I still feel a pang of regret when he pulls back. When he takes my hand, I smile at him and delight in his, as he leads us back to_ our_ room. As we enter, he closes the door behind us, not releasing my hand even for a moment. As he turns to me, I see his concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah, you?"

"I'm always…" I raise my finger to his lips in warning that I am not interested in hearing his rote reply, at which he gives me a small sheepish smile. He nods his head and kisses my finger. "Just tired," he states, as he again draws me into his arms. As he pulls me in a bit closer, I realize 'just tired' doesn't come close to capturing the intense feeling of fatigue he is radiating. After a moment, I pull back. Pushing my hands forward and up, I ease his leather jacket from his shoulders to let it drop unheeded behind him. Next is his jumper, and as I gently pull it from his jeans, I feel his intense blue eyes watching me but he does nothing to stop me.

However, as I reach for his belt he reaches o-ut and stills my hands, "Rose, I..." I cut him off as I anticipate what he is about to say. "I'm not asking, I just want you to rest with me and you will be far more comfortable out of those clothes."

I watch as he slowly nods. Reaching up, I cup his cheek in my hand and watch as his eyes close as nuzzles into it and I pull him in to another hug.

-----------------------------

Today has been hard, far harder than I thought it would be and I feel wrung out emotionally and physically drained. Even as I pilot us back into the vortex, heading us back to rendezvous with Jack, I know I desperately need two things - rest and Rose. As we enter our room I feel a wave of exhaustion hit with the force and suddenness of a tsunami and much as I am desperately craving Rose's touch I know I am too tired to carry through on expressing that physically. So very like her though, she understands even before I can articulate my need, not demanding more from me she is instead reassuring me. I can't help but marvel at this young woman who has chosen to share my chaotic life. What she sees that makes me worth the sacrifices she makes I don't know. I had thought her talking with Doris would convince her that I was more trouble than I was worth, and yet it only seems to have had the opposite effect. It's not that I am ungrateful for her affections, I just don't understand.

Lost in thought I have hardly registered assisting her to finish both our disrobing; so very tired.

Her soft hand again taking mine, along with her quiet words, dislodges my lethargy a bit. "Doctor, you're asleep on your feet, come on, the bed is far more comfortable." I follow her. I think I would willingly follow her to the ends of the universe. I know that it should frighten me that she has this much control over me, I am just having trouble finding the energy at the moment to care.

---------------------

I'm actually surprised he hasn't fallen over, but considering he has had his eyes closed and seems so oblivious to my actions, it's clear he is far more tired than usual. It never ceases to amaze me how far he can drive his body to keep functioning, even when it is so obvious in need of rest, but it's not exactly as if this is the first time I have seen him push himself too far. It just reminds me that, as much as I tend to forget, he is an alien with a different way of functioning. From what Doris told me, he never has been one to accept limitations, least of all those involving him. I am glad though he has, I think, finally accepted that it is okay to relax his guard and let me peek around the gate in the fortress he has made around his emotions. I watch him get into to bed and seconds after his head hits the pillow I hear his breathing shift to the slow steady rhythm I have to come to associate with his deepest sleep. Slipping in next to him, I curl myself around his sleeping form and allow myself to drift off into sleep as well, hoping my presence will shield him from his nightmares as it sometimes does.

**************************

I am instantly awake as I hear one of the sounds I hate most in the universe, the small strangled sound the Doctor makes when he is trapped in a nightmare. I quickly turn and shake him, hoping to catch it before it gets too bad. I hate this feeling of helplessness, this inability to protect him from them, though I am not surprised one bit. Today was brutally hard on him and that I know he choose to endure this reminder of how much he has lost because of me makes it all the more important I tell him about Jimmy.

Suddenly he turns beneath my shaking hand and his eyes are inhumanly black, no trace of their normal blue to be found and scary, his face is twisted with anger and hatred the likes of which I have only seen once before, down in the bunker in Utah and it causes me to release his arm with a surprised gasp. Then literally in the blink of his eyes both the expression and the darkness are gone replaced with beautiful blue eyes filled with concern.

"Rose... I'm sorry, I should…" with that he looks away and turns as if to leave.

Grabbing his arm to halt his movement, I feel him go utterly still, not just the stillness caused by his lack of movement but the silence of not a single emotion seeping from him, which in it's own way is unnerving after these last few hours.

"It's okay, you just surprised me is all." I watch his eyes, wary, unsure, guarded and I want to cry knowing that it was my reaction, just now, that has put those emotions in them.

I can't help but reach out and touch the slight stubble on his cheek. Smoothing my fingers along his jaw from chin to ear watching his eyes slide shut at the action even as he opens his mind just a bit and I feel a rush of relief. "I'm sorry, Rose…"

"Doctor, I told you before, I love you. I mean it, truly, I do, regardless of what I see or learn, I am never going stop loving you. In fact I don't think I know how _not _to love you anymore."

His eyes open at this, looking sharp, alert, deep and impenetrable and in some ways even more alien for their simultaneous normality. "Never say never, Rose." The sadness in those words nearly breaks my heart, causing me to lean in and press my lips to his. My left hand fingers seek out the sparse hair on his chest, while I slid my right hand into his short-cropped hair, marveling as always at its incredible softness, not intending on letting him go until he understands how much he means to me.

I know sex isn't an answer to all the problems we face, if only things were that simple, that easy, but sometimes it is the thing that will make both of us feel better and ease the hurt and loneliness I know he feels more often than he lets anyone guess. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his body next to mine, and the wonderful smell of honey and spice that becomes stronger the more I touch him. I know I can never give him back that which he has lost, but I can give him this.


	39. Truth

Many thanks to all of you who have been faithfully reading. This one is posted early thanks to the review of my ever so faithful reviewer MythStar Black Dragon. Welcome to Jannus & Kayzie for the story alert request. As always my thanks to my most wonderful beta LostWolf without whom this would be no where near as reader friendly.

Now on with the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 39 – Truth

I wake in his arms and although I'm surprised, it is a pleasant one. So often, when we sleep together, he will be gone when next I wake. I reconciled myself some time back to that fact, it would be unrealistic and unfair to expect him to be there all the time considering how little he normally sleeps. It does though afford me the opportunity I was hoping for - to speak to him about what has been bothering me since we left Earth. I am sure he senses my wakefulness and anxiety about broaching this topic as he asks, "Rose? What's the matter?"

------------------

I feel Rose go from slumber to restless distress. What has upset her? After sleeping on things, has she decided that this is a mistake, were a mistake?

As I warily ask what's wrong, I feel her nuzzle her face into my shoulder and feel her take a bracing breath. "Doctor, I..."

I try to move so I can look at her, and feel her tighten her grip about my middle, making clear her desire for me to stay where I am. What is this all about? I try to steel myself for whatever it is she is about to say to me, subsiding back reluctantly to lie flat. At her next words, all the anxiety makes sense and I feel a rush of both relief and trepidation and nod my agreement.

"You asked about the angry young man you saw in my nightmare."

Mentally I examine the image of the ginger haired youth with the vicious grin I see flash through her mind, and place a comforting hand on the arm she has tightly curled about my middle, gently caressing it to encourage her to continue.

"His name was Jimmy, Jimmy Stone. He was my first real serious boyfriend. I let... He made me feel pretty and loved and smart... should have figured it out then that what he really wanted had nothing to do with smart..."

At the anguish flooding off of her I feel my anger rise, incensed that anyone, least of all a dirty snot-nosed punk, would make her question her own brilliance. It's unacceptable and I try to interrupt to tell her so, "Rose you..." feeling her shake her head, silencing me.

"...That he... What he wanted was sex, that and money for his drugs. He didn't want me, jus' told me what I wanted to hear to get in my knickers... and I gave it to him." I feel a wash of shame and anger at that and the admission breaks my hearts. "And I moved out of mum's place and into his before I figured it out."

The more I hear and feel, the more convinced I am that I am going to be having a chat with one Jimmy Stone.

"That tells me exactly how smart I was. At first, it was nice, he was nice. He brought me pretty things, things I found out later he had stolen. They tried to warn me he was bad news - Mum, Kisha, Shareen all of them, even Mickey tried. I didn't listen, told them all, told myself, they were all jealous. I even gave up school for him! I mean how stupid can you get?"

As I feel her tears scalding trails down my side and the grief and self-loathing she is radiating, I know that the conversation Jimmy and I will have is _not_ going to be one I bring her along to hear. At her next words I know without question he will wish he never heard the name Rose by the time I am finished with him

"Then... " Her small sob wrenches at my hearts and I wrap my arm around her shoulder pulling her in closer trying to comfort her, it doesn't seem to help much as she continues. "Then things started getting worse, he kept demanding I give him money. I got a part time job to give it to him, hoping he would like me again, and it could be like it was before. But it was never enough, I was never enough, I tried to make him happy... just..." As she pauses I know what she is about to say isn't going to be pretty and suspect it's the source of her nightmare.

"Then one night he came home, he was drunk, and high, and so very angry. I tried to get him to calm down; I tried everything I could think of... I even offered him sex hoping that would sooth him as it had before. Nothing helped... nothing... "

As she falls quiet, I sense there is more but I don't know if she will tell me. Quietly, I prompt her, "And?" sensing her desire to tell me but her reluctance.

"And he… he said I wasn't worth fucking, said he could get better from any two-bit whore, that I wasn't even good enough to be one of them, then..." her desolate sob causes a wave of rage at this stupid vicious child who has hurt my Rose. "Then he began hitting me and I couldn't get him to stop." As she breaks down into violent, full-body sobs, I know I am going to ensure he will pay dearly for hurting her.

After a long time she finally cries herself out and continues as I gently rock and stroke her, she is practically curled up on top of me. "Someone finally called the plods over the noise. They hauled him off, never saw him again in spite of his threats."

At those words, I feel timelines shift and know that the reason he never made good on those threats is that I ensure he never could. As I see the images Rose is unconsciously projecting of what he did to her, how he hurt her, I know I will find somewhere very creative for him to live out the remainder of his days far, far away from both the Earth and my Rose.

"You must think I'm such a slag. Running off with that creep then…"

"Oh Rose! Never! I would never think that of you!" What I do think is he didn't have a clue what a precious gift he had been given that she cared for him at all and that he was a stupid fool that doesn't even deserve to share the same planet with her. I fully intend to ensure he doesn't, when she is home visiting her mum. I am going to make certain she will never have to see him again, or accidentally be reminded of his ugliness by unexpectedly encountering him.

For a long time I just hold her and let her cry, each of her sobs an additional condemnation against the being that hurt her thus. Death is too good for the likes of this Jimmy Stone and before she finally cries herself to sleep, I know exactly where I intend to take him.

********************

I watch her sleep for a long time, knowing from previous experience she prefers to wake with me here. I am sure that if she wakes this time without me here she will feel I too am rejecting her in spite my earlier words and that couldn't be further from the truth; I won't do that to her. So I hold her, and make myself comfortable. At my decision, I feel a hum of approval from Verity. It isn't easy being patient for her to awake on her own, but I refuse to risk hurting her by getting up. I understand now why she didn't want to speak of what had happened and I feel a bit guilty at having been upset with her about not telling me. However, I don't regret the result, or taking her to see Doris. It wasn't something I was looking forward to, and having her there made it marginally easier. Rose so embodies what it is I made that choice for; she and Doris both do, as they are just two of the beautiful, unique beings in the universe that the Daleks would have methodically eradicated.

Looking down at her lovely face, blotchy from crying, I realize again that, in some ways, she is so innocent and fragile; something I too often forget with all the intuitive wisdom she frequently displays. I want so much to protect her from all the evil nasty things in the universe, but try as I might, I can't seem to keep her away from one of the most dangerous beings of them all; myself. I should feel guiltier about that than I do. There are many things I regret in my lives, but I know that until my final dying day I will never regret having known Rose. All the more reason why I need to make sure that Jimmy Stone disappears, I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't met her when I first left Alistair and Doris's. No, I take that back, I do know, I would have died down in the underground when the Nestene consciousness attacked. I smile and gently kiss the top of her head as I remember how she had called me on that when I first was preparing to leave her time. She has kept saving me ever since too, my dear sweet Rose. As smell her sweet scent, I nuzzle my nose into her hair breathing in deeply.

"Murf," comes her announcement of her waking. "Nuff with the 'musement, can't a girl get a proper kip in without you squirmin'?" All sting that statement might have had is defused at she lifts her head, gives a jaw-cracking yawn and follows it with a brilliant smile. "G' mornin'"

Leaning in, I capture her lips, only for her to pull away but a moment later mumbling "human breath" and something sounding like "loo" before quickly moving to the ensuite. I smile and enjoy the view as she does.

-------------------------------------

As I emerge from the ensuite I take a moment to enjoy the view of him, eyes closed, stretched out on his back. The view really is glorious with him propped up against the tightly swirled wrought iron headboard. His arms tucked behind his head exposing his beautiful chest with its sparse adornment of hair and lean hard muscles. His distinguished nose and seemingly overly large ears which, I am convinced, wouldn't be considered so if he would just let his hair grow out a bit more. Even his dark, short-cropped, silk-textured hair lures me to just come over and run my fingers across its surface. Oh, the temptation his lying there like that makes.

I start, as he opens his eyes, and says, "Enjoying yourself?" with that mischievous twinkle in his eye that says he chose just that position for a reason. I feel a blush creep over my skin at being caught, even though it is obviously exactly what he wanted. As he reaches out his hand to me, inviting me back to bed, I smile as I think of some of the things I could do. I nibble on my bottom lip as I contemplate the possibilities and see his eyes darken as he continues to watch me.

With what we had discussed before I slept, I wasn't sure I would ever see again the desire I now see dancing in his eyes. As he wiggles his fingers, to attract my attention, I launch myself at his supineform. As I move towards him, it occurs to me how much fun it might be to see how ticklish he might be. As if reading my intent I suddenly find myself with the tables turned, as he rolls just as I arrive at a prime tickling location, capturing my hands. I watch his eyes darken even more as he holds my hands to the bed, hovering diagonally across me, all serious sex appeal. I lick my lips slowly, inviting him in, and feel his lips descend in a soft caress that rapidly becomes more demanding even as I feel the brush of his mind against my own encouraging me, as I seek out more of the taste that is so uniquely him. As I trace my tongue along the roof of his mouth, I feel him shiver and let out a moan as I feel a spike of pleasure jolt through our connection. Curious, at this unexpected reaction I seek to repeat the action, only for him to pull away nipping at my ear and then down my throat.

---------------------------------

I feel her hesitation as she reenters and I can practically feel her eyes upon me as they rove over my form. I am not sure what it is she finds so attractive but I have caught her staring more than once and know she likes what she sees. I beckon her to come back to bed, but at a sudden flash of mischievousness, I decide it's probably best if I take control before she discovers how sensitive my sides would be to her tickling, something I suspect would not be something she would soon forget. All playfulness is lost as I her hands and suddenly feel a wave of desire for this woman who has captured my hearts. As I watch her slowly lick her lips I know I need to once again taste them. As I deepen our kiss I reach for her mind as well, I wonder when it was that kissing her was no longer enough and the need to feel her, in body and mind became as natural as breathing. As she slides her tongue over the roof of my mouth I moan as her action fires pleasure through me. The intensity is too much and I break the kiss to nibble at her neck trying to reign in the surge of anguish at her unknowing triggering off sensations, that had she been a Time Lady would have been a hundred times more powerful. It reminds me with such force that she is isn't like me - she is human and fragile and I'm going to lose her far too soon, and I need her so much.

"Doctor?"

I close my eyes and rest my forehead on her shoulder so I don't have to look her in the eye; it figures she would know something was wrong. "Yeah?"

"What just happened?"

"Please don't!" I know my voice is hoarse with emotion but I don't want to talk about this, don't want to feel this; I don't even want to think about this. I just want to share the time I have with her in happy things not with this ache at the knowledge of how fleeting is our time together.

"'K" is her quiet reply, but I can feel her confusion, her struggle with wanting to know, yet also her understanding that there are things I can't share with her and I am so very thankful she doesn't push this issue.

I feel her arms slide up to pull me a bit closer and I breathe in her scent. "My sweet beautiful Rose," I murmur in her ear and feel her arms tighten just a bit more, before I feel her hands soothing along my back and submerge myself in the feel of her touch. Taking one last deep breath, I lift my head from the crook of her neck and recapture her lips. I try to make not telling her up to her in this kiss. I pull back so I can see her beautiful brown eyes, filled with concern but also filled with such love. It's love I know I don't deserve, I don't deserve the happiness that she brings me, but I have long since past the point of being able to resist my need for her.

The comfort I derive from her presence in my mind, taking up a portion of the space that once was so full of Time Lords - it's not the same but infinitely better than the silence. I know I am too dependent on her being here, but I know she is an addiction I have no desire to try to escape.


	40. Planning

Many thanks to all of you who have been faithfully reading. This one is posted early thanks to MadlyInLoveWithEdwardCullen for the story alert request. As always my thanks to my most wonderful beta LostWolf without whom this would be no where near as reader friendly.

Now on with the chapter.

**-------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 40 - Planning**

I hold her sleeping form for a long time before I can force myself from her side to shower and dress. We have landed back on the pleasure planet and I find that barely an hour has passed for Jack since we left. I wonder at Verity's suddenly more precise movements through time and space; in some ways it as if she has functioned better since the destruction of our home. In my less charitable moments, I wonder if the Council had some mechanism in place to prevent her from functioning as accurately as she could, it wouldn't have been the first time they had messed with her systems in a way which I hadn't approved. It still rankles when I think about auto-recall that they had forced on us.

I do know that she had repeatedly taken injuries that had us returning to the maintenance bays those last few years of the war, injuries that, although severe, she at least survived, when so many less seasoned TARDIS' who didn't have her wisdom or skill were killed, they and their Time Lords and Ladies. They had declared my precious Verity obsolete, the stupid fools didn't understand how much more intelligent she was, how much more alive. No, the Time Lord council, in that too, had things wrong; so many of the older TT capsules had been retired because the had become 'erratic' not from malfunction but from maturity. They had resented their Time Lords pompous assumption that they knew best; the old fools refused to recognize them as being fully sentient. TARDIS age far more slowly even than we ourselves and, while quite tractable as babies and young children, they became rebellious as they moved into adulthood and their full sentience began to emerge.

Eventually there would have been a rebellion, as enough of them survived by hiding their brilliance. Compassion was one of those. She had shown what a TARDIS could become and of all the TARDIS, she would have been the one most likely to survive the war. If she did survive though, she is well hidden as neither Verity nor I have felt any trace of her.

I sigh as I feel her comfort wash over my mind. There is no use thinking on the past, at least not my own; Rose's is a completely different story though. As I think of how much hurt she poured out earlier with her confession of her relationship with Jimmy Stone, I feel the anger again building for the selfish child who so hurt my Rose. How dare he think he can trample on the heart of one so sweet and caring and get away with it? Soon he will learn the error of his ways.

My plan for Jimmy Stone is a simple one, arrive one week in advance and find out what their routine is, and then have Verity shift forward 8 hours. While Rose sleeps on oblivious, we will move forward one week, to the day of the incident where he so hurt my Rose, and I'll remove him from the planet and ensure that he never has a chance to hurt her again, than I'll return us to the pleasure planet. This way neither Rose nor Jack will have any idea what action I have taken and Rose will be safe.

***********************************************

Five minutes later, we are arriving on Earth. As requested, Verity has brought us to one week before the occurrence that has so traumatized my Rose. I know I need to see this Jimmy fellow in action so I can determine where and when will be the best time to snatch him with minimal fuss.

As I emerge from the alley near a set of seedy looking flats I see Rose and step back to ensure that she doesn't see me. A moment later, I follow her only to hear shouting coming from the flat she has entered.

"You stupid slag, is this all you have for me? I told you that I needed you to bring home at least £50 this week."

"But Jimmy, they cut my hours this week. I told…" The sound of flesh striking flesh causes me want to run in and tear the ungrateful, worthless little shit limb from limb. After a about a minute of listening to him berate Rose for something she had no control over I can take no more and stalk back where the TARDIS had vanished at my request and out of earshot of their argument. I place my hand and forehead on the wall of the alley and force myself to breath deeply, shutting out down the waves of anger flowing through me. I knowing now that if I have to listen to her being hurt again I will kill him and I can't, I won't, do that because I know Rose would never forgive me if I did. Even as I resolve to walk away and let the past be the past I see dozens of time lines emerge and in almost all of them Rose is either crippled or killed outright and I feel waves of nausea as I see in gruesome detail what exactly he does to her. In a flare of rage, they all vanish only to be replaced with dozens where Rose is accused of his murder, none of these scenarios would end with her being where she was to meet up with me when I arrived to take care of the Nestene consciousness. I feel a violent stab of pain through my hearts at the very thought of never meeting Rose. I know now that walking away is not an option and that my action is necessary to insure that things happen the way they need to occur.

I am both relieved and surprised when a moment later Verity reappears, the door swinging open even as I move to place the key in the lock. Stalking up to the controls, I stare at the crystal column of my oldest friend. 'Verity what am I going to do?'

'Jack will help.' Is her soothing response.

At her words, I hear the key in the lock and realize she has returned us to the Pleasure Planet and that Jack has returned. I wonder what brings him back here so soon and I hope he isn't on the run from someone irate, as I am so not in the mood to deal with that kind of nonsense right now. Taking a deep breath, I console myself that at least were not breaking him out of some place. Based on the tales he tells, that is almost a frequent an occurrence for him as it is for Rose and I, just for more amorous reasons.

Trying for light, I tease "So Jack, what brings you back so soon? I thought you were all ready to prowl."

"Just checking on my exit strategy, always good to be prepared you know." The look he gives me make it very clear what kind of prepared he is thinking about.

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I watch as the TARDIS disappears, I suspect that the Doctor has something planned as his agreement to come here was out of character for him. Tensions have been running high and I wonder if maybe they have decided that maybe they don't need the fourth wheel after all. Verity assured me that was not the case, though. She had set me up with a room in one of the most elegant hotels on the planet giving me the details of where to find the place. I can see perhaps the Doctor leaving me behind, but I don't see Verity or Rose deliberately lying to me and telling me they will meet me there. If I have learned one thing, it is Verity's loyalty. Her first loyalty will always be to the Doctor, as well it should be, but she has shown very clearly where her loyalties lie, in her affections I am pretty sure I come in third only behind the Doctor and Rose, which for someone like me is pretty incredible. Why exactly she has developed such a fondness for me I'm unsure other than perhaps it is my protection of the Doctor, as my dashing good looks generally don't have quite the same effect on non-humanoids. Regardless of the reasons behind the feelings, I am happy to have her friendship. I figure I will check out the hotel, which is across town, and see what there is to see on the way. I try not to think about what I might do if they don't return.

As I enter the hotel room, I see that the Doctor and Rose have arrived before me and feel more relief than I know I should. There is something about these two, that makes me no longer want to be alone in my travels. Even as chaotic as things have been since I joined them I feel more alive than I have in years and there is a feeling of doing something important just traveling with them. He makes a joke about being out on the prowl and I give him a thoughtless repartee but as I do the expression on his face when I came in dawns on me and I know something is dreadfully wrong.

"Doctor, is there something wrong? Is Rose okay?" I know she was upset about Mickey the night before, but I get the feeling that isn't what is bothering him, but it's a place to start. "She still upset about Mickey?"

"No, nothing like that." Is his terse, distracted, reply.

I know something is wrong as I notice that the splendid hunter green jumper he had on when they left has been replaced by the black version he was wearing in Cardiff. It makes his eyes seem even more dark and brooding than usual. Given the frequency he usually changes clothes, I have to wonder how long it has been for them, I also realize that he hasn't answered my second question.

"Doctor, has Rose been hurt?" The man really is a master at avoiding answering things when he doesn't feel like it. The glower I get back answers the question quite eloquently and I really don't expect him to say anymore so am a bit surprised when he does.

"Bad enough," he replies quietly. Then with a cheerful grin that would do a shark proud he asks. "Would you care to join me in inviting someone off the planet?" Never have I seen a smile that has chilled me so totally. I wonder what exactly this person has done to Rose to bring on this reaction in the man and I just silently nod agreement.

"Right then, next stop Earth 2003," comes his reply. What? I thought… okay. What have I gotten myself into agreeing with him?


	41. Consequences

As always my thanks go to my wonderful beta LostWolf. A warm welcome to my new reader 123-321 and my other faithful reviewers

Now on with the story :)

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Chapter 41 -Consequences

I know Theta doesn't like it when he has to make decisions based on avoiding a paradox and I sympathize, but he needs Rose and Rose definitely needs him now, well then. I am not keen on the idea of him going by himself but he is so stubborn, and he won't listen to me when I suggest he take Jack with him. It's not that any little human delinquent would have a chance against my Theta when he knows what he is walking into, but I know that he will have to bide his time and choose the right moment and that will mean letting things that have to happen run their course. Not something that will be easy for him considering what I have seen in Rose's memories. Her disastrous relationship with Jimmy is just one of the reasons Rose came with us because in the back of her mind there was still the fear Jimmy would come back to make good on his threats.

So I take no chances and when Theta tells me to come back in a few hours I ignore his request and return a few minutes after I drop him off, suspecting that he really isn't going to be happy if he has to wait hours for my return knowing that Jimmy is mistreating our Rose not far away. As I materialize, I know that my suspicion was correct and that what he saw is something that he wasn't prepared to deal with on his own. I try to comfort him but his distress is too great; it's not until he finally asks aloud that he finally starts to listen to me again.

As Jack agrees to help, I feel his unease at what Theta has planned and his seemingly out of character behavior. Jack will need to help him get through this because it is imperative that Jimmy is stopped, so I send him a reassurance too.

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I feel a wave of comfort from Verity but that doesn't help with my confusion as to why we are going to Earth in 2003. "Doctor where is Rose?"

"Sleeping." Is his blunt reply.

"Then why are we going to Earth?"

"'Cause someone is going hurt Rose and we need to stop them." His words are clipped and so filled with restrained fury that I worry about him.

"Okay, Doctor back up and tell me what is going on." I don't know what has happened or how he knows that someone is going to hurt Rose. I do know that look is the same one he had when Margaret was threatening Rose and doesn't bode well for their health. Most times he seems to go out of his way to avoid violence, not seeking vengeance on those that hurt him. Even the Essarrians that so brutalized him, he didn't even suggest taking revenge on them, and it was Verity that sought vengeance, not him. Yet when it comes to Rose things are very different. There is something about her that he seems to need almost as much as air, maybe more. I know without any question that he would die for her. Actually, if what Rose said regarding the Reapers they met was true, he already has, and his actions when he thought he had killed her... well best I understand exactly what has happened as I am pretty sure I already know why he asked me along.

I watch as he begins speaking and shiver at the cold emotionless way he explains what has occurred. "Rose was beaten up, an event that if we don't step in and stop him, will result in her either being crippled or killed. As this happened before Rose and I met not acting will result in a paradox, I can not allow that to happen."

I want to ask how he knows this, but with the mood he's in, I doubt he will answer. So instead I stick with the safer question, one that will allow him to stay focused on the goal of getting Rose to safety without her recognizing either of us. As she didn't remember meeting either of us previously, we can't allow her to know we are from her future. "So what is your plan?"

"We go and stop him." He states with a look that makes me feel two centimeters tall while mumbling, "Stupid ape," even as he moves about the console setting the coordinates. I am tempted to make a comment about pompous Time Lords when I feel Verity's soft nudge at my mind at my responding query I get far more than I expect as I suddenly see exactly what it is that the Doctor is trying to prevent and feel a wave of nausea at seeing Rose so beaten and broken. At my sudden intake of breath, the Doctor looks up, and looks me straight in the eye nodding his head in agreement.

Suddenly his shortness of temper makes a whole lot more sense. I wonder at the graphic nature of the images that Verity has just shown me, does he see the same or is it just she that has this vision, I have a sneaking feeling that it's both of them and just the idea of seeing the details of what could be so clearly gives me the chills. Just the day to day stuff could drive you mad, I can't imagine what it would be like to have that kind of vision in a war zone; not exactly a mystery why he has nightmares. Thinking about it, makes me glad that we have arrived and can finally get to do something about preventing that horror.

As we exit, I can hear yelling coming from the apartments down the way. The moment the Doctor leaves the TARDIS I know he not only hears it but also knows the voices and I am spurred into motion by the bleak expression on his face. Even as we are moving toward the apartments, I hear someone calling 999 and the person explaining to them the need for police. Moments later I realize that the person making the call is the Doctor, in spite of the drastically higher range of his voice, making it sound more like a woman calling than a man. Suddenly am reminded of his agonized cries of pain as the Essarrians tortured him and how his voice had covered a far wider range than that of a human, a fact that I realize now would make it much easier for him to manipulate his voice. My thoughts are interrupted at his quiet anguished words, "They won't make it in time." Making it clear what will happen next as he forges ahead smoothly removing his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and opens the flat door without even breaking stride.

As we enter my gaze is immediately drawn to Rose's now mostly unconscious form. She is curled tightly in a ball with her back to the sofa trying to protect as much of her as she can. Her face is a bloody mess from where the creep has been beating her; one arm is curled protectively about her head the other obviously broken is cradled about her middle. Livid bruises show on her pale skin like cancerous growths. Before her assailant can land his next kick, this one aimed for her head, the Doctor has yanked him away from Rose and has begun pummeling him. I know that if I don't act now he will kill him for what he has done, not that I'm not tempted to myself, but I also know he, Rose and Verity well enough that none of them will want that on his conscious. "Stop!" I state.

I grab his arm as he reaches back to land the next blow and I realize in that moment that if he truly didn't want to stop I wouldn't be able to stop him and his words when he had thought he had killed both Rose and I come back to me. As it is I feel the power of his arm and come face to face with the complete blackness that has come over his eyes, I almost lose my grip and stagger back in alarm at the unexpected powerful sight and feelings with which I am struck. No trace of the beautiful blue eyes I am so used to seeing remains and I feel the incredible power of his wrath crash against my senses. I now understand even more why beings across the universe speak of Time Lords with respect and no little quantity of fearfulness. In his eyes is reflected time and all the raging fury of a storm of universe wide proportions. Somewhere I find my voice, and say in a far more timid voice than I would like, "Rose wouldn't want this."

At those words he looks like he has been slapped, and he drops the bloody nosed and unconscious form of Rose's assailant. Without another word, he turns and moves to Rose to check on her condition. Satisfying his need to know she is going to be okay even though she is nearly unconscious. I watch as he gently brushes her blonde hair from her battered face and the tenderness and the anguish written across his face is as heart wrenching as the fragile whimper she makes at his touch. He then carefully reaches a trembling hand to her temple and I suspect he is easing her into sleep. I know it is probably the best he can do at the moment to ensure she is out of pain until she can get proper medical treatment, well if you can call twenty first century medical technology proper medical treatment. I am sure, that idea is distressing him just as much as it is I. I know if it was up to us he would treat her himself and save her from the much slower recovery that she is sure to have to endure by leaving here. We both know thought that is not an option. In that respect, time-travel can really be a bitch.

As the Doctor is looking after Rose I keep an eye on Jimmy to ensure he doesn't do a runner before the police show up. Even as the PC's appear, he doesn't move from his protective position at her side. I have no desire to even try to get him to leave until a young doctor named Owen finally convinces him that he will take care of her properly.

As we explain our presence, to a pretty young lady going by the name of PC Cooper she seems to grasp immediately what has occurred although her partner the handsome PC Carlyle seems far more suspicious in the face of the beating that Jimmy has taken at the Doctor' hands. I have resigned myself to the expectations that we were going to need to stage a break out from the local jail.

As they ask the Doctor for a street address where they may contact him, he without hesitating provides an address on Trotters lane and I can't help but wonder if it's real. At some point, I am going to ask 'Doctor John Foreman' about that address. I am a bit annoyed, though, as he introduces me as 'Jack Smith' - really, how common is that? Well with his sense of humor, I guess I should be glad he didn't give my last name as Nimble or some other bit of silliness. Though, considering the situation, he is hardly in a joking mood. I am actually a bit surprised he doesn't cause more trouble than he does, as they seem to ask innumerable questions. With some sweet talking they let us both go with a warning to let them deal with these matters in the future and not take these things into our own hands. As we leave the apartment I can see how much it bothers him that he has to leave her here, though I suspect very few people who didn't know him would.

As we return to the TARDIS, he is very quiet and he says nothing as we shift back into the vortex. I do notice the subdued hum Verity puts out as we enter and I know she is comforting him as best she can. However, nothing she does is going to erase from either of our minds any time soon the images of Rose battered and helpless. A few minutes later, we again exit the vortex and this time it is to see justice done.

I am unsure how far ahead we have jumped, but I assume it has been at least a day. When we emerge this time, it is in the apartment we had left but a few minutes before. I notice immediately that Verity has placed herself just inside the front door of the apartment so there will be no exiting through any route but the TARDIS herself and it also ensuring no will anyone be able to get in to the apartment while we are here. As Jimmy enters the room, obviously alarmed by the odd noise of our arrival I notice first that he is holding a cricket bat which he obviously intends on using to defend himself and announces his presence with an indignant, "Oi".

Within moments the Doctor has not only disarmed him but has him on his knees in a hammer lock ensuring he will be going no where fast. "Le' go! I got rights you..." at that, the Doctor leans a bit closer saying something so quietly I am unable to hear it, but Jimmy does, of that I am sure. As all the blood drains from his face, his indignant expression is quickly replaced by terror. In the sudden quiet I hear a feminine moan from the bedroom he had so rapidly exited and fury boils through me as visions of Rose's battered form leap to the forefront of my mind.

Glancing over at the Doctor over Jimmy's head, I see fury but not the murderous gaze that I know he would be wearing if it we Rose. Moving into the bedroom, I am met with something that makes me want to murder Jimmy Stone myself. More naked than not is a young woman, who is his latest victim. She has beaten up but at least it doesn't appear that she has been raped, though based on the state of her clothes I can't be sure. As I enter, she cowers away from me terrified.

"It's okay, were not going hurt you," I state quietly, trying not to frighten her further. "My friend and I are just leaving and we will ensure Jimmy won't be bothering you any further." The look on her face is disbelieving and she makes no move from where she is crouched defensively near the bed. "Is there someone you can call?"

Her nod is almost imperceptible but it is there nonetheless. I know that there is no more we can do for her without the risk of complicating the time line even further, not that I wouldn't if I could. I do know the Doctor is going to want be gone with our new passenger as soon as possible for that very reason. I don't know what it is he has planned but any small scraps of sympathy I might have had for Jimmy Stone vanished in the face of his violent actions and the terrified expression of this additional girl not any older than our Rose of this time.

As I reenter the living room, I notice that the Doctor is waiting and for all the emotion that he is showing, he might as well be carved of stone. His very stillness speaking even more loudly to me of his anger than if he was shouting and I can tell that it is terrifying Jimmy.

"She should be okay once he is gone," I state, letting all my revulsion for the low life show.

My words strike enough terror in to Jimmy that he asks in a quavering voice, "Y-y-you gonna kill me?"

The Doctor's voice is hard, and cold enough to chill the sun. "'S too good for the likes of you. You are going very far away, and never coming back." At his words, Jimmy begins to thrash in terror, desperate to get away. When it becomes obvious that he can't he begins to beg and grovel, pleading for mercy.

"You think I should give you mercy?" the Doctor asks in a casual voice.

"Yes!" the delusional hope on his face is pathetic.

Then the coldness is back in the Doctor's voice with sufficient force to make an ice age seem like tropical rain forest. "Like the mercy you gave Anna? Hmm, or maybe like what you gave Elaine, Rose, or maybe like Laura in the other room?" With each name he mentions, Jimmy goes a shade whiter. "I know, how about Sarah?" With the last name, Jimmy pisses himself and looks like he may puke.

I don't know any of these names but it is more than evident Jimmy does, and he has passed beyond petrified with terror that the Doctor knows them as well. Defeated, he doesn't even bother to argue as the Doctor demands he strip. I don't know what he has in store, but suddenly I feel ill, though whether it is about what the Doctor might be planning or because of what Jimmy's reactions have told me about how badly he has hurt all these girls I am unsure.

Just as I am about to speak, the Doctor subtly shakes his head and I hear Verity's quiet words. "He's not going to hurt him Jack, I asked him not bring him in here in pissy clothes."

With that, I feel a rush of relief that the Doctor hasn't completely lost it. Moments later he is hauling the now almost docile Jimmy into Verity's interior and I close the door behind his frozen form as he realizes that he isn't dealing with anything he has ever experienced before. Moments later we are again materializing and I can't help but wonder where we have travelled that would take such a short hop. My question is answered as the Doctor returns to the bottom of the ramp. As we move outside I almost laugh at how fitting a place for a repeated abuser of women this is as he introduces Jimmy to the matriarch of his new world. Mentaabis 4 is run exclusively by woman and here he has no more rights than any chair or table and he will be given as much respect as one. After a few brief words with the Matriarch we turn and leave Jimmy to learn his place in his new home, to the sound of his cries for us to take him back as he is clapped in restraints for removal and task allotment.


	42. Moving on

Chapter 0.42 -Moving on

A/N: Here is much thankfulness to my dear beta and you my wonderful readers.

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This whole situation has been untenable. Much as I know how necessary it was to remove Jimmy Stone from the time line, I don't find any real satisfaction in my actions; I lost control, nearly killing the creep when I saw how badly he had treated my Rose. I know Rose didn't deserve any of what he did to her, any more than the others he hurt did, and where I left him he will get exactly what he deserves. They will have no compassion for him as he is forced to go 'cold turkey' as he withdraws from his addiction. I dislike the part of myself that delights in the fact he will suffer through that experience friendless, even though I know Anna went through the same because she was too poor and too ashamed of things she had done for him. I also know that, where I left him, things are going to go from bad to worse and in another eighty years, there will be a full-scale rebellion because of that slide.

As Jack had gone in to check on the noises from his bedroom, I looked at Jimmy's past, trying to unravel why he did such cruel things. What I found, instead of something for which I could have compassion, was a pattern of repeated abuse. He had beaten five women severely, two so badly they had to be hospitalized, one of which was my precious Rose. The last young lady I mentioned to him by name, Sarah, he had raped and beaten so badly she had barely come out of it alive. She had suffered brain damage and memory loss so extreme as to make it impossible for her to ever identify him. Worse, I know only his impotency due to his drug addiction had prevented him from visiting the same horror on my sweet compassionate Rose. For that alone I will lose no sleep over giving this one his just desserts. There will be no leniency for that kind behavior where I took him. I have ensured that he has to live with what he has done for a very long time as I made his survival a condition of leaving him. More than most, I know that having to live with what you have done can be a far greater punishment than actually being killed for your actions and that surviving doesn't always mean living, or necessarily even having all of your parts intact. I wonder if he will learn that lesson before or after he loses a few.

Shaking away thoughts of Jimmy, I move us back into the vortex, heading back to the pleasure planet. It's time to be moving on, not dwelling on a past to which I can make no more changes.

I think of all the lovely things I can pamper my Rose with, and smile. She has given me so much, shown me what living means again, and she deserves the best of everything for putting up with my crazy life and with me.

"Doctor?" I look up to see Jack watching me and I wonder what he makes of all of this. I hope he has seen enough to understand why I have done what I have without me having to spell it out for him.

"Yes?"

"If you don't want Rose asking awkward questions, I suggest you change and patch up you hands."

As I look down I realize I do rather look a worrisome, with both that creeps blood and that of Rose on me. It's not the first time I have had blood on my hands, got more than most, but he's right – there's no sense worrying Rose.

With a bit of a rueful grin, I reply, "I do look a bit of a fright don't I?" I inspect my soiled jumper and abraded hands; they look far worse than they really are, most of the gore being from Rose and Jimmy. Looking Jack in the eye, I state, "Well, I'll be off then." But as I reach the door, I know I need to say something. "Jack and I watch as he looks up from his contemplations of the console, "thanks."

The look he gives me says it all, even before he says, "Anytime, Doc."

As I head for the infirmary I check with Verity, 'She still asleep?'

'Yes, but ready to wake, I have been distracting her with dreams, but hurry.'

As I arrive, I quickly strip off my jumper and throw it in the medical clothes hamper, knowing Verity will take care of the cleaning. Quickly I run the dermal regenerator across my hands and wash the remaining traces of blood off. I don't want Rose worrying or asking questions I would rather not have to answer. I would rather help her to move on and not have to stir up those memories that are a source of her nightmares. I just wish that there were more that I could do.

As I reach the door, I see Rose exit our room and hope she hasn't seen which room I have just exited and that I have managed to rid myself of all the blood. At least her poor sense of smell and my black jeans play in my favor if I have missed any. "So you decided it was time to get up, did you? You humans and your habit for sleeping your life away!" I make sure my tone makes it clear I am only teasing with that statement and leave out the bitterness I sometimes feel at the time with her I lose to that pastime as I give her my best smile.

"Oh and what has you wandering around jumperless? Not like you at all," is her suspicious reply, but I can see the sparkle in her eye, as she looks me over, "not that I'm objecting!"

"Well, Jack is gone, and it is a pleasure planet."

She looks dubious and looking past me she says, spotting the partially open door behind me, "Uh huh, more likely you were looking up something in that library of yours." Darting past me, she enters the room and I breathe a silent sigh of relief as she finds the library behind the door and a throw a silent 'Thank you' to Verity for anticipating her actions and moving the rooms around.

Verity's small burble of humor makes me smile. "You caught me," I state quietly in her ear as I embrace her from behind.

As she turns in my arms she states, "Think it's the other way around." Before distracting me with a kiss that quickly moves from playful to heated.

She breaks away, blushing furiously, as Jack makes a loud throat clearing noise. My reply is a bit sharp for being interrupted. "Thought you were off exploring the sights."

"Liking the sights just fine from here," he says, leering at the two of us, making it clear that he is enjoying seeing us dressed in far less than we wear normally as he leans casually against the wall.

At my lopsided grin, he states, "Just figured would check in and let you know I will be back here noonish local time tomorrow. Now don't do anything I wouldn't do you two." Before I can reply, he has ducked out the door and is off.

With that adorable look of cheek on her face, Rose observes, "Now I wonder what that might be?"

I can't help return it her cheeky smile, as I think of quite a few things I would love to do with her.

Drawing her into my arms, I kiss her slowly and thoroughly. As I feel her need to breathe, I relinquish her lips.

She states quietly, "Pretty sure he's done that!"

"Mmmhmm," is my reply.

"Shall we take this back to our room?" she asks seductively.

As I put out my hand and wiggle my fingers in invitation, I am struck again how well our hands seem to mesh, almost as if made to fit together. I move my thumb over the back of her hand and think about how very soft and warm it is, so fragile and human. I am surprised as she stops abruptly and turns suddenly, plastering herself against me and holding me tightly about the middle and I am unprepared for the wave of gratitude she pours over my senses. "Rose?"

"Thank you," is her reply mumbled into my collarbone. I feel a wave of anger build that Verity would tell her about what I had just done. Verity's response is a quick and indignant, 'Didn't', and I am confused, as I know without question that she is telling me the truth.

"Rose? What?" Gently I try to put a bit of space between us and she grips me tighter. Feeling her trembling, I envelope her in my arms trying to figure out what has upset her and just hold her as she has had to do for me far to many times. As she begins to regain her composure, I ask again. "Now what's this all about? Hmm?" The incredible vulnerability I see in her eyes causes my hearts to lurch in distress.

"You meant it didn't you?" at my confused expression she elaborates. "You really don't think I'm..." Her uncertainty makes me again curse Jimmy Stone and his cruelty.

"Rose, nothing you have told me changes my opinion of you one bit." At her obvious lack of comfort at my words I continue, "Rose, you are smart, compassionate, beautiful..."

She interrupts with, "For a human?" and I can see by the glint in her eye that she has accepted my reassurance, and so tease back with a smile, "Oi, now you're fishing for complements you are."

The smile that lights up her face tells me that everything is going to be all right.

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The room is dark as I wake and, for the first time in a long time, I find it a bit disorienting - almost as if something is restraining me. Even as the feeling arrives it is banished by the bright cheerful glow with which Verity fills the room.

I feel a pang of disappointment as I realize the Doctor isn't here and suddenly very much want to be near him, make sure he is all right. As I exit the bedroom, I see him down the hall in the unusual attire of just his jeans and shoes. It really is sexy, but I can't resist teasing him about it, as he looks almost guilty at being caught out without jumper or jacket.

As I suspected, he had just popped down the hall to find some book. The man really is insatiable when it comes to things to distract him, not that I can exactly blame him. I imagine it gets hard when I go to sleep to keep diverted from his memories. Having left Jack at the pleasure planet while we went to see Doris and we faced both our own emotional scars, I figure he has probably been brooding and I am a bit surprised, but delighted, at his playful mood.

Even when Jack shows up and catches us snogging it doesn't seem to faze him. I suddenly feel a wave of thankfulness for this wonderful man who does so much for me, even caring for me in spite of my silly nightmare when he has endured so much worse. It seems wrong to even call my fear driven dreams a nightmare in the face of his horrific experiences.

I can't seem to stop thinking about how compassionate he has been and find myself trembling in spite of feeling stupid about my reaction. Still, his arms holding me always seem to make everything a bit better.

"Now what's this all about? Hmm?"

I know I shouldn't doubt what he told me but I have to ask, "You meant it didn't you?" At his confused expression, I explain. "You really don't think I'm..." I never get to finish as he interrupts.

"Rose, nothing you have told me changes my opinion of you one bit." I can't believe it, does he mean it? "Rose, you are smart, compassionate, beautiful..." as he continues I am certain he does mean it.

When he states I am beautiful, I can't help tease him about the first time he told me that. "For a human?"

"Oi, now you're fishing for complements you are." I can't help the smile his mock indigence brings.

The smile that he gives me back tells me that everything is going to be all right.


	43. Rest & Relaxation

Chapter 3.1 -Rest & Relaxation

I never expected such fantastic accommodations; not that he hasn't taken me nice places before but I just wasn't expecting it to be quite so posh. The second thing I notice is the shape of the room.

"What's with the odd shape?" I ask as I indicate the walls.

With a mischievous grin, he grabs my hand and we head out of the room. As we enter the hall it is obvious by it's curving that we are in a circular building. Moments later I am delighted as the Doctor shows off an elaborate fish tank that seems to run up the building's core. Most of the species inhabiting the tank only vaguely resemble fish that I have seen back on earth, something about form following function he states, but I can't help the smile that appears as the Doctor begins to rattle off their names as he points to fish.

A moment later, a buxom young mermaid swims into view clad only in a pale blue swim top that perfectly matches her eyes. As she waves, I can't help but stare in amazement as I wave back. "Doctor... Mermaids... I didn't know... Doctor that's a mermaid!"

"Actually she is a Tezarain. They don't get around much, but every so often you will see one out traveling," he says with a big delighted grin, knowing he has surprised me. He then waves back to the woman as well earning him a coy smile.

"Does that mean that the mermaids on Earth were just some visiting aliens?"

"Possibly, with all that water Earth has it's the right kind of planet for them to visit, may also have been a survey team or just some who crashed. Makes more sense than the silly Manatee story you lot came up with to explain them." Shaking his head in disbelief he states, "Humans! You lot, find a way to explain everything."

Grabbing his arm, I lean against him. "Awww, you know you love us."

"Some a bit more than others," he states quietly with unexpected tenderness, kissing the top of my head were it rests on his shoulder.

When we continue, we get to a lift that's clear at the rear and abuts the tank giving the passengers an impressive view of the various levels. As we move down, I notice there are areas we pass where, instead of hallways on the other side, there is just a silvery black glass. "Doctor, what are those?" I ask pointing out one of dark areas.

"Rooms with one way glass, so that the occupants can observe the tank without being seen."

"Nice! So where are we going?" I ask as we reach the lobby.

"Not we Rose, you." He states tapping me on the nose.

"Okay then where do you think I'm going." I ask giving him a look that states 'This had better be good if you think you're leaving me behind'.

His smile is mysterious and full of mischief. "You'll see." With that, he takes my hand and leads me across the lobby. Pausing momentarily before opening an elegant set of opaque glass doors done in an intricate colored fish pattern. "Ready?"

I have no idea what he's up to but I suspect with this elaborate build up it's something he thinks I will love, so I nod for him to proceed.

What the doors open up to is a large airy room filled with a multitude of different aliens all being pampered in some manner. One bird-like being is having her claws done in a complicated pattern of multi colored stones. Another being looking like some great werewolf is having their fur carefully groomed and colored. A blue humanoid woman wearing little more than a skimpy bikini is standing having delicate flowers painted on a vine like pattern weaving about her body. Over in another corner is a handsome man having his hair styled. Lining the walls is a multitude of doors mirroring the fish pattern motif of the main doors. Suddenly I am aware of an odd bell like noise repeating off to the right and a moment later a handsome male tree comes rushing up to greet us.

Bowing almost double in his distress, he begins apologizing. "My most humble apologies sir, madam, but the auto detection service has been unable to determine your species correctly. It is imperative for us to know this so that we may provide only those services that will be most beneficial and desirous. My deepest…"

Before he can say anything further, the Doctor cuts him off. "Not a problem I'm not staying."

"My apologies sir but the results for madam also are suspect."

Looking a bit less consolatory the Doctor states, "The lady is human."

"and?" he asks looking even more embarrassed.

"It's okay Doctor, he's just doing his job and I don't need…"

Cutting me off he states firmly, "No, Rose you deserve a proper day of pampering." Looking at the young tree his look says that is exactly what he expects them to provide me.

"The lady is human and?" comes the tree's timid reply and I give him my most encouraging smile as it is obvious he is terrified.

"Just human."

If anything the poor tree looks even more flustered by this statement and I watch as a couple of small leaves float to the floor.

"Oh my, it is an honor mam, I appol…"

I cut him off before he can launch into another round of apologies. If Cassandra's attitude was anything to go on he has probaly not had the best experiance if he has met any 'pure' humans before and I want him to know were not all that way. "Perfectly all right, and Rose is just fine." I state as I put my hand on the flustered clerks arm at his continued look of distress. "It's okay really."

Giving the Doctor my best reassuring smile I reach out and touch his hand. 'It's fine Doctor' I think to him and he noticeably relaxes and I know he has heard me.

With a cheerful grin he states, "Well then, have fun Rose. I will be back in four hours. Oh yes and..." He pats down his pockets obviously looking for something. A moment later, he pulls out a bright green crystalline fish on an equally bright green cord engraved with their equivalent of the number 639 in an elegantly curved script. "Put it on our room bill," he states handing it to me and giving the clerk a pointed look. With that, he hurries off leaving me with the flustered tree.

"So what's your name and what do you got."

**************************

Things were going so well, and then I started to get a very bad feeling when the tree came up spouting the need to know our species. I have no intentions of telling him mine, most likely that he wouldn't believe me anyway, but then I wasn't planning on staying so that isn't an issue. I know that pure humans are unusual in this century but something about his reaction doesn't sit well with me. Suddenly I wish I had never come up with this idea. In spite of Rose's reassurance I wish I could just grab her hand and run. She has had such a rough time of it these past few weeks first with the disastrous trip to the shopping planet then with her traumatic decapitation and her heads subsequent reattachment.

She has more than earned some rest and relaxation and a lot of pampering, which is what this specific hotel is noted for, well that and its sea life and food.

Also with all the assistance Jack has provided he deserves this just as much - Rassilion knows I don't deserve the loyalty the man has shown.

'Theta, Jack is in trouble.'

'Verity? What, where?' I stare for a moment surprised at her unexpected contact. It is very unlike her to track even me once I have left the ship, though I have for long while suspected she has been doing that much more since the war. But for her to keep track of a companion is almost unheard of unless I have specifically ask it of her.

Shaking off my surprise I ask, 'Where? What's going on?' When she doesn't answer immediately I feel a cold chill run up my spine 'Verity?'

I feel a rush of relief as I hear her distracted mental voice, 'Checking.'

I begin to chafe with impatience, pacing and wondering why it is taking her so long; her next words explain the delay. 'Down. He has been drugged and he is being move in and out of shielded areas.'

Even as she is speaking, I am heading for the elevators. I will need to be quick and careful. If he has been drugged, I am unsure how long Verity will continue to be able to track him as already I can no longer sense his presence and I quit trying, much as I am loath to do so. It's bad enough that Verity is stretching out her thoughts to track him and is at risk. If something happens she is one of the few psychic beings I know of that can hold her own against virtually anyone. However, if something were strong enough to overpower her I can't risk us both being incapacitated.

**************************

As I leave the Doctor and Rose, I can't help the smile that I am sporting. The two of them looked so sweet snogging like teenagers and what they were wearing was beyond hot. Many times over the course of his recovery, I have seen the Doctor partially clothed but he was so ill it was hardly a turn on but those two together. After everything they have been through these past few weeks, it is good to see them happy.

I wish they were not exclusive in their affections. I feel a soft comforting caress of understanding from Verity and I know suddenly that I am not the only one on the outside looking in these days. 'Interested in keeping me company for awhile beautiful?' I feel her amusement and I know without her saying a word that she has no intentions on taking me up on my offer so her reply doesn't surprise me.

'No, dear Jack, I'm not what you need right now. Go find a nice humanoid to woo. You will feel better for the time off playing.'

'But what of you?' I ask. I feel somewhat bad for this beautiful giving lady that takes such good care of us all the time and seems to get so little in return.

'I will be fine Jack. Now go have some fun, that's what were here for after all.'

Reluctantly I head off to find some company, but as I do I can't quite shake the feeling she is still with me and I kind of hope she is, everyone needs some comfort occasionally. I pause for a moment looking back at the front door of TARDIS then move out. As I pass the tank I wink at the young Tezarain and watch as she smiles and waves. Moving down in the lift, I enjoy the wide variety of water life that inhabits the aquarium. It really is amazing the variety of animals and beings that inhabit the universe and as I reach the ground floor and head for the local bar. I remember again why it is that I enjoyed this place so much. The majority of the people here wear very little when they go out to party. Looking about I spot quite a few very attractive prospects - a Caxtarids with her fiery metallic red hair done in a delicate looking braided creation that is piled high on her head. Nearby are a couple of Kapteyns, the young woman fluttering her large butterfly like wings as she dances and her companion, a beautifully plumed avian, is strutting his stuff in perfect time. A young Jadoon is chatting up a young humanoid with prominent forehead ridges and truly impressive quantities of leather. There are a dozen other races I can pick out as I look about the room and many more that I don't.

Now this is more like it.

Looking about I spot a glorious specimen of femininity sitting by the end of the bar attired in a smile and a bikini, which is in no way concealed by her translucent filmy skirt. She is a perfectly proportioned humanoid but it's her brilliant yellow hair that first attracts my attention. Her eyes are a piercing purple and are as arresting as her lemon meringue shaded skin, the purple bikini perfectly accenting the shade of eyes. Her hands are fine and slender I note as she waves gracefully to the barkeep that is distracted at the other end. Sculpted muscles flow into shapely curves and I bet she would be a divine to dancer. Other than her coloring she could well passed for one of the supermodels that frequent the pages of Rose's magazines. Strolling over I notice her only other glaringly non-human characteristic which is a delicate set of hoofs painted the exact same shade of purple as her fingernails. I imagine they can't be any worse in bed than a pair of high heels. As I come up to the seat next to her give her a bit of the Harkness charm, and her response is a big smile in return.

"Hi, the name's Jack, Jack Harkness. Is this seat taken?"

As she gestures me to sit I am arrested by the silky tone of her voice, which speaks of all kinds of wonderfully sinful things. "Nice to meet you Jack Harkness, Maressa De Sade. Do you want to keep a lonely girl company?"

"If you want. What kind of company were you looking for?"

With that she gives me a radiant smile and sliding from her stool she leans in close placing her hand high on my upper thigh she states, "How about we move this back to my room and I'll show you?"

"Best offer I've had all day," and I can't help the grin I am sporting at her obvious intentions.

With that, she loops her arm around mine as we head for the doors. As we enter the lobby, she heads for the lift located on one of the exterior walls.

"So Jack," she almost purrs "tell me what brings a handsome fellow like you to town?"

"Just passing through, just doing a bit of traveling. Better question is what brings you here?"

As we enter the lift, she presses the button for the next floor up and a moment later, the doors close leaving us alone.

I turn to look to see what her response is and feel the jab of a needle as her voice goes hard and cold. "Funny you should ask that Jack, you see I have been looking for you."


	44. Double Trouble

I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping like I am but he did sort of offer, so I watch as he leaves my walls and heads out in search of companionship of a bit more tactile nature. His concern is sweet, but I will admit only to myself how lonely it is without the songs of the others to keep me company while my Theta is out adventuring. I know how hard it is on him, there being no more Time Lords, and never again will I let on how deeply I feel the loss of both our people and the steady of flow of both information and energy from Gallifrey; his burden of guilt is heavy enough without me adding my loneliness to his list. Telling Jack isn't going to help, so I skirt the issue and send him on his way.

I watch as Jack travels down the lift and heads over to the closest bar to look for company and feel a pang of regret that it is not so simple for Theta or I. As Jack begins to talk to a purple-eyed blonde, I begin to get a bad feeling so I reach to touch her mind briefly to assure myself that she is what she appears and I am surprised to find an impressive mental wall. I really don't like that. Most beings only have that kind of shielding with training and I check the hotel registry to see what I can find out from there. As I work through the security protocols of the hotel, I marvel at how much of an affect she is having on him.

Increased blood pressure and respiration and the sudden spike in pheromones and testosterone make it exceedingly obvious as to what was on his mind, even if I wasn't getting a selection of images that if I were a biped would have me blushing. As I note these changes I realize that in spite of the teasing he does of both my Theta and Rose he doesn't actually have any intentions on carrying them through to actions and doesn't really expect for either of them to at any point take him up on his propositions. His reactions now tell me of exactly how interested he is in mating with this female, though, and I hope in spite of my reservations that she will make him happy. I realize it is not meant to be when as soon as they enter the lift she injects him with some drug.

I notify Theta even as I enter the hotel security. I identify first that there is no being registered under the name she provided Jack and then I begin to download all the information on the floor plans. I am a bit embarrassed as I realized how surprised Theta is that I was tracking Jack and I know I have given away the fact that I was eavesdropping on him. I push the emotion away as I don't have time for that now as the woman is joined by two men and Jack slides into complete unconsciousness. They almost immediately move him to a shielded area and I have to concentrate to maintain my connection with him; I am unsure if I will be able to reestablish it if I do.

I feel a pang of regret as I realize the distress I have caused Theta as I hesitate to answer his question and quickly reassure him so I can get back to figuring out how to get Jack back.

I try to look for the threads of Jack's future to see if I can glean a sense of where they might take him or even why they have kidnapped him at all. But that avenue is thwarted as it is so frequently with Jack - yet another enigma about Jack.

I look around at all the options that Harold the young tree gentleman is showing me and I am amazed by the selection. As he shows me the spa area I know that is what I want to do first. "You know Harold, I think maybe the spa," at his terrified expression I revise that idea, "or maybe get my roots touched up." At my second suggestion I can see his relief.

"Yes, yes that sounds like a fine idea. I am sure Angela will be able to do something beautiful as she is very skilled with hair."

As we move off down a side corridor I begin to get nervous and finally he so stops abruptly I run in to him. "Harold, what?"

"Madam Rose, you are in grave danger here! You need to find some excuse to leave. Do you have a way to contact your friend?" he asks in a whispered rush.

I shake my head no and suddenly wish I hadn't left my phone back at the TARDIS. "What is going on? You see, my friend is really good at being able to sort things out."

"Harold, what are you doing dawdling around?" Comes the harsh tones of a tall imposing woman with purple skin.

I quickly interpose myself between her and Harold and reply for him, "I asked him to hold up. You see I seem to have misplaced my purse. I really do need to retrace my steps to find it as soon as possible." With that, I quickly dart past her, back the way I came.

I don't want to think about what may happen to Harold while I am gone but hopefully what I have said will be enough protection until we get back. I do know that I need to find the Doctor or Jack immediately. Harold was trying to warn me, and it is obvious something is going on here; I shouldn't be surprised – it never fails, really - we show up and trouble isn't far behind. Some days it almost seems as if the universe is out to get the Doctor in any way it can.

As I head through the main entrance I breathe a sigh of relief and turn a corner into a small shop to think, colliding with one of the objects of my intended search. "Oh! I can't tell you how glad I am to see you!"

"Well hello beautiful, nice to meet you too," he replies, gently steadying me and giving me the once over.

"Have you seen the Doctor?"

"No, should I? Is he cute?"

"We don't have time for this!" As I say this, I realize what he has just said as well as that he looks considerably younger and is wearing something completely different than when he left the TARDIS. Before he can respond, I ask, "Do you know who I am?"

"No, but wouldn't mind getting to know you," he states, turning on all of the Harkness charm.

"Oh no! This can't be good, you don't know me yet." I state, as I look around wondering if Reapers are going to suddenly show up.

The almost innocent look he had been giving me vanishes as his hand closes about my arm. "I think we need to talk," he states as he moves us off into one of the more secluded areas of the shop.

"Jack, you have to let me go. I don't want reapers showing up," I plead as I begin to try to wrestle my arm from his grip.

The look he gives me is sharp as he stops dead in his tracks giving me a reassessing stare. "Not here! I know someplace private," is his reply and I nod.

Whatever the case I know we need to get him away from here. I suspect that the lot from the salon is going to be looking for me and I don't know where the version of him I know is so we are at risk of running into him so in private will be much better.

Moments later we emerge into a smaller hotel room and as he closes the door he throws the lock.

"It should be safe to speak here. Now who are you and what does the Time Agency think it's doing sending such a rank rookie like you out in the field." He snaps.

I stare at him for a moment marveling at the change from the playboy to soldier that I have only seen a couple of times since I have meet him and think how to explain this without telling him too much about his future.

"Okay, first off I'm not with the Time Agency." As he goes to interrupt, I put up my hand to stop him. "No, I can't tell you how I know you because I'm not sure how much I can tell you without causing a paradox. What I will tell you is I travel with an older you. We need to find him as soon as possible, but I don't know where the Jack I know is at right now. You see the Doctor is… Well he's kind of an expert with time so he will know what we can and can't do without messing things up. What ever the case when you meet me again you can't let me know that you have met me already got that?"

He nods his head looking a bit bemused.

With his agreement I continue, "Also there is something going on in the hotel spa and…"

He interrupts "It's a slavery ring, and as to the Doc, I know all about him. I am working with him to get this mess cleaned up I'm actually meeting him in twenty minutes."

"What? Ah okay I just have one thing I have to do first." Oh dear we really need to find my Doctor. If Jack knows the Doctor already it can only mean that this is either a younger version of the man I know or someone completely different that just happens to go by his title, either way I am not sure he is going to be able to help. The quickest way I can think to track him down is to talk to Verity as I am sure she will be able to contact him.

"As for me I don't think we have to worry, I am pretty sure I have enough sense to avoid myself." Jack continues and I bite my lip, as I suspect this Jack hasn't lost his memories yet, and the worst part is I dare not tell him. A moment later I realize I have given something away as he says, "There something I need to know?"

"Just keep an eye out for you." The look he gives me is troubled as he nods but I know I dare not say anything more and thankfully, he doesn't ask.

"By the way, what is your name?"

As I hesitate, he states, "If what you have told me already hasn't brought down reapers then I don't think you telling me your name is likely to!" He gives me the smile I have come to associate with his assurances that it really will be okay and I smile as he continues, "and it's much better than hey you."

"Rose, Rose Tyler."


End file.
